Living Life Fully

Let It Be

2012-02-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

It’s kind of cool how a song that came out when I was just a kid can come back to remind me of something very important so many years later. I was listening to an old Beatles song the other day, and its message struck me very strongly as something that I’ve discovered recently for myself is very true in life: that sometimes the best thing that we can do is “Let it be.”

“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: Let it be.”

Most people aren’t at all comfortable with the idea of letting things be. Doing so means that they have to let go of some of their control over situations, some of their idea of being able to make things happen–or prevent them from happening. Most of us seem to have a tendency to want to deal with our troubles by fixing everything, by making everything better, but sometimes the best thing that we can do is to allow situations to resolve themselves, to allow things and situations run their course. Often when we do this, we find that the natural resolution to times of trouble is much more positive than we ever could imagine on our own.

“And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me; shine until tomorrow, let it be.”

Our times of trouble will happen, but in every cloudy night there still is a light shining, sometimes many lights, but we close our eyes to them when we focus on our troubles. If we are able to “let it be,” though, then our minds won’t be so strongly focused on the clouds, for we won’t be trying to make them go away. We’ll be satisfied to let them be, knowing that they will soon pass, and then we’ll be able to keep our minds on more positive things like the lights that we otherwise wouldn’t see.

“Let it be.” Seven beautiful letters that make three beautiful words. Words that if we take them to heart can help us to approach life in much healthier ways, words that can help us to see the beauty and wonder of the processes of life, if we let life be and stop trying to make life what we think life should be.

There's an important difference between giving up and letting go.

Jessica Hatchigan

Our Time

2012-02-26T06:07:00.000-08:00

"This very instant" is all we have. We make plans for the future, we
invoke memories of the past, but really, all we have to deal with
and to act in is the moment at hand. We cannot stop its going; we
cannot hurry the next moment on its way. Like everyone else in the
world, we're partners in the dull, humdrum, dazzling, fabulous,
totally unpredictable moment.

And if we have a time that is "our time," it's right now. It has to be,
because there isn't any other. Maybe we've had times in the past that
were special for us; maybe the future will hold precious moments.
But the only time that is truly "our time" is this time, where we
are, right now. And what we do with this time is ours to decide.

unattributed

What Can You Do Today?

2012-02-25T04:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I ask myself what I can do today that I haven’t done for a long while. What can I add to my life, right here and right now? What can I decide to do to make my life a little brighter, or my self a little happier?

There are lots of things that I can do. I can dance. I can sing, listen to music, watch a great movie, or read a great book. I can read an uplifting article, I can visit a museum, I can walk through a store that I like, I can visit a friend that I like to visit. I can exercise, I can run, I can drink a glass of cold milk and have a couple cookies with it.

I can write a card to a friend, or I can have a bowl of ice cream. I can put on a favorite episode of a favorite show, or I can sit quietly and enjoy the silence. I can visit an uplifting website, I can take a nice long walk, I can take a nice short walk, I can clean a little, I can sit outdoors and enjoy the fresh air.

I can focus on a lovely memory of a special person or special people in my life. I can read an uplifting self-help book, I can take a nice hot bubble bath, or I can pray quietly and peacefully for as long as I wish. I can call someone I haven’t talked to for a while, I can go for a bike ride, I can go for a drive in the country, I can take a nap. I can read some inspiring quotations, I can write down my goals and aspirations for life, or I can write down all that I appreciate in life and about life.

There are many things that I can do to pick myself up, to make my day brighter, to get more out of the present moment. All it takes is a decision to do something for myself, and once I make that decision, I just need to do it. Life gives me many opportunities, and I guess it’s a bit of a shame that I take advantage of so few of them. It’s all up to me whether I do so or not!

Thoughts on Attitude from Earl Nightingale

2012-02-23T05:48:00.000-08:00

Our attitude tells the world what we expect in return. If it's a cheerful, expectant attitude, it says to everyone with whom we come in contact that we expect the best in our dealings with the world. You see, we tend to live up to our expectations. And others give to us, as far as their attitudes are concerned, what we expect. Our attitude is something we can control. We can establish our attitude each morning when we start our day--in fact, we do just that, whether or not we realize it. And the people in our family--all the people in our world--will reflect back to us the attitude we present to them. It is, then, our attitude toward life that determines life's attitude toward us. Cause and effect. Everything we say or do will cause a corresponding effect. If we're cheerful, glad to be experiencing this miracle of life, others will reflect that good cheer back to us. We are the kind of people others enjoy being around.

I Hope So

2012-02-22T05:43:00.000-08:00

Hope used to be something that never seemed to come my way. Sometimes when I would feel a touch of it, I would squash it because I didn’t want to be disappointed any more when I dared to hope, only to have those hopes crushed. I had convinced myself that it was better for me to crush my own hope than it would be for someone else to do so.

I was wrong. First of all, I’ve learned since then that in crushing my own hope, I probably killed off many possibilities for things to change in positive ways in my life. Since I so rarely acted in hope, I almost never had the chance to put my best foot forward, so to speak, or to make other people see the better sides of me.

Second, I didn’t give myself the chance to create any realities that were the result of hopeful thoughts and feelings. The realities that I created came from a lack of hope, a lack of seeing potential and possibility in my life. That really was quite silly of me.

Finally, all I had to replace hope with was despair. Despair is not a good substitute for hope, and it would be my advice that no one ever try to use it as such. Hold on to your hope–it’s a much better bedfellow than despair or depression or sadness, all of which were common companions to me in the days when I neglected and abused the hope in me.

Nurture your hope. Treat it well. Respect it. Learn from it. Let it be your guide from place to place, from act to act, from incident to incident. Nowadays when I have hope, I try to love it, to let it be an important part of who I am. And when I do so, I find that I’m more creative, more focused, more centered, than when I don’t. I know that not all that I hope for will come through or true, but I do know that without hope, it’s much more difficult for life to send anything wonderful our way or to put anything positive in our paths.

Hope works in these ways: it looks for the good in people instead
of harping on the worst; it discovers what can be done instead

of grumbling about what cannot; it regards problems, large or small,

as opportunities; it pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit;

it “lights the candle” instead of “cursing the darkness.”

Anon

Quotations on hope

Anything Is Possible (unattributed)

2012-02-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

If there was ever a time to dare,
to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,
IT IS NOW.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily. . .
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that's your inspiration,
something that's your dream.

You owe it to yourself
to make your days here count.
HAVE FUN.
DIG DEEP.
STRETCH.

DREAM BIG.

Know, though, that things worth doing
seldom come easy.
There will be good days.
And there will be bad days.
There will be times when you want to turn around,
pack it up,
and call it quits.
Those times tell you
that you are pushing yourself,
that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

PERSIST.

Because with an idea,
determination,
and the right tools,
you can do great things.
Let your instincts,
your intellect,
and your heart,
guide you.

TRUST.

Believe in the incredible power of the human mind.
Of doing something that makes a difference.
Of working hard.
Of laughing and hoping.
Of lazy afternoons.
Of lasting friends.
Of all the things that will cross your path this year.

The start of something new
brings the hope of something great,
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Loving Ourselves by Debbie Ford

2012-02-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

I believe that loving who we are is one of the most difficult yet vitally important tasks that each of us is given in this lifetime. Loving ourselves means loving all of who we are--the brilliant and beautiful, the flawed and foolish, the selfless and self-absorbed, the courageous and fearful. It means loving, honoring, and accepting the totality of our humanity. It means cherishing ourselves and appreciating our individuality and our uniqueness. When we choose self-love, we claim our greatness. When we love ourselves, we accept ourselves as a brilliant piece of architecture that is whole unto itself rather than a project under construction that constantly needs to be fixed, changed, and rebuilt.

Loving ourselves means loving what we believe, loving where we came from, loving our quirks and handicaps. Each of us comes into this world with particular sets of strengths and weaknesses, and since these aspects of ourselves are more than likely not going to go away, our job is to embrace them all by finding compassion and understanding for the imperfections in our human selves.

from her book The Right Questions

The Humble among Us

2012-02-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

I truly admire humble people. I love the way that they do what they feel is necessary, they do it well, usually excelling at it, but then don't seem at all concerned with any sort of recognition for what they've accomplished. It's that lack of need for recognition that makes me admire them so. They seem to be at peace with themselves, with others, and with their place in the world. Their perspective and their humility is something that I definitely aspire to, something that I hope one day I'll be able to practice on my own.

Humility isn't about showing people how humble we are, either. It's not about needing to hear that other people have recognized and appreciated our humility. True humility is a true and complete recognition that absolutely nothing gets done without the help of other people, and that our contribution to the world is possible only because of the contributions that others have made to us. I may be a pretty good teacher, but only because I've had some pretty darned good teachers myself who have taught me how to teach. A person may be a good photographer, but who taught him or her their craft? And what good is a photographer without subjects, be they people or nature or buildings?

I hope one day to be truly humble. I believe that the path that I'm on has me going in that direction, but that's yet to be seen. I do believe that goals are attainable if we set our minds on reaching them, so it seems logical that one day I will be a truly humble person, and I really look forward to that day! How peaceful my life will be then. . . .

be humble and you will remain entire. the sages do not display themselves,

therefore they shine. they do not approve themselves, therefore they

are noted. they do not praise themselves, therefore they have merit.

they do not glory in themselves, therefore they excel.

lao-tzu

I've Learned

2012-02-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

unattributed

What Can I Give Up?

2012-02-16T04:20:00.000-08:00

My wife and I are in a time of forced austerity that keeps us from spending the money that we earn in our normal ways. Now, we aren't by any means extravagant spenders--we rarely eat out, we don't go out to movies, we don't have expensive home theater systems or any of that. But because of circumstances completely out of our control, we're facing a certain amount of time during which we spend even less than normal. And in order to be able to make ends meet, we're going to have to give up some of the things that we take for granted right now.

I don't think it's important to sit down and make a list of things that we'll do without. Such a list, I believe, leads to inflexibility and probably resentment about our austerity. And heaven knows what kind of effect it would have on me if I were stupid enough to put something like chocolate on such a list--and believe me, in a moment of unjustified optimism, I could see myself naively putting chocolate on the list of things I would do without.

I think the important thing that we've done has been to prepare ourselves mentally for making small decisions every single day, and making larger decisions as time goes on. When I go to the store and I see something really cool that I don't really need, I'll have to decide that I can do without it, even though sometimes I tend to get such things, especially when they're on sale or on clearance. When we have to decide whether or not we want to eat out, we'll have to ask ourselves whether we want to spend 50 or 60 dollars at a restaurant or to put that money into our account to take care of necessary payments.

No matter what, these will be simply decisions that we'll have to make. They won't be that difficult, for we know what we really want and we know what our priorities are. Life is like that--when we decide what we truly want, then making the decisions necessary to make that a reality is suddenly a simpler task, and making sacrifices definitely is not something that causes pain or resentment--rather, it's something that helps us to achieve the goals that we have in mind.

Our time of austerity/recovery will end eventually, but for now, we're still in it. And we want to be happy while we're in it, not suffering, and the best way to do that is to be fully aware of our situation and make good decisions based on that awareness.

Meditation on Love

2012-02-15T03:45:00.000-08:00

from Thich Nhat Hanh:

The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, or one thought can reduce another person's suffering and bring him or her joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person's life or help him or her take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. If love is in our heart, every thought, word, and deed can bring about a miracle. Because understanding is the very foundation of love, words and actions that emerge from our love are always helpful.

Love

2012-02-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

Love is easily one of God's greatest gifts to us--as Diane Warren says in her song "You Were Loved": "You'll hold this world's most priceless thing / The greatest gift this life can bring / If you can look back and know / You were loved." But we tend to forget that in order to be loved, we must love. We must learn to love unconditionally, and the gift of love includes so many other elements that it's impossible to list them all: tolerance, forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance, giving, taking.

In his book The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm calls love an art, and as with any art, he says that it must be cultivated, cared for, learned. It doesn't come naturally to us--we must develop our capacity to love. It's not that squishy feeling inside that makes us so nervous when we meet that "special someone"--that feeling wears off eventually, leaving us wondering "what happened?"

How often do we have to hear wise people tell us that love is more than something that we "fall" into? Can we read Paul's words about love in Corinthians (see below) and actually live out those ideas, making them a part of how we act and how we treat others? I hope so. I have to admit, I'm not all that good at it yet, but I'm working at it. I hope that someday I have some wise words of my own to add to the subject. . .

Though I speak with the tongues of people and of angels, but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have
the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and though I have faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love,
I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,
and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade
itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own,
is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices
in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never fails.

The Apostle Paul
I Corinthians 13, 1-8

Words of Wisdom

2012-02-12T12:25:00.000-08:00

Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow,
the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.

Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you,
it is okay to tell them they're pushing.

Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there.
Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.

Taste your food. God gave it to delight as well as to nourish.

Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are
remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.

Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried
little person inside you.

When you walk with someone, don't think about what
you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.

Quit planning how you are going to use what you know, learn or
possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.

Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive.
Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.

Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday
and tomorrow, and now. Now counts.

Create a place in your home, at your work, in your heart,
where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.

That First Step

2012-02-10T05:06:00.001-08:00

I’ve worked with a lot of students who have a hard time getting work done. Most of the time, I find, their problem isn’t simply that it’s difficult for them to get the work done–they actually have a hard time getting started in the first place. I’ve met many students–and people in other situations–who have such a hard time getting started that they almost never get anything done. And usually, I find, they have a hard time getting started because they’ve psyched themselves out to believe that they can’t do a good job in the first place–so why even start?

Sometimes it can be attributed to an extreme sense of perfectionism–if what I do isn’t going to be perfect anyway, then why even do it? What these people don’t want to hear is that almost no one’s work is perfect–and most people are willing to do the best they can, even if it isn’t the best job in the world. In real life, the best we can do is almost always adequate, and very often much more than adequate. But the people who don’t begin rob themselves of the ability to learn this lesson.

Sometimes people don’t begin because they constantly shift their focus to something else, either out of disinterest or fear. Sometimes it simply grows too late to start, and they miss important deadlines. Sometimes they resent having to do the job in the first place, so they’ll show the person who assigned it to them!

I’ve found in my life, though, that the most important step I can take in anything is that first step. Once I have that behind me, I can almost always find the road all the way along, even when it goes in directions that I never anticipated. That first step provides me with motion, with inertia, and maintaining motion always is easier than creating it–that’s simply a fact of physics.

What in your life is waiting for that first step from you? Your first step doesn’t need to be perfect, and it doesn’t even need to be in the right direction. It simply needs to be a first step, one that will get you started, and one that will make that second step–and the third and fourth–easier. I’ve got a few first steps of my own that need to be taken, and I think that I’m going to take the time right now to decide what they’re going to be, and when I’ll take them. Some things just have to be done, don’t they?

A Thought

2012-02-09T04:34:00.001-08:00

Most very successful people can remember that their success was discovered and built out of adversity of some kind. It's not the problems that beset us--problems are surprisingly pretty much the same for millions of others--it's how we react to problems that determines not only our degree of growth and maturity but our future success--and, perhaps, much of our health. -Earl Nightingale

Seize Today!

2012-02-08T06:01:00.001-08:00

Today is all that we have! There's no guarantee that tomorrow ever will come into our lives, and there's certainly no guarantee that our lives will extend into tomorrow, so why do we approach today so timidly? Why do we back off and allow today to go by without exerting our will upon it in the least? We do have a will, and we do have desires, so why do we not make our desires come true? Why do we not try to do something special today, something new, something unique that only we can do?

Almost everyone who talks about getting the most out of today is focused on the idea that we don't know how long we'll live. And if we don't know that, then why do we waste so many days just trying to do the same old things over and over? If I were to find out that I'm going to die in six months, I'm sure that my life would change out of my effort. But do you know what? I may just die in six months even if it's not something expected, like cancer taking me. It could be a meteorite falling from the sky or something else as ridiculous; whatever it is, though, my hope is that when I go I don't regret not having taken advantage of each day that has been given to me as an extraordinary gift, and not having left my mark on the world, no matter how small or insignificant that mark may be.

How can you seize today? What can you do to make it special? How can you make your mark on the world today? You can do virtually anything you want, you know, so why not make it something special on this very special gift of a day that you've been given?

A Thought from Earl Nightingale

2012-02-07T19:07:00.000-08:00

There are millions of human beings who live narrow, darkened, frustrated lives-- who live defensively--simply because they take a defensive, doubtful attitude toward themselves and, as a result, towards life in general. A person with a poor attitude becomes a magnet for unpleasant experiences. When those experiences come--as they must, because of his attitude-- they tend to reinforce his poor attitude, thereby bringing more problems, and so on. The person becomes an example of self-generating, doom-fulfilling prophecy. And it's all a matter, believe it or not, of attitude. We get what we expect. Our outlook on life is a kind of paintbrush, and with it, we paint our world. It can be bright and filled with hope and satisfaction, or it can be dark and gloomy--lugubrious.

Your Vision

2012-02-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

You have vision, though many are hesitant to trust that vision of life, of living, of who we are and what we're meant to be as human beings. Sometimes your vision runs contrary to the visions of others who somehow have "authority," so you relegate your vision to the basement of your mind, going down sometimes to visit it and dust it off, but never bringing it out into the light where it may grow into the astonishing view of life that it was meant to be.

The uniqueness of your vision makes it all that much more important to others who are caught up in their own visions, who see the world in their own limited way. We all have limits to what we can see, and it's important that we learn from the vision of others if we're to see this world as fully as possible. Vision gives us a view of all that affects us and teaches us ways to deal with the trials of life, and a broader sense of appreciation for the gifts and pleasures of life.

Trust your vision--allow it to be an important part of who you are. But do not hesitate to change your vision as times demand. As you learn more about life and your self, you will find that your vision shifts, that you see different things and that you see them in different ways. Holding on to yesterday's vision for fear of letting your vision go somewhere that you may not want it to go is simply trying to control your life to make it what you want it to be, rather than allowing life to teach you and help you to grow into something that you simply cannot imagine right now.

Share your vision with me. Two weeks ago I had a talk with a friend about things being "meant" to happen. I disagreed with him, and he disagreed with me, but we each shared our vision of that topic. The next day I realized that his view made perfect sense, and that I now agreed with him, and I told him so. My vision of life is now somewhat different, but I feel strongly that this new idea was very important for me to learn. Today or next week or next month I'll talk to someone else whose vision will allow my own vision to shift and become something slightly different, and I'll be ever grateful to that person for having shared.

Identity

2012-02-04T05:02:00.000-08:00

I just finished taking a class of high school students through the book Dances with Wolves, exploring the changes through which the main character passes in the course of the narrative. The most fascinating thing about making our way to the end of the novel, though, was realizing just how strongly the novel explored the concept of identity, and the idea that perhaps the identities that we were born with and raised under aren’t necessarily our true identities.

In the novel, Dunbar is an Army lieutenant, but he’s a man who never has felt a part of anything. He’s always considered himself to be an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong. When he finally “becomes” Comanche, though, he finds his true identity, and he feels authentic for the first time in his life. It’s not that he’s rejecting what he was, but more like he has reached an important place in his life towards which he had been traveling a very long time.

How long do most of us hold on to the identities that we’re born and raised with? How many people do you know who would fight to the death to maintain the identities with which they feel the most comfortable?

Could it be, though, that our true, authentic identities lie elsewhere than we think they do? Is it possible that one of our purposes in life could be to find out, to discover, who we truly are inside, as opposed to what we’ve been taught we are (which very often is more like what someone else wants us to be)? For example, I’ve always considered myself to be a college teacher, but now that I’m teaching high school for the first time, I find myself very comfortable there. So which am I–a college teacher, or a high school teacher?

The students really appreciated the idea that this man found his identity in something that previously had been outside of himself. They appreciated the fact that he had an open enough mind just to consider that there might be much to learn and appreciate in the Comanche way of life, as opposed to the other white men of his time who thought that Indians were simply savages who should be exterminated. They appreciated the fact that he had enough presence of mind to see clearly who treated him as a human being, and who treated him as just another soldier.

What is your identity? It’s not an easy question to answer if we think it through carefully. We can learn a lot, though, from the novelist if we think that our identities may be somewhere other than where we think they are–who we are is inside of us, and our authentic selves may fit better in different contexts than the ones we’ve been taught they should fit in. If we keep our eyes and hearts open, we may someday find the places and the people we’re meant to be with, and it may surprise us a great deal to find out who and where that is!

If I Want. . .

2012-02-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

If I want the world of the future to include respectful, caring people, then I must treat children of today with respect and caring, being a role model to help them to grow up well.

If I want to see and hear less gossip in the world, then I must not gossip and share information that I’m unsure of that may hurt others.

If I want my days to be full of kind words and gladness, then I must share kind words and gladness with others.

If I want the young people in my life to have a stronger chance of achieving their goals and reaching their dreams, then I must encourage them and help them to build their confidence.

If I want my friends to live happier, healthier lives, then I must encourage them and be there for them when they need me with what they need, rather than trying to tell them what to do in order to be happier.

If I want the planet upon which we all must live to thrive and be healthy, then I must actively work to make it so, even if my contribution is as small as driving less and picking up some litter.

If I want to be promoted or to find better work, then I must work to improve myself by reading or otherwise learning the information and skills that will make me invaluable at any work that I choose to do.

If I want to feel peace of heart and peace of mind, then I must search out periods of time when I can be at peace in peaceful surroundings.

If I want to be healthier, then I must eat healthier, exercise regularly, and find productive ways to deal with stress in my life.

If I want strong relationships, then I must work at communicating effectively, I must stop trying to control other people’s thoughts and actions, and I must develop realistic expectations of what others can and cannot do.

If I want to be able to help others, I must love myself, I must trust myself, and I must develop the compassion necessary to recognize the needs of others.

If I want to be special, then I must recognize that I am special, and I must know that there’s no need to prove how special I am to anyone.

Count Your Blessings

2012-01-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

unattributed

Food for Worms

2012-01-30T06:25:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think that one day I'll be food for worms, as Robin Williams' character in Dead Poets Society tells his young students that they one day will be. It's kind of a nice thought that one day, when I'm no longer using this body, it will be used by worms for sustenance, starting out the amazing food cycle that keeps this world in balance. If worms eat from my body (and it won't be mine after I'm dead), and they're then eaten by birds or snakes, who are then eaten by some other animals who are in turn. . . . You get the point, right? In any case, I like to think that one day this body will contribute to the world on a very basic level--hopefully after I've contributed as a person on somewhat more than a basic level.

I think it's a healthy perspective to keep in mind that this body of ours one day will serve no real purpose other than to act as food for other beings or plants. Unfortunately, we as humans have pulled ourselves out of the food chain, locking these bodies up in sealed boxes so that we can't be part of the circle of life once we pass on, so there's a good chance that my body won't contribute anything to the world I live in. All of the nutrients that are wrapped up in my skin and flesh will simply deteriorate without nourishing any other animals who would be more than glad for the meal. But if I keep in mind that this body really doesn't have anything more in its very long-term future than the possibility of feeding other animals, then I won't grow to attached to it, and I'll always remember that my immortal spirit is simply here for a time, using this body as a means to learn and to experience and to grow.

"Food for worms." A lot of people would find this idea distasteful and unpleasant. Others of us, though, find such an idea to be a great reminder of the importance of getting the most out of every day, of living our lives fully and exploring all we can of this world and its wonders and its peoples while we still have a chance, while these bodies still are part of who we are, before they become the food for worms that they always have been destined to be.

I Wish You. . . .

2012-01-28T13:26:00.000-08:00

I wish you forgiveness, both the power to forgive and the wisdom and strength to seek forgiveness. One of the most powerful forces in the world, forgiveness frees us from anger, resentment, and the lack of peace that results from these emotions.

Forgiveness allows us to move on with our lives, leaving the mistakes of the past where they belong--in our pasts rather than in our present. I wish you the ability to see clearly when it's important for you to ask forgiveness for the hurts that you might have caused others. Often, we don't clearly see the results of our own actions, and others suffer needlessly, wondering why we've done what we've done. We often can clear the air and clear our lives and ease our minds with a simple apology, but we need to know when such an apology is necessary, and when one will be helpful.

I wish you the graciousness and the grace to accept apologies when they are offered sincerely. Such forgiveness is important both for yourself and the person who is apologizing; refusal to accept an apology affects you more than it affects the person who is apologizing. Accepting apologies is another way of saying "I am ready to move on with my life, and I am ready to put behind me the things that belong there." Forgiveness is one of the strongest healing forces in the world, and it must not be asked for or accepted lightly or without sincerity; it must also not be rejected when offered sincerely.

Stopping for Food

2012-01-27T06:22:00.000-08:00

I’ve done a lot of long-distance traveling, by car and plane and bus and even running, and one of the things that I enjoy the most while taveling is stopping to eat. There are a couple of problems with eating while traveling, though. First of all, many of the places that have food don’t have healthy food–just fast food or junk food, with very few fruits and vegetables or other healthy fare available. Secondly, if you do want healthy food you often have to stop at a restaurant, which means sitting down, choosing from a menu, getting servings that are often far too large, taking a lot of time, etc., etc., etc. I don’t eat often in restaurants, mostly because their portions are far too large for me. It’s not that the food is bad, but it often isn’t very healthy and is much more than I usually eat.

So what does this have to do with my journey through life? It’s about choices to me–as I’m going through life, I have to seek out nutrients and sustenance. I need food to nourish myself physically, and when I’m traveling, the food that’s available to me isn’t the best for me.

But what about the nourishment that I need for my spirit? For my emotions? For my intellect? What am I choosing to put into my brain in the form of reading, of music, of films? What am I feeding my brain and my heart and my spirit? There’s a whole world of nourishment for my soul out there, and I have to choose what I’m putting into my mind and spirit–no one else can choose that for me. Am I feeding my spirit with positive, uplifting, creative materials, or am I spending my time perusing negative, degrading, and destructive material? Am I consciously looking for things that will expand my mind and my perspective, or am I settling for whatever’s in reach, whether or not it helps me to grow into being a better person?

We have to feed ourselves in many different ways. We have to make our stops for nourishment, or else we simply cease to function. Likewise, we need to feed our spirits, and we constantly need to decide just what goes in to who we are. Are we going to settle for the intellectual and spiritual equivalent of fast food or junk food, or are we going to feed ourselves material that will help us to grow into loving, caring, compassionate human beings? The choice always is ours.

Young Ones

2012-01-25T17:46:00.000-08:00

I find it fascinating to hear people complain about just how bad our young people are, just how disrespectful they treat adults, just how awful our future is because these young ones never will be good leaders of respectful adults. I've been working with young people for many years now, both in high school and in college, and I know from experience that most of the young people in the world are very good people who are only working hard at finding their ways through life--often without much guidance from the adults who so strongly disdain them. The adults like to complain and criticize, but what about helping? It doesn't happen nearly as often as it could or should.

The young people of today are just the same as young people have been forever. They're working their ways through problems with relationships, friendships, school, parents, sex, temptations, confusion, mixed messages, and so much more. They're also one of the first generations that have had to deal with a lifetime of television and the influence of highly invasive marketing. They've been told some things by some sources, other things from others, and they're somehow expected to decide unerringly which of those messages are valid and which aren't. We have very high expectations of them, but we give them less and less input as parents become busier and communities become more and more fragmented.

But my experience tells me that the adults of tomorrow want to be fair and true and honest and hopeful and compassionate. They want to help other people, and they want to find work that is fulfilling for them. They want to be productive members of society who are treated fairly and with respect, and they want to be respectful of others. They are good people, and our future is bright because of them.

In the eighth century B.C., a man named Hesiod supposedly made the following claim:

"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint."

Just as he was mistaken, so are the people now who complain about our young. Let's start looking at the positive side of the kids of today so that we can treat them as they deserve to be treated--with dignity and respect--so that they'll grow to be dignified and respectful.

Hope for Our Future

2012-01-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

I really refuse to be pessimistic about our future. It’s easy to see the world darkly and act like things are going to get much worse before they get better, and that may even be true, but I don’t believe that the world is in as bad of shape as most people seem to think it is. And I say this because I know a lot of young people, the very people that adults like to characterize as selfish, lazy, self-indulgent, immoral, and many other things; and what I see in these young people is hope, the hope for a better world, for these people, young and immature as they may be, are very good people.

Most young people these days are facing many more challenges than us older folks ever had to deal with. Most of the kids in school are expected to know much more than we ever knew, and they’re held to standards of behavior that we never were held to (no matter how much we like to claim that the opposite is true). These young people are afraid, just as we were, they’re doubtful about their own power and beauty and abilities, just as we were, and they’re dealing with emotional and mental and physical problems, just as we were. When we see them in bad moments–which is usually when most adults notice them–it’s easy to generalize and say just how much worse things are today than they used to be. But that’s simply not true.

I watch young people involved in sports who play with intensity and who work very hard at what they do, and who play with great integrity and high levels of sportsmanship. I see young people work hard to improve their math or science or writing skills, even when the subject may be difficult for them. I see them asking important questions as they try to discover their own ways through life and living, as they try to define their own worlds for themselves. I see young people displaying compassion and creativity and love and caring in ways that we never dared when we were their age, and I’m very impressed with most of what I see.

This all comes from working closely with them. If I didn’t do so, then I’d probably see only the negative stuff that gets on the news, the stuff that makes us feel bad about other human beings, that makes us feel that the adults of the future will be selfish and violent and self-centered. But I’m blessed to be in a situation in which I get to work with young people very closely, and I feel very fortunate that this is the case. Because in them I can see that the better parts of humanity are not skipping over this new generation–the kids may not be completely comfortable expressing what they know to be true to us adults or even to other young people, but they do have within them the most beautiful traits of humanity, and when I see it shine through I know that the future of the human race is a bright future, and that the spirits that have been in this world for less time than others will mature into great people of whom we’ll be proud, and into whose hands we can trust the future of the human race. Do you feel a bit hopeless about the future now and then? Well, don’t–the kids of today have much more potential for love and compassion than we ever did, for our generation is teaching them many of the things that the generations before ours neglected to teach us. And these kids are learning the lessons well, even if we’re not able to see the results in ways that are as direct as we’d like to see them. So have faith, and smile–the future is bright, and while there will be the inevitable potholes along the way, the youth of today will overcome them and build a better world than we could even imagine. I’m sure of it.

Co-Operation

2012-01-20T06:34:00.001-08:00

As a basketball coach, I have a slightly different perspective on the game than many other coaches. Mostly what I hear when I listen to people talk about basketball is just how competitive a sport it is, just how important the competition is. There are five players out there going all out against five other players, and it's important to rise up to the level of competition.

Personally, though, I see basketball as a sport that's based on co-operation. I see the game as five players working together to try to score and to try to stop the other team from scoring. And yes, that does imply a certain level of competition, but to me the fact remains that unless those five players cooperate together well, nothing about competition really matters at all. If there's no cooperation, a team simply will do poorly all the time.

Cooperation is probably one of the most important concepts that members of the human race can embrace and celebrate. When we work together to achieve goals and to try to accomplish things, then there really are no barriers to what human beings can accomplish. That's one of the reasons why it's so incredibly sad to me to see what political parties are trying to do to us--trying to fragment us and tear us apart, focusing on our differences rather than on our similarities, all in the hopes of gaining a few votes come election time.

How can you cooperate with other human beings today to accomplish something truly important? What can you do today with someone else that will leave a mark, no matter how small that mark may be? What can you and someone else give to the world that will make the world a better place? We're limited only by our own thinking, by our own judgments and personal prejudices. I would love to be remembered someday as someone who put cooperation above all else, someone who taught others the value of working together with other human beings to accomplish truly important goals. Just as I hope my basketball team reaches success through cooperation, I hope that I myself can find some small successes by cooperating with other people to make life better for someone, somewhere.

Asking for Directions

2012-01-18T18:21:00.001-08:00

It’s an overused stereotype that guys don’t like to ask for directions. We’ve all seen it in sitcoms, variety shows, movies, plays–any type of entertainment that’s looking for a cheap laugh with an overused cliche will eventually turn to the guy not wanting to ask for directions. It’s a stereotype that I can relate to, but not because I don’t want to ask for directions–my problem is actually forgetting to ask for directions, or even neglecting to do so until I’m underway and it’s too late.

Asking for directions is actually a pretty positive thing to do. If you ask for directions, that means that you’re fulfilling one of your own needs. In doing so, you’re also allowing someone else to help you, and how many people want to be there to help their fellow people with their needs? I know that I enjoy giving directions when I know the way somewhere–it makes me feel good to help someone else out with something that’s pretty simple for me.

My problem, again, is that I forget to ask for directions. This applies even to everyday life, when I’m faced with decisions that are difficult to make. I forget to ask for advice, from either someone who’s been there before or from someone who’s experienced something similar or even from God, as I perceive God–and my relationship with God–to be in my life. There are plenty of sources of directions out there, but directions are one of those things that you almost never get at all if you don’t bother to ask for them.

I want to get better at asking for directions. I want to give more people the chance to help me, and I want to allow myself to be helped more often. Doing this will help me a lot to learn things without having to go through the long process of exploration and discovery. This latter can be a great process to go through, of course, but it isn’t always helpful or appropriate. Directions are a major part of life, and the better we get at asking for them, the closer we’ll get to other people and the more integral a part we’ll play in more people’s lives–and we’ll accomplish that by asking for and getting help on our own journeys!

Instant Feel-Goods

2012-01-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

Over-tip breakfast waitresses.
Hide a love-note for your child or honey to see.
Every once in a while, take the scenic route.
When you feel terrific, notify your face.
Be the first to smile.
Let cars in traffic.
Take a night class.
Plant flowers. And smell them.
Forgive someone who doesn't deserve it.
Wear wild, shocking underwear under business attire.
At grocery check out, occasionally allow others in line.
Or offer change.
Go to a Bookstore.
Always have a motivational tape in your car.
Tape record your parents' or childrens' laughter.
Put your photos in an album.
Watch a sunset.
Watch a sunrise.
Every once in a while, let adventure rule.
Start your day with music.
End your day with music.
Love someone who doesn't deserve it.
Buy a bird feeder.
Take a bubble bath by candle light.
Count your blessings.
Giving is receiving.

Larry Lipman

Valley of Death

2012-01-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

My wife and I once spent a few days at Death Valley. It’s a pretty amazing place, full of things that you simply won’t find elsewhere in the world. It’s been a truly unique experience, one that will stick with us for a very long time.

I think that what I most like about this place is the way that you can find life in some of the most unlikely circumstances. Bushes and flowers literally grow out of rocks, getting the nutrients that they need from miniscule amounts of soil that fill the cracks of the rocks. Lizards and snakes and insects thrive in places that seem too inhospitable for any life to exist at all, much less thrive. Coyotes and kit foxes and kangaroo rats and rattlesnakes make lives for themselves in situations that seem to be impossible for any life to continue at all. Even the pupfish has adapted over many years to be able to exist in salt water rather than fresh, which is really the only water they can find here.

It heartens me to see the survival in harsh conditions here, for I know that many of my fellow human beings find themselves regularly in situations that are just as harsh as the physical environment here, and that are just as hard to survive in as blistering heat and a lack of natural resources. Life is resilient; living things are resilient, and as long as there are coyotes living here in Death Valley, there’s hope for any living thing, anywhere, not just to survive, but to thrive. The survival against the odds of the many different creatures here makes it clear that surviving against the odds is possible for us all, no matter what our situation. Things may look impossible, but appearances most definitely can be deceiving. Just ask the lizards that I saw today in Mosaic Canyon, an area seemingly devoid of life except for a few plants here and there. Somehow those lizards find the means for survival, even if those means aren’t immediately obvious or even visible. They find water in waterless regions, and they find food in areas with no food available.

The desert is an amazing place, for almost everything that lives here does so against the odds. So if I want to thrive, if I want to succeed at something that other people haven’t succeeded at, then I can do so against the odds, also. All I need to do is find the means to do so, to find the means to do what seems impossible. The means are there. I just have to take the time to look for them, and I have to find them. They are there already.

A Lesson from a Pebble

2012-01-14T16:59:00.000-08:00

Drop a pebble in the water and with just a splash it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water and in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind or careless word and in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind or careless word and in a minute you forget;
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life that was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness and in just a flash it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness and in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy circling yet,
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

James W. Foley

The Weather's Always Good

2012-01-13T18:00:00.000-08:00

I've lived in many different places in my life, with all different kinds of weather. I've lived in New England, where we got humidity in the summer and plenty of snow and ice in the winter; in San Diego, where we really had no winters to speak of and very mild summers. I've lived in the Arizona desert, with temperatures in the 100's for months on end, and in the mountains, where it almost never got above 80 in the summers and where the winter storms were amazing in their intensity. And one of the things I've learned from all this is quite simple: the way that we see the weather has just as much to do with how we feel about it as the weather itself.

I remember ice storms and severe cold spells in New Hampshire that kept us indoors for three or four days in a row. At first, it was tempting to complain about the weather, for it definitely was uncomfortable and nasty when we thought of things that we might like to be doing. There was no going for walks, no cross-country skiing, no building of snowmen or snow forts. But after a while I began to notice how nice it could be to have the opportunity to stay indoors, doing chores and working and reading books without feeling the need or any pressure to go outside and get something else done. There was nothing else calling me to do it, and I was able to stay snug and warm in my home, doing things that I enjoyed doing but without the distraction of other things that needed doing.

I found the same thing in Tucson during the intense heat of the summer months--it was nice to stay in the air-conditioned home when the blistering temperatures outside prohibited us from doing some of the things we kind of wanted to do. And even if we did go outside, as long as we didn't stay out too long, we were fine. Of course, I have spent time working in the desert in the summer, loading trucks with rocks in 110-degree heat. There was no indoors to escape to, so we simply found shade when we had to wait for the next truck to arrive. Even that wasn't so bad, once we got used to it.

The weather of the world can be extreme and somewhat uncomfortable, but it's important that we keep in mind that it's not designed for our comfort or ease. We're visitors to wherever it is that we may live, and as such, it's important that we accept the conditions that the places where we live offer us. If we can do that, we can keep in mind that whatever today's weather is like is important for the place where we live--for the flora and the fauna, part of the world's complex and beautiful way of being. And when we can accept whatever weather the world throws at us, then we're much less likely to find things to complain about--and to enjoy the ways that we find to compensate in our own ways for whatever the weather might be like today, for there really is no such things as "bad" weather. It all is simply weather in the world's eyes.

Acceptance is not a talent you either have or don’t have.
It’s a learned response. My meditation teacher made a great point
about the difference between a reaction and a response: You may
not have control over your initial reaction to something, but you can
decide what your response will be. You don’t have to be at the mercy
of your emotions, and acceptance can be your first step toward
empowerment . . . For me, acceptance has been the cornerstone
to my having an emotionally healthy response to my illness.

Morrie Schwartz

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

2012-01-12T04:25:00.000-08:00

unknown author

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me good-night, and I felt loved and safe.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

What Do I Stand for?

2012-01-11T04:39:00.001-08:00

I believe that it’s true that we have to decide over and over just what we stand for in life. I believe we have to decide constantly because what we think, what we believe, and what we feel changes as we grow older and learn more about life and more about ourselves. It seems to me as I meet and get to know more older people, I learn how important it is to trust ourselves, to trust our hearts, and to trust our intuition. And these parts of ourselves can help us to learn just what we stand for in life.

Do we stand for honesty? Integrity? Fairness? Kindness? All of the above? None of the above? We all have certain areas that affect us more strongly than others, certain topics that make us feel more strongly, that arouse our passions, much more than other areas do. When we learn to recognize what they are and to trust our feelings about them, then we can start to learn what we stand for in life.

It’s hard to conceive of someone standing for the same things at 80 as he or she stood for at 20. I know that in my life, my thoughts and ideas and passions have changed considerably over the last few decades. There are certain things that I considered to be extremely important years ago that no longer feel so urgent to me, and other things that are much more pressing. For example, the tendency to encourage other people was very weak in me when I was younger because I didn’t think that anyone would be affected by my encouragement back then. Now, though, I realize that it’s important to encourage others because I have no idea at all what will affect them and what won’t. And there’s a good chance, I’ve learned, that my encouragement will be not only heard, but helpful.

Many people prefer not to stand for anything, choosing instead to allow life to go on without thinking about their own contribution to it all. And because they never really consider the contributions that they’re making–or could be making–they often end up not contributing at all. Taking, probably, but contributing, no.

I hope that when the end of my life here on this planet rolls around, I can look back and say that I really stood for something, that I tried to teach others about something very important. And it won’t matter if what I stood for at 20 was the same as what I stood for in my 60’s–as long as I’ve examined my heart and my conscience and trusted what they had to tell me about where I should stand and what I should do.

Some Nice Words

2012-01-09T06:44:00.001-08:00

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams,
before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

Unknown

What "Success" Means to Me

2012-01-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

I've seen lots of definitions of success, and the ones that I feel most comfortable with are those that talk about success being a result of doing things for others, of doing things that one really feels called to do, of taking risks and doing the best one can do no matter what the outcome. As a teacher, I feel a great sense of success when I see a student (or two, even!) "get it," and suddenly realize something very important. I feel successful when I see a student's writing improve over the course of the year to a point at which the writing is quite good and the student's confidence in his or her writing is very high.

I'm not at all attracted to a type of success that would gain me fame and fortune. While there are certain advantages to both fame and fortune, I don't feel called in that direction at all. I feel a calling to work one-on-one with people to help them reach inside and find the talent, the ability, the skills that have been buried for so long. And when I see that happen, I feel very successful.

The most successful people I've known in life have been those who have followed their callings, their gifts, and have done what their hearts guide them to do. These people aren't in the news or on the covers of magazines, but they're held dearly in the hearts of people who love them and who appreciate all that they've done for them. And on the day I day, whether that be tomorrow or forty years from now, I want to look back on my life and feel that I've used my God-given gifts to contribute to the lives of others in ways that have been truly unique to me.

My success doesn't depend upon recognition or reward. It doesn't depend on financial gain or material wealth. My success comes as the result of giving all that I can give to people who have need of what I can offer, and doing so without thinking of rewards or recompense. Because if success is to be the result of giving, then shouldn't that giving be unconditional?

Most people see success as being rich and famous or
powerful and influential. Others see it as being at
the top of their profession and standing out from the rest.
The wise see success in a more personal way; they see
it as achieving the goals they have set for themselves,
and then feeling pride and satisfaction in their
accomplishments. True success is felt in the heart,
not measured by money and power.
So be true to yourself and achieve those goals you set.
For success is reaching those goals and feeling
proud of what you have accomplished.

Tim Tweedie

The Balanced Self

2012-01-07T08:52:00.000-08:00

by Wilferd A. Peterson

The man walks out on the high wire over empty space, sways above the breathless crowd, defies the law of gravity. . . .

The successful living of a life can be compared to walking across a high wire.

The indispensable quality needed is balance.

The balanced self is the well-integrated self. A harmonious combination of all the constructive elements of personality makes the self whole.

The balanced self practices moderation, avoids extremes, follows the maxim "Not anything too much."

The balanced self meets the challenges of life with equanimity. It is neither exalted by success nor dejected by failure. It meets despair with hope and climbs the heights with humility.

The balanced self maintains mental equilibrium. It has ideals without illusions. It separates fact from fancy. It keep a level head.

The balanced self is mature. It considers everything from a grown-up viewpoint balanced by a child's simplicity.

The balanced self balances dreams with action. It uses the power of inner thought to inspire outer achievement. And it uses action to stimulate further dreams.

The balanced self guards against quick emotional reactions. It does not jump to impulsive conclusions. It delays action until it has had time, calmly and fairly, to balance all the factors involved.

The balanced self is resilient; it is flexible to change. Like a tree in the wind, it bends without breaking.

The balanced self knows the error of constant effort. It renews itself through prayer and relaxation, that it may apply a higher impact of energy and creative power to the task at hand.

The balanced self lives a balanced life. It balances work and play, love and worship.

The balanced self maintains the I AM of the spirit at the center of self, in full command of its destiny.

Younger Every Day

2012-01-06T17:39:00.000-08:00

I think it’s a mistake to define youth as simply having fewer years than others. Youth has to do more with our state of mind, our way of seeing the world, and our way of receiving what the world has to offer us than anything else. Most very young people aren’t even aware enough of what they have to take advantage of their youth, so I think it’s time that we start looking at youth as something that we are, something that we grow into as we move along in life.

Youth is yours, if you want it. It’s in the way that you feel a sense of awe and wonder when you see a rainbow or hear the song of a bird. It’s in the way you laugh when you hear something funny, or how your eyes tear up when you see or hear something sad. Your youth is in the way you wake up, with enthusiasm and energy, ready to take on the world–which is easily something you can train yourself to do, even if you have stopped waking up that way. Youth is in the way you trust others with your secrets and the way you’re proud of your flower collection or your scrapbook. Your youth is simply a part of who you are, and while it’s possible to allow your youth to grow into a magnificent, wondrous part of yourself if you hang on to it and continue to nurture it, most of us leave it behind when we have a few more years under our belts, and we neglect it and refuse to nurture it.

Your youth, though, is a very special part of who you are. Don’t leave it behind. You don’t have to be a kid to be young, and some of the youngest people I’ve ever known have spent quite a few decades on this planet. Love your youth, and feed it constantly with the beauty and wonder of the world and the people you know, and one day you’ll find that when Jesus was talking about being as a child, he wasn’t simply speaking in metaphors. Live youthful, think youthful, and stay youthful. It’s completely up to you.

Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure
of wonder, the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the
joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my
heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages
of beauty, hope, cheer, courage, and power from people
and from God, so long are you young.

Samuel Ullman

An Important Thought

2012-01-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

I often think of an old man who lives near us. He lives in near poverty and is a curmudgeonly sort. His livelihood is making doghouses. We live in a very poor part of the country where there is little money for people houses, much less doghouses. Yet this man insists on selling his doghouses for more than people around here can pay.

At one point I needed a doghouse. Unaware of his prices, I went over to see him. I told him how much I had. I was five dollars short. "My price is my price," he said, and slammed the door.

Now, when I drive by his house I see his yard crammed with doghouses. His house is falling down. His life is mired in poverty. But he will not change his price. He has established a value in his own mind and no one shares that value. His life cannot go forward until he frees himself from his conviction that he cannot take a loss. He will die surrounded by his doghouses, and they will be sold for five dollars apiece at a yard sale.

Learn from the old man. He is fixated on the doghouses, not on what they will enable him to do. Nothing should be worth more to you than its value in helping you live your life. If you are willing to slough off the past, even at a loss, you are keeping yourself free, and your world continues to grow. If you insist on holding to some abstract valuation, you are being held hostage by that possession, and you are trapped in a prison of your own device.

Kent Nerburn from Simple Truths

What I Am Not

2012-01-04T17:33:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I think that it could be a good thing to celebrate the things that we are not. After all, what we are and what we do goes only part of the way towards defining us as people; so much of who we are has to do with the things that are absent in us. For example, I'm not dishonest, I'm not angry, I'm not petty, and I'm not vindictive. I'm not cynical, judgmental (usually--I'm still working on this one. Let's say "overly judgmental."), ruthless, cruel, spiteful, jealous, envious, or lazy.

I don't hurt people, I don't gossip, I don't take advantage of other people's failings, I don't kick people when they're down--rather, I try to help them up. I don't covet, lie, cheat, or steal.

I don't try to intimidate others, I don't try to use fear to motivate others, I don't try to manipulate other people to do my will. I'm not focused on money or power, and I'm not greedy. I don't feel desire to take what's not mine.

I think I could go on with this list for quite a while, but it's enough to remind myself of just some of the things that I'm not. And to remind myself that I'm not these things because I've decided not to be them--and in these cases, I think I've made good choices. So what kinds of things are you not? What kinds of decisions have you made that have molded you into a kinder, gentler person in this world of ours?

2012-01-01T04:54:00.000-08:00

The conventional Happy New Year approach is to think of the New Year as something that happens outside of our selves. It is a good luck wish that the New Year, in some magical way, will bring us our heart’s desire. We look to the New Year to make us happy. When we expect happiness to come to us from the outside, we are usually disappointed. Happiness is not guaranteed by sunny weather, a raise in pay, a new car, a beautiful home or anything else of a material nature. External things are often possessed by very unhappy people. Happiness does not come out of a New Year, it comes out of men and women. Life does not change when we hang a new calendar on the wall or when the clock strikes midnight and a New Year begins. The only way life will change for us is when we change ourselves.

Wilferd A. Peterson

2011-12-31T05:38:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend today who said that she's always had a problem leaving things up to other people. She always feels a need, she says, to make sure that things come out okay. So it's very difficult for her to let someone else do things that she could be doing. She doesn't like to let her kids clean the house, she doesn't like to let her husband cook the dinner, and she doesn't like to let substitutes teach her classes for her. As a result, she's pretty frazzled--taking on all the responsibility of her own world leaves her weary and frustrated.

I feel bad for her because I can sympathize with her. I was the same way for a very long time before I learned just how difficult leading such a life can be. When we aren't willing to let other people do stuff for us, we overwhelm ourselves with tasks that we don't necessarily need to be doing. And when we're overwhelmed, we don't tend to do the tasks nearly as well as we could if we weren't doing too much. Our stress levels go up, the quality of our work goes down, and it's very difficult to find any sort of peace in our minds or spirits.

This friend wishes she didn't have so much to do. The truth is, though, that she doesn't have nearly as much to do as she thinks she does. It's the fact that she isn't willing to let go of results that keeps her working too hard and too intensely, and until she is finally ready to let go of results, she'll continue to sabotage her own happiness by keeping herself too busy. Sometimes I like to let other people do things even if I'm pretty sure that they'll make mistakes doing them--then I get a bit of rest, and they get a wonderful learning experience through their mistakes. Both of us win, then, and there are almost no jobs or tasks that have to be done absolutely perfectly, ever. When we can let go of that need for perfection, then we can finally go about the business of living our lives, peacefully and easily.

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean
we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes
and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way
things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the
impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on
what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves.
And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.

Melody Beattie

Important Thoughts on Acceptance

2011-12-30T05:17:00.000-08:00

Radical Acceptance says that life works better when you accept people for who they are, without judgment. Once you have done that you can then act accordingly.

What does that mean? Here is an example. In a car the accelerator pedal is on the right and the brake is to the left. That is not a big deal. I don't see impassioned pleas to rearrange the pedals. People know this and accept it without judgment. Now let's imagine that you think having this arrangement is bad. Furthermore, since you don't like it, you are going to act as if the pedals are reversed. It won't take you long to come to grief.

But failure to accept people is like the example above. How many of us see, not the person in front of us, but the person we expect to see. Then we act as if they are how we expect to see them. And, sure enough, we come to grief.

Come to know them through their actions, accept without judgment and act accordingly. If the other is a controlling person, then I know I will either need to let go my need for control or be prepared for a battle of wills. If the other is chronically late, then need to invite them early to events, be prepared to start without them or wait. In any case, to get upset is to pretend they are someone different - and that's like pretending the accelerator and brake are reversed, a quick road to grief.

~Christopher Oliphant

The Wonder of You

2011-12-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

You are a wonder. You have abilities that you barely recognize, and you have potential that is virtually unlimited. You are a person who can love, give, encourage, motivate, inspire, and help others to get through life in positive, peaceful ways. You are able to see things that other people can't see, and you feel things in ways that others don't.

You have come through difficult trials, and you've not only endured, but thrived. You continue to seek the best for you and for those you love, and you keep your eyes and heart open for new possibilities and opportunities for growth and learning. In spite of your own needs, you continue to seek out ways to give to others, hoping to make their journeys more pleasant and less painful. When you make mistakes, you bounce back and learn from them, not allowing them to keep you down and not allowing despair to keep its hold on you. Your resilience is a model for others to follow.

Our bodies are wonders themselves. The incredible combination of muscles, blood vessels, bones, brains, lungs, eyes, heart, and so much more are miracles of nature, functioning in ways that often defy explanation. With a simple thought, we can cause our fingers to bend or our toes to wiggle, or we can balance on a fence or shoot a basket from twenty feet away. We all have different gifts of things that we're able to accomplish by using our bodies, you no less than anyone else. Notice and appreciate the wonder of your body and the many things it allows you to do, and you'll start to feel the incredible sense of wonder that comes with the realization that your body truly accomplishes wonderful things every day that you're alive.

Do not doubt that you are a wonder. Do not doubt that the gifts you possess are wonderful, and are only waiting to be developed into their full potential. Do not doubt that your gifts are wonderful to someone, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to you. Do not doubt that the wonder of you is a special gift to the world that makes us all a bit richer. Doubt cannot tarnish the wonder of anything, but it can create a filter through which wonder is hard to see. Recognize, accept, and appreciate the true wonder of you!

Would You Kindly?

2011-12-28T05:04:00.000-08:00

What kinds of kindness did you unleash upon the world today? Were you polite to someone who was overworked, who could use kindness and politeness to brighten his or her day a bit? Did you give a little something to someone who could use it? Did you give someone cuts in line, or allow someone to merge into traffic ahead of you? Perhaps you paid a sincere compliment, or helped someone do something they needed help with?
No matter what form your kindness took, it certainly was welcome in this world of ours. Kindness is a soothing balm, a piece of heaven here on earth. When we show kindness, we're contributing in a positive way not only to the life or lives of the person or persons to whom we show the kindness, but we're also contributing to the overall positive energy of the world as a whole. And who knows--perhaps someone witnesses our kind act and decides to show a bit of kindness themselves, causing a ripple effect from one small act of kindness.

Our kindness doesn't need to be earth-shattering. It doesn't need to affect thousands of people. Our kindness can be diverting our step so as not to step on a bug, and that act to spare a life is still a positive act in the world. Kindness, though, is your choice--and most of us choose to be kind only on special occasions or when we see that someone really needs it. Kindness shouldn't be limited to certain times or places, though--we improve our lives and the lives of others when we show kindness, so why not show it as often as we possibly can? It doesn't take much effort usually, even though it's a force that truly can change the world for the better when we employ it. I know that I often lose chances to be kind--leaving the supermarket without saying something nice (other than "Thanks. Have a nice day!"), driving to work without letting other drivers merge into traffic, not showing interest in someone else's life or job or situations. Perhaps when I learn to take advantage of those opportunities, my life will improve as I add to the amount of positive energy I share with the world. . . .

We restore the holiness of the world through our loving-kindness
and compassion. Everyone participates. It is a collective task.
Every act of loving-kindness, no matter how great or small,
repairs the world. All those ever born have shared this
collective work since the beginning of time.

Rachel Naomi Remen

What We Have

2011-12-26T05:02:00.000-08:00

How often do you start to focus on things that you want rather than things that you have? How many times do you see something new that you would love to have, only to start feeling a bit down because you can’t afford it or don’t have room for it? People in this world are very good at coming up with new things that somehow start us down the path of dissatisfaction once we start to focus on what we don’t have rather than on the things that we have already.

How much do you value all that you have in life right now? How much do you appreciate the gifts and the people and the things in your life? How often do you step back and look in an objective way at all of the cool and valuable things that are in your life, seeing them for the great parts of your life that they are?

The goal of marketers and advertisers is to make us lose our satisfaction in what we have so that we’ll go out and buy something that we don’t have. If they can accomplish this, they can make more money for their companies. If they get you to want a new car because yours isn’t big enough, then they’ve created dissonance in your life, and you’ll need to act to resolve that feeling if you want it to go away. Unfortunately, the only way that most of us know how to deal with such dissonance is to buy the thing that we want, to attain the goods or materials that we think will make us more satisfied. But we can also deal with that dissonance by realizing the source of our new desires or “needs,” and that can help us to stay more centered, more peaceful, in our lives.

If I’m on a diet, I want food. If I give in to that desire, I put more calories into my body than the diet will stand, and my efforts to lose weight might have been wasted. If I’m trying to save money and I want something new that I really don’t need, then all of my fiscal discipline will have been for naught once I buy something that ruins my budget, and all the rationalization in the world won’t make any difference.

Yes, we do have needs. But just how many of our desires are based on needs? My guess is that it’s a relatively small number. Once we can start looking at what we have with a strong sense of appreciation and acceptance, then we can look at many of our other wants as simply that–wants. And we can realize that fulfilling those wants won’t necessarily make us happier or more fulfilled people–rather, they can create other areas of regret in our lives due to having done something that certainly hasn’t helped us, and that may even cause us harm.

I have a great deal in life. Sometimes, though, my focus shifts to things that I don’t have–but want–and then I lose sight of just how blessed I am to have what I do. It’s a shame when that happens, but as I grow older I find that it happens much less. And it’s always up to me to do what I can to continue to make it happen even less as time goes on.

Important Thoughts from Wilferd A. Peterson

2011-12-23T02:56:00.001-08:00

The Art of Keeping Christmas

How can we best keep Christmas? How can we best defeat the little bit of Scrooge in all of us and experience the glory of the Great Day?

By sinking the shafts of our spirits deep beneath the sparkling tinsel of the surface of Christmas and renewing within us the radiance of the inner meaning of the season.

By following the Star on an inward journey to Bethlehem to stand again in awe and wonder before the Babe in a Manger.

By rediscovering the faith and simplicity of a little child, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.

By being still and listening to the angels sing within our hearts.

By quietly evaluating our lives according to the Master's standards as set forth in the Sermon on the Mount.

By reaffirming the supremacy of the spirit in our conquest of ourselves.

By rededicating ourselves to the Master's ideals of Peace, Brotherhood, and Good Will.

By resolving to give ourselves away to others in love, joy and devotion.

By using the light of Christmas to guide us through the darkness of the coming year, refusing to go back to the dim kerosene lamps of the spirit when the brilliant electricity of Christmas is available to show us the way.

What They Are, Or What We Think They Should Be?

2011-12-22T12:20:00.001-08:00

Since I work with teens all the time when I'm teaching high school, it's really fascinating for me to witness how adults treat the kids. Somehow, there seems to be almost always an unspoken expectation that the kids are going to live up to what we think they should be, and among adults I rarely see unconditional acceptance for the kids just as they are. After all, we're adults, right? So we know how they should be acting and what they should be doing.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. None of us knows how another human being should be acting. None of us knows just how another person feels or thinks. These are things that are integral parts of who people are, but that aren't accessible to others. Someone may tell us how he or she feels, but do the words adequately express the feeling?

Our children deserve our best, and our best isn't telling them what to do. Our best is helping them to discover who they are and what they're good at and what they love. Our best is helping to put them on the road to develop their own personalities and skills and talents. Our best is accepting them unconditionally as they are, not accepting them only when they become what we think they should be.

We all want to be accepted. We all want love and support from others, but we neither want nor need to be changed by others just because they think we should be something else. Change comes from the inside, and it's important that we don't try to impose it upon other human beings, no matter what their age. Sometimes it's difficult to see people make mistakes and do things that we know are harmful, but at least we know that they're learning as they go. And we can learn along with them and even from them, if we just allow them to be themselves.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.

Khalil Gibran

Encouragement

2011-12-21T15:59:00.001-08:00

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost all incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique--be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his or her ability to do it, that the person has an undeveloped flair for it--and that person will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

Dale Carnegie

What's Now?

2011-12-20T05:31:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking about how much we ask ourselves and each other “What’s next?” It’s a short, simple question that we hear quite a lot, even if it’s not always in those exact words. We spend a lot of time and effort and energy looking towards that next thing, very often neglecting what’s going on now as we keep our focus on possible futures. But any possible future that we consider is simply that–possible. No more, no less. But what’s here and now is definitely real, definitely a part of our lives, and it’s extremely important that we make the most of our present moments in order to build a string of positive moments that one day we’ll look back on as a positive life.

So I want to keep asking myself another question instead of “What’s next?” I want to ask myself “What’s now?” I want to keep focused on the present moment so that I don’t lose any opportunities that are right here and now, so that I don’t neglect any chances that I have to contribute to life and living. I want to ask myself “What’s now?” so that I can remind myself that in my life right now are many beautiful and positive things, many of them just waiting for me to notice them and become fully aware of them.

Many people spend their lives constantly waiting for whatever’s coming next. It’s easy for us to anticipate some coming thing, some better job or some great opportunity, or some spectacular event that’s going to add something great to our lives. But what’s it going to add to? It’s going to add to what we have right here, right now, and that in itself is pretty spectacular, too.

The only time that any of us have to grow or change or feel or learn
anything is in the present moment. But we’re continually missing our
present moments, almost willfully, by not paying attention.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Wisdom

2011-12-18T04:50:00.000-08:00

Give me wisdom over book knowledge any day. I've spent many years in college--twelve years as a student and twelve teaching, and I can say without hesitation that I would prefer the company of an unschooled wise man or woman to that of a person who knows much, but feels little. The two aren't mutually exclusive, of course--many educated people are also wise, and many unschooled people are also unfeeling. But it seems that the more knowledge we have, the more we tend to look at ourselves as knowing what we need to know, and that couldn't be any further from the truth.

What I need when I talk to people is feedback about my life, about me. If I'm to advance as a human being and become better (which to me means becoming more useful to my fellow human beings), then I need feedback that helps me to see what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. I need a wise person to tell me that this person's course of action is ineffective because he or she isn't taking something important into consideration, to tell me that my words were too harsh or too soft for a situation, to tell me that what somebody did to me wasn't at all as I perceived it, but something different entirely.

Most of all, though, I appreciate the examples of the wise--the lives they live and the way they tend to be content with just what they have. They tend to be much more accepting and understanding, for they see where people are coming from inside--they're able to see past the facades and the attention-getting and know what a person is about.

Wisdom is a quality that I strive after, and I would rather have a pound of wisdom than a ton of knowledge. It's too late, though--I already have a ton of knowledge, and I'm trying my best to purify it, to take what I need to live a useful life from it and leave the rest behind, so that I may grow in wisdom and thus grow in usefulness to my fellow human beings. it takes a great deal of maple sap to make maple syrup, and what's not necessary or vital is evaporated as the sap is boiled down. It's a mistake to think that all of our knowledge is necessary--we need to let some of it evaporate as we search for the wisdom that will most help ourselves and others.

Where's the Wonder?

2011-12-17T06:10:00.000-08:00

It gets very easy to walk through the world without noticing the really cool things that are all around us. It gets very easy to lose our sense of wonder and have it replaced with a sense of the mundane, with the idea that nothing's all that special because we see it every day. We seem to be a part of the "been there, done that" generation, as if just because we've already been somewhere or done something, there's nothing more to be seen or experienced that's worth our while in that place or circumstance.

If we're to have a sense of wonder in this world, then it's a sense that we need to nurture. If we're to see the special and amazing in all the places and things that are special and amazing, then believe it or not, it's up to us to see and feel those things--it's not something that just happens all the time. Imagine feeling the way you feel when you see a beautiful sunset--all the time! You can feel that way if you just make the effort to do so. The people that you meet each day all have wonderful parts of themselves that have yet to be uncovered; the places you've been to have wonderful aspects to be discovered; just as the books that you've already read and the movies you've already seen will reveal more of their wonder to you upon a second reading or viewing.

I feel myself losing my sense of wonder very often, and usually after three or four days of moving like a sleepwalker through life. But then I wake up, and my eyes open, and I see the wonder and the amazing qualities of everything that's around me. I guess we just need to keep waking ourselves up, over and over again, so that we can truly see what's truly around us. If we can do that, there's no telling just how magical the world around us will be--it won't become magic because it already is so, but at least we'll be able to see all the amazing things that are there. And once we can do that, then can't we teach others to do the same?

If a child is to keep alive his or her
inborn sense of wonder, he or she
needs the companionship of at least
one adult who can share it, rediscovering
with the child the joy, excitement
and mystery of the world we live in.

Rachel Carson

How Will I Be Remembered?

2011-12-15T04:23:00.000-08:00

Once I went to a memorial service for a student from our school who passed away. He was an 18-year-old senior who seemed to have learned an awful lot about life in his short time on this planet. Cancer took him away, but he left a legacy of cheerfulness, encouragement, and love among all of the people who knew him. Speaker after speaker remembered the way that he cared, the way that he loved, and the way that he was able to have a tremendous amount of fun with anything he did. It really is rare to know of someone so young who truly was living his life fully, especially since doing so means treating our fellow human beings with dignity, love, and respect. It usually takes us a bit longer than 18 years to learn such lessons in our lives.
It got me to thinking once more how I’ll be remembered. Will people have pleasant thoughts of me and remember me in positive ways? Or will they be indifferent? I certainly hope that they won’t be glad, though when you’re teaching high school it’s probably inevitable that someone, somewhere holds something against you. . . . I know, though, that if I want a memorial service that resembles this student’s, then I have to make decisions and take actions today that will make positive impacts on other people’s lives. They don’t have to be major things, just simple things such as encouraging, complimenting, and loving.

But even more, it means living by example. If I tell people they should have fun in life, do I have fun? If I tell people that smiling and laughing are important, do I smile and laugh? Do I make the time for things like hikes in the woods and runs through the desert? Do I enjoy myself and partake regularly in fun things that I love to do?

If I don’t do these things, then there’s really very little chance that I’ll be remembered as someone who loved life. I might be remembered as someone who talked about loving life, but did I really live it as if I loved it?

This is a question that I need to start asking myself all the time. And then I need to take action depending on what my response is. A life half-lived, after all, is really no life at all, is it?

Some Nice Thoughts

2011-12-13T05:26:00.000-08:00

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd fingerpaint more and point the finger less
I'd do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later
I'd teach less about the love of power,
and more about the power of love.

-Diane Loomans

Peace Be with You

2011-12-12T04:36:00.000-08:00

Peace of mind and peace of heart come usually as the result of decisions that we make. And more often than not, that decision is simply to drop (or not to drop) something. To drop it out of our minds and leave it be while we move on to more productive and healthy and helpful thoughts and pursuits.

Two family members and I were treated extremely rudely by a man at a car dealership recently. There’s no need to go into details, but we ended up walking out of the place after spending two hours with two other people trying to make a deal on a car. This third person came and treated us very rudely, and we felt it best to leave. We weren’t going to let that man ruin our peace of mind, though–-even though it would have been quite easy to stew and steam all day long at his mistreatment. We simply moved on to another dealership where we (fortunately) weren’t treated poorly, bought a car there, and left behind the rudeness and the insulting behavior.

Did someone insult you recently? Well, that says more about them than it says about you, so leave it behind and keep your peace of mind! Did you lose something valuable, or make a huge mistake on something important? If you berate yourself too much for it and destroy your own peace of mind, just how will that help you? Are you worried about your future? That worry could be taking away your peace of mind right now, while if you hold on to that peace, you could make decisions and take actions now that could make your future brighter.

I’m not always good at holding on to my peace of mind. But I do know that when it’s not with me, it’s not the result of external circumstances; rather, I’ve allowed it to slip away due to things that I’ve decided to hold on to instead of letting them go. Peace is one of the most valuable parts of our lives, and when we experience it we’re healthier, happier, and more productive. So why would we make the decision to hold on to things that take that peace away? We seem to be conditioned to think that if we lose peace in our minds and hearts, it’s the result of outside circumstances. The truth is, though, that those outside circumstances don’t cause us to make the decision to hold on to them. That decision comes from inside ourselves, and it’s one of the most destructive decisions we can make. Letting go and moving on, though, are two of the most positive decisions that we can make.

Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but
go on in fortune or misfortune at their own
private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm.

Robert Louis Stevenson

An Important Thought

2011-12-11T06:34:00.000-08:00

Soon the child's clear eye is clouded over by ideas and opinions. Simple free being becomes encrusted with the burdensome armor of the ego. Not until years later does an instinct come that a vital sense of mystery has been withdrawn. The sun glints through the pines, and the heart is pierced in a moment of beauty and strange pain, like a memory of paradise. After that day. . . we become seekers.

Peter Matthiessen

A Little Bit of Work

2011-12-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

As a teacher, I’m sometimes astonished to see just how many students make so much effort to avoid doing just a little bit of work. I can give very simple assignments and have half of my high-school students simply not do it–and they don’t seem to care at all that their grades are affected strongly by their lack of work. While I’ve had other problems and issues in my life, this hasn’t been one of them–a little bit of work never has been a problem for me, and I’m usually more than willing to do my share of the work, especially when I see that I’m doing it for my benefit.

Perhaps my students simply don’t see the benefit of doing the work. Perhaps they don’t understand how doing the work can make their lives easier or richer or more interesting. And try as I might to tell them the benefits, they simply choose not to believe my words, believing instead that avoiding work is more beneficial to them than actually doing it. After all, it does free up an extra half-hour or hour today, doesn’t it? And they can spend that half-hour texting friends or playing video games or talking on the phone or watching TV.

But realizing that a little bit of work almost always has advantages for us is one of the keys to life–one of the keys to helping ourselves to make a difference in our own lives. That work can prepare us for something important in the future, it can help us to understand something perplexing us in our present, or it can earn us a bit of money or a decent grade. That work can enrich us in ways that we can’t even imagine–if we never do it.

Sometimes when I see a task ahead of me I balk at first, not wanting to commit myself to getting it done. For I know that once I commit myself, I’m into the task for good. But experience tells me that even with the somewhat unpleasant tasks, it’s much better to get it done and to move on to something else than it is to delay or to avoid doing it. There are almost always repercussions and consequences to delaying and avoiding, and there are almost always rewards and benefits to getting the job done, and getting it done right and well.

Don’t be afraid of a little bit of work. It’s all of those little bits added up to a whole that make our lives what they are, which means that what we are is a result of decisions we have made. And what we will be shall be a result of decisions that we will make one day. When there are tasks ahead of us, that means that there are also decisions involved. And what will your decisions be?

I studied the lives of great men and women, and I found
that the people who got to the top were those who did
the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had
of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.

Harry S. Truman

A Nice Thought

2011-12-09T06:55:00.000-08:00

A woman once told me that she did not feel the need to reach out to those around her because she prayed every day. Surely, this was enough. But a prayer is about our relationship to God; a blessing is about our relationship to the spark of God in one another. God may not need our attention as badly as the person next to us on the bus or behind us in line in the supermarket. Everyone in the world matters, and so do their blessings. When we bless others, we offer them refuge from an indifferent world.

Rachel Naomi Remen

Do I Know You?

2011-12-08T06:33:00.001-08:00

It's interesting just how consistent we are about building walls between ourselves and our fellow human beings. It seems that we're so interested either in protecting ourselves or in keeping others out of our lives that we look for any reasons that we can find to keep people from knowing us, or to keep ourselves from knowing other people. After all, once we know someone else, most of us feel a kinship with them, and that isn't always a good thing because it can cause problems and distractions in our lives. And we don't want those, do we?

It is true that knowing other people often can be a pain. There's a certain person in our apartment complex who's a very nice guy, but who won't stop talking if you stop to talk to him. I don't want to be a stranger to him, but whenever I run into him he talks and talks and talks, without ever giving me a chance to participate in what he calls a "conversation." The unfortunate thing is that my experiences with him sometimes make me hesitate when I have a chance to get to know someone else here.

In other words, sometimes the walls seem logical and sensible. Sometimes it seems that the best thing that we can do is to keep other people at arm's length in order to avoid many possible negative situations. The problem is when we start to put everyone in the category of "don't get close," for then we most certainly can rob ourselves of some pretty positive social interaction.

We can be positive about the people we get to know well, the people who become more than acquaintances to us. We can choose carefully based on what we know about people, and not be afraid to say either "no" or "yes" when we're deciding whether or not we want to get to know someone. The most important thing to keep in mind, though, is that none of us can make it through this journey here completely alone, and we do need the company and often the help of our fellow human beings. There are many humans out there who would be great people to get to know, too, if only we were willing to take the chance to do so more often! Set your rules and set your limits, but try not to keep everyone out of your life. If you do, you'll be the one who suffers the most.

Treat people and live amongst them in such a way
so that when you die they will cry over you,
and while you are alive they long for your company.

traditional Muslim saying

What Can I Do?

2011-12-05T04:30:00.000-08:00

The hour before me is a blank slate. The day before me is as yet unwritten. There's plenty of time before me that's just waiting for me to do something, to make my mark on the world, to accomplish something unique or to rest myself so that I can recharge my energy for some future need. What can I do with this time? What can I contribute to the world in the next hour? In the next day? What can I, as a simple person alone, add to the world that will make a difference?

Does the difference have to happen on the level of many people being affected by what I do? No, it doesn't--I can make a difference in the life of just one person, and then trust in the ripple effect, which means that a good act will spread as the recipient of that action is inspired to commit a positive act him or herself in response to their positive experience. Do I have to know just what that person does--if anything--in response to my action? No, I don't; in fact, not knowing shows more trust that the world can take care of itself and doesn't need me to make sure that everything's okay with the world.

Does my act have to be acknowledged in order for me to know that it's had a positive effect? Not at all. Sometimes the unacknowledged acts, the things that we do that simply pass into history without anyone else noticing them, are the most important of our lives. Do I need to let someone else know what I've done in order to feel better about it myself? Not at all--and often when we tell others what we've done, we do so with the intention of being rewarded with some sort of compliment. If we do this, then there's a good chance that we can diminish the purity of what we've done--a simple good act for the sake of a simple good act becomes a simple good act for the sake of acknowledgement or praise.

What can I do today? What can I do in the next hour? How can I affect the world in simple, positive ways without having to change my life or the lives of others? What things can I do that will brighten someone's day, or hour, or even someone's few moments. What can I give someone else that they can take with them throughout their day and remember the good feelings they had when they first received the encouragement or praise or simple gift?

What can I do?

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait
a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

There's Always Someone

2011-12-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

Over the last few years I’ve read more and more about people in prison being released because new DNA testing procedures have proved their innocence of the charges for which they were imprisoned. The latest man I read about had been in prison for 26 years, but he’s now a free man. And while I do see the negative aspect of these situations–this man had spent 26 years of his life in prison for someone else’s crime–I also see an amazing positive side to this phenomenon. Specifically, I find it very encouraging to see that there are people out there who care enough about other human beings to take the time to develop and administer tests that can be used to vindicate other people, whom they’ll probably never meet, and get them released from prison.

There are lots of great people out there, doing great things that benefit other members of the human race. The human race isn’t all about greed and selfishness and violence and fanaticism; rather, it’s about giving and sharing and doing things for other people. It’s about serving and helping. We human beings get along best when we’re doing things for others, hopefully in a field in which we really enjoy working. There are doctors who love being doctors who do great things for people, and teachers who love being teachers who also contribute great things to their fellow human beings. We tend to see more of the unhappy people in the news, though–the teachers- or artists-to-be who live frustrating lives because they’ve chosen a different career in order to make more money and pay more bills.

It gives me a lot of hope to see that people are developing these DNA tests. It gives me a lot of hope to read about doctors and lawyers who contribute their time and effort to other people who normally wouldn’t be able to afford their services. I’m hopeful when I see people holding doors open, picking up trash, helping someone else carry something. We humans have a wonderful ability to help others, and there are plenty of us out there who are making just that their most important goal. I only hope that I’m able to live up to my potential when it comes to contributing something positive to the lives of others–and I think that if I make that a major focus of mine, then I most certainly will live up to that potential.

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
Khalil Gibran

An important thought

2011-12-02T03:39:00.000-08:00

You can think about your problems or you can worry about them, and there is a vast difference between the two. Worry is thinking that has turned toxic. It is jarring music that goes round and round and never comes to either climax or conclusion. Thinking works its way through problems to conclusions and decisions; worry leaves you in a state of tensely suspended animation. When you worry, you go over the same ground endlessly and come out the same place you started. Thinking makes progress from one place to another; worry remains static. The problem of life is to change worry into thinking and anxiety into creative action.
Harold B. Walker

Somewhere Close

2011-12-01T05:17:00.000-08:00

My wife and I finally had a day off together today, the first one in a long time. Over the course of the last week, we talked a lot about what we were going to do with the day. All sorts of things came to mind--day trips to mountains about four hours away, trips to visit friends a couple of hours away, even the possibility of taking an overnight trip somewhere. Finally, though, we thought of going somewhere nearby, a spot in a National Forest that was supposed to be quite nice. So that's what we did--we drove less than an hour to get up into the mountains close to where we live, and we parked the car and went for a nice two-hour walk. We saw a few deer, hawks, and lots of other birds. We didn't hear any cars or other noise pollution, and we were out in the wild, enjoying the fresh air and the silence and the sunshine and the clouds and the breeze.
Sometimes it seems that if we want to do something new and different, we look far away for our inspiration. Believe it or not, though, there are many wonderful things to see nearby, close to where you live. We just tend to think that since they are so close, we'll always have a chance to see them, so we put them off until some other time. This is why so many New Yorkers die before they see the Statue of Liberty, and why so many people in Arizona and Southern California and Nevada never have seen the Grand Canyon.

But we don't have to go far away to have a good time or to see something exciting. We can find those things close by--all we have to do is look for them, and make the decision to visit them as soon as we can. If we don't do this, we risk missing out on some of the nicest things around, thinking that the better things to see have to be further away. It's a lot like we treat ourselves, thinking that the best things are outside of ourselves, while we have some pretty marvelous characteristics and traits inside of ourselves all the while.

What's near you that's beautiful? What's amazing that's located nearby that you haven't yet seen or experienced? You can find those things and enjoy them immensely, but only if you look for them and then make the decision to visit them and make them a part of your life, a part of your memories, a part of all that you've experienced on this beautiful planet of ours.

What Can I Leave behind?

2011-11-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

There are many things in my life that I really would like to leave behind completely right now. I wouldn’t mind leaving behind some of my tendencies to be judgmental, and I surely don’t need all of the insecurities I carry around with me. It would be good just to leave behind some of my shyness and reticence to meet new people, and I definitely wouldn’t be devastated if I were to let go of some of my impatience.

I already have left behind a lot of things that didn’t serve me well, that tended to make me unhappy or frustrated or aggravated. But there are still some other things that hang on with me like barnacles on the hull of a ship–attached tightly, almost unremovable, it seems. But it just seems that way; I know that one of the reasons that they hang on is because I hold on to them.

So I ask myself sometimes, what can I leave behind? What traits or beliefs or ideas do I have that aren’t serving me well, or that are even damaging me? What can I think of this moment that I would rather not have as part of my life tomorrow if I had a choice? Because I do have a choice, don’t I? While it may be difficult sometimes, I really can leave behind parts of who I am that I no longer desire to have as part of me. And those would be the parts of me that stand in the way of love and compassion, that keep me from feeling the positive feelings that can benefit other people in the world. I can leave behind those things that keep me from reaching my higher self, that keep me from achieving my higher aims, that hold me back from progressing towards my higher callings.

Sometimes we simply need to let go, to leave behind. Identifying what we’d be better off without is a relatively easy process, and leaving those things behind, while difficult, is easier than we might think it is when we don’t try. It’s a tricky process, but one that will benefit us–and many others–when we allow ourselves to explore it fully.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

What's Now?

2011-11-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

The only time that any of us have to grow or change or feel or learn anything is in the present moment. But we’re continually missing our present moments, almost willfully, by not paying attention.

Jon Kabat-Zin

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

Creative gratitude is an attitude.
It is magnetic and will draw good to you.
It is good therapy, a road to happiness.

Thankfulness is a way of living more fully. Be thankful for your health
and you will have health in more abundance. Be thankful for
the love you receive and it will be increased. Be thankful for your success
and you'll open doors to further achievement. Be thankful for your friends
and more friends will come to you. Be thankful for beauty
and you'll experience it more deeply.

Thankfulness is a way of enhancing relationships.
Expressions of gratitude create in others an eagerness
to reciprocate. When we become more fully aware that our success
is due in large measure to the loyalty, helpfulness, and encouragement
we have received from others, our desire grows to pass on similar gifts.
Gratitude spurs us on to prove ourselves worthy of what others
have done for us. The spirit of gratitude is a powerful energizer.

Thankfulness is a way of worshiping. All through the Psalms
the emphasis is on thankfulness: "Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving". . .
"Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving". . .
"O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love
endures forever". . . "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart."

When Jesus healed the ten lepers only one returned to fall
at the feet of the Master and give thanks to God.
With this in mind someone has written that nine were healed,
while the one who gave thanks was made whole.
The expression of gratitude made the big difference.

Creative gratitude is a force for harmony and goodwill.
It brings people together in love and understanding.
It is high on the scale of creative qualities to be practiced
day in and day out in our moment-to-moment contacts.

Wilferd A. Peterson

Giving Thanks

2011-11-22T19:08:00.001-08:00

I like the idea of "giving" thanks. It incorporates an active verb, to give, and a part of our lives that's extremely important to nurture if we want to live these lives as fully as we can. What's probably most fascinating to me, though, when I consider the concept, is that I'm not sure just to whom or what we're giving thanks--after all, who receives these thanks of ours?

If you give me a nickel, then I have a coin in my possession, and I can do something with it. If you give me a bottle of wine, I have another possession and I can do with it as I please--and most probably, I'll drink it. But if you give me thanks, just where does that go? Just what do I actually have when you thank me?

Of course, most of us realize that this type of giving is the most important of all. It's great to give things to people, after all, but it's even greater to give more than that, to give parts of ourselves that aren't "things" at all, but true parts of who we are. "Thanks" falls into this category, as do love, compassion, encouragement, peace, compliments, and a host of other concepts that we somehow don't take as seriously as we could simply because we can't see, touch, or feel them.

So on this day, I give my thanks. I thank the people I work with and live with, and I thank the many people who do the things that help me to eat, to live comfortably, to sleep safely, to travel and to work and to create. I thank the people who visit Living Life Fully, for their visits give me purpose--reason to go on with the site and to continue adding to its content. And I thank you, for here you are on this wonderful world of ours, and in these words our lives cross for this ever-so-brief moment. You being who you are is a great contribution to the world, and I appreciate that contribution of the good and the noble more than you can imagine.

I give these thanks knowing that I'll never see them land, and never see any concrete effects of their journey out into the world. But on this day dedicated to the concept of thanks, I look inside myself and find that part that knows that in my gratitude is my love, and in my love is life itself, and in life itself is God him or herself, whatever you and I conceive God to be. In my thanks is the unity of the world, and if we all could dedicate ourselves more to thanks than to other, less productive, thoughts and feelings, we most certainly will go about our lives making this world a much, much better place.

Thank you!

Helpful People

2011-11-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

I’ve met a lot of very helpful people in my life. In fact, if I were to be able to categorize some people as “jerks” (which I prefer not to do), the helpful people would outnumber the jerks by a huge margin. It’s sometimes amazing to me to think of all the people I’ve known who spend so much time and make so much effort to help other human beings in their journeys through life.

Personally, I hope to become a very helpful person when and if I ever grow up. I hope to be someone who focuses on making it a priority to encourage others, to help others, to make life easier for others. It’s not always easy to do so, though. Sometimes I get quite caught up in my needs that I simply don’t see–or recognize–the needs of others. In order to help others, though, I need to be aware that they have needs that need to be filled–and I have to be aware that I have the ability to fill some of those needs.

I’m not talking about huge things. I can’t pay off someone’s bills or make their mortgage payments for them. I can’t get rid of their pain or their mourning. But I can do a task for them that will free them up for something else. I can teach them something that will be beneficial for them to know (as long as they’re open to learning something from me!). I can encourage them or compliment them. I can show an interest in who they are and what they do. I can buy them a small gift like a candy bar for no reason other than just to give them something as a small token of how glad I am that they’re in my life.

Helpful people are great teachers for me. They show me what it means to be human, to be unselfish, to allow ourselves to be a part of the larger whole, rather than a lone individual who exists apart from everyone else. I appreciate their lessons, and I hope to live up to them!

The human being who lives only for him or herself finally reaps nothing
but unhappiness. Selfishness corrodes. Unselfishness ennobles, satisfies.
Don’t put off the joy derivable from doing helpful, kindly things for others.

B.C. Forbes

Questioning Myself

2011-11-18T16:22:00.000-08:00

I often ask myself if what I'm doing from day to day is useful or not. Does going to school and trying to teach English to high school students serve a greater purpose in the world? Are there other people out there who would do it better than I? Am I really accomplishing anything? Am I really helping, or is there a different direction that I could or should go in?

I don't ask myself these questions to agonize myself or to wallow in self-doubt. In fact, from talking to other people I've learned that most people ask themselves similar questions all the time. While some people might advise us not to think of such things, or not to doubt ourselves or our careers, I think it's quite healthy to keep an open mind about what we're doing and why. When we're asking the questions, we tend to look for answers a bit harder, and we may find them in the smallest of things that we otherwise might overlook. In the case of a teacher, we may hear an answer in a student's comment about feeling more comfortable with his or her writing, or a remark about feeling safe in my classroom. I might see an answer in a piece of writing that's extremely expressive, which shows that a student is able and willing to share deeper ideas with me as a reader.

In other career areas, the answers to our questions may be less clear or obvious. Cashiers at a supermarket, for example, serve a very important purpose for all of us who want to buy food, but their contact with us is fleeting at best. They may see the feedback they need in a smile and a sincere "thank you," though. They may feel appreciated when a customer feels comfortable enough with them to engage in a conversation, however short it may be.

Questions help us to move further, to examine critically, to look for answers and ideas that otherwise we might never look for. Rainer Maria Rilke advised Mr. Kappus in a letter to him: "I must beg you as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart, and to learn to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and books written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the key is this, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, without hardly noticing, you will live along some distant day into the answers."

P-words

2011-11-16T16:37:00.001-08:00

I like a lot of words that start with the letter "P." Over the last decade or so, though, two words that have come to mean the most to me are "possibility" and "potential." They're great words to focus on throughout the day, as the meanings behind them are so much more positive than words like "impossibility" and "limitation." I find that the more I keep these words in mind, the easier it is for me to accomplish just about anything I put my mind to. If a challenge faces me, I simply remind myself that many things are possible that we sometimes think are impossible, and that each of us has the potential to do many things that we originally think we can't.

I know that the way that I think about something contributes a great deal to how I approach that something. If my thoughts are on the downside, if I'm feeling negative about my chances or my abilities, then the chances are that I'm going to have a much harder time accomplishing something, if I do so at all. If, on the other hand, my mind is on the ideas of possibilities and potential, then my chances of doing what I set out to do are greatly enhanced. Our thoughts go incredibly far towards creating situations and improving them, and if we keep the positive (another "p" word!) in mind, then we can create situations that end up in the best ways possible.

Much of the power (another one!) that we experience in our lives comes from our attitudes towards what we set out to do. It really is our choice--do we keep our minds on the possibilities, or do we say that something's impossible before we even start? I've known plenty of students who simply haven't written papers for class because they've determined that it's impossible for them. And guess what? Their focus on the impossible becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when they get a failing grade on the paper and in the class. When our minds are on the impossible, that simply becomes our reality.

They're great words, words that I would recommend for anyone to keep in focus. Possibility. Potential. Our lives are filled to overflowing with both, yet our perspectives sometimes keep us thinking that they're qualities that are reserved only for other people. When we invite them into our lives, though, we find that they become words that define who we are, what we do, and how we act. And I'd much rather act from a position of seeing the potential and possibilities in this beautiful world of ours than act from a focus on limitations. My life is much brighter when I do!

Give It a Rest

2011-11-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

One of our cross-country runners went home sick from school today. She went home around mid-day, feeling too crummy to make it through the rest of the day. Interestingly enough, though, she showed up for cross-country practice, still feeling miserable, but determined not to miss a practice. We sent her home. The last thing in the world that we want is for her to get even sicker just because she wants to run--no matter what the circumstances, the best thing for her to do is to pay attention to the messages that her body is sending her and allow her body to heal by resting and relaxing.

It's important that we trust our bodies and the messages they give us. It's important that we not push them past their limits, especially when they constantly give us warnings that we're reaching those limits. The little pains that we feel, the slight colds, the headaches, the muscle aches--those are all messages from our bodies about something important, and we must learn to read those messages if we're to maintain our health--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Most of our cultures, though, don't reward us when we're resting. Rather, they reward us when we're competing, when we're pushing ourselves harder than others, when we're working longer hours than anyone else, when we're accomplishing more things than anyone else.

But it doesn't matter what our cultures tell us if we're good about listening to our bodies. Personally, I don't care if other people expect me to work harder than others--if my body tells me that it needs to lay down, then I'll take a nap. If it tells me that I shouldn't run today, then I'll take a break from running. If it tells me that it can use some medicine, then I'll find a medicine that treats whatever it is that's ailing me. I really like my body--it's taken me to many marvelous places and carried me many thousands of miles of both running and walking. It doesn't demand much of me, so when it does ask for a little favor like a rest here and there, then I'm more than glad to give it what it needs. After all, we have a pretty close relationship, and I don't want to let it down. It's too good of a friend for that!

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass

on a summer day listening to the murmur of water,

or watching the clouds float across the sky,

is hardly a waste of time.

John Lubbock

Go Ahead and Doubt

2011-11-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

I’ve always had an interesting relationship with faith. As I grew up, I saw very little evidence that faith ever was rewarded; because I never saw returns on faith, it didn’t make much sense to me. My faith was stuck in a Catch-22: unless I experienced the fact that faith actually “worked,” it was impossible for me to have faith; until I had faith, I’d never see the return on it. It was a pretty frustrating position to be in for someone who strongly desired to have a deep faith. Of course, the stories from some of the religious teachers around didn’t help–just have faith, and everything you want and desire will be yours. Those of us who didn’t have a strong faith–through no fault of our own–obviously were excluded from having everything we wanted and desired. It’s a pretty vicious circle that most religious people paint for us.

Fortunately, though, I’ve come to learn that faith isn’t about results. Faith is, rather, about peace of mind and peace of heart. Faith is about trusting God and life to know what is best and to do what is best, and even the doubts that I sometimes have cannot change the loving nature of God as I’ve been told it would. After all, aren’t we generally punished for a lack of faith, according to many? I’ve never understood why God would want to punish me for my thoughts, when it was him that gave me the brain that’s capable of such thoughts in the first place.

Your doubts are what help you to learn and to grow. People having doubts is one of the greatest causes of change on the planet. People doubt that that’s the fastest we can go, that the way we’re doing something now is the best way, that we’ve exhausted all our possibilities for new ways to do something. Our doubts cause us to re-evaluate, to re-think, to reconsider. And very often those reconsiderations lead us to an even stronger belief in our original stance. We don’t always change our minds just because we doubt–sometimes we reinforce our convictions.

You doubting God or your faith or the goodness of humans or the possibilities for the future isn’t going to change any of those things. But the reflection that your doubt causes you to go through can help you to change yourself and your own mind, and when all is said and done, isn’t that what we want to be open to all the time, anyway? After all, a mind and a heart closed off to change and growth really are a lifeless mind and heart, aren’t they?

It need not discourage us if we are full of doubts. Healthy questions keep faith dynamic. In fact, unless we start with doubts we cannot have a deep-rooted faith. One who believes lightly and unthinkingly has not much of a belief. One who has a faith which is not to be shaken has won it through blood and tears–has worked his or her way from doubt to truth as one who reaches a clearing through a thicket of brambles and thorns.

Helen Keller

Hard on Yourself

2011-11-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

If you’re like most people, you’re pretty hard on yourself. You judge yourself pretty quickly, and you’re pretty harsh when you do so. Never mind that you wouldn’t judge others nearly as harshly as you judge yourself, for you’re able to convince yourself that you deserve your judgment, while others deserve sympathy and compassion from you.

I recognize this trait in others because I've suffered from it myself. And while I sometimes try to kid myself that I’m over it and have been for a while, I know in my heart that this simply isn’t true. I judge myself harshly, and it’s not easy for me to forgive myself for silly or stupid or ignorant things that I’ve done. And this hurts me, for it keeps me hanging on to my past, while I should be much more focused on the present.

I made a mistake a few days ago, and I’m still pretty upset at myself for having done so. It doesn’t really matter what that mistake was, and most people probably would think nothing of it. But every time I think about it, I cringe. I wish I could have that time back, and I feel a momentary twinge of guilt and anxiety for having made that mistake. It takes me a few moments to remind myself that it’s over, that I’ve made amends for it, and that I need to leave it in the past, where it belongs. But even as I write about it now, I’m wishing that I could re-do what I did then.

I know that part of my tendency to beat myself up over mistakes is a pretty common trait of Adult Children of Alcoholics. As one of those people, I have to keep in mind that I will show some of the traits inherent in growing up in a household with an alcoholic as one of the parents. But on the other hand, I do know this already, so my mind tells me that it should be possible to rid myself of my tendency to be so hard on myself, to lower my expectations of myself to more realistic levels. My mind can say that, but it’s also my mind that tends to judge me and make me feel the guilt and anxiety that result from my previous mistakes.

What purpose does it serve for you to be unnecessarily hard on yourself? If you were to sit down and write down the positive effects of being so and the negative effects, how long do you think each list would be? I know that for me, there’s no real purpose served in beating myself up and making myself miserable over things that already have gone by, as long as I’ve made amends to any people to whom I’ve made amends. Life is about living in the present moment, and when I pull myself into a negative moment of the past, what am I doing to my present?

I’ve decided that this is one of my major goals for the time being–to work on being less harsh with myself, judging myself more fairly and without unrealistically high expectations. I want to be kind to people, and I want to do good things, but I don’t feel that I deserve the harsh feelings that I give myself over relatively minor mistakes. When I can leave them in the past, where they belong–after having learned from them–then I can free myself up to live more fully and completely in the now. And that’s a beautiful place to live.

Uninvited Guests

2011-11-04T15:41:00.001-07:00

What would you do if you had uninvited guests in your house? I'm not talking about friends who drop by unexpectedly, or about someone you know who's having hard times and who needed a hand. I'm talking about guests who are there in your house whom you don't want in your house--guests that you wouldn't invite into your home for any reason whatsoever. But there they are. Wouldn't you get rid of them? After all, it is your home, and you want to keep it in the shape that you want it to be in. You want to have control over the people who make their way into your home, and who stay there. So if someone is rude and insulting, if they damage your furniture or decorations, if they make your life miserable there in your own home, wouldn't you get rid of them, get them out of your home? It's only logical that we do so.

Why is it, then, that we allow something like unwelcome thoughts to take up residence in our heads? How can it be that we allow negative thoughts about ourselves, thoughts that are damaging and unpleasant, to live on in our heads, never doing anything to get them out of our minds? If we were to see our minds and thoughts as homes, how long would we put up with abusive guests? Or even more importantly, why would we allow the negative influences to hang around longer than the positive ones?

I'm thinking about this because I just had a talk with a friend who told me that she always thinks that the worst is going to happen. She says that she can't help it, that the thoughts just come into her mind and stay there. As we talked, we both started to think about just how one would go about getting rid of such thoughts, and what we can do to evict them from the premises of our minds. The most important things we can do, of course, is to recognize those thoughts for what they are--just thoughts, and not reality. Then we have to redirect our thoughts, finding something else to focus on so that our minds can be occupied with more positive things. It takes effort, just like everything else in life--real mental effort that may be difficult to direct in the appropriate directions.

Our minds are ours, yet we far too often give them over to invaders, to uninvited guests who tend to make us miserable. Until we recognize those guests, though, and do something about their presence, we put ourselves at their mercy. Yet when we free ourselves from their influence, we find that our lives become brighter and more enjoyable, all because of a decision we've made to keep our minds clear of unwanted thoughts and worries.

Carrying a Burden

2011-11-02T07:30:00.001-07:00

I know a few girls on a sports team who carry around with them a pretty huge burden. As the best players on the team, they find that there are huge expectations for them to perform at extremely high levels all the time. And if the team happens to lose, pretty much all of the responsibility for the loss–as well as the coach’s dissatisfaction–falls on their shoulders. Add to this burden all of the things that happen at home, with family, with friends, at school, etc., and it becomes pretty clear that there’s a lot of pressure on these girls.

I was talking to one of them the other day when I got an idea. I walked over to a bookcase and pulled out several very heavy textbooks and brought them back to her.
“Will you do me a favor?” I asked her. “I’d like you to carry these books around all day, and never put them down for any reason, not even for a second.”

“Are you crazy?” she asked me, laughing. “No way!”

“Well,” I told her, “these books present you with a pretty clear choice. They’re extremely heavy, and they’re visible and you can hold them. But the emotional and mental burdens that we carry around aren’t physical things, so we often don’t realize when we’re carrying them around. But we still have a choice–we still can choose not to carry around something that someone else tries to burden us with. We have to be aware of what’s going on, and we have to be willing to make a conscious decision, but that decision certainly isn’t impossible to make.”

And as I spoke, I realized that I often need to take my own advice. I think that next time someone wants to burden me with a problem or issue that really isn’t mine to be burdened with, I’m going to think about some very heavy textbooks. And then I’m going to decide not to carry that burden with me, and in the process make my life much more pleasant.

A Nice Passage on Attitude

2011-10-31T11:46:00.001-07:00

It is not the events of today that happened to you that matter (such as that you lost something or something went wrong or someone forgot you or spoke to you harshly, etc.), but how you reacted to it all--that is, what states of yourself you were in--for it is here that your real life lies and if our inner states were right nothing in the nature of external states could overcome us. Try therefore to distinguish, as an exercise in living more consciously, between inner states and outer events, and try to meet any outer event, after noticing its nature, with the right inner attitude--that is, with the right state.

And if you cannot, think afterward about it--first try to define the nature of the event and notice if this kind of event often comes to you and try to see it more clearly in terms such as "This is called being late" or "This is called losing things" or "This is called receiving bad news" or "This is called unpleasant surprises" or "This is called being ill." Begin in this very simple way and you will soon see how different personal events, and so how in this respect one's outer life, are changing all the time, and what you could not do at one moment, you can at another.

Maurice Nicoll

Hard Times, New Habits

2011-10-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

I read a story in the paper recently about a man who has moved into a smaller apartment nearer to his job because of the current recession (and even though some economists claim the actual recession is over, most of the people I know are still living through it). He now walks to work most of the time, and he doesn't have nearly as many possessions as he used to. He seems pretty happy, too, which isn't a surprise because this recession is causing him to do many things that many people say lead to happiness--even if he isn't following a pre-planned program.

One of the most common paths to happiness is letting go of possessions. When we let our possession rule our lives, then we can't reach a point at which we're free from them. And possessions can take us over and rule us when we place too much importance on them and their maintenance. When my wife and I spent a year living in an RV, we had one of the best years of our lives--we had almost no possessions at all, and it was great.

He's also walking or biking to work, which gives him the chance to improve his health on a regular basis. He's not tied to his car, and he's not spending much of his money on fuel for that car, giving him much more financial independence. He probably also is noticing more about the world around him, and the nature that surrounds him as he sees the differences in air temperature, types of weather, types of wind, and all the things that affect him much more now that he's out in the fresh air much more often.

He's also learning to be satisfied with less--less space, fewer possessions that will fit in that space, and so on. After all, it's not what we have or where we are that determines our happiness, but whether or not we're able to find satisfaction with what we have or where we are.

I would in no way say that this recession is a blessing, especially considering the ways that it was brought about by people who cared more about money and profit than they cared about ethics and honesty. But it is what it is, and we can do ourselves a great favor by looking for the positive in anything that is, for there most definitely is positive in there. It may be hard to find and it may not be obvious today, but it is there. What good can come from difficult times? Well, it changes for each of us, and we all have to do our own looking, our own reflecting, and our own finding.

A Little Exploring

2011-10-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

My wife and I went for a walk today around a beautiful mountain lake. It was a great day–the weather was warm, the sky and the water were brilliant shades of blue, we had a nice breeze, the smell of the pines was almost intoxicating–everything was perfect. The only thing that seemed out of place was the fact that we had never been on a walk at this beautiful place before, even though it’s only about fifteen minutes from where we live. We’ve lived here for almost ten months now, and even though we had been to the lake once before, we never had taken the time to get out of the car and spend some quality time there.

Whenever something like this happens, it gets me to wondering just how many other beautiful places are nearby. How many places are within a quick drive from where we live? There’s so much beauty in the world, and so much of it is so close to us already, yet we so rarely take the opportunity to go out and actually see it and enjoy it. Sometimes we don’t even make the effort to find it in the first place!

Now, my wife and I do explore–we’ve seen plenty of other beautiful places in our area. And we both work quite a lot, with relatively few days off together, so we don’t exactly have every waking moment to explore. But if we do want to get the most out of where we live, it’s important that we find out just what we have to take advantage of in our own back yard! I’ve never lived anywhere that didn’t have some beautiful places within walking distance, or at least a short drive or bus ride away. It’s so easy for us to accept what we know as the limits of our potential experiences, and when we do this, we close the door on the possibility of discovering new and beautiful places that can help us to get more out of the days that we pass on this planet. Today we watched a bald eagle soar and we felt a cool breeze while we gazed upon a beautiful lake, and our day was exceptional because of it. Then we stopped at a charming restaurant that overlooks the lake and had coffee and cake. All in all, it was a beautiful experience. And all this time, all this was just ten or fifteen minutes away.

It gets me to wondering what might be twenty or thirty minutes away in another direction.

Just what might be fifteen minutes away from you that may add significantly to your life? I’ll bet if you were to do some exploring, you just might find something quite special. . . .

Reaping What We Sow

2011-10-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

It's harvest time in much of the world. Apples are being picked, grain is being harvested, and many other gifts of the land are being taken from where they've been growing to places where they can be processed so that we can eat them. Farmers in many different parts of the world are reaping the benefits of all that they sowed many weeks ago, all that they've cared for and nurtured during the growing season, all that they've put so much effort into growing.

It's harvest time in all of our lives, too, but this is a harvest that goes on every day. Each day of our lives we collect a harvest of the seeds that we've planted, be it a harvest of positive things from the seeds of love and compassion and honesty or a harvest of negative things from seeds of anger, envy, greed, or deception. Each moment in our lives we choose what types of seeds we're planting, or just how we're going to nurture the plants that are growing. Are we going to nurture a relationship with honesty and sharing, or are we going to harm its growth by putting dishonesty and greed in it? Are we going to create the right environment for our professional selves to grow and develop by nurturing the work we do with honest effort and attempts to learn more about our work, or shall we simply give it the bare minimum of nutrients and water for it to grow into a sickly, pathetic thing that will offer no sort of harvest at all?

Harvest time is a beautiful time on this planet. It's the fulfillment of a promise, the result of faith and caring. It gives back to us in amazing ways, giving us the nutrients we need to continue with our lives and to make something more of ourselves in our futures. But we don't grow just from gathering and using the harvest--we grow also from helping the crops to develop into a harvest of which we can be proud.

A Nice Passage

2011-10-26T16:39:00.003-07:00

My Symphony

To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury;
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable;
and wealthy, not rich;
to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly;
to listen to stars and birds,
to babes and sages, with open heart;
to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely,
await occasion, hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and
unconscious grow up through the common.
This is to be my symphony.

William Henry Channing

Nothing in My Pockets

2011-10-25T07:14:00.001-07:00

I've just spent a few days at a workshop up in the mountains, living for those days in a small cabin in a small camp. The first thing that I did when I got there was to empty my pockets--I took out my wallet, my keys, my money--everything went into a drawer in the cabin for my entire stay. It was an incredibly liberating experience. I felt free, unencumbered, untied. I wasn't obligated to have anything with me like my driver's license or money, because I didn't need anything at all.

I told a colleague who was there with me just how good it felt, and she got a strange look in her eyes. "I wish I could say that," she said. "It made me nervous not having all that stuff with me." It was a response that I never could have imagined hearing. What was freeing and pleasant for me was stressful and unpleasant for someone else--even though there really was nothing inherently stressful about the situation at all. Do we get so tied to our accouterments that we start to attach our identity to them?

I'm happy to say that by the third day, she was feeling much better about the situation, even enjoying it and feeling the freedom that I had felt. It was a great experience to experience reality without the burdens that we somehow come to call "necessities" in our lives.

Can you put yourself in situations in which you don't need all the "stuff" that we so often think that we absolutely have to have? It's nice sometime to spend a night or two in a hotel where you can do nothing but go for walks and return to your room, not driving anywhere or doing anything that requires the credit cards or the cell phone or the laptop. Just be you. Just enjoy each moment as it comes. Don't feel stressed, and don't be nervous--those things aren't necessary to your life or to your identity at all. You are you and you are beautiful, and perhaps without the many distractions that we carry around so much, you can start to discover just who is the marvelous creature that you are.

Decisions

2011-10-21T15:20:00.001-07:00

One of my students and I had a short talk about decisions today. She wants this new semester to be much more positive for her, with much higher grades and much better work and far fewer cut classes. Basically what she wants to do is make better decisions in her life, and to see better results because of her better decisions.

I can relate to where she’s coming from. I watched her sabotage herself all last semester by choosing to do things that didn’t help her at all, and that ended up hurting her pretty constantly. When I watch kids do things like that, I can see myself in many different times in my life, making decision after decision that were more harmful than helpful to me. I would decide to say certain things that ended up hurting others, I would decide not to go to certain events and end up losing a chance to meet other people, or I would decide not to take risks and end up missing out on some pretty cool things. I could decide to buy something on credit even though I knew I wouldn’t have the money. I sometimes decided to put off important things in favor of doing something else that was much less beneficial to me.

I don’t say these things to chastise myself, but just to help myself to keep in mind the importance of the decisions that we make. In my case, it became very important to me to develop some guidelines for my decisions–and once those guidelines were in place, many decisions became much easier. Some guidelines are very simple. If something will be harmful to someone else, then I can’t do it. If I would need to compromise my principles just for some sort of gain for myself, I won’t do it. Other guidelines are more complicated–and almost impossible to describe in words.

The bottom line for me is that I’m coming closer to not making any decisions without being conscious of two things: first, that I definitely have a decision to make, and second, that my decisions will cause results. This awareness has helped me to make my decisions more carefully rather than just automatically–almost by rote–deciding things arbitrarily or capriciously. And it has improved my quality of life as well as the lives of those people who are affected by my decisions. I just have to look at my students who are still making bad decisions because they’re still unaware of the concept of decisions having consequences, and I realize that I’m very fortunate to be conscious of most of the decisions that I make.

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore

more precious, than to be able to decide.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Just a Glance?

2011-10-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to stop and look at people–really look–and remind myself that everyone on this planet is very similar to me. They have hopes and dreams and desires and fears and quirks. They go through life doing what they believe to be best, and they try very hard to make life better for themselves, no matter what their circumstances. They have spirits, and God looks at them–and feels them, and appreciates them, and loves them–in exactly the same way that God feels and loves and appreciates me. They’re searching and yearning for connections, they’re making decisions that they believe will make their lives more meaningful and richer.

It’s important for me to stop like this as often as I can, for if I don’t it’s very easy for me to forget the way that other people are. It’s very easy for me to forget that I’m not alone. It’s very easy for me to judge other people’s actions harshly. It’s very easy for me to neglect their needs and wants, and it’s easy to feel isolated on this planet, as if I were the only person around who’s trying to make my life better, trying to connect with a higher power and other human beings. And I don’t want to forget these things, for I know that one of the gifts that I can give to this world is to help and encourage other people who are on their own journeys. I can give encouragement and advice (when wanted!), I can serve as a role model and I can serve as a sounding board when people need to share their fears and needs.

If I just glance at other people and don’t consider who they are on a deeper level, then what can I give to them that will help them to live more deeply and richly? If I don’t truly see them for what they are, then how can I ever feel the connections that are inherent in the human condition–connections that we tend not to see or feel when we’re going through life too quickly, too busy to notice the traits that we share, the traits that make us sisters and brothers, spiritual beings going through a physical experience?

Today, I’m going to make an effort to stop, to look more deeply, and to truly see the other people who are sharing my world with me. If I can do this, then I believe that my life, too, will be much richer and much more fulfilling.

It is the individual who is not interested in his or her
fellow people who has the greatest difficulties in life
and and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from
among such individuals that all human failures spring.

Alfred Adler

Learning

2011-10-15T06:49:00.000-07:00

Now that school's started again, I'm beginning to think about the concepts of learning and teaching a lot harder. What do those terms mean? Is it actually possible to teach anyone anything? I had a professor once who said it wasn't--he said that he couldn't teach us anything. He could only tell us what he knew, and it was up to us to learn or not. At the time, I didn't quite get what he was saying--it seemed like a bit of a cop-out, to be honest. But now I really understand his meaning, and I have to say that I agree with him.

School isn't really about teaching, when all is said and done. School is about learning, and trying to get kids to want to learn. If we can accomplish that, then there's a lot that they can accomplish--for learning is something that anyone can do. But if they don't want to learn, then guess what? They won't. It's hard to reconcile that fact sometimes, for the teachers are there to teach, and one of the greatest frustrations of all for teachers is having to deal with students who don't want to learn.

Life is a learning experience, all the way through. It's actually a series of learning experiences that never ends until the day we die. And who knows? There's a good chance it doesn't even end there.

So what have you learned today? You've had opportunities to learn new things--what have they been? I hope that when you get the chances to learn, you take them. It definitely is true that the more we learn--about the world, other people, ourselves--the brighter and fuller we can make our lives. Teachers are all about us, all the time. We just have to be receptive learners if we want to take advantage of what they have to offer.

Learning is not attained by chance. It must be sought
for with ardor and attended to with diligence.

Abigail Adams

Just a Job?

2011-10-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve read and heard a lot of interesting stories about jobs. I read once about a young man who was a bagger at a supermarket who shared nice thoughts and quotations on small cards that he gave to customers. I read about a commuter train conductor who gave his passengers a tour every day, describing the areas that they passed and pointing out connector buses that were at each of the stops. I’ve read about people in all sorts of jobs that turned their work into something more than just a job–they turned it into an enjoyable experience because they took every opportunity they could to do something special for the people with whom they dealt while on the job.

It’s an interesting concept–can we make our jobs more enjoyable by adding our own touches to them? Can we turn work into a pleasant experience by finding ways to contribute to the lives of others with whom we have contact during our work day? Perhaps it would be nothing more than an encouraging word here and there to people to whom we normally wouldn’t give encouraging words. Perhaps we could find some little gift that would be very inexpensive, but that might mean a lot to someone else. Would a business card with a beautiful saying on it work? How about a small piece of chocolate or two to share with someone else? With a little bit of imagination and creativity, we should be able to find something that could brighten someone else’s day, for no reason at all other than just to do so.

A lot of people dread work because of the tedium of the day-to-day job that they do. But it’s only tedious if we allow it to stay tedious. With a little bit of thought and care, each of us can turn our jobs into something more, something special. And if we enjoy our work even more for having done so, well then–all the better, no?

The beauty of work depends upon the way we meet it, whether we arm
ourselves each morning to attack it as an enemy that must be
vanquished before night comes–or whether we open our eyes with
the sunrise to welcome it as an approaching friend who will keep
us delightful company and who will make us feel at evening
that the day was well worth its fatigue.

Lucy Larcom

Explorations

2011-10-11T15:48:00.001-07:00

When Bill Watterson ended the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes after many years, the last line that he had Calvin say was "It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy . . . Let's go exploring!" At the time, I couldn't help thinking that the writer had ended the comic strip in the most perfect way possible--it was a sad ending, but a beautiful beginning, one that none of us readers ever would be able to experience as we had experienced the strip during its years of publication. I think of that ending sometimes even now, when I think of the idea of exploring in my own world, on my own terms. I love the words "Let's go exploring," for they indicate an interest in everything, and a willingness to learn about anything and everything, as well as a desire to learn new things about certain things that we never have known anything about before.

I love to explore. I like to see things that I've never seen, to breathe air in places I've never been, to feel the sunshine in a completely new location. Exploring to me is the norm of my life, for when I explore I open myself up to learning and to experiencing. The lack of exploration, to me, is stagnation, and I never want to be stagnant at all. Life's too short, after all, to sit in one place forever and do nothing new or different. There are so many things in this world that we haven't seen, and I want to do my best to see all that I can see before I die, to hear all that I can hear and feel all that I can feel before my life on this planet comes to an end.

You and I both can explore all that we want. We don't have to go to exotic places and explore in the buggy and dangerous wilderness. We don't have to spend tons of money equipping ourselves and paying for transportation. All we really need to do is open our eyes and hearts to all that's around us and find the places to explore. Perhaps you could explore your own desires and find out where they come from and what they mean. Maybe you could explore a friendship of yours, figuring out just what the terms of the friendship are and just how deep it runs for both of you. Maybe you could explore a hurting relationship and find out what it may need to heal.

This is a magical world of ours--and we all have wonderful chances to make all that we can out of it. All we have to do is be open to the idea of exploring the "unknown," looking for the chances to learn and see new things, trying to get all that we can out of all this great world of ours. So let's go exploring!

Play

2011-10-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

I think that it’s a shame that so many adults have forgotten how fun it can be to play. There are lots of advantages to playing, including allowing our creativity to flow freely, keeping ourselves in shape, lowering the levels of stress in our lives, and just plain having fun without having to justify it or quantify it. Most of the adults that I know, though, have given up on playing, and they pay a pretty hefty price for the loss.

Play can be one of the most therapeutic and healthy activities that we undertake–given, of course that we find something good and fun to play at. Play allows us simply to be, without having to do anything special or be anyone special. There are tons of things we can play at, from cars to house to space exploration, or we can use a game of cards or a board game to allow our playful sides to come out. As long as we don’t take what we’re playing at too seriously and worry about whether we’re winning or losing, we can have a lot of fun at almost anything we do. And once we start playing, we find that time slows down, life gets easier, and we end up with something fun to look back on.

I used to go to church picnics and be the only adult playing with the kids. The other adults would sit around and talk about the same things that they talked about at home and in church, while the kids would be over having fun, playing tag or catch or whatever else they could think of. I always opted for being with the kids. I had plenty of time to talk over the same things with the same people, but I didn’t always have opportunities for sharing energy with young people who had plenty of energy to spare. Having fun and playing allow us to use our energy very productively and very wisely–they have a rejuvenating if we only let them.

Do you have a chance to play today? I hope that you take that chance and make the most of it. Play can stimulate your mind and your body and your creativity and your self, and it can give you back much, much more than you give to it. All you have to do is decide that you want to do it, and it will take you places you had forgotten existed, places that you knew very well when you were young and play was a major part of your life.

The real joy of life is in its play. Play is anything we do for the joy and love
of doing it, apart from any profit, compulsion, or sense of duty. It is the real
living of life with the feeling of freedom and self-expression. Play is the business
of childhood, and its continuation in later years is the prolongation of youth.

Walter Rauschenbusch

Today Is a Beautiful Day

2011-10-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

There's no way around it--the world is a beautiful place today. The sun is shining or rain is falling or the fog is embracing the land with its amazing presence. There's wind blowing, the rivers are flowing, birds are singing, dogs are wagging their tails and little kids are giggling all over the place.

Perhaps something is happening in our lives that we're allowing to obscure our vision so that we can't see all the wonder and beauty. If that's the case, then it's up to us to regain that vision, to find the ways that we can see much more, much more clearly.

Perhaps some person or persons are making our lives difficult, keeping us focused on negative things that we don't really want to be thinking about, but we don't seem to be able to avoid keeping our focus on the negative. If that's the case, then it's up to us to shift our focus to the things that we know will help us to lift our spirits and to keep life in a positive perspective.

There always seems to be something that keeps us from seeing all the amazing beauty. But right now, you and I both have a choice to make--we can keep on doing what we were in the process of doing, or we can stop, take a deep breath, and relax. Then we can look around ourselves and see the amazing beauty, the remarkable symmetry, the astonishing complexity, the fantastic simplicity, of virtually everything that is in our worlds. So many things, natural and man-made, give us so many views of the beautiful place that this planet is, and it would be quite a shame for us to waste such a beautiful day without even noticing the gifts of beauty that are always everywhere--including you!

As I experience it, appreciation of beauty is access to the soul.
With beauty in our lives, we walk and carry ourselves more lightly
and with a different look in our eyes. To look into the eyes
of someone beholding beauty is to look through the windows

of the soul. Anytime we catch a glimpse of soul, beauty is there;
anytime we catch our breath and feel "How beautiful!," the soul is present.

Jean Shinoda Bolen

Go out and Play

2011-10-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped to think of advice that you give to other people? Have you asked yourself sincerely whether or not you follow that advice yourself, or do you just dispense it and forget about it, figuring that the advice is good for someone else, but that you don't need to heed it? One of the best pieces of advice that we can take ourselves actually isn't even given as advice, but as an order to the kids: Go out and play!

Most of us could use a bit more play in our lives. For some reason or another that makes little real sense, most of us give up playing as we grow older. Most of us seem to think that playing is "for kids," not something that we adults should partake in. But why not? Regular play has a lot of very real benefits for us, including improving our health, lowering our blood pressure, helping us to laugh and have fun, helping us to bond with others, and helping us to keep things in perspective. A good dose of play can help us to see that the problems we've been dealing with are simply problems, and not world-changing conflicts. Taking the time to play a game or two with friends or family can help us to relax, keeping our stress levels at more manageable heights.

And it matters what you play, too. Playing a few hands of high-stakes poker isn't really playing at all--it's adding to stress in your life. A good game of wiffle ball or Frisbee, on the other hand, has many benefits for you as long as you don't take it too seriously, and as long as you enjoy yourself thoroughly.

There's lots of stress in all of our lives. But that's okay--that's life. The important question for us to ask ourselves is whether or not we're doing anything to compensate for that stress. And the next time that you feel a bit overwhelmed, the next time you can't see the light at the end of a tunnel, take the advice that your parents used to give you when you were a kid to maintain their own mental health--Go out and play! This time, though, do it for you.

We don't stop playing because we grow old;

we grow old because we stop playing!

George Bernard Shaw

My Symphony

2011-10-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

William Henry Channing

Gift of the Sky

2011-09-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's easy to forget just what a gift we have in the sky that is above us every day. It's one of the most beautiful things that we have the privilege to experience, and each day it shows us a new side of itself, a new way of being, a completely new artistic achievement that far outshines anything that any human beings can create.

In some places the sky is much more expressive than in others, with amazing displays of clouds and sunsets that can make a person stop in breathless wonder just to stare at the amazing sight that the sky presents. Sometimes it seems that the sky is boring when it's covered by a thick layer of clouds or when it has no clouds at all and simply shows us its marvelous shades of blue. But the sky is never boring, especially when we consider its breadth and depth, its moods and emotions, its personality and its passion.

We shouldn't take such a thing for granted. Gazing at the sky with an appreciation for the gift of its beauty allows us to keep in mind just what a remarkable world this is that we live in, just what an incredible gift we all have in all that is here for us to see and do and feel.

And the sky does all that it does just because. It never shows a marvelous sunset in order to garner praise, nor does it send us a refreshing rainstorm with the idea of getting something in return. There's something for us to take from that, something that we should learn from. We all can shine and we all can allow our beauty to be on display for the whole world to see all the time, even when our beauty is seeing its darker days, even when we get no feedback or return at all on that beauty. We can shine as the amazingly creative and incredible beings that we are, all the time, and when we do so we should be just like the sky--not looking for any return on our efforts or on the gifts we give to others. The gift of the sky is a marvelous gift, and the gift of you that you give to the world can be an even more amazing gift, for you are an absolutely amazing being.

Gently

2011-09-29T07:01:00.001-07:00

One of the best things that I've ever learned is how to be gentle with myself. I used to be pretty hard on myself, especially when I made mistakes or did stupid things (and there were plenty of both!). I would be rather merciless in my judgment and harsh in my treatment of myself, especially the way I thought about myself after such mistakes. But now I'm much less judgmental, much less liable to make myself feel awful just because I've done something I felt was bad or wrong or even stupid. Now I try to understand how things have come to be, how I came to make the mistake or do the stupid thing. And then I treat myself with compassion--not as someone who's stupid or incompetent, but as someone who simply has made a mistake. . . as all human beings do from time to time.

The results of being gentler with myself are very positive. I learn better now from those mistakes, because I'm not having to deal with my own anger and frustration. I feel better now, mostly for the same reason. I'm more relaxed because I don't dread making mistakes nearly as much now as I used to when I knew I would have to deal with my own anger and disappointment in myself. And because of the fact that I'm feeling better, I don't make nearly as many mistakes, either. It's a wonderful way to go through life.

I don't let myself fall into complacency. I'm not a person who tends to do things to hurt other people, so I know that any mistakes I make aren't a result of malice or anything like that, so I should be understanding of myself. It's not like I'm avoiding taking responsibility for my actions; rather, I'm simply being compassionate with a person who deserves my compassion: me.

Frome the Heart

2011-09-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

One thing I always encourage my students to do is to write from the heart. You see, there are ways that they’re expected to write–in certain forms and styles, with a great number of expectations from their teachers. And that way of writing is a valid form of expression that’s particularly effective across a wide range of circumstances. But it allows for little heart and spirit. It allows for little creativity. It keeps people focused on topics and certain ideas, which is helpful in sharing pure information, but it doesn’t allow for much humanity to come through.

So I encourage my students to allow their hearts and souls to be expressed in much of their writing. I ask them to explore their ideas, to trust their ideas, to present their ideas with love and passion. Their writing should be a reflection of who they are as people, not a reflection of what they are as students, yet most students learn writing as a performance art, and they write for grades rather than satisfaction or fulfillment.

I’m not always successful in my efforts. Many students pay me no mind, and they continue to write in their same styles, never making the effort to spread their wings and soar into uncharted territories. But that’s okay, I guess–that usually means that they simply haven’t become ready to try something new and different, to trust themselves and their expression.

In what ways do you stick to the tried and true, rather than heeding the voice inside, the voice that tells you that there’s much more to what you’re doing than the straightforward, non-creative expectations of others? Do you ever strive to create things that aren’t the best you can do, that don’t reflect your heart and soul and spirit, just because it’s easier that way? Or perhaps no one ever encouraged you to allow your feelings to enter your work, to strive to make your creations a reflection of your unique, one-of-a-kind self. . . .

I know that I don’t always allow myself to put my heart and soul and spirit into everything I create. Nowadays, at least I don’t create for other people–but I also don’t create as a simple form of expression. If I can get one student, though, to learn to write as an expression of his or her inner self, then perhaps I’ll have helped to bring something very important into the world, even if I’m not the creator of the expression myself.

Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative
is the place where no one else has ever been.

Alan Alda

Being Helpful

2011-09-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

Everybody needs help. Sometimes it’s hard to remind myself of this fact when I’m surrounded by people who seem to have everything together, who seem to be completely self-sufficient, who seem to need no help at all. Other people can put on masks that make it almost impossible to know truly what they’re feeling, which makes us think sometimes that they don’t need our help.

But help doesn’t always have to be deep and intense. It doesn’t have to be major aid. It can be something as simple as carrying a bag of groceries, or volunteering to babysit for an evening, or even getting up to get someone else’s coffee for them.

The most important thing about being helpful is developing the habit of being helpful. It should come as second nature to us, and be something that we don’t have to think long and hard about.

That said, though, the second most important thing about being helpful is knowing when our help would be more destructive than constructive, knowing when our help would be more about enabling than anything else.

I want to be a helpful person, but I shy away from it sometimes, convincing myself that a person doesn’t want or need my help. I’m much better at it than I used to be, and I’m able now to offer my help much more often than I used to. Someday, I hope that I’m able to offer my help freely without worrying whether others will accept it or not, but I’m not there yet. I do know that as I’m able to help more people, I feel more fulfilled with my life, and I see my personal gifts being put to greater use than they ever have been before.

You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have
earned your money, unless you have done something for
someone who will never be able to repay you.

Ruth Smeltzer

Cooperation

2011-09-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

I witnessed a great example of just how cooperative people can be with one another today. We arrived at Charles DeGaulle Airport with about an hour to catch another flight, only to find the airport almost at a standstill due to a security concern. We had to take a bus to the terminal, another bus to another terminal, and then a train to our final terminal, while passing through two extra security checks. The lines were extremely long, and people who had flights to catch knew that they weren't going to be getting to them in time. All the while there were no announcements about what was going on, and no indication that the planes were going to be held for the people who needed to catch them.

While I saw a lot of concern on people's faces, neither my wife nor I heard a single word of complaint. From anyone. People went where they needed to go only to find lines that were going to keep them from getting to their destination, but nobody was freaking out, nobody was yelling, nobody was making other people miserable with their own inability to deal with the situation. In fact, people were extremely courteous, and there were probably more smiles shared with other people--nervous as the smiles might have been--than there would have been on a typical day.

It really was a beautiful sight. It was a beautiful feeling, too, and it was nice to be a part of it. All these people were cooperating with each other, helping each other out, showing patience and caring, in a situation that was charged with the potential for conflict, for stress, for cutting in line and for yelling at each other. But that just wasn't happening. People of all ages and nationalities and races and genders (okay, only two of those. . .) were making the best of a bad situation without making a scene, without trying to impose their own will upon other people.

It's nice to see things like this happen. It's nice to be reminded that people can get along together, even in difficult times, and that we don't need to try to resolve all problems through conflict. It's nice to see the potential that people have to live and work together. Things flowed as smoothly as possible today because people cooperated with each other and didn't try to put their own needs ahead of the needs of others--after all, we were all in the same boat, weren't we, even if we weren't heading for the same plane!

How Relaxing. . . .

2011-09-15T08:29:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it's hard for me to relax. There's something in my brain that just keeps wanting to do things, to work on things, to accomplish things. Sometimes I'll sit down with the intention of relaxing only to find myself getting antsy after five minutes and starting to do some sort of task or another, not really honoring my original intention of relaxing. I think it's this tendency to not honor my need for rest that concerns me most of all. After all, the human body and mind both need rest, and they both need the opportunity to experience down time, relaxing time, recharging time. If I don't honor that need, then what good am I doing myself?

So sometimes I simply force myself to relax. I put myself in a situation in which I don't have access to anything that could switch me to a task. I can go for a long run or a long walk and force myself to go a certain distance so that I can guarantee myself a certain amount of time before I can get started doing something "productive." I often turn off the computer and sit down with a book and give myself a minimum number of pages that I have to read before I can do something else. Usually I'm ready to do something else after five pages or so, but if I've committed to fifty, then I honor that commitment. Sometimes I'll go for a drive and find someplace far away from home, armed with just a book--not a notebook that would tempt me to write--or even a picnic lunch.

We need to honor our own needs if we're to get the most out of this life. Constantly being busy, constantly focusing on tasks that we have to accomplish, can lead us to frustration and burnout. It's easy to rationalize and say "this needs to be done," but the simple truth is that not as much needs to be done as we think. And not everything needs to be done now, does it?

When I was a kid, I knew how to relax. I knew how to do nothing and how to enjoy it. Fishing was great for that--when I was a kid, I could spend hours on the pier, doing nothing but fishing--which, when all was said and done, wasn't much. I didn't have the responsibilities of adulthood, the requirements of jobs and family, and my down time was great for me. I need to learn a bit more from my younger self, and allow myself to do nothing again. If I can do that, then I can make some progress in this life, and stop trying to accomplish so much so often. Relaxation is beautiful, but only when we truly can let go and enjoy it--and that becomes much more difficult as we get older. Difficult, but not impossible.

Forgiving Myself

2011-09-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

I’m a pretty typical person, I think, in that I’m my own harshest judge. Whenever I do something that I don’t think is right, I’m the person who takes me to task the hardest. I’m the one who’s close to unforgiving, the one who makes me remember things that other people would forget pretty quickly. If I forget someone’s name, I get mad at myself. If I do something that hurts someone else, I feel awful about it. I hold on to things for much longer than I should, which obviously isn’t the greatest thing in the world for me to do.

But I am getting better at forgiving myself. I am getting better at realizing that I, too, deserve my own compassion and understanding. I, too, deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. I, too, deserve to be shown mercy for simple mistakes.

I used to be really bad at it–I used to almost never forgive myself. But as I grow older I realize more and more that not forgiving myself is a form of self-abuse, and that I most definitely suffered because of my refusal to show myself mercy. I agonized over things that didn’t really deserve a second thought, I punished myself mentally and emotionally when I could have been doing productive things with my mental and emotional capacities, and I kept myself feeling miserable when I could have been focused on helping other people to feel better.

I don’t wish to do that any more, so I promise to forgive myself more readily, and move on from my mistakes rather than foolishly and selfishly holding on to them. If I benefit from this shift in my behavior, I can be sure that other people will benefit from it, also.

As we learn to accept our character flaws and broken moments,
and as we learn to forgive ourselves for the times that
we fail and fall short in life, we grow in our capacity
to accept and forgive others.

Gary Egeberg

One of My Favorite Passages

2011-09-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

This is the true joy of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no "brief candle" to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

George Bernard Shaw

Wonderful words to live by. . . .

Focus on Others

2011-09-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

A few years ago during a cross-country meet, one of the girls who was running for our team had to drop out after two miles because of severe pain in her legs. She started feeling the pain almost immediately, but kept going for two whole miles before she finally couldn't go on any more. I had run over the course to find her, and when I did she was in considerable pain, so we did what we could to ease the pain and then got her back to the finish area. I was somewhat amazed, but definitely impressed, by her major concern when I found her: "I've let my team down," she said.

While my first concern was to convince her that she shouldn't blame herself for something like an injury that was completely out of her control, and that no one felt that she was letting them down, I was glad to hear her words. It seems to be getting more and more rare that athletes--especially young high-school students--are more concerned with doing well for their team's sake than they are with themselves. She let me know in no uncertain terms that her major concern was how her team was affected by her having to drop out of the race, and that's something that gives me hope in a lot of ways.

We all are part of a greater whole. When we do something wrong, when we do something to compromise our ethics or to hurt others or to build ourselves up at the expense of someone else, then we hurt the whole team. And while we may not think of the guy at the cash register of the coffee shop or the mechanic who changes the oil in our car as part of our "team," they most certainly are a part of our worlds--if they weren't, we wouldn't ever run into them, now would we? I have to think now of how I might be "hurting the team," whether that be among colleagues, students, fellow residents of our apartments, or simply members of the community in which I live. Because even though I know that I don't ever do anything on purpose that might hurt others, I also know that some of my actions may inadvertently cause damage or pain to others.

I think that I was able to convince our runner that she wasn't letting anyone down, and that she shouldn't be harsh with herself for having dropped out of the race due to pain. But she did me a great service by reminding me that even though her pain was very real on a physical level, there was something even more important to her on an emotional and spiritual level--not letting down the other people who made up her team. And I thank her for that.

The entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

John Andrew Holmes

Be the Change

2011-08-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

Mohandas Gandhi once said something very interesting: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I think about this statement from time to time, and it resonates very strongly within me–mostly because I don’t follow the advice nearly as much as I wish I could. Sometimes I see things that I would love to have changed, but I certainly don’t live out the example of that change. In some things I’m pretty good at it, but by the time I die I hope to be better in many more areas.

For example, do you wish that more people were honest and straightforward in all that they do? Then it’s up to you to be honest and straightforward in all of your dealings with others.

Do I want to see more friendliness in the world? Then it’s up to me to be more friendly.

Do we want to experience more compassion and kindness and loving in the world? Then guess what? We need to live more compassionate and kind and loving lives.

Do you wish that people you worked with worked harder or better or were more focused on their tasks? Then it’s up to you to provide the model for them–the change isn’t going to happen without someone to model it.

It’s important to keep in mind that not everything that we model will be followed by others. If we think it will be, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. But if we truly want a change to come about, we have to be that change, or there’s no real use in hoping for it to come about. If we don’t live it ourselves, we’re simply depending on others to do something without any sort of motivation or encouragement, and that happens rarely.

Be the change. Be who you are, and be true to yourself. These are approaches to life that can give us great rewards if we stay true to them, and if we allow ourselves to live them.