Our fireplace is on right now. It's a gas fireplace, so I had to download an mp3 of the crackling sound of the fire, and I have that playing whenever the fireplace is on. This is only the second home I've ever lived in that has a fireplace, so I'm very happy that it's here, and I'm very grateful for it--right now, it's about ten degrees outside, so the fire that we have going is actually necessary to keep us warm enough to survive through temperatures like this. We have heat (for which I'm also grateful), but during the day we need to heat only the living space we're in, not the other rooms, so this fireplace is a very useful feature to have.
And I'm very grateful for it. It keeps us warm, it's beautiful, it's safe, and it creates an extremely cozy atmosphere in our living room, an atmosphere that I appreciate and love. It's just one of the many things in my life for which I'm thankful, and it's really important to me to keep those things in mind and to keep gratitude at the forefront of my life--for as David Steindl-Rast once said, gratitude is what brings joy into our lives.
It's kind of easy to feel gratitude for something that I like so much--but what about the things that aren't nearly as aesthetically pleasing--such as plumbing, for example, or readily available fuel for my car? Our world is simply full of things for which we can and should be grateful, for which we should be ready and willing to give thanks at any given moment. Books, music, light, art, windows, cupboards, tables, wood, blankets, comfortable couches--these are all things for which I'm tremendously grateful, and it's a list that I made simply by looking around myself for a couple of moments. A longer look would yield a much longer list, I'm sure.
But we spend far too much time, it seems, focusing on those things we lack, those things we wish we had, but don't. I'm not one of those who believe in the over-simplified theory that "if you don't have it, you weren't meant to have it," but I am one who believes that it's much more useful and helpful to focus on what we do have with a feeling of gratitude than it is to focus on that which is missing with feelings of regret or resentment or lack. My life changes significantly when my focus is on gratitude, and I don't want my life to be focused on what I'm missing, for what isn't here truly isn't relevant at the moment, unless it's something that I'm working hard at getting or achieving.
In her song "Three Gratitudes," Carrie Newcomer writes:
Every night before I go to sleep
I say out loud
Three things that I’m grateful for,
All the significant, insignificant
Extraordinary, ordinary stuff of my life.
It’s a small practice and humble,
And yet, I find I sleep better
Holding what lightens and softens my life
Ever so briefly at the end of the day.
Sunlight, and blueberries,
Good dogs and wool socks,
A fine rain,
A good friend,
Fresh basil and wild phlox,
My father’s good health,
My daughter’s new job,
The song that always makes me cry,
Always at the same part,
No matter how many times I hear it.
Decent coffee at the airport,
And your quiet breathing,
The stories you told me,
The frost patterns on the windows,
English horns and banjos,
Wood Thrush and June bugs,
The smooth glassy calm of the morning pond,
An old coat,
A new poem,
My library card,
And that my car keeps running
Despite all the miles.
(visit Carrie at carrienewcomer.com for some
amazing music and poetry!)
And I don't think that I could have said it any better.
Please have a happy Thanksgiving, and keep your many blessings in mind as you make your way through the remaining days of your life!
I just read these words by Pema Chodron:
"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already."
They really do resonate with me because I've spent most of my life trying to "fix" me, trying to become a "better" person. Fortunately, though, I say "most" of my life because more recently, I've come to a point of my life at which I'm willing to accept myself exactly as I am, without being such a harsh judge of myself that I make my own life miserable. I've made tons of mistakes, and many of them have harmed other people, but they've been mistakes. I've learned from them and I've moved on, always trying to work towards being the person I'm meant to be.
Of course, I couldn't define to you in words what "the person I'm meant to be" actually means, but I can feel it. I can feel that that person is supposed to share love in the best ways I know how; to give in the best ways I know how to the people who need; to teach; to grow; to encourage and inspire rather than discourage and cause despair.
But I like how Pema uses the word "befriending." It's one thing to accept myself as I am, and quite another to befriend that person. The mere idea of befriending ourselves suggests a duality, one that I feel is accurate--the self of the mind and the self of the spirit. When we bring those two things together, the resulting unity can be one of the most empowering forces that we'll ever know.
I think that on those days when everything seems to click, when everything falls together and we feel strong and capable and confident in all that we do--those are the days when our minds and our spirits are working in harmony. They've joined together in friendship or partnership--however you choose to view it--and our resulting behaviors give us a strength that we simply wish we had every day. Is it possible that we can have it every day? I do believe so.
While Pema is talking about befriending ourselves through meditation, I don't think that we absolutely must sit in meditation to make this happen--or at least, we need to find our own forms of meditation if we want to befriend ourselves and gain the strength of unity. For me, running is my main source of meditation--a way to clear my mind and allow it to settle. I also like to read passages and quotations and then simply sit and ponder them for a while. Music is also an important part of my life, and it often allows me to transcend what is happening in the moment and feel a part of something larger, vaster.
But we can also befriend ourselves through our internal conversations, those times when we get mad at ourselves for doing something silly. I like to come to my own defense, telling myself, "Wait a minute. Yes, that was silly, but every other person on this planet does silly things, too. Don't get down on yourself for a simple mistake. Don't judge yourself harshly because you've done something that other people disapprove of--just because they disapprove of it doesn't mean that it's wrong."
It's an odd idea, I know, defending myself from myself, but it's something that I do pretty regularly. I've grown up being pretty judgmental, especially of myself, and it's taken me a very long time to work through that tendency--and I'm not there yet. Thus, my need to defend myself from myself.
I want to be my own friend not just because it will benefit me, but because it can also benefit others. No matter how we choose to truly and authentically befriend ourselves, it's a good idea to get started now so that you can have a long and valuable friendship with a person who will very much appreciate you and who you are.
