It took me quite a while this year to become used to the new school where I teach. It especially took me a long time to become comfortable with the lessons that I was planning--I know what I need to teach and how, but so many other things factor into teaching (schedules, student levels, materials available, etc.) that it's not always a given that just because you know what you need to be doing, the circumstances will provide you with the ability to do that. It took a while to get used to having no textbooks. It took a while to having only three hours a week to (supposedly) teach students what they need to be learning--both according to the state standards and the knowledge of what they'll need in their futures.
But I was finally there, and we were almost at the end of the year. And just when I thought that things were going to be smooth sailing until the summer break, the school closed and I had to turn to finishing the year online.
All of my class plans for the rest of the year, gone. All of the assignments that would have worked great in class now wouldn't work nearly as well online. I would no longer be able to explain anything to an entire class, as our classes must be asynchronous per district orders. So we can't read an article and then discuss it in groups--or even in a big group.
In short, most of the work that I had done over the last six months and all of the plans that I had made to finish things up well and strongly were now irrelevant. I had to come up with a completely new plan of action, with new assignments and new materials.
And as far as everything is concerned, the main question that I have to ask about all this is simple: so what?
So what if I had to make a lot of changes? Life sometimes throws you curveballs, and you can either stand there and complain about how unfair it is that the pitcher can throw a curve, or you can buckle down and do your best to hit that curve.
Yes, I have to do more and different work than I was supposed to have to do to earn my salary, but I'm not having to deal with many of the other tragedies that thousands of other people are dealing with. And I do have a job--I haven't lost my salary.
Yes, I do miss seeing my students and I would rather not be locked in, unable to have significant contact with my colleagues and my students and my friends. But if I'm going to live these days fully, I'm not going to be focused on what I'm missing, but on what I have--safe shelter in a comfortable home, food on the table, almost unlimited entertainment, and the ability to do my work safely from home over the Internet, among many, many other blessings.
Life sometimes throws us completely new situations that we hadn't planned for and that we know nothing about. When that happens, it's important that we be adaptable and that we be able to let go of all that we had planned in order to face the new realities that life has provided us with. And when my trip back east or my summer break or all the work I had done getting ready for the end of the year are all made impossible or useless, the only response that makes sense if I want to be happy in life is simply, "Oh, well." There is absolutely nothing I can do to change these things, so I might as well accept them and make the best of my new situation.
Life in the Army was much like this--we had no idea sometimes what tomorrow would bring. We often finished jobs only to find out immediately that we were tasked to do something else, too. Our expected down time just didn't happen.
And we expected it because in the Army, we were bound to follow orders. We didn't have a choice unless we wanted to face rather severe punishment.
In my life right now, my punishment for not accepting my current situation and making the best of it is quite simple: I'd make myself miserable by feeling resentment for my loss of anger for all the new work I have to do.
I'd rather not be miserable. So I just do the work, and I recognize and accept that much of the time I spent planning for the last couple of months now has turned out to be somewhat wasted time--and that's okay. I was exercising my abilities to create classes and meet standards and engage students and help them learn. I may be able to use the plans later, even.
When there's nothing that I can do about the way things are, I have to simply accept the way things are--that is, if I want to have a chance to be happy. Of course, if I'm okay being miserable, I don't have to accept anything at all, do I? But if I don't want to be miserable for the next four weeks of school before school is over for the year, then I need to simply do the job as it needs to be done, following the new rules and fulfilling the new set of needs.
Because life will go on the way it's going, with me or without me making the best of it. If I'm unhappy and stressed and frustrated and annoyed, life will still go on.
I'd rather it go on with me being at ease, accepting, appreciative, grateful, and learning new things by meeting the new demands.
Which way would you rather have your next few weeks, months, or even years be for you? Remember, it more often than not is your choice!
25 April 2020
03 April 2020
Constant Worry
We're living through a difficult time these days, aren't we? And we're experiencing life in ways that we've never had to experience it before--spending much more time in our homes than we're used to, worrying constantly about things that we haven't worried about before, and seeing things happen that we haven't seen before.
For most of us, we just deal with it. Life goes on, and if we have to stay at home, we stay at home. If we have to stay six feet away from other people, we just do so without making a big deal of it. After all, we are reacting to an illness, and all of us have had illnesses before. And if we do catch it, we have a 98% chance of recovery, so it doesn't seem to be THAT bad.
But one of the elements that these days bring to us is the constant worry, the constant thinking about this one thing. It's almost impossible not to think of it, unless we immerse ourselves in other work or recreation that will keep our minds occupied. The only time that I remember being so focused on one thing was when I was in the Army, and the first Gulf War started. Our jobs in Germany became six-days-a-week, twelve-hours-a-day endurance challenges, and we were constantly thinking about our work, the war and the people in it--our friends and colleagues--and the possibility that we would be going soon ourselves.
Now, I'm sitting in my comfortable home, able to work still from here. I haven't lost my job, and I have something to keep me occupied regularly.
But that doesn't mean that I can concentrate effectively.
We have to be kind to ourselves now, for we're all going through something that we haven't experienced and something that simply doesn't allow most of us to concentrate in ways that we're normally able to concentrate. We're worried now, because lots and lots of people are getting sick, and many of them are dying.
And with the right unfortunate coincidences, this can happen to us. And we know that, even if it's not in our conscious thoughts constantly.
So we're well outside the realms of normal. Yes, you could make the argument that "the flu could take us any given year," or that "people are dying of other things all the time," but the fact is that other causes of deaths aren't experiencing exponential growth in both cases and deaths right now--even with all of the steps that we're taking to slow that growth. Cancer is a horrible killer, but hospitals aren't being completely overwhelmed with cancer victims.
So we're well aware of many things.
We may get this virus.
If we do, the chances are good that the symptoms will be mild--and that we may not even be aware that we've been infected.
If it does become serious, the hospitals may not be able to take care of us due to the shortages of virtually everything that they're experiencing.
If I or a relative become ill, we may die because there aren't enough ventilators to go around.
These are terrible thoughts to be carrying around all the time. I try to be positive all the time, but I also try to be realistic--I'm not going to tell myself "It can't happen to me or my family," because it may. I don't want to try to lie to myself in order to make myself feel better, because that really isn't an effective way of life. I don't dwell on the negative possibilities, but I do acknowledge them.
So I'm locked in at home, and I'd love to take advantage of this extra time without various activities. I'd love to write more, to read more, to clean more, to take care of some things that I've been putting off for a while.
But the truth is that I find it difficult to concentrate and to get things done. I'm pretty good at dealing with stress, but this is something more than that, and it's affecting me more strongly than I realize most of the time. So I need to be understanding of myself and not get on my own case for not finishing that novel in three days, for not cleaning the garage, for not doing some of the other things I want to do.
And my students are also going through the exact same things, in different ways. In many ways, they've lost a lot more than I have--classes, teachers, prom, graduation, time with friends, and so much more. We've started our online classes, but how much can we really expect them to do when their minds are overwhelmed with all that's going on? My goal as a teacher now is to give them enough material that they'll actually practice many of the skills we've been talking about all year, but not so much that it's going to add to their stress. They have other classes to do, too, and their lives have been turned upside-down, so I have to be realistic in my expectations of them.
And what about that mother who has children at home? What's going on in her mind underneath the focus that she's giving to work? And all of us who have elderly relatives have to be wondering about their health--are they staying at home? Maintaining safe distances?
Did I happen to bring that virus home from that trip to the supermarket yesterday? Is it going to be safe to get gas this afternoon? Should I be wearing a mask? Who touched that doorknob last?
The people we see on the street and in the supermarkets all are having similar thoughts--we have to. It's part of our reality, and it's draining in ways that most of us haven't been drained before.
As with anything else, though, we're going to make our most important step towards dealing well with the situation when we actually accept it. It is what it is, and there's no way we can change it. We can do what we can to respond to it well, but we're not going to stop the virus from spreading or keep people from dying, no matter how much we'd like to do so.
Once we accept the situation, we can also accept the fact that we're dealing with something new and dreadful, and the fact that it's going to take a lot of mental effort to deal with everything new as well as all of our other obligations. This is where being understanding of and kind to ourselves comes in. We're not going to do this perfectly--this is all new and different, and we're all learning as we go. Allow for mistakes, and don't berate yourself when you make them. Determine that you'll try not to repeat them, but who knows whether that will be the case or not? You're trying to learn about the new norms of grocery shopping and social distancing while still dealing with the enormous effects of the outbreak on the world in general, so learn as well as you can, but allow yourself to learn.
And what about that couple across the street who are now working from home while their kids are all at home, too? They're worried about their children and themselves, and probably their parents, too. On top of that, they have to get their work done while making sure that their kids get their school work done. And they have to make sure that everyone eats every meal, too, instead of having the kids eat at school. They have more new obligations and responsibilities than they ever imagined they'd have, and because of stay-at-home orders, they're not able to get the help that they normally would.
It's important to be kind to them, too. Even if they're cranky or unpleasant--because that's probably a natural result of the constant preoccupation that they're currently experiencing.
Constant worry is something that can drag us down very quickly into feelings of hopelessness, into feelings of being completely overwhelmed by everything. If we want to avoid these kinds of feelings, it's important that we learn all that we can about what's going on and then accept it for what it is. As we learn, we may find ways that we can improve situations--how many people are making masks for healthcare workers right now?--but we'll also allow ourselves to start to act in realistic ways given the huge amounts of stress and anxiety that we're all feeling.
Worry if you must--it's a pretty natural feeling--but try not to let that worry consume you and control you. Whether you're still at work or working at home or unemployed right now, your set of worries is completely individual, and those worries will take their toll on you. Recognize what's going on, accept it, and deal with it as well as you can, and you'll find that you've taken the first step towards getting through this outbreak in positive ways, rather than being overwhelmed and unable to cope with a situation that's become bigger than you ever imagined it could.
For most of us, we just deal with it. Life goes on, and if we have to stay at home, we stay at home. If we have to stay six feet away from other people, we just do so without making a big deal of it. After all, we are reacting to an illness, and all of us have had illnesses before. And if we do catch it, we have a 98% chance of recovery, so it doesn't seem to be THAT bad.
But one of the elements that these days bring to us is the constant worry, the constant thinking about this one thing. It's almost impossible not to think of it, unless we immerse ourselves in other work or recreation that will keep our minds occupied. The only time that I remember being so focused on one thing was when I was in the Army, and the first Gulf War started. Our jobs in Germany became six-days-a-week, twelve-hours-a-day endurance challenges, and we were constantly thinking about our work, the war and the people in it--our friends and colleagues--and the possibility that we would be going soon ourselves.
Now, I'm sitting in my comfortable home, able to work still from here. I haven't lost my job, and I have something to keep me occupied regularly.
But that doesn't mean that I can concentrate effectively.
We have to be kind to ourselves now, for we're all going through something that we haven't experienced and something that simply doesn't allow most of us to concentrate in ways that we're normally able to concentrate. We're worried now, because lots and lots of people are getting sick, and many of them are dying.
And with the right unfortunate coincidences, this can happen to us. And we know that, even if it's not in our conscious thoughts constantly.
So we're well outside the realms of normal. Yes, you could make the argument that "the flu could take us any given year," or that "people are dying of other things all the time," but the fact is that other causes of deaths aren't experiencing exponential growth in both cases and deaths right now--even with all of the steps that we're taking to slow that growth. Cancer is a horrible killer, but hospitals aren't being completely overwhelmed with cancer victims.
So we're well aware of many things.
We may get this virus.
If we do, the chances are good that the symptoms will be mild--and that we may not even be aware that we've been infected.
If it does become serious, the hospitals may not be able to take care of us due to the shortages of virtually everything that they're experiencing.
If I or a relative become ill, we may die because there aren't enough ventilators to go around.
These are terrible thoughts to be carrying around all the time. I try to be positive all the time, but I also try to be realistic--I'm not going to tell myself "It can't happen to me or my family," because it may. I don't want to try to lie to myself in order to make myself feel better, because that really isn't an effective way of life. I don't dwell on the negative possibilities, but I do acknowledge them.
So I'm locked in at home, and I'd love to take advantage of this extra time without various activities. I'd love to write more, to read more, to clean more, to take care of some things that I've been putting off for a while.
But the truth is that I find it difficult to concentrate and to get things done. I'm pretty good at dealing with stress, but this is something more than that, and it's affecting me more strongly than I realize most of the time. So I need to be understanding of myself and not get on my own case for not finishing that novel in three days, for not cleaning the garage, for not doing some of the other things I want to do.
And my students are also going through the exact same things, in different ways. In many ways, they've lost a lot more than I have--classes, teachers, prom, graduation, time with friends, and so much more. We've started our online classes, but how much can we really expect them to do when their minds are overwhelmed with all that's going on? My goal as a teacher now is to give them enough material that they'll actually practice many of the skills we've been talking about all year, but not so much that it's going to add to their stress. They have other classes to do, too, and their lives have been turned upside-down, so I have to be realistic in my expectations of them.
And what about that mother who has children at home? What's going on in her mind underneath the focus that she's giving to work? And all of us who have elderly relatives have to be wondering about their health--are they staying at home? Maintaining safe distances?
Did I happen to bring that virus home from that trip to the supermarket yesterday? Is it going to be safe to get gas this afternoon? Should I be wearing a mask? Who touched that doorknob last?
The people we see on the street and in the supermarkets all are having similar thoughts--we have to. It's part of our reality, and it's draining in ways that most of us haven't been drained before.
As with anything else, though, we're going to make our most important step towards dealing well with the situation when we actually accept it. It is what it is, and there's no way we can change it. We can do what we can to respond to it well, but we're not going to stop the virus from spreading or keep people from dying, no matter how much we'd like to do so.
Once we accept the situation, we can also accept the fact that we're dealing with something new and dreadful, and the fact that it's going to take a lot of mental effort to deal with everything new as well as all of our other obligations. This is where being understanding of and kind to ourselves comes in. We're not going to do this perfectly--this is all new and different, and we're all learning as we go. Allow for mistakes, and don't berate yourself when you make them. Determine that you'll try not to repeat them, but who knows whether that will be the case or not? You're trying to learn about the new norms of grocery shopping and social distancing while still dealing with the enormous effects of the outbreak on the world in general, so learn as well as you can, but allow yourself to learn.
And what about that couple across the street who are now working from home while their kids are all at home, too? They're worried about their children and themselves, and probably their parents, too. On top of that, they have to get their work done while making sure that their kids get their school work done. And they have to make sure that everyone eats every meal, too, instead of having the kids eat at school. They have more new obligations and responsibilities than they ever imagined they'd have, and because of stay-at-home orders, they're not able to get the help that they normally would.
It's important to be kind to them, too. Even if they're cranky or unpleasant--because that's probably a natural result of the constant preoccupation that they're currently experiencing.
Constant worry is something that can drag us down very quickly into feelings of hopelessness, into feelings of being completely overwhelmed by everything. If we want to avoid these kinds of feelings, it's important that we learn all that we can about what's going on and then accept it for what it is. As we learn, we may find ways that we can improve situations--how many people are making masks for healthcare workers right now?--but we'll also allow ourselves to start to act in realistic ways given the huge amounts of stress and anxiety that we're all feeling.
Worry if you must--it's a pretty natural feeling--but try not to let that worry consume you and control you. Whether you're still at work or working at home or unemployed right now, your set of worries is completely individual, and those worries will take their toll on you. Recognize what's going on, accept it, and deal with it as well as you can, and you'll find that you've taken the first step towards getting through this outbreak in positive ways, rather than being overwhelmed and unable to cope with a situation that's become bigger than you ever imagined it could.
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