Things Get Muddled

Here's another set of thoughts triggered by a song!  One of my favorite Christmas songs is sung by Kevin Bacon, and he sings, "When we are young we are swaddled and snuggled / Whispered to, fussed over, tickled and cuddled / When we grow up, things get muddled."

These lines are wonderful to me, especially the last one.  Things do get muddled, for a variety of reasons.  We lose clarity, and we lose perspective as we grow older and buy into more and more of the things that the society around us is selling us.  Because as we get older, we forget more and more some of the beautiful things of our childhoods, as we "grow up," which we've been convinced by others involves a whole lot of things that aren't necessarily a part of growing older unless we allow them to be.

When we grow older, we're encouraged by so many people to put aside the things of youth.  But why, for goodness' sake?  When we're kids, we can wander around our towns for hours with no destination at all and truly enjoy ourselves the whole time.  When we're older, though, we feel that we always have to have an answer to the question "Where are you going?" even though such a thing isn't at all necessary.  Things get muddled--we no longer do things just for enjoyment or out of curiosity; rather, we think we need to be able to explain everything we do or say to others.

And indeed, those others can definitely be problematic.  They can give you a hard time for "wasting your time," for "not being focused," for "not doing things the way we're supposed to do them."  They can make us feel like we're doing something wrong if we don't have a clear purpose in mind.  They can make us feel like we're wasting our time if we aren't accomplishing some sort of thing that has quantifiable results.  And we can get caught up in the idea of doing what we should be doing, of keeping up appearances, of meeting other people's expectations.

Things get muddled.  We start to think that it's important to make other people happy with us.  We start worrying about appearances, about what other people see, and how other people judge us.  We put aside things that we truly love, like walks along the river or watching our favorite cartoons or painting really mediocre paintings.  We can even stop living from an authentic place, choosing instead to put on a show so that other people will see that show and judge us favorably--based strictly on their criteria for what we should be, not our own.

So how do we unmuddle the world?  How do we see clearly what we need to do to make ourselves happy, to enjoy the experiences that we have on this planet while we're here?  I think that one of the keys to doing so lies in questioning our decisions and our actions--we need to ask ourselves, "Am I doing this just to please someone else, with no real benefits other than having that person be pleased with me for having done what they want me to do?"  The wording of the question should be a warning to us that we may be doing things for completely the wrong reasons--we might have lost our ability to do things because they're the best for us or for the people we love.

After all, how many people agree to work many extra hours even though they have young kids at home who need their presence?  How many people commit themselves all weekend, not allowing themselves the rest and relaxation that they really need?  Things get muddled, and we make decisions that don't make us better versions of ourselves, that don't help us to grow and improve.  Things get muddled and we stop taking care of ourselves and nurturing ourselves.

The whole idea of something being muddled implies that we aren't seeing things with clarity.  We aren't seeing things as they are because other things and thoughts are getting in the way and blocking our ability to see clearly, so we become confused and bewildered.  And when we're in this state, we don't make decisions as effectively as we do when we do see clearly.

I don't want my life to be muddled, but it often is.  My brain sometimes seems to take over and think too much, focusing on too many possible outcomes for me to see a clear path of action--or inaction.  Perhaps it would be better if I were to simply accept the main thought behind Occam's Razor, that the simplest answer to a question is usually the best or the most effective.  Perhaps I need to imagine myself as a kid again, when I was able to make decisions very quickly based on simple criteria like "that would be cool!"  (Although I have to say, I did make some pretty stupid decisions when I was a kid, like jumping off the roof of our house because I thought it would be cool, never thinking that I might get hurt doing so.)

Perhaps our main challenge in life should be just to unmuddle the things that have gotten muddled.  If that's the case, then, we need to recognize the areas in which things are muddled.  If I'm miserable every time I visit this person, but I visit them out of a sense of obligation, then perhaps I need to see the damage that the sense of obligation is causing, and stop visiting this person who makes me miserable.  It would be nice if I can see and accept things as they are, and make decisions based on what is truly best, rather than what I think things should be.