Work or Play?

The masters in the art of living make little distinction between their work and their play, their labor and their leisure, their minds and their bodies, their education and their recreation, their love and their religion.  They hardly know which is which.  They simply pursue their vision of excellence in whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing.  To them they are always doing both.    -Zen Buddhist text


We like to classify things, don't we?  We like to give things names, put them into categories, group them, and define them.  We've been taught since we were very young that this is necessary for us somehow, that this is an effective way of approaching life.  I believe that we see this tendency of ours as an effective way of controlling things, and of controlling our minds.  After all, if I have something that I don't know what to do with, that can be frustrating and stressful.  Is this an A or a B?  Does it belong in this group or in that group?  Is it for Tuesdays or Wednesdays?  It gives us a sense of comfort to be in control, to know how something is defined, exactly what it's used for, and exactly how to explain it to others.

But what does that do to potential?  Once I define something as "play" or "recreation," then it doesn't belong in the workplace, does it?  Once I define something as "work," then I'm going to avoid doing it at home, even if I enjoy it.  We're taught not just to categorize, but to build walls between categories so that the things that we consider to be of one category won't interfere with what we consider to be of another category.

Of course, this is often a useful tendency.  I'm often somewhat shocked to see some of the things that some teachers do in classrooms that are very clearly simply entertainment, and that have practically no pedagogical value at all.  I've taught students in language classes, for example, who spent tons of time in previous classes watching movies and playing video games--and who haven't learned what they need to know for this new language class.  And they're often in classes with students who had teachers who taught an awful lot, and who have a very strong base in the language.  Guess who does well in the class?  I find myself feeling awful for the students who watched a lot of films, and wishing that their teachers understood better the need to use the class time actually teaching and modeling and answering questions rather than simply pressing "play."

Looking at that example of an extreme, we can see one reason for which we do separate things.  Do I really want to take my car to a mechanic who spends all their time watching videos on social media, even while working?  Obviously not--there needs to be separation.  But that's not what this passage is talking about.  Would I prefer to take my car to a mechanic who sees his job as a necessary drudgery that he performs so that he can pay bills, or to someone who loves his job so much that he can't wait to come into work so that he can problem-solve, fix things, and improve things?  If his job is intellectually stimulating to him, and if he enjoys it, then he's found a great gift--work that he enjoys doing.

But what if all of us can find such a way of looking at the work that we're already doing?  What if there's a lot of enjoyment to be found in the jobs we have, but we just haven't looked for it yet because we've categorized it as "work," and we just know that there isn't anything enjoyable to be found there?

This does actually happen to me sometimes, depending on the school I'm teaching at.  Sometimes the stress just builds and builds until I even dread going to work each day.  I do my best to work my way out of such feelings, but they do arise at times, and they're difficult to deal with.  I have to remind myself that I have the privilege of working with young people who are in the process of learning what they can about life, living, and education.  And in my own very small way, I have an opportunity to contribute to their education, to help them to learn how to learn, to help them to understand some of the choices and dilemmas that they're going to be facing as they move into adulthood.

But the most important thing I can do is keep in mind that working with these young people can actually be fun--and that my journey to school each morning isn't a trip that ends in misery for eight hours or so, but a way to get to a place where I enjoy myself while helping young people to learn things that may help them later in life.  And it's up to me if I see it as fun or if I see it as a tedious and annoying chore--and I much prefer to see it as fun.

So my goal is to pursue excellence with the kids I work with, and to try to help them to learn, and to enjoy their company.  And when I think about it in the right way, I understand that my ability to go work with these young people every day is a privilege that I'm very fortunate to have, and that whether I enjoy the experience or not is completely up to me.  Is my job a joyful part of my life, or a dreary and drab and tedious annoyance?  It's so very true that the answer to that question is completely up to me, and the way that I answer it can strongly affect my happiness and my fulfillment in life.

Defining "Achievement"

I hope that my achievements in life shall be these--that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, and that I will have given help to those who were in need; that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been.    -Carl Thomas Hoppe


It's an interesting word, isn't it?  If I achieve something, I should be proud of my achievement, right?  After all, I now have something to share with others, even to brag about, depending upon how proud I am of my achievement.  I think problems come into play, though, when two different things come into play.  First, if I'm achieving things solely to please or impress others, have I really achieved anything at all, other than gaining positive judgment from other people?  And second, what if my motivation for achievement is purely selfish, if I want to accomplish something strictly for my own benefit?  I would say then that the achievement is tainted somehow, and could possibly even be classified as something other than an actual achievement, and more as just something that I've done, like washing my bowl and spoon after having cereal in the morning.

When we decide for ourselves what we consider to be true achievements--and Carl's list gives us an excellent place to start--and then pursue those goals, then I think that we're on the right track.  Carl was a salesman, of course, so his list is going to be a bit different from mine, but our lists can overlap in some very basic ways, such as treating others with dignity and respect, and helping others as much as we can.  As a teacher, I'm going to have a list that concerns how I treat my students, whether or not I actually teach them something (many "teachers" don't teach anything at all, believe it or not), and how I prepare them for later in their lives, among other things.  These are the things that are important to me as a teacher, and if I can truly say that my students have learned something important, then I can also say that I've achieved something positive.

Parents have the opportunity to contribute caring, kind, and compassionate people to the world, depending on how they raise their children.  Sending a kind and compassionate human being into the world is a wonderful achievement.  A salesperson can help people to get the best possible product, or vehicle, or home for the best possible price.  A chef or a cook can provide people with food that will keep them alive and that will also be enjoyable, giving people a chance to connect around a dinner table or lunch table--one of the best places of all for connecting with others.  A young person who gets C's and D's on school assignments can get a B and consider that a fine achievement--not everyone is going to get A's in every subject, after all.

I love the first line of Hoppe's quotation--it's nice to think of our achievements as hopes before we achieve them.  If I re-word the line to read,

"I hope that my achievements in the future shall be these," we can provide ourselves with a working plan for both our short- and long-term futures.  And what if we limit ourselves to three things that are definitely things that we can accomplish?  Can we set ourselves up for success?  So here goes--I'll get us started:

I hope that my achievements in the future shall be these:
a.  to encourage young people to make the most of their lives,
b.  to be kind to as many of the people I meet as I possibly can, and 
c.  to let love be the guiding force in my life.

So what about you?  How will you fill in the blanks?

I hope that my achievements in the future shall be these:
a.
b.
c.

No More "Should Be's"

If you can accept the flow of life and give in to it, you will be accepting what is real.  Only when you accept what is real can you live with it in peace and happiness.  The alternative is a struggle that will never end because it is a struggle with the unreal, with a mirage of life instead of life itself.    -Deepak Chopra

Where do we get the idea that life "should" unfold in certain ways?  How do we come to think that our actions should have certain results, and that other results are somehow "unacceptable"?  It seems pretty clear that as we grow up, we're taught some things that simply aren't true, and we're left to make our own conclusions as to how life works.  We're also taught that control is very important, and that we should have control over our lives if we're to be successful.  Unfortunately, though, we seem to have been taught incorrectly and inaccurately, and many of us have reached a point at which we're unable to accept things that affect us strongly, and we cause our own misery--and can make other people miserable--by refusing to accept certain things.

I just read a very long article on a couple whose son is gay.  They spent years trying to "deal with" this "problem," rather than accepting him as he was.  During those years, they isolated and alienated their son, and they were constantly stressed out and unhappy because of this glitch in their lives.  After all, their son was supposed to grow up, get married to a nice woman and provide some nice grandchildren, wasn't he?  And since their expectations weren't being met, they refused to accept the truth that was there right in front of them.  And because they were unwilling to accept that truth, they spent years being very unhappy people.

I admire this couple, though, because they did eventually accept their son.  And not just that, but they started support groups for people in similar situations, helping them to accept something in their lives that they hadn't expected or foreseen.  And their acceptance, unfortunately, was a mixed blessing--they were able to re-establish a strong relationship with their son, but many of the people that they knew--and especially people from their religion--started to reject them because they were no longer rejecting their son and his supposed "deviant" sexuality.

And we don't even need to get into the discussion of what's right and what's wrong as far as sexuality is concerned.  The simple fact of the matter is that people are as they are, and we can either accept them and be a friend to them, or keep them out of our lives.  It's complicated, though--my brother was a very violent alcoholic while he was still alive, and the question I had to ask myself was whether or not I wanted him to be a part of my life.  Should I accept him as he was, or accept the fact that his violence made him a danger to both my wife and me?  I went with the latter because I had spent my whole younger life growing up with a violent alcoholic as a father, and I didn't want to continue dealing with an alcoholic in my life.  And I certainly didn't want my wife to have to deal with that sort of thing, either.

So I accepted his alcoholism, and I accepted the fact that his lifestyle made him completely incompatible with our lifestyle.  As painful as it was, I accepted the fact that I basically had to keep my brother at a distance if I was to have peace in my life (my mother wasn't able to accept that fact, and she went through a lot of hell over many years because of it, unfortunately).  And because of my acceptance of a situation--instead of trying to change it, or change his behavior--I was able to find some peace and also keep my wife and me safe when he happened to be drinking heavily when we lived near him.

Deepak calls it a "mirage of life," meaning that we see what we think life should be or could be, and we want to make that a reality rather than accepting the reality as it is.  The mirage for me would have been to think "I can have a great relationship with my brother even though he gets drunk often and threatens people."  It couldn't have happened, though--he kept on drinking heavily until he died, and he didn't let anyone get close to him.

I had a friend once who got laid off from a job of thirty years.  He didn't whine or mope, though, and he never said "That's not fair."  Rather, he accepted his new situation fully, and he and his wife sold their home and moved to a place they had always wanted to live, and they ended up quite happy, enjoying their new lives in their new home.

It's easy to start thinking, "This is how life should be."  It's easy to start trying to make things different than they are because after all, if we can change this person or change this situation, then everything will be just fine."  Right?  Personally, I really love the perspective that Lao Tzu offers us when he tells us that accepting life as it is, is one of the most important steps that we can take to put ourselves in tune with life (or the Tao).

What is real is simply what is.  Much of what is bothers us, concerns us, frustrates us, annoys us, frightens us.  But we'll never be able to deal with what is until we accept what is, and until we allow it to be what it is without condition.  We may want to change what is, but even then, we can change nothing until we accept completely what it is.  And that is a challenge that's well worth the effort, for as Deepak says, our peace and happiness are at stake.