One Size Doesn't Fit All

There has been a disturbing trend in our view of education over the past few years, one that was propelled into dominance by a particular group of people, and that’s the trend of high-stakes standardized testing.  It seems that people who really have no knowledge at all of what education is all about or how people learn want to see quantifiable results of our educational system–they seem to see education as a “product” that can be measured, like a pound of sugar or ten feet of pipe.  But the simple fact is that education is not a product, but a process, and subjecting young people to standardized testing puts them in a very unfair position that’s often difficult for them to get through.

The chances are that you’ve been there yourself.  Most of us have taken standardized tests at one time or another in our lives.  The problem with these tests is that they don’t really measure knowledge or ability–rather, they test memorization skills and our test-taking abilities.  Anyone who suffers from test anxiety or whose memory isn’t as strong as another person’s is at a huge disadvantage when it comes to these tests.  My hope is that one day the tests go the way of the dinosaur, disappearing from the planet.

That’s my hope.  But my point is different.  We all are judged all through our lives on criteria that are established by other people, and much of who we are is a result of trying to meet those criteria.  Very rarely are we judged on what truly comes from inside of us–what are truly unique creations of the beings that we are.  Very often we are judged on what other people think we should be, as students, workers, spouses, parents, or any of the other roles that we play in our lives.

And the tragedy is that we allow ourselves to be judged by these outside standards, and we accept such judgments as the truth.

I do not run my classrooms in the same ways that other teachers do.  Some of those other teachers would definitely say that my classes don’t have enough “discipline” in them, and they’d do their best to change what I do if they were to be in one of my classes.  But my major concern in my classes is to treat my students with respect and dignity–and I honestly don’t feel that I can do that if I’m trying to control their behavior every moment of every class.  My students do learn, but I try to see their learning in things other than tests and papers.

The most important thing to me, though, is that I’ve found the confidence and knowledge to reject certain paradigms about classroom management and to trust my own instincts about how I should run my classes and treat my students.  And it truly doesn’t bother me if anyone criticizes my approach–it’s a result of a combination of who I am, what I’ve learned in my degree work, and what my experience tells me is effective and ineffective.

Who are you?  What works for you in what you do?  Are you willing to stand up for what you do and how you do it?  Are you willing to accept yourself for exactly who you are–and celebrate your uniqueness, being proud of who you are and what you do?  When you reach the point of being accepting of yourself and your gifts, you’ll definitely find life to be a much more exciting and joyful place for you, as you create beautiful expressions of who you are in all that you do.

You know that I don't believe that anyone has ever taught anything
to anyone.  I question the efficacy of teaching.  The only thing
that I know is that anyone who wants to learn will learn.  And maybe
a teacher is a facilitator, a person who puts things down and shows
people how exciting and wonderful it is and asks them to eat.

Carl Rogers 

Edmund Pollard

I would I had thrust my hands of flesh
Into the disk-flowers bee-infested,
Into the mirror-like core of fire
Of the light of life, the sun of delight.
For what are anthers worth or petals
Or halo-rays? Mockeries, shadows
Of the heart of the flower, the central flame!
All is yours, young passer-by;
Enter the banquet room with the thought;
Don't sidle in as if you were doubtful
Whether you're welcome--the feast is yours!
Nor take but a little, refusing more
With a bashful "Thank you," when you're hungry.
Is your soul alive? Then let it feed!
Leave no balconies where you can climb;
Nor milk-white bosoms where you can rest;
Nor golden heads with pillows to share;
Nor wine cups while the wine is sweet;
Nor ecstasies of body or soul,
You will die, no doubt, but die while living
In depths of azure, rapt and mated,
Kissing the queen-bee, Life!

Edgar Lee Masters
from Spoon River Anthology

My Legacy

I’ve often heard the question:  If you were to die today, what kind of legacy would you leave behind?

I prefer to ask myself another question, though:  Because I know that I’m going to die someday, what am I going to contribute to my legacy today?

There are many things that we can contribute to life today.  Encouraging, teaching, helping, giving, sharing, loving, smiling, being patient. . . . none of these are all that difficult to do, and all of them can leave a positive mark on the lives of other people with whom we share this planet.

Our legacy doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with money or major contributions to charities.  Perhaps our legacies won’t have anything to do with money at all.  Perhaps I’ll be remembered as a person who helped others to push ahead in life simply through encouragement and teaching.  Maybe people will remember me as someone who gave of his time and energy to help others reach their goals and make their lives more fulfilling.

And perhaps I won’t be remembered at all.  But that’s okay, too–some of the most important legacies of all never shall be recognized as the valuable contributions to our world that they are.  This is often the case with people who have devoted themselves to being loving, compassionate parents, or people who have worked their whole lives long behind the scenes, never getting or taking credit for what they do.

But the bottom line is this:  In order to make my legacy what I’d like it to be, I must work at it, help it to grow, and continue to contribute to it.  So what can I do today to add to my legacy?  One day I will surely die, and what will I leave behind as my contribution to this world and the animals, people, and plants that live in it?

What Is Right Living?

What is right living? Just to do your best
When worst seems easier. To bear the ills
Of daily life with patient cheerfulness
Nor waste dear time recounting them.
      To talk
Of hopeful things when doubt is in the air.
To count your blessings often, giving thanks,
And to accept your sorrows silently,
Nor question why you suffer. To accept
The whole of life as one perfected plan,
And welcome each event as part of it.
To work, and love your work; to trust, to pray
For larger usefulness and clearer sight.
This is right living, pleasing in God's eyes,
Though you be heathen, heretic or Jew.

Ellen Wheeler Wilcox (1880's)

Hard on Yourself

If you’re like most people, you’re pretty hard on yourself.  You judge yourself pretty quickly, and you’re pretty harsh when you do so.  Never mind that you wouldn’t judge others nearly as harshly as you judge yourself, for you’re able to convince yourself that you deserve your judgment, while others deserve sympathy and compassion from you.

I recognize this trait in others because I've suffered from it myself.  And while I sometimes try to kid myself that I’m over it and have been for a while, I know in my heart that this simply isn’t true.  I judge myself harshly, and it’s not easy for me to forgive myself for silly or stupid or ignorant things that I’ve done.  And this hurts me, for it keeps me hanging on to my past, while I should be much more focused on the present.

I made a mistake a few days ago, and I’m still pretty upset at myself for having done so.  It doesn’t really matter what that mistake was, and most people probably would think nothing of it.  But every time I think about it, I cringe.  I wish I could have that time back, and I feel a momentary twinge of guilt and anxiety for having made that mistake.  It takes me a few moments to remind myself that it’s over, that I’ve made amends for it, and that I need to leave it in the past, where it belongs.  But even as I write about it now, I’m wishing that I could re-do what I did then.

I know that part of my tendency to beat myself up over mistakes is a pretty common trait of Adult Children of Alcoholics.  As one of those people, I have to keep in mind that I will show some of the traits inherent in growing up in a household with an alcoholic as one of the parents.  But on the other hand, I do know this already, so my mind tells me that it should be possible to rid myself of my tendency to be so hard on myself, to lower my expectations of myself to more realistic levels.  My mind can say that, but it’s also my mind that tends to judge me and make me feel the guilt and anxiety that result from my previous mistakes.

What purpose does it serve for you to be unnecessarily hard on yourself?  If you were to sit down and write down the positive effects of being so and the negative effects, how long do you think each list would be?  I know that for me, there’s no real purpose served in beating myself up and making myself miserable over things that already have gone by, as long as I’ve made amends to any people to whom I’ve made amends.  Life is about living in the present moment, and when I pull myself into a negative moment of the past, what am I doing to my present?

I’ve decided that this is one of my major goals for the time being–to work on being less harsh with myself, judging myself more fairly and without unrealistically high expectations.  I want to be kind to people, and I want to do good things, but I don’t feel that I deserve the harsh feelings that I give myself over relatively minor mistakes.  When I can leave them in the past, where they belong–after having learned from them–then I can free myself up to live more fully and completely in the now.  And that’s a beautiful place to live.

My imperfections and failures are as much
a blessing from God as my successes and my
talents and I lay them both at his feet.

Mohandas Gandhi

Something to Consider in These Days

from Ralph Waldo Trine, writing in 1896:

Of the many thousands of men who have been in our American Congress since its beginning, and of the very, very small number comparatively that you are able to call to mind, possibly not over fifty, which would be about one out of every six hundred or more, you will find that you are able to call to mind each one of this very small number on account of his standing for some measure or principle that would to the highest degree increase the human welfare, thus truly fulfilling the great office of a statesman.

The one great trouble with our country today is that we have but few statesmen. We have a great swarm, a great hoard of politicians; but it is only now and then that we find a man who is large enough truly to deserve the name statesman. The large majority in public life today are there, not for the purpose of serving the best interests of those whom they am supposed to represent, but they are there purely for self, purely for self-aggrandizement, in this form or in that, as the case may be. . . .

Common Sense

I love the term "common sense."  I also like what it means--the idea that some things just make sense on a very simple and common level is very important to me, especially when I start to get overwhelmed by people who seem to think that everything in the world has to be complex and complicated.  "Common" sense is something that can help us to get to the crux of matters in our lives swiftly and simply, and it's important to me to try to find the most common-sensical answers that I can find to problems in my life.

I've known some people who had great common sense, and I've always loved being around them.  They always have seemed to be able to get to the heart of any issues that were facing them or others, for they didn't allow themselves to get bogged down in all the peripheral crap that makes up so much of our lives sometimes.  They don't worry about impressing other people or getting any credit for what they do or say--they just say what they think the situation calls for, and they're usually right on with the way that they read the needs of the moment.

If I had my choice between being stuck in a forest with a person with five Ph.D.'s and a person with a bunch of common sense, guess which person I'd choose?  That's right--it would be the one who most likely could help me to survive in difficult situations, the one who can find quick and practical and relevant solutions to our problems when necessary.

I think the only thing wrong with common sense these days is the fact that there seems to be less and less of it around as time goes on.  There are fewer people who value common sense, fewer people who spend time trying to learn it.  These days, it seems, information is king, and most people spend most of their time learning information--or even trivia, for that matter.  But sometimes it may be better for us to step back from situations that we face and ask ourselves, in all seriousness, just what approach makes the most common sense.  The answer more than likely to such a question will be just the answer we were looking and hoping for.

Everybody gets so much information all day long
that they lose their common sense.             

Gertrude Stein