We all see it pretty constantly: the people in the world we live in are becoming more and more divided, more and more willing to point fingers and one another and blame each other for everything from economic problems to moral decay to political disasters. It's becoming increasingly difficult for us to keep ourselves separate from the conflicts that arise day in and day out, often in our own lives, but especially on social media, where we do a whole lot of our arguing and finger-pointing and name-calling these days.
So how do we live fully and happily in a world full of conflict? When one friend or family member is calling another one names because of their political beliefs, how do we respond? Do we become part of the conflict ourselves? Or are there other strategies that we can employ?
If we want to keep our peace and not get completely stressed out every day, it's important that we keep our minds on what really matters--namely, the planet we live on and all that lives here. If we're to truly contribute in positive ways to this world, then we need to make sure that we're not adding negative energy to a situation. It's difficult to watch one person criticize or insult another, and it's even more difficult sometimes to not add fuel to the fire by adding our own insults to the mix. But conflict feeds upon itself, and the more people it can draw into itself, the stronger it becomes. We can't be drawn into it, for if we allow ourselves to be pulled in, we lose our peace and we lose our balance--and the deeper we're drawn in, the less balance we have.
I've developed a technique of questioning. If I hear someone insult another, or if I see an insulting post online, I try to say something like, "I don't understand why you're insulting this other person. What purpose do you want to serve by doing so?" Or, "Why do you resort to name-calling? I don't see how it helps anything." When I do this, I do so in the hopes of defusing, not of putting anyone down. (I do realize, though, that some people will even find sentences like these to be insulting, but then we're dealing with pretty severe personal issues, it seems.) When most people are asked to justify their insults and realize that they're really not able to do so, they'll back off and avoid making things worse. If nothing else, perhaps I can make them think twice the next time that they're tempted to call someone else a name, trying to incite conflict.
I also try to keep my statements as objective as possible. When someone posts a lie about someone else (especially in the form of stupid memes), I try to respond with something like, "This is completely untrue," and I include a link to a page that explains the truth of the matter (it takes usually about 30 seconds to find one). If it's something egregious or hate-filled, I might follow up with a comment like, "You do realize, of course, that this is the sort of thing that's contributing to the division in our country, and not the unity." I'll admit, usually people don't like hearing something like that, and they often get quite defensive in response. And almost never do they take the post down.
But one thing that's important to keep in mind is that we should be in this sort of thing for the long haul. If I do point out a lie and the other person attacks me, I remind myself that that's to be expected sometimes, and at least I've done what I can to point out a wrong. What we have to do is let go of any short-term expectations--no one is going to take down a post and apologize for it when we point out that it's a lie or that it's divisive. But hopefully they'll start thinking about whether or not the next thing they post is true or not, and perhaps they'll abstain from spreading lies in the future.
I can only live my life fully if I don't always stay silent when I see a wrong. You see, staying silent often makes me complicit in the wrong, depending on what it is. Sometimes we see things that are wrong that are not a huge deal. If I see someone roll through a stop sign on an empty street, I'm not going to immediately call the police and report them. But if there are children present and the same thing happens, I'll be sure to call them. If someone posts a meme saying that all people from Indiana are stupid, I'm not going to say anything because it's probably just a joke, no matter how dumb it may be. But if I see a meme that's trying to be fear-mongering, then I'm going to say something. Memes and stories claiming that vaccines cause autism are simply spreading fear, and the claim was long ago debunked--spreading that particular lie now is simply irresponsible. Now, if you have documentation of the truth of the matter and you share that, too, then I'll give the benefit of the doubt.
We're never all going to believe the same things; we're not going to belong to the same political parties; we're not going to agree on directions our community, city, state, or nation should take. And when we're surrounded by conflict, it can be difficult to feel our own sense of balance, to keep peace of mind amid the turmoil. It's important that we come up with strategies for dealing with people who are trying to further conflict, and that we stick to those strategies. Then we'll know two things: first, we've done what we can to be productive in a negative situation, and second, we've planted a seed while keeping ourselves out of the fray. Both of these things are very important to all of us. We don't need more people in the fights--let them not be us.
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