What, Me Worry?

Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength--
carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow
ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its
sorrow, it empties today of its strength.   -Corrie Ten Boom


I have to be the first to admit that I spend much more time worrying than I want to.  This is a rather frustrating trait of mine--one that's been with me since childhood, it seems--especially since I've done so much studying about how destructive it is, how useless it is.  I worry about lots of things, and though I worry much less now than I used to, I still worry much more than is healthy or helpful to me, and much more than pretty much any situation warrants.

I believe that one of the reasons that I worry so much is that I have a heightened sense of responsibility for pretty much everything.  Again, this is something that I used to feel much more than I do now, but something that I believe will be a part of me my whole life long to some extent or another.  I want things to turn out well, and I often feel that it's up to me to make sure that they do.  If I don't make them turn out well, of course, then other people will be disappointed in me, or they'll criticize me, or both.  And I don't want that.  I want people to be satisfied with what I do and how I do it, so I worry about how tomorrow's going to turn out, or whether or not I'll have enough money to pay something important, or whether the students in my classes are going to do well on their tests.

But worry doesn't help anything at all, I've learned.  In fact, it hurts a lot of things--I could be spending a beautiful, restful Sunday, relaxing and reading or going for a long walk and thinking about pleasant things; instead, I'm so worried about tomorrow that today has a dreadful cloud hanging over it, yanking me from the pleasant present moment and dropping me into the worry about things not going well tomorrow, or about not having the resources to do what I need to do next week.

And this worry doesn't do a thing to help the future situations!  Maybe I'll work a little longer to prepare if I'm worried, but still, I'm preparing more instead of enjoying right now.  I've learned over the years that often, the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to relax and enjoy today, and that way I end up entering tomorrow's situation in a much better frame of mind.

Worry seems to have a very antagonistic relationship with the present moment, so it's best to keep them in separate rooms since they can't play together well.

Since I can't seem to shake worry, I've done the next best thing--I accept it as part of my life.  Once I've accepted it, once I tell myself, "I'm worried now," then I can follow that up by saying, "I am worried, but instead of letting that worry control me, I'm going to force myself to reject it and do something fun."  And then I read a good book, or go for a run or a walk, or call a friend, or make a cup of coffee and listen to some good music.

Some situations, of course, are so important or so drastic that they deserve our concern and our effort.  But they're fairly rare, and generally fairly easy to recognize.  For all our other worries, it's important that we find a balance between paying attention to them, being concerned about them, and letting them go because our attention would serve no real purpose.  Life's too short to spend it worrying, so we need to develop strategies to deal with worry when it rears its ugly head--and it will do so.  We don't want to be people who never show concern about anything, of course, but we also don't want to allow our lives to be held hostage by worry about everything, even the trivial and unimportant.

Worry will happen, but how far do we allow it to go?  Personally, I don't want to let worry control any parts of my life, so I accept it for what it is and deal with it.  I've developed ways to compensate for worry, and they're very effective--not just in dealing with the worry itself, but also in making me a happier, healthier person.