From Whom Can I Learn?

If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will
happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly
harmed.  It is the person who continues in their self-deception
and ignorance who is harmed.     -Marcus Aurelius


What Marcus says here would not be received well by many people in the 21st-century United States.  Somehow, many people in this country have completely shut out the possibility that someone who disagrees with them may actually be right, so when we're wrong, we become "the person who continues in their self-deception and ignorance."  We won't even consider the possibility that someone we disagree with could teach us something, so a huge portion of the population, for us, is eliminated as a possible source of learning.

What has happened to the concept of having an open mind, of listening to others--no matter what their background--to see if they know something that we don't know, to see if they can teach us something?  Having an open mind means listening to what another person says without putting it through the filters that we so often employ:  What is their political party?  What is their gender?  What is their race?

And on and on.

If we want to live our lives fully, it's very important that we learn from virtually anyone.  That doesn't mean that we have to approve of their paths in life or of decisions that they make--it simply means that we hear what they say and weigh in our minds whether it makes sense or not, whether there's something to learn there or not.  If someone gives me good advice but I ignore it because of whom he voted for in the last election, then I'm going to limit myself and miss opportunities because I've been judgmental about another human being.  I can blame it on his or her vote if I want to, but the truth is that the fault lies with me and my unwillingness to listen.

What Marcus is talking about is our tendency to not want to be told that we're wrong.  If I were to take something that isn't mine, for example, and the guy next door told me that it was wrong to take it, would I respect his opinion more if he voted for the same person I voted for?  Because the truth of the matter is that my action was wrong, no matter who tells me so.  But if I can dismiss what the person tells me because I don't agree with him on politics, or because I know he's a racist, or because I know that he's done something wrong himself, then I'm losing out on an important learning experience.  And really, all we have in life is our learning--the only way to improve ourselves as human beings is to learn more about life and living, and people we agree with or respect aren't the only possible teachers out there.

Criticism is often much easier to take when it comes from someone we know and trust.  We tend to be more willing to listen to people who have a track record of supporting us rather than putting us down or arguing with us.  But we really should be able and willing to listen to everyone who has something to say about what we do.  And once it's said, then we can decide whether the words are meant to help us or to hurt us, if the words have been constructive or destructive.  And once we've figured that out, it's up to us to take the words to heart or to reject them, to make changes based on what we've heard or to continue on in the same ways as before.

My self-deception helps no one, and it can cause a lot of harm.  Some of the most important things that I've learned in life have come from people I didn't even like, especially in the form of teachers at all levels from grade school to college.  The teachers I've liked have taught me a great deal, but so have the teachers I haven't liked at all.  If I'm doing something very wrong, I hope to be told so, so that I can make some changes that will allow me to get things right, and that will thus allow me to help others more often and more effectively, which is, after all, my main purpose for being here (at least, that's what I believe it to be).