'Tis the season

Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.   -Elizabeth Bibesco

It's the season for giving, especially among the people who celebrate Christmas.  It's time for us to shift our focus from what we want to what others want, to try to figure out which gifts would be most appropriate and useful for the people we love.

Over the years I've watched people become miserable because the recipient of the gifts they've chosen didn't respond in ways that they expected.  They've become angry and frustrated because they couldn't give without remembering--they not only kept in mind the fact that they had given something to someone else, but they held on to the resentment of the person's supposedly "inappropriate" response.

Personally, when I give a gift I honestly don't care how the person responds.  It's really nice when they show appreciation and say thank you, but if they don't do so and I get upset about that, then I'm making myself upset--they're not the ones making me upset.  If they love my gift and don't say thanks, great.  If they dislike the gift, I just remember that choosing a gift is generally imperfect process, anyway, and that I did the best I could.  But now they have something that they can pass on to someone else, or something that they can donate to a charity if they so choose.  And tomorrow, I want to be on the same terms with them as I am today--me giving a gift shouldn't change anything.  I'm not going to remind them of how generous I was to them in order to try to make them appreciate me all over again.  That would just be silly.

When I get gifts, though, I do want to remember the side of the persons who gave them to me.  I want to remember that person as kind and generous, no matter how they might act tomorrow, because it helps my perspective.  Even if our relationship deteriorates in the future, I still have this positive element in my memory, and that's something that I don't want to lose.

Enlightened acceptance

If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is
"the quiet acceptance of what is."   -Wayne Dyer


I really like and appreciate this line from Wayne.  Perhaps I like it because of the use of the word "acceptance" in relation to enlightenment.  Perhaps I like it because of his use of the word "quiet."  No matter what the reasons for which I like it, though, it's a very important line for me because it tells me a lot about enlightenment and the paths I should be striving for in life if I actually want to reach some level of being enlightened.

Enlightenment really is quiet.  You don't see it in the lives of braggarts and blowhards--in fact, you probably don't recognize enlightenment too often because those who are enlightened have absolutely no need to make their enlightenment known.  Sometimes we get enlightened people who are in the public eye, such as the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa, but for the most part I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of enlightened people are among us every day, sharing our lives with us, witnessing our actions and reactions, and simply accepting us as we are.

Enlightenment, I believe, has to contain acceptance of the way things are because there really is no way to affect the way things are.  We can work to change situations, but that affects the future present moments, not right now.  So it's important that we realize that things are the way they are, and wishing they were different leads only to frustration and aggravation, not to constructive action.

Right now, you are who you are.  Next week, you'll be a slightly different person (or possibly a very different person if something drastic happens to you).  Accept that, and work with it for what it is.  Right now, our political situation is what it is.  Next week, it can be slightly different with a bit of input from people who haven't given input before, or a bit more input from people who have been trying for a while to improve things.  The enlightened person realizes that things are as they are.  They don't always have to be that way--and in fact, they're bound to change one way or another eventually--but wishing they were different is an ineffective way to approach our lives.

Do you control your possessions, or do they control you?

If we did but know how little some enjoy of the great things
that they possess, there would not be much envy in the world.
-Edward Young


I knew a man once who earned a great deal of money and who had all the trappings of a "good life"--at least, all the trappings that money could buy.  The house, the collectible car, the clothing, the expensive vacations, etc., etc., etc.  Unfortunately, this man was very unhappy.  He didn't enjoy anything that he had.  Rather, he stressed about it all.  The car stayed locked inside of a climate-controlled garage so that there would be no risk of scratches.  The house remained a showcase--there were entire rooms blocked off so that there wouldn't be any footprints in the carpet.  Eventually, he ended up having several surgeries for stress-related illnesses, and none of what he possessed could help him to recover.

I have quite a few possessions, but I try to make sure that they're things I can enjoy--books to read, movies to watch, music to listen to, bookcases to keep the books on.  But when I look about myself right now, I see a wonderful table that I bought at a thrift store for $20, a bookcase that I built myself very inexpensively, an inexpensive couch and chair that we absolutely love.  I don't think that everything should be bought as cheaply as possible, but I know from experience that more expensive does not equal better.  We enjoy our possessions--we make full use of them and when we're done with them, we give them away to someone else who can use them.

I don't envy people with lots of possessions for two reasons:  first, having lots of possessions means a lot of work in maintaining them, and I have better things to do than to maintain possessions; and second, many of the people who focus on getting things constantly need more things, and they never really enjoy the things they already have.

Look around at your possessions.  Enjoy them.  If they don't fit you any more, get rid of them.  You'll be doing yourself a great favor when you establish a healthy relationship with the things you possess, instead of letting them control you, your thoughts, and your actions.

What do I care about?

It is fair to say that the world around you is a mirror.  Therefore

you have a lot more control over the future than you might think,
because you can shape your world just by being true
to what you really care about.
-Bradley Trevor Greive


It's sometimes difficult for me to believe that life is a mirror, and that it reflects what I put into it.  After all, so many things happen that are completely out of my control that it's not really fair to say that our current political situation is my fault.  Maybe it is, and if that's the case, I'm sorry--but I'm pretty sure that politics in our country today have very little to do with me.

Then what does Bradley mean here?  I think he means that we have to redefine our worlds to include those things over which we have some true sort of influence.  The way I treat that man in the supermarket, the ways in which I interact with friends and coworkers, the love that I show--or fail to show--to my family.  These are all part of my world, and they really do depend on my actions and attitudes.  And what comes tomorrow in my world is going to be more a result of what I do today than it's going to be a result of chance, or of other people's input.

Just because I smile at someone doesn't mean that person has to smile back.  That would be an unrealistic expectation on my part, and I don't want to be disappointed anymore by unfulfilled expectations.  Just because I'm polite to you doesn't mean you'll be polite to me--I have no idea what kinds of tribulations you may be going through today.  That's not what Bradley is talking about.  What he means is that if you're not polite to me today, I see that as an opportunity to be compassionate, or I see it as something terrible that's going to make me feel bad.  If I lose something important, I can see it as a disaster, or as something that's going to make me think more about how important it's been to me.  And my tomorrow is going to depend on my balance and clarity today--I have much more of a chance to be working where I want to be tomorrow if I take great care in being a good person who instills confidence in my abilities during today's job interview.  I have a better chance of being surrounded by friends if I treat people well today, if I show them that I care for them.

You do shape your world, and your tomorrow does depend on what you do today.  Be aware of this fact, and make your tomorrow bright by doing good today.  Don't get your expectations up too high for specific outcomes, though--sometimes life knows better than you do what's best for you!

http://livinglifefully.com/life4.htm 

We've got to have fun

Fun is fundamental.  There is no way around it.  You absolutely must
have fun.  Without fun, there is no enthusiasm.  Without enthusiasm,
there is no energy.  Without energy, there are only shades of gray.
-Doug Hall


I know many people who consider having fun to be of secondary importance.  They're focused on work and tasks and paying bills, and to them, having fun is something for kids--or worse, something childish.  "Life's serious," they'll tell you.  "You have to take it seriously."  Of course, there isn't a smile on their faces when they tell you this.

I've had enough of taking things too seriously, though.  I've seen the results of this:  ulcers and high blood pressure and addictions and depression.  We do need to take much of life seriously--I would never consider not earning as decent a wage as I can, or not doing my job as well as I possibly can--but that seriousness needs to be balanced with fun and enjoyment and relaxation.  Our bodies and our hearts and our spirits all benefit from us enjoying ourselves, and it's not a good idea not to do so.

When I go to group things like picnics, I'm amazed at how quickly adults sit down to talk to each other about the same things they always talk to each other about.  Personally, I prefer to be with the kids who are playing at these events, because I don't want to hear the same old complaints about work and family and society in general.  I want to run and play tag and just be, along with a bunch of people who are also just being their authentic selves.  Who cares if they haven't been on this planet as long as I have?  They know how to have fun much better than the adults do.  I spend plenty of time being an adult--when I have a chance to have fun, I take it.

We've got to find time for fun--or make time for fun if it's not there now.  And fun doesn't have to be running around and playing.  I have a lot of fun reading, or watching an enjoyable show (even cartoons!), or baking, or going for nice walks.  Fun is relative, of course, but it's also necessary, and I hope that you're able to put more fun in your life--for your sake!

Let them be as they are

We need to promote greater tolerance and understanding
among the peoples of the world.  Nothing can be more
dangerous to our efforts to build peace and development
than a world divided along religious, ethnic or cultural lines.
In each nation, and among all nations, we must work
to promote unity based on our shared humanity.   -Kofi Annan


What a shame it is that we've become a nation filled with intolerant people.  We hate each other, we get angry at each other, we shame and mock each other, simply because we disagree about certain things, or we believe in certain things, or our skin happens to be of a different color than someone else's.  Sometimes it makes me sad, and sometimes it makes me sick to witness the terrible ways that we treat each other so often.

We must accept each other and help each other.  We have to cooperate with each other if we're going to improve our lives and our world.  We need to teach our young people to work with each other rather than fight against each other.  When we're intolerant, we're putting ourselves and our views and our beliefs on a pedestal and telling anyone who disagrees with us that they're wrong, even though the truth is that there's a good chance that we're the ones who are wrong.

What kind of world are we building to pass on to our young people if it's a world based on intolerance?  What are we teaching them when we model intolerant views and ideas?  How can we say that we love our fellow people when in practice we don't allow them to have their views and beliefs without judging them harshly for those views and beliefs?

Let's make this world a better place, and accept others for who they are without trying to change them, for what they believe without telling them they're wrong, for what they stand for without telling them that they should stand for something else.  Let's create a world of love and understanding rather than resentment and intolerance, for the sake of everyone.

Now

Begin doing what you want to do now.  We are not living
in eternity.  We have only this moment, sparkling like a
star in our hand. . . and melting like a snowflake.
Let us use it before it is too late.   -Marie Beynon Ray


I've been reading about living in the present moment for decades, and I'm still not sure that I know how to do so.  I think I do, but of course, there's no real test available to find out if I am or not.  After all, I may be enjoying the sunshine on a beautiful fall day, but if I'm worrying about something that may happen tomorrow, am I not fully grounded in the present?  Am I trapped in a future?

And if I'm on a run in the forest, but thinking about a problem that I had yesterday, am I being held prisoner by the past, or am I using the present moment to process thoughts and reactions that I had yesterday?  Sometimes, for me, thinking deeply about things helps me to work my way through issues, and perhaps I may not be seeing the trees that surround me, but I am dealing with stress and unease that threatens to overwhelm me.  Sometimes, this moment is meant to serve as a way to process the past.  Sometimes, this moment is meant as a way to prepare ourselves for the future.  Both are fine uses of the present moment, as long as we don't fall into the trap of allowing ALL of our present moments to be focused on the past or the future.

Because right now, I have the chance to compliment someone, to smile at someone, to experience the sunshine or the rain, to be fully aware of all that surrounds me.  It's an important part of life to be able and willing to be present in this moment, to appreciate the opportunities we have right here and right now--and even to take advantage of some of those opportunities from time to time.  It's actually being with the people who are near us, not on the phone with someone who's elsewhere, dealing with problems and issues that are elsewhere.

This moment is precious.  Who's around you right now?  What don't you know about that person or those people that you'd like to know?  Is there something beautiful to look at, even if you've seen it many times already?  What are your current opportunities to learn something new about something?  Let's not let this moment melt into nothingness without getting something from it--and giving something to it.

Our creativity

Creativity is simply the energy of
making something where there was
nothing before.  We do this every day,
in so many unmarked ways.
-Fran Sorin


"He's so creative," I often hear.  Unfortunately, I often hear those words followed by something like, "I could never do anything like that!"  And it's often young people who are making this claim, who are saying that they've already given up on creativity, that they feel that they aren't at all creative themselves, that creativity is somehow reserved for "special" people who have some sort of gift.

They're wrong, though.  They are creative.  They may not be painting landscapes that are hung in galleries, and they may not be making music that's played all over the world, but they have creative gifts that they can share with the world on many different levels, if they would only look and see what they're doing and how they're doing it.

I'm creative when I bake or cook dinner, when I play Scrabble with a friend, when I compliment someone, when I come up with a way to fix something, when I help a kid with a project, when I plan a menu for a dinner with friends.  I can even be creative in the ways that I show kindness and compassion to others, in the way that I write a letter or an email to a friend.  Simply smiling at someone and wishing them well can create a good feeling in that other person, a feeling that wasn't there before, and that's definitely a creative contribution to the world in a positive way.

Not all creativity is meant to be shared with others on a wide scale.  Much of our creativity is what we use to contribute to our world in small but important ways, and we're all creative.  Not all of the time, of course, but much more often than we give ourselves credit for.

Strength in humility

Humble people can do great things with uncommon perfection
because they are no longer concerned about their own interests
and their own reputation, and therefore they no longer need
to waste their efforts in defending them.    -Thomas Merton


Humility is a hard lesson to learn in life.  Most difficult, I believe, is learning about the power in humility to shape our lives, for most of us don't witness the humble person as being powerful, and we don't witness the same results for them that we witness in those people who have rejected humility.  The arrogant blowhard's outcomes are very easy to see; the humble person's achievements are cloaked in the humility that gives them the wonderful strength that they have, so they aren't all that visible, except to the most attentive.

The humble person, of course, doesn't ask for recognition.  If recognition comes, then this person doesn't bask in it, doesn't ask for more of it.  This person recognizes that life works through her or him, and that whatever she or he has accomplished has been a blessing.

That doesn't mean that we can't feel pride in our accomplishments--of course we can.  But when we're so prideful that we demand that others recognize our achievements as something special, then we definitely cannot count ourselves among the ranks of the humble.

I hope to be able to be humble, partly because it's a peaceful way of life, and partly because it's a much more powerful way to live life than being proud offers us.  The power in the humble person is true and steady, and not reliant on outside forces such as recognition.  The power of the humble person is a power that is used to help others, and it's a very effective power, indeed.

Sometimes not so common

It is a thousand times better to have common sense without
education than to have education without common sense.
-Robert Green Ingersoll


I can vouch for the veracity of this statement.  Having spent most of my adult life on college and university campuses, I've witnessed many, many people who have tons of education and very little common sense.  They're perplexed by many of the simple things in life, such as how to relate to the people around them, and focused almost exclusively on their disciplines, their research, and the papers that they're writing that they know very few people will read.  It's really kind of ironic that people with lots of education can write a 100-page dissertation or research paper, but can't fix the faucet in their kitchen sink when it needs to be changed, or get completely flustered when their car won't start in the morning and they have to find a different way to get to work.

I value common sense much more than I value my Ph.D.  The doctorate took a lot of time and effort, but the common sense helps me much more in my daily life and my relationships with other people.  Common sense has proved to be extremely important to me when I've faced certain obstacles, and it helps me a lot when I'm working with young people and looking for ways to get through to them.  It helps me decide how to create and use classroom assignments, and it helps me to come up with unique dinners when there's nothing in the cupboards that I really want to eat.

Work on your common sense, and you'll be working on a richer life.  Work on your education, and that's still extremely valuable.  The trick is not to give up common sense for book sense, for having the latter without the former is like wearing a raincoat every single day--even when it's not raining.

My happiness has grown up, too

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a
particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change
its form. . . happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.
-Charles L. Morgan


The things that make me happy now tend to be very different from those things that used to make me happy when I was younger.  I feel very fortunate to be able to say this because I know many people who feel unhappy and dissatisfied with life because they're still trying to make themselves happy in the ways that used to make them happy, and those things just don't have the same effect any longer.

When I was much younger, I used to feel what I considered to be happiness when I bought certain things.  I used to feel happy when certain people paid attention to me, or even liked me.  I had been raised in a materialistic society that stressed acceptance by others as quite desirable, and so I grew up thinking I was happy when the things I had learned made happiness came to be.  Nowadays, though, such isn't the case.

These days, I'm happy waking up in the morning, looking out the window, and realizing that I have a safe place to live and food to eat.  I'm happy going for a walk and recognizing the fact that the trees are putting out oxygen and that I have fresh air to breathe and beautiful things to look at.  Many things that I love are completely unnecessary for my happiness--I love chocolate, but I don't need it to be happy.  I love my wife, but she and I have talked this over many times:  if one of us were to die tomorrow, then certainly we would go through grief, but we wouldn't necessarily become unhappy persons.

As I've grown up, my definition of happiness has changed, and it now allows for itself in situations that before would have been stressful or even frightening.  I don't put conditions on happiness any more, and that has made a huge difference in my life.  My happiness has grown up as I have, and it's a great feeling to have!  (Of course, this doesn't mean that many things of childhood can't still bring happiness--I still love doing many things that children do--but my happiness in that case is child-like, not childish!)

Use your. . . .

True imagination is not fanciful daydreaming; it is fire from heaven.-Ernest Holmes


Many of us would finish the title with the word "imagination."  After all, that's what we were encouraged to do, over and over, while we were young.  Some of us even know people who encouraged us to do this while we were a bit older.  Somewhere along the line, though, we stop saying this to people; instead, we encourage them to use their knowledge, to use what they've learned from other people.  Sadly enough, this change even occurs in our supposedly "creative" fields such as movie-making and music--the movies that we see and the songs that we hear usually are simply copies of successful movies and songs made by other people, following strict formulas to "guarantee" success.

I don't want my imagination to die.  I want to use it until the day I die.  When I see something that looks marvelous, I want to be able to imagine marvelous things going on there.  When I see a place that looks spooky, I want to think spooky thoughts.  When I'm faced with a particular problem, I want to be able to come up with four or five possible solutions, and not just go with the very first thing that comes to mind.  The very first thing may even solve the problem, but will it do so creatively?  And is there more to solving the problem than just addressing the surface?  I can give money to a charity to help hunger, but is that money just paying for today's dinner?  What about tomorrow's dinner, and the next day's?  Are we addressing the poverty, or just the lack of meals?  The only way to address the deeper issues is to use the imagination that we've been given to see those issues and come up with unique solutions that haven't been tried yet--because what's been tried obviously hasn't worked well if the problem's still there.

I get criticized fairly often for using my imagination, for suggesting unique things to do.  The criticism is usually pretty subtle, as in "Well, that's just not how it's done."  And my response is usually, "Well, what's being done isn't working, so why not look at imaginative solutions?"  People get trapped in their ways of thinking just as they get trapped in quicksand if they happen to step in it, and it's not pretty.  Use your imagination today--try to think of three or four ways of doing something that you've always done the same way, and feel how nice it feels to use your brain in a unique and special way, rather than following the rules and paradigms that may have been around for years, but that aren't making things any better--they just provide the same old way of dealing with issues that come up.  Our world needs new ways of doing things, and you have those, right inside your mind.

Successful

I must admit that I personally measure success in terms of the
contributions an individual makes to her or his fellow human beings.
-Margaret Mead
I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give
this game of life everything he or she has got.
-Walter Cronkite


I've included two quotations today because of all that I've read about success, these are the two things that come up over and over again:  serving others and giving all of our effort.

How can we call ourselves successful if we completely ignore the needs of others?  Many of us are taught that life is a battle and that the successful people are those who come out on top, leaving the "losers" behind.  This definition of success, though, includes a complete disregard for our fellow human beings, and while we may end up with more money or a position of supposed power, the truth is that when we harm other people, we harm ourselves, too.  It's like making it through a dangerous jungle, but then having to live with a debilitating disease that we caught while we were in there.  Yes, we made it through, but our quality of life forever after is very low.  When we serve others while striving to become successful, we set ourselves up for a very gratifying life in which we can see the results of our efforts both in our own life and also in the lives of others.

Nothing worthwhile ever comes from a halfhearted effort.  If we're going to do something, be it work, a school assignment, a task for a friend, getting in shape, losing weight--whatever it may be, the effort will be more successful and more gratifying if we give it all that we've got as opposed to giving it just a bit of effort.  Successful people give their tasks all their effort, realizing that the outcome of their efforts depends fully upon what they put into it.  If you build a house and cut corners, the house will start having problems from the beginning.  If you try to raise a child with mostly neglect, guess what?  Try to fix a car or paint a room sometime while you're also on the phone, and when you're only going to give an hour to the job, no matter what.  If we want to be truly successful, then we'll give all that we can to our tasks for the time that we're working on them, and we'll find success in our efforts.

To these two things, I would also add that we need to define success for ourselves rather than buying into other people's definitions of success.  A person can be a great singer and not be a star, coming out with a new album every year and giving concerts constantly.  Listen to Harry Chapin's "Mr. Tanner" sometime for a good example of a man who lost his love for music because he didn't live up to someone else's definition of "success."  And when he lost his love for music, he also lost a lot of happiness in his life.

Do you want to be successful?  You can be, and it's not all that hard if you go about it in the right ways.  When you make sure that what you do is helping others (even indirectly), and when you give all that you have to what you're doing, you can definitely be successful--whether other people recognize it or not.  Remember, your definition of success is up to you, so make sure that it's realistic and attainable, and something that will give you personal gratification.

Thoughts

Our best friend and our worst enemies are our thoughts.
A thought can do us more good than a doctor or a banker
or a faithful friend.  It can also do us more harm than a brick.
-Frank Crane


Boy, do I wish I could internalize this message more strongly and stop having all these negative, stressful thoughts!  I am much better at thinking in positive ways than I used to be, but this is a trait that I've had since childhood, and while I do my best to banish it from my life, it still hangs on, often keeping me in a very stressful state when there's really no reason to be stressing at all.

As I grow older, I do understand more the importance of thinking in positive, uplifting ways, especially having witnessed in my life so often the terrible ways that I feel when I'm thinking negatively.  It used to be that one negative incident, one setback, would get me to thinking of just how terrible life is, just how little hope there was for me to lead a happy and productive life, etc., etc., etc.

And this would go on for days sometimes, depending on the severity of the problem.

Nowadays, though, I realize that setbacks are just setbacks, and even more important, I realize that there's something positive to learn from every setback or problem that hits us in life.  I also realize that the way I react to setbacks is A) up to me, and B) one of the biggest determiners of how I feel about life and myself over the next few hours or days.  My thoughts can harm me, if I let them, but they also can lift me up and help me to transcend difficult moments and situations.

If you think you're a loser, you're going to act like one.  If you think that you're a kind, caring, compassionate human being who sometimes runs into setbacks, then guess what?  If you think that you're an unlikable person, then you're going to give other people very few reasons to like you.  If you think, though, that there's no reason at all not to like you, then others will respond to the confidence that your thoughts inspire.  Not everyone will like you, of course--there are people out there who dislike just about everyone for some reason or another, but that's okay.  You don't like everyone either, do you?

Take control of your thoughts and banish the negative ones when they show up.  Banish them by putting on a song that you love to dance to.  Banish them by reading a page or two of something positive that you love to read, or by watching a movie that lifts you up out of negative thoughts.  But keep on working on it, because this is a trait that hangs on, and that takes a lot of effort to work through.  I know, because I'm still working at it after decades of effort!

Today!

You wake up in the morning, and lo! your purse is magically filled
with twenty-four hours of the unmanufactured tissue of the
universe of your life.  It is yours.  It is the most precious of
possessions.  No one can take it from you.  It is unstealable.
And no one receives either more or less than you receive.
-Arnold Bennett

I have today--it's already here, and I'm alive and awake, so it's important that I celebrate the simple fact that I have today!

I don't need to make this the most special day of my life.  I don't need to do anything super special to make the day amazing.  There are so many things in my life that I love doing, many of which don't cost a cent, that I can string together to make today an amazing day in my life.  I can sit and read a good book for an hour or two; I can go for a walk and breathe the fresh air; I can make a cup of coffee and drink it slowly and quietly in some relaxed place--or in a nice cafe where I'm surrounded by people that I can watch and whose company I enjoy.

I can do a couple of the odd jobs that I've been meaning to do; I can cook a very nice lunch or dinner that doesn't have to be extravagant to be really good; I can call someone I love on the phone and talk for a while; I can watch an uplifting or exciting movie.

What I do with this day is completely up to me, of course.  If I have to work, then how I approach the tasks that I do is also up to me--I can approach them as challenges and try to do my best at all of them, or I can see them as drudgery and give them the bare minimum of my effort, thus ensuring that I won't find a lot of enjoyment in my work today.  And while at work, I can share my smile with my co-workers and colleagues, and I can encourage others with positive comments rather than criticize or even ignore them.

My today is just that:  my today.  Some unpleasantness may creep in here and there, but it's up to me how I deal with that--I don't have to let unpleasantness ruin my day, because I can just deal with it and move on.

You have your today, too.  I sincerely hope that you're able to make the very most of it, and that you're able to see it as the wonderful treasure that it truly is!

Enjoy!

A magical world

Disbelief in magic can force
a poor soul into believing in
government and business.
-Tom Robbins


It is a magical world, isn't it?  Unfortunately, many of us have lost our ability to see that magic, to enjoy it, to appreciate it.  We spend so much time looking for explanations that we often aren't able to experience the magic of the world--the shine of the rainbow, the smile of a child, the thrill that runs through us when we hear a hawk call or a baby laugh.

Our world is full of magic, yet we feel the need to explain it away, to pretend that it isn't magic because there's a scientific explanation behind it.  I usually don't care about the scientific explanations, though, because that's just so much information.  I know how rainbows come to be, but my knowledge of the process really means nothing when one is shining in the sky--it's an awe-inspiring sight, and if I acknowledge that awe and allow it to wash over me as it should, then the rainbow is an incredible experience.

When I'm walking through a forest or a park, I'm often surrounded by trees and plants that used to be minuscule seeds, and that are giving off oxygen as they breathe--the very thing that I need to sustain my life.  The person I'm talking to used to be a sperm and an egg, in two separate bodies, and her or his body is being controlled by electrical impulses that originate in the brain that allows for thought and logic and humor and so much more.

That house you live in?  If it's made of wood, it originated in a handful of seeds.  The water you drink that keeps you alive?  It consists of groupings of atoms that occur elsewhere, too, but that have somehow come together to become water.

That person likes you.  You like that other person.  Someone smiles at you and you feel good because of it.  We strike a match and we have flame.  There's so much magic in the world that the list would be far too long to write if I were to dedicate myself to it, so let's just accept the fact that the world is full of magic, keep our eyes open to see it and recognize it, and then appreciate it fully once we do know just what it is.

Are we really separate from others?

No one is an island, entire of itself; everyone is a piece of Continent,
a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is
the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor or thy
friends or of thine own were; any person's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in Humankind.   -John Donne


We like to think of ourselves as islands, don't we?  We like to consider ourselves as unique, separate entities that really don't have any connection to our fellow human beings unless we decide to forge such a connection by talking to them, caring for them, being with them.  But we're way off base when we look at our realities this way, and we only have to look at the amazing amount of discord and stress and conflict in our world today to realize that we are causing this discord with our unfortunate tendency to consider ourselves as separate from everyone else.

We think it makes life easier for us if we maintain separation from others.  After all, we don't want to deal with everyone else's drama and problems and issues, and when someone starts getting annoying, it's easy to just cut off contact with that person.  But do we ever consider the possibility that so many people have issues and problems because of the ways that we separate ourselves from others?  Do we ever stop to think that perhaps acknowledging our oneness and our unity could be an important step towards healing many, many people of fear and anxiety that result from feelings of separation and isolation and aloneness?  Many or the current issues facing human beings are actually caused by our insistence on seeing ourselves as individuals rather than acknowledging our place as a part of the whole.

It's often difficult to focus on oneness and unity when so few others are doing so.  But it's not impossible.  We simply need to be willing to take a risk and love and care for others who may seem unlovable or unpleasant.  Loving them doesn't mean that we have to care for them as we care for a spouse or a child, but it does mean acknowledging their existence as human beings who are part of the same whole that we are--the human species, which is on this planet to live together and to share love, but which is actually living separately and refusing to share love with anyone other than their closest companions.

We are all part of one.  Why must we look at ourselves as separate when we are actually a whole, albeit a non-unified whole?

The Best Policy?

We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to
our children that honesty is the best policy.

George Bernard Shaw


We live in a world in which people seem to have lost their desire to be honest.  Nowadays (and probably in the past, too), honesty is something that is practiced as long as it can benefit someone.  "I'll be honest if there's something to gain from it," seems to be the standard attitude towards the concept.  Advertisers will be honest as far as it serves them, but they'll leave out information that could be vital for me to make a good decision about whether to buy their goods or contract their services.  All in all, honesty seems to have become the black sheep of the family, the person that people deal with only if they absolutely have to, only when they might lose out on something if they don't.

Bit it's important that we don't lose our relationship with honesty.  It's one of the cornerstones of strong relationships, and when we practice it consistently, people know that they can depend on us, and that's something very valuable that we can give to others and to ourselves.  Honesty taken too far can be hurtful and damaging, of course, but we can recognize those situations ourselves and deal with them when they occur--for the most part, honesty definitely is important.

In our political and economic worlds of today, though, honesty has lost its luster.  The Internet is full of blatant lies that are designed only to harm others and to make someone feel better about his or her views.  And those lies are being spread constantly be people WHO KNOW THEY ARE LIES, but who feel that they validate their own beliefs and ideals.  But you and I don't have to do that.  You and I need to strengthen our relationship with the truth and learn about when the truth should be revealed, and when it shouldn't.  We shouldn't ever hide it for personal gain, but only to protect others--there are situations when complete honesty can be incredibly damaging.

We know who we are, and we know that we want to live our lives fully--and honesty is one of the most important aspects of the character that we must develop in order to do so.  Let honesty into your life--live it and love it and share it.  Let others know that you're someone who can be trusted, and they'll appreciate you for that.  Most of all, though, you'll be a bright light in a dark world, and one of the people responsible for keeping honesty alive during these dark times.

Are you listening to the song?

Deep inside, our integrity sings to us whether we are listening or not.
It is a note that only we can hear.  Eventually, when life makes us ready
to listen, it will help us to find our way home.

Rachel Naomi Remen

We all are blessed with integrity--the question is whether we're willing to listen to it or not, whether we're willing to allow it to become a guiding force in our lives.  Many of us like to put it aside, to hide it in a closet or a drawer, while we make decisions more for expediency and personal gain than for the sake of maintaining our integrity.

The dictionary definitions of the word are interesting.  It gives us what most of us see as the main definition, that of "the quality of being honest, etc."  But the second definition is also extremely important--possibly more important to me.  It says:  "The state of being whole and undivided."  Now, how many of us can say that about ourselves?  I want to be able to, and I wish I could, but I'm not sure that I'd be being honest if I were to say that I am "whole and undivided."  I divide myself too much, and I'm not sure that I do have that kind of integrity.  If my heart tells me to treat a person a certain way, yet I don't do so, do I have integrity?  If I know that there are rules about computer use at work, yet I spend time on Facebook in violation of those rules, do I have integrity?  No, because there are competing forces against me.  I've made an agreement to abide by the rules of my workplace, and because I'm violating that agreement, I'm torn inside.  I know that I've made a promise that I'm now breaking, and that's never a good feeling.

Our integrity is a wonderful guide through life, if we but heed it.  Sometimes we don't heed it because we're not ready to do so, and one of our goals in life should be to work towards living always according to our integrity.  Other times, though, we fail to heed our integrity by choice, and that choice always will lead to harm, one way or another.

Listen to the song your integrity sings, and live by that song.  It truly is a beautiful song, one that can definitely, as Rachel says, lead us home.

The positive side of tolerance

If humans are to survive, we will have learned to take
a delight in the essential differences between people
and between cultures. We will learn that differences
in ideas and attitudes are a delight, part of life's
exciting variety, not something to fear.
-Gene Roddenberry


It's getting quite discouraging at times to see just how unwilling we've become to accept differences in others--different skin colors, different political views, different ways of seeing the world.  And while the word "tolerance" may have some negative connotations, at its foundation the word is a good guide to all of us--we should tolerate the differences in opinion and viewpoints of others because they have every right to see the world from their own perspective that we have.  And we should go beyond tolerance, and Gene says here, and actually take a delight in those differences, for they're what make the world go round, what cause positive change in the world, and what allow us to learn and grow and start to see the world in different ways.

You can support any political agenda you like, and I should be able to tell you why I disagree (if I do) without showing any sort of intolerance.  That's called a discussion.  You can be any religion you feel called to follow, and we should be able to talk about it without hatred or rancor or anger.  The moment I say that you're wrong, though--the moment I say that you should change the way you see things or I can't accept you--then I've become completely intolerant, and I'm the one who's causing problems because I'm not willing to let you be who you are.  I'm expecting you to change to please me so that I can accept you.

Intolerance leads to division, and we have a world that's so divided right now that we're in danger of destroying ourselves because we're not willing to accept the views and opinions and beliefs of others.  When we learn how to tolerate differences, then we learn how to live with much less stress in our lives and much more love and compassion and understanding.  And we contribute peace and love to the world rather than suspicion and discord.

(And of course, a disclaimer:  Should we "tolerate" things like murder or child abuse or other kinds of criminal and destructive behavior?  Absolutely not.  But that brings a complete different aspect of the word's definition into play--there's a positive tolerance that allows us to live and let live, and a negative denotation of the word that is a result of fear, indifference, or even cruelty.)

Enlightenment, anyone?

Everybody wants to get enlightened but nobody wants to change.
This is the simple, daunting truth that has been staring back at me
from the eyes of countless seekers over the years.  "I really want
to get enlightened," they insist.  "But are YOU ready to CHANGE
now?" I ask.  "What?" is the inevitable response—surprised and
even slightly stunned.  And I repeat, "Are YOU ready to CHANGE
now?"  What follows is always a strange and surreal moment of
ambiguity, confusion, and backpedaling.
"But I thought you wanted to get enlightened... "    -Andrew Cohen


Andrew makes us realize here that enlightenment isn't something that we don't have to make sacrifices for.  It's not something that just hits us one day and leaves everything in our lives unchanged.  Enlightenment by its very nature is an agent of change, and unless we're willing to allow those changes in our lives, we hold on to the status quo, the way things are, and we don't allow ourselves to be the way we could be--enlightened.

When I "become" enlightened, after all, I may not be comfortable keeping my same job, or I may see just how damaging a particular relationship is to me.  Enlightenment, after all, implies a heightened awareness and a deeper understanding of life and living, and when I understand life better, I'm going to recognize problems much more readily.  And once I recognize them, it's going to be time to make some changes concerning them, isn't it?

We're comfortable in our beliefs and our fears and our habits and our traditions.  They make us feel safe and secure, for they fool us into thinking that we actually have some sort of control over life and events.  Enlightenment by its very nature has no respect for the status quo--in fact, it's about as opposed to maintaining the status quo as anything could be.  If you want to be enlightened, that means you're not currently there.  If you refuse to let go of the things and beliefs that you have now, that means that you're going to stay in your current unenlightened place.  That's simply the way it is.

Of course, none of this means that there are going to be wholesale changes on the life level if you become enlightened.  After all, one of the most famous quotations about enlightenment says, "Before enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water.  After enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water."  You can continue in your job, but you'll treat the job differently.  You can continue in your marriage, but your approach to the marriage will change.

If you desire to "be" enlightened, then you have to be ready and willing to go through and to make changes in your life, because you're not there now.  Simply put, if you're not willing to see change in your life, then you probably shouldn't be seeking enlightenment, for you're going to reject it when you find it.

Deciding Today

I live now and only now, and I will do what I want to do this moment
and not what I decided was best for me yesterday.
-Hugh Prather


It's very easy to get caught up in the idea of "sticking to your decisions."  After all, yesterday I said that I would do this task today, so of course, I'm obligated to do this task right now.  After all, I keep my word, don't I?  And very often, this is a very good strategy to follow.

Very often, though, it's not.

What if I woke up this morning and I realized that I'm close to burnout, that if I don't take some time away from the task, I'm going to suffer emotionally or physically?  Yesterday, I didn't feel this way, so my statement was easy to make.  But when I made the decision, I didn't have all the information that I needed in order to make a decision for today, and now that today is here, continuing with the task doesn't seem to be the best idea at all.  Perhaps it's time for a short break--some recreation or moving to a different task--in order to make sure that I'm able to continue effectively later.

When something drastic happens, it's easy to lay aside plans.  When your son or daughter breaks a leg, all plans are off while we take the child to the hospital.  That's an immediate response in the moment that makes complete sense because it's so obvious.  Many of our needs, though, aren't nearly as obvious.  Yesterday I decided to plant the garden, but today I see that my best friend needs someone to talk to--am I going to talk or plant?  Just because I said yesterday that I planned something today doesn't mean that I can't go with today's needs, today.

Let today talk to you.  Listen to its directions.  Live in the moment.  Today knows what today needs--yesterday had only a vague idea.  Listen to the day that knows.

What are your favorite illusions?

The universe is illusion merely, not one speck of it real, and we are
not only victims, but also captives, bound by the
mineral-made ropes of senses.
-Annie Dillard


I often have a hard time with this concept.  After all, when I reach for my coffee cup, my hand encounters something solid--and I've learned that if something is solid, then it's no illusion.  I see my wife almost every day, and I talk to and touch people in my life constantly.  How can they be illusions?  They actually exist, don't they?

I'm not sure.  I can't be sure, because I really don't know enough about anything to be completely sure about anything at all.  Just because I've learned that illusions must be intangible, is that really true?  Perhaps some illusions take physical form, and we all accept that form for what it is, so we see it as "reality."

When Annie says, "not one speck of it real," what does she mean?  I believe that she means that as human beings, we like to "know" things.  We like or need to have explanations for everything in life.  And the only way that we're able to explain things is through our senses, which are extremely limited.  Because of that limitation, we're not able to see or feel or smell anything but that which exists within the realm of our senses.  There are more types of light than that which we're able to see; we're able to hear just a small portion of the sounds that surround us constantly; our sense of touch is necessarily limited to those things that won't do our body harm; taste, also, is limited to those things that we eat or that enter our mouths by accident; and who knows how many things we simply cannot smell?

Because of these limitations of our senses, our view of the universe and all that's in it is incomplete.  This incomplete picture is illusion, even if we're pretty sure that the cow that we see and hear and smell is pretty real.  Sight is merely light entering our eyes and being received by our brain and then interpreted; sound is vibrations in the air being perceived and interpreted by our ears and their inner workings--and on and on.  We use our senses only to the extent of their limitations--and no further.

So what does this mean to us?  Why is it important?  Well, perhaps if we realize that what we see and hear may not be exactly what we think it is, we can respond to it more positively.  Maybe we can realize that so much of what we believe to be true--and therefore so much that affects our happiness and our peace of mind--is simply what we believe to be true, rather than what's really true.  And when we realize that, we can reclaim our happiness and our peace of mind and our lives will be a bit simpler and definitely more pleasant.

Likewise, when we realize that many other things we consider to be obstacles really are just what seems to be true, many of those obstacles will fade to nothing because they weren't obstacles to begin with.

How we see the world is our choice.  What we choose to see is our choice.  Let's choose to remember that most of what we see is illusion, and then we can lead these lives in happy, healthy, and productive ways.

A part of who we are

But by identities and integrity I do not mean only
our noble features, or the good deeds we do, or
the brave faces we wear to conceal our confusions
and complexities.  Identity and integrity have as
much to do with our shadows and limits, or wounds
and fears, as with our strengths and potentials.
-Parker J. Palmer


It's so important to keep in mind that our identity isn't formed only by those things that we see as good.  Most of us never really sit down to consider just who we are overall--we know our profession, our nationality, our gender, our family, etc., but we rarely take the time to think about just who we are.  Perhaps we don't want to because we're afraid that we'll come up lacking, and find that we aren't what we thought we are.  Or perhaps we're afraid because we'll discover the huge potential that we have as human beings to contribute to the world we live in, and that potential scares us.

What Parker is focused on here is important for us to keep in mind--our identity is made up just as much by our fears as it is by our courage.  It's made up of our flaws as well as our skills.

And that's okay.  When we're fully aware of our flaws, they aren't really flaws any more--they become traits.  I have a very hard time remembering names, I'm a very poor organizer, I'm more impatient with some people than I should be, and I often tend to be judgmental.  Because I'm aware of these aspects of who I am, though, I can work towards diminishing their predominance in my life; because I accept these aspects fully, I can work with them to turn the judgment into acceptance, the impatience into patience.

We fool ourselves completely if we ignore the less-attractive elements of who we are.  And when we try to fool ourselves that way, we think we can defeat the shadows by focusing only on the light, but that's never true.  Shadows will still be there until we remove the obstacles that keep the light from shining in those places, and the only way to remove them is to face them honestly and completely.