The positive side of tolerance

If humans are to survive, we will have learned to take
a delight in the essential differences between people
and between cultures. We will learn that differences
in ideas and attitudes are a delight, part of life's
exciting variety, not something to fear.
-Gene Roddenberry


It's getting quite discouraging at times to see just how unwilling we've become to accept differences in others--different skin colors, different political views, different ways of seeing the world.  And while the word "tolerance" may have some negative connotations, at its foundation the word is a good guide to all of us--we should tolerate the differences in opinion and viewpoints of others because they have every right to see the world from their own perspective that we have.  And we should go beyond tolerance, and Gene says here, and actually take a delight in those differences, for they're what make the world go round, what cause positive change in the world, and what allow us to learn and grow and start to see the world in different ways.

You can support any political agenda you like, and I should be able to tell you why I disagree (if I do) without showing any sort of intolerance.  That's called a discussion.  You can be any religion you feel called to follow, and we should be able to talk about it without hatred or rancor or anger.  The moment I say that you're wrong, though--the moment I say that you should change the way you see things or I can't accept you--then I've become completely intolerant, and I'm the one who's causing problems because I'm not willing to let you be who you are.  I'm expecting you to change to please me so that I can accept you.

Intolerance leads to division, and we have a world that's so divided right now that we're in danger of destroying ourselves because we're not willing to accept the views and opinions and beliefs of others.  When we learn how to tolerate differences, then we learn how to live with much less stress in our lives and much more love and compassion and understanding.  And we contribute peace and love to the world rather than suspicion and discord.

(And of course, a disclaimer:  Should we "tolerate" things like murder or child abuse or other kinds of criminal and destructive behavior?  Absolutely not.  But that brings a complete different aspect of the word's definition into play--there's a positive tolerance that allows us to live and let live, and a negative denotation of the word that is a result of fear, indifference, or even cruelty.)

Enlightenment, anyone?

Everybody wants to get enlightened but nobody wants to change.
This is the simple, daunting truth that has been staring back at me
from the eyes of countless seekers over the years.  "I really want
to get enlightened," they insist.  "But are YOU ready to CHANGE
now?" I ask.  "What?" is the inevitable response—surprised and
even slightly stunned.  And I repeat, "Are YOU ready to CHANGE
now?"  What follows is always a strange and surreal moment of
ambiguity, confusion, and backpedaling.
"But I thought you wanted to get enlightened... "    -Andrew Cohen


Andrew makes us realize here that enlightenment isn't something that we don't have to make sacrifices for.  It's not something that just hits us one day and leaves everything in our lives unchanged.  Enlightenment by its very nature is an agent of change, and unless we're willing to allow those changes in our lives, we hold on to the status quo, the way things are, and we don't allow ourselves to be the way we could be--enlightened.

When I "become" enlightened, after all, I may not be comfortable keeping my same job, or I may see just how damaging a particular relationship is to me.  Enlightenment, after all, implies a heightened awareness and a deeper understanding of life and living, and when I understand life better, I'm going to recognize problems much more readily.  And once I recognize them, it's going to be time to make some changes concerning them, isn't it?

We're comfortable in our beliefs and our fears and our habits and our traditions.  They make us feel safe and secure, for they fool us into thinking that we actually have some sort of control over life and events.  Enlightenment by its very nature has no respect for the status quo--in fact, it's about as opposed to maintaining the status quo as anything could be.  If you want to be enlightened, that means you're not currently there.  If you refuse to let go of the things and beliefs that you have now, that means that you're going to stay in your current unenlightened place.  That's simply the way it is.

Of course, none of this means that there are going to be wholesale changes on the life level if you become enlightened.  After all, one of the most famous quotations about enlightenment says, "Before enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water.  After enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water."  You can continue in your job, but you'll treat the job differently.  You can continue in your marriage, but your approach to the marriage will change.

If you desire to "be" enlightened, then you have to be ready and willing to go through and to make changes in your life, because you're not there now.  Simply put, if you're not willing to see change in your life, then you probably shouldn't be seeking enlightenment, for you're going to reject it when you find it.

Deciding Today

I live now and only now, and I will do what I want to do this moment
and not what I decided was best for me yesterday.
-Hugh Prather


It's very easy to get caught up in the idea of "sticking to your decisions."  After all, yesterday I said that I would do this task today, so of course, I'm obligated to do this task right now.  After all, I keep my word, don't I?  And very often, this is a very good strategy to follow.

Very often, though, it's not.

What if I woke up this morning and I realized that I'm close to burnout, that if I don't take some time away from the task, I'm going to suffer emotionally or physically?  Yesterday, I didn't feel this way, so my statement was easy to make.  But when I made the decision, I didn't have all the information that I needed in order to make a decision for today, and now that today is here, continuing with the task doesn't seem to be the best idea at all.  Perhaps it's time for a short break--some recreation or moving to a different task--in order to make sure that I'm able to continue effectively later.

When something drastic happens, it's easy to lay aside plans.  When your son or daughter breaks a leg, all plans are off while we take the child to the hospital.  That's an immediate response in the moment that makes complete sense because it's so obvious.  Many of our needs, though, aren't nearly as obvious.  Yesterday I decided to plant the garden, but today I see that my best friend needs someone to talk to--am I going to talk or plant?  Just because I said yesterday that I planned something today doesn't mean that I can't go with today's needs, today.

Let today talk to you.  Listen to its directions.  Live in the moment.  Today knows what today needs--yesterday had only a vague idea.  Listen to the day that knows.

What are your favorite illusions?

The universe is illusion merely, not one speck of it real, and we are
not only victims, but also captives, bound by the
mineral-made ropes of senses.
-Annie Dillard


I often have a hard time with this concept.  After all, when I reach for my coffee cup, my hand encounters something solid--and I've learned that if something is solid, then it's no illusion.  I see my wife almost every day, and I talk to and touch people in my life constantly.  How can they be illusions?  They actually exist, don't they?

I'm not sure.  I can't be sure, because I really don't know enough about anything to be completely sure about anything at all.  Just because I've learned that illusions must be intangible, is that really true?  Perhaps some illusions take physical form, and we all accept that form for what it is, so we see it as "reality."

When Annie says, "not one speck of it real," what does she mean?  I believe that she means that as human beings, we like to "know" things.  We like or need to have explanations for everything in life.  And the only way that we're able to explain things is through our senses, which are extremely limited.  Because of that limitation, we're not able to see or feel or smell anything but that which exists within the realm of our senses.  There are more types of light than that which we're able to see; we're able to hear just a small portion of the sounds that surround us constantly; our sense of touch is necessarily limited to those things that won't do our body harm; taste, also, is limited to those things that we eat or that enter our mouths by accident; and who knows how many things we simply cannot smell?

Because of these limitations of our senses, our view of the universe and all that's in it is incomplete.  This incomplete picture is illusion, even if we're pretty sure that the cow that we see and hear and smell is pretty real.  Sight is merely light entering our eyes and being received by our brain and then interpreted; sound is vibrations in the air being perceived and interpreted by our ears and their inner workings--and on and on.  We use our senses only to the extent of their limitations--and no further.

So what does this mean to us?  Why is it important?  Well, perhaps if we realize that what we see and hear may not be exactly what we think it is, we can respond to it more positively.  Maybe we can realize that so much of what we believe to be true--and therefore so much that affects our happiness and our peace of mind--is simply what we believe to be true, rather than what's really true.  And when we realize that, we can reclaim our happiness and our peace of mind and our lives will be a bit simpler and definitely more pleasant.

Likewise, when we realize that many other things we consider to be obstacles really are just what seems to be true, many of those obstacles will fade to nothing because they weren't obstacles to begin with.

How we see the world is our choice.  What we choose to see is our choice.  Let's choose to remember that most of what we see is illusion, and then we can lead these lives in happy, healthy, and productive ways.

A part of who we are

But by identities and integrity I do not mean only
our noble features, or the good deeds we do, or
the brave faces we wear to conceal our confusions
and complexities.  Identity and integrity have as
much to do with our shadows and limits, or wounds
and fears, as with our strengths and potentials.
-Parker J. Palmer


It's so important to keep in mind that our identity isn't formed only by those things that we see as good.  Most of us never really sit down to consider just who we are overall--we know our profession, our nationality, our gender, our family, etc., but we rarely take the time to think about just who we are.  Perhaps we don't want to because we're afraid that we'll come up lacking, and find that we aren't what we thought we are.  Or perhaps we're afraid because we'll discover the huge potential that we have as human beings to contribute to the world we live in, and that potential scares us.

What Parker is focused on here is important for us to keep in mind--our identity is made up just as much by our fears as it is by our courage.  It's made up of our flaws as well as our skills.

And that's okay.  When we're fully aware of our flaws, they aren't really flaws any more--they become traits.  I have a very hard time remembering names, I'm a very poor organizer, I'm more impatient with some people than I should be, and I often tend to be judgmental.  Because I'm aware of these aspects of who I am, though, I can work towards diminishing their predominance in my life; because I accept these aspects fully, I can work with them to turn the judgment into acceptance, the impatience into patience.

We fool ourselves completely if we ignore the less-attractive elements of who we are.  And when we try to fool ourselves that way, we think we can defeat the shadows by focusing only on the light, but that's never true.  Shadows will still be there until we remove the obstacles that keep the light from shining in those places, and the only way to remove them is to face them honestly and completely.

Loving others

Unless we give part of ourselves away, unless we can live
with other people and understand them and help them,
we are missing the most essential part of our own lives.

Harold Taylor


I get a bit worried sometimes about the directions our society is taking.  At times I feel very confident that we're building something positive and helpful, but other times I'm concerned that our lack of human connection--partly caused by our addictions to screens and information--is going to cause us grave harm in the not-too-distant future.  It sometimes seems that we don't live with other people anymore, but that we live around them.  That we know a lot of information about them, but that we don't understand them anymore.  We read on our screens what they eat, what they like and dislike, how they react to certain things, but we don't have a whole lot of experience with them in person.

And that's causing a great deal of imbalance in ourselves.  As Harold says here, it's essential that we live with others, understand their needs, and help them--if we're to make the most of our own lives.  If we can't or won't do these things, then we lose a huge part of who we are, and our potential is never realized, for most of out potential has to do with how we can help others, what we can do to make their lives richer and more fulfilling and, in many cases, even more bearable.

"Love isn't love til you give it away," says a song, and that's a simple truth in life.  But if we've no one to give it to, we rob the others of receiving our love, and we rob ourselves of the benefits of sharing love.  We're here on this planet to learn to love, not to watch screens and text each other.  Giving to others cannot be done with an emoji--it has to be done with the heart and spirit, and the human touch that comes with it is one of the most important elements of our giving.