Watching the World's Lack of Acceptance

To those of us who have done our best to learn ways to live our lives fully and completely, acceptance is a necessary element of a full life.  Things are as they are, and many people make themselves very miserable wishing things were different or working hard to change things (or just complain about things) that are beyond their power to actually change (such as another person's behavior, or today's weather).

For the last several months in our world of today, we've all been dealing--one way or another--with the first pandemic of our lifetimes.  We've had epidemics before, but nothing as widespread as this in the last 100 years.  Many people are dealing with the pandemic very effectively, learning all they can about the disease and the ways to avoid catching it, about how to keep ourselves and others safe, learning new behaviors, including social distancing and staying at home, even quarantining ourselves if it's possible that we've been exposed to the virus.

But we also see a lot of denial on the part of people who simply don't believe that there's a virus--or who do believe it, but who have convinced themselves that it's not nearly as dangerous as the experts would have us believe.  We also see a lot of people who don't deny the existence of the virus at all--but who completely disregard the standards necessary to keep themselves--and others--safe.

Sometimes our lack of acceptance is dangerous to us.  Normally, not accepting something as it is can be detrimental.  Now, however, not accepting the fact that we face a constant threat from a virus can actually be dangerous to us, even fatal.  When we deny the existence of the disease or the reality of the threat it poses or the necessity of the measures that we're taking to keep ourselves from being infected with the virus, we put ourselves and others at risk.  And how can we possibly be claiming to live our lives fully if we're behaving in ways that can cause harm?

The truth is simply that we can't.  Denial is a surface response, for the most part.  In our hearts, we know that the experts in the field are the experts in the field, and that what they tell us is accurate.  And if that's that case, saying things like "Masks don't help," or "This whole pandemic is a hoax" is simply a pose, one that doesn't really help us in our hearts and spirits.  We know as we're saying it that what we say isn't true, yet because we've said it, we feel pressure to live up to our words and not wear masks in stores.  Then we can brag about "sticking to our word," even while inside we're a bit terrified about contracting the virus because yes, we have read all of the articles and have seen all of the newscasts that are telling us it's true--from more unbiased sources than we get get most of our other information from.

Some of our lack of acceptance stems from fatigue, even "compliance fatigue," which is exactly what the words imply:  getting very tired of wearing a mask and social distancing, and engaging in more risky behavior because of our exhaustion.  We let our guard down and then come up with explanations or excuses for having done so.  It feels good to let our guard down after keeping it up for so long--but the potential effects in this case can be disastrous, even fatal.

Do you know someone who refuses to accept that a worldwide pandemic is going on, and that the measures that we're taking are meant to lower the risk of others getting sick?  While it's easy to judge those people harshly and call them things like "stupid," the truth is that these people are dealing with the problems in ways that they've been taught to deal with problems, no matter how ineffective or dangerous they may be.  Not everyone is ready or able to accept something as dreadful as a pandemic, and we'd be fooling ourselves if we were to think that someone who's not able to accept a pandemic should be able to deal with it in ways that make sense.

I watch a lot of my students take their masks off every chance they get, and gather together with no social distancing at all.  I see adults refuse to wear masks in stores and other places where there are many people in the same building.  For whatever reason, these people are unable to accept what's going on, and they definitely put others at risk due to their lack of ability to accept.

While it's not our responsibility to teach others about life and living, we do send a strong message when we demonstrate our acceptance of the situation and behave accordingly.  When we wear our masks and insist on social distancing, we're sending a very clear message that we've accepted reality as it is, and that we're going to cope with it in ways that are safe and responsible.  We aren't going to convince them by calling them stupid, and we aren't going to be able to reason with them, so our best bet is to educate by example, trying to keep ourselves as safe as possible in the meantime.  Calling someone out and yelling at them isn't going to help; educating them may.

There are many things that I would like to see in this world.  One of those things would be to see more people showing kindness and compassion for their neighbors.  Unfortunately, most of our young people are taught self-interest and even selfishness above all else, and because of that they don't see themselves as part of a community, and they don't feel any call to try to keep others in their community safe and healthy.  And once they commit some sort of act that may endanger others, their words become words of justification of their own actions.  The words of the person who denies that the pandemic is real may be the words of the person who feels guilty for having put others at risk, and who is just trying to justify his or her own actions or inaction.

So let us try to teach through example, and make sure that we don't let any false claims slide--for the adult who claims that something false is actually true may be teaching the child to believe that same lie.  We have a hard task in modelling acceptance of life as it is rather than as we would prefer it to be, but it's not an impossible task.  Just difficult.  And difficult we can handle.  We won't always be successful, of course, but at least we can do our best.

New Levels of Fatigue

I was just reading an article about some of the fires that have plagued Colorado this autumn--two of them are still burning, and they've become the largest and second-largest wildfires in Colorado history.  The article ends with a statement from one of the firefighters who have been fighting the blazes:  "Everyone's just tired."

What an incredibly apt statement for this particular time in our lives.  Given the pandemic, the extreme weather, the number of fires, the relentless partisan politics in the States, a nasty election year, and so many other things going on, most of us are feeling an exhaustion unlike anything we've felt before.  The main problem is that we're not able to define it or even comprehend it fully, since it really is unlike anything we've felt before.

I think that "relentless" is a good word for the way things have been in our world recently.  Things just keep on keeping on, especially the pandemic, which is now much worse than it was back in March, when we shut everything down.  More people are getting the virus now than at any other time in the last nine months, when we had been hoping against hope that things might be slowing down by now.

One of the major problems that we're facing is that many people have given in to the fatigue, and they're now acting as if the virus has run its course, as they had hoped.  And their reckless behavior is unfortunately putting many more people at risk.

Fatigue can be a dangerous symptom.  It can lead us to take risks that we normally wouldn't take, to do things that we normally wouldn't do, to not do things that we normally would.  Someone who is fatigued can come up with any explanation at all to explain away risky behavior, and feel completely justified in their behavior.  "I'm just tired of that stupid mask" is something that I hear pretty regularly, as people go out in public without wearing it.

And of course, the reality is that it doesn't matter how tired of the mask they are--if they were exposed to the virus a couple of days ago, they may be spreading it now to others.  The masks provide only a small amount of protection to the wearer.  The purpose of the mask is to protect others from the wearer by limiting the amount of moisture that the person exhales from getting into the air, thus spreading the virus.

But when we're exhausted, reason isn't always our best friend.  We become more self-centered, focused much more strongly on our own needs.  It makes sense from a biological perspective--if our bodies are losing their strength and energy, then our minds need to find ways to deal with the problem.  If I've been running for two hours and I feel exhausted, then my mind needs to tell me to stop running.

Interestingly enough, I think that the time I spent in the Army was good preparation for this pandemic.  In that situation, we were forced to work past the limits of our endurance, and we became quite good at it.  And four years in the Army were definitely much more challenging than a year or two of wearing a mask.  To me, this is just a small blip in time, even if it does last two years.  Twenty years from now, these two years will seem like almost nothing--and there's nothing saying that this is going to last a full two years.  Hopefully, this will all be waning to a close by next summer.  But I'm fully prepared to wear a mask however long it takes.  It's simply not that big of a deal.

So how do we deal with exhaustion?  Of course, rest is important, but how do you rest from something that's so predominant, something that you're reminded of every time you go anywhere?  For me, it's very important to take a rest from the news at least a couple of days a week.  This is part of where the relentlessness comes in--we're constantly reminded of the pandemic and the election by newscasts, commercials, and television programs.  This also means taking a break from online news if you're feeling too exhausted to deal with it.

We do need to monitor ourselves better than we normally do, too.  We need to be sure that we're doing okay, that we're not suffering from the effects of exhaustion.  We can do this in part by looking at our behaviors, the things that we're doing and saying.  Are they things that we normally would do and say?  Or are we more touchy, more sensitive than normal?  Sometimes we need to notice these things so that we can plan an emergency day of rest for ourselves, for if we allow ourselves to continue functioning at 100% even while we're exhausted, the chances are much better that we're going to end up doing or saying something extremely damaging, to ourselves and possibly to others, too.

This is the kind of time, too, when practicing acceptance is very important.  Things are as they are, and they're not going to change just because we wish they were different.  It would be nice if our worry or concern could make things different, but they really can't.  This is one of the things that was drilled into us over and over again in the Army--your situation is what it is, and you have to deal with it as it is.  Period.  And this is a lesson that I think that many people who haven't had any sort of long-term training under trying circumstances have a harder time internalizing.  Some things take practice, and dealing with adversity over the long term rather than the short term is one of those things.

It's important that we talk to others, without that talking turning into mere complaining (which can feel good at the moment, but which is almost never effective).  It's important that we be able to express our frustrations and concerns, and even to share our encouragement with someone else who could use it because they're exhausted, too.  Helping others to cope can be one of the most important coping strategies that we use for ourselves.  Getting things out into the open helps us to keep from internalizing them in negative ways, too.  Suppressing frustration and stress and even anger can lead to more of the same, only stronger, later.

We can't wait for others to fix things for us.  We're living through this just as everyone else is, and if we wait for a vaccine or an election or something else to "happen," thinking that then all of our fatigue will go away, we're in for great disappointment.  "Things are as they are" may sound extremely Zen, but the truth is that it's a principal that people from everywhere have learned to be true.  If we don't like them as they are, usually we don't like what our lives have become because of them.  And our only real options are to change our own lives and actions to compensate for the issue (quarantine, mask-wearing, etc.), or accept it for what it is and continue living the way we were, albeit with risks--some of them unacceptable, such as putting others at risk to catch a potentially fatal virus.

We will get through.  Unfortunately, though, that statement doesn't apply to all those who already have died and who will die from the virus.  As a species, though, we'll probably be okay in a year or two, and we'll look back at these times and this exhaustion with a new perspective, having learned a great deal about ourselves and how we deal with long-term adversity.  Not all of us will be happy with what we see, but that's part of the learning experience of life, isn't it?

Hang in there.  If you're like probably more than 90% of the people in this world, you're exhausted.  You suffer from a fatigue unlike any you've probably felt before.  But each day is a new day, and we can take today's difficulties for one more day; and then tomorrow, we can do the same.  It's important that we keep in mind that things are as they are, and if we need to make any changes, we'll know how to make them when the right time comes.  Hang in there, and help others to hang in there, too.  This, too, shall pass.

Reflection

 It's so very strange living in a world in which all of our conflict, all of our turmoil, is out in the open all the time, being exposed on social media and shared with anyone in the world who finds it.  It used to be that if I had a personal problem, I dealt with it on my own, usually asking for advice from one or two very trusted individuals.  Now, though, I can put it on social media with a blanket request for advice, and receive literally hundreds of responses, depending on how many friends or "followers" I have.

And when the advice does come in, I'll more than likely sift through it to find out how many people gave the advice that I wanted to hear.  Once I see several of those, I'm going to take that advice, and do what I wanted to do to begin with.

But troubled times aren't times for noise.  We already hear enough noise, in the arguments about politics and taxes, in the speeches of politicians who are trying to divide us, in the tears and cries for help from people who don't have enough to eat, who don't have work, who have lost loved ones to the pandemic, who are barely holding on in a world that so many people claim is here to have us thrive.  Noise is all about us, and times like those we're going through now call for more quiet, more peace, more reflection.  We live in a society that doesn't value reflection at all, and that fact is obvious in the ways that we're willing to damage the world we live in without giving it a thought, in the ways that we hurt our friends and neighbors without caring, in the ways that we hurt ourselves without realizing it.

Reflection is not a dirty word, believe it or not.  Reflection is our attempt to go inside and meet our authentic selves, that spirit that's deep within us that knows the difference between right and wrong, between need and desire, between true and false.  Reflection is our attempt to carve out a peaceful area in which we can thrive and grow and mature, without worrying about material goods or impressing other people or "getting ahead."  And in these tumultuous days that we're living through right now, reflection may be our last true haven, our last and only authentic chance for finding the sweet among the bitter, the true among the false, the good among the evil.

I believe that my best reflection takes place while I'm running, for then I'm able to think things through without distractions.  Yes, I have to watch the road ahead of me, but that doesn't keep me from pondering the important things in my life.  And it may be a misnomer to say "think things through," for the strength of reflection isn't necessarily in thinking things through and coming to conclusions.  Sometimes, it's important for me to bring something to mind without judging it, without trying to come up with solutions if it's a problem.  I just need to consider it.  If someone said something that offended me, it's tempting to think of comebacks or methods of revenge.

But what if I just ask myself, "Why?"  Why did that person say it?  Did I do something to deserve the comment?  Was the comment a result of his or her own frustration or anger, and really isn't about me at all?  Why does it offend me?  They're just words, right?  Why is it still on my mind?  It must be important to me somehow.  

When we reflect, we don't need to look for answers.  Rather, we need to feel who we are as an authentic human being, and apply that authenticity to our lives and our relationships.  There's a huge difference between what logic and reason can allow to be right, and what's authentically right for us as a member of the human race and an inhabitant of this planet.

But if we never take time out for reflection, we'll never hear that authentic voice because it's being stifled by all those other voices that aren't there for our good.

Find some peace and quiet, even if it's only for ten minutes a day.  And when you find it, don't allow your mind to just run over the same things it runs over when you're not alone in quiet.  Rather, find something to focus on--your breath, the beautiful picture on your wall, the image of your infant daughter or granddaughter, the memory of a day at the beach.  Let your mind slow down and quiet, and when it does so, then consider something that's bothering you--without trying to explain it or solve it.  A gun can kill you if you point it at yourself and pull the trigger, but it can't harm you at all if you just look at it and learn more about it.  It's similar with our thoughts--if we can examine them without judgment, we can learn from them, leading to new thoughts that are healthier and more helpful to us.

Hectic times are, ironically enough, times when reflection is most important.  Take some time to and for yourself, and learn what your own mind has to teach you.  You deserve the peace that you'll introduce to your life, and the people in your lives will be grateful to have a more grounded, peaceful person in their lives.

More thoughts and ideas on reflection.

How Can I Live My Life Fully in These Days of Turmoil?

Things aren't as they normally have been in our world of today.  Between constantly worsening political division and a pandemic that has killed over a million people in the last eight months, as well as worsening wildfires all over the globe, widespread unemployment, weak economies, and many other factors that are affecting our lives today, we live in a world in which it can be challenging to survive, much less to thrive.

It is, after all, extremely stressful to be dealing with a virus that we never know when we might catch it, or what effects it will have on us when we do.  It's hard to watch people divide themselves on purely political grounds, and treat each other awfully when they do so.  It's very difficult to live with steady financial unsureness or instability, wondering when they may let us go at work--even if for a while--or when we won't be able to pay the rent or the mortgage.  It's difficult to see and hear so many people call us stupid for our political beliefs, or insult us because we do what we feel is right to do and say what we feel is right to say.

Difficult to live life fully?  Absolutely.  Impossible?  Absolutely not.

Now more than ever, it's important that we increase our awareness and our acceptance.  It's imperative that we live in the present moment during these tumultuous days, and that we spread more love and compassion in a world that desperately needs it.  We're being exposed constantly to news that is bad, to social media posts that are hate-filled and divisive, and to politicians who are making decisions based on what is expedient and what will earn them money rather than what is good for all of their constituents.  We see so many things now that we never used to see before the advent of the Internet that sometimes it's tempting to think that life and people are changing, but the truth is that people have always done things that are harmful and hurtful--we just never used to see as much of it all.

So how do we remain upbeat and positive in a world that seems to be intent upon beating us down and keeping us down?

First, we have to remember that the world isn't at all interested in beating us down.  The world itself is indifferent.  It simply is.  It's not trying to harm us or depress us--it's just doing its own thing, day after day.  So we can stop feeling that the world is somehow against us, for the world is still providing us with all the beauty and wonder that it provided us with last year at this time.

Second, we have to make ourselves open to the beauty and the wonder, and try to avoid reading too many social media posts and watching too many newscasts.  And when we do read and watch them, we need to be receptive to the positive and the beautiful, for it's there.  People are afraid these days, of many things, and much of what we see in the world around us is a result of that fear--people are expressing their fears in an attempt to get a grasp on them so that they aren't as strongly affected by them.  When they express their fears, though, it's easy for us to start to feel the same fears as we read about other people's fears.  My friend who is afraid of the virus may post new statistics that show that it's spreading more quickly--and when I read those statistics, I may adopt that same fear.  Another friend who hates a certain politician may post something that is infuriating about that person, and when I read it, I may start to feel the same anger and hatred.

But I can't do that if I'm to maintain my balance and my peace of mind and heart.  I have to learn to read those things objectively, and then move on without adopting the fear or anger behind the writing.  And I also need to find things to read and watch that balance out  the fear and anger, like a very positive movie or television show.  There is still much love and beauty in the world, but it doesn't help us a bit if we don't recognize it, pay attention to it, and appreciate it.

So these two things are a start.  There will be more strategies soon.  But for now, here's a challenge that you may want to accept:  when you read something negative this week, ask yourself how it make you feel, and then ask yourself if that feeling is helping you or hurting you.  And then, for the sake of balance, search out something positive, even if it means going to a search engine and typing in "positive memes" or "uplifting memes" or "positive videos."  There's plenty out there to find, and just one or two of them can help to lift our spirits.

So for now, I bid you adieu, until soon!