"Acceptance" is one of those words that many of us seem to have problems with. We like to "accept" on condition, which really isn't acceptance at all. It's kind of like love in that way--we give our love freely to those who meet our standards or conditions, but we hold it back from people who don't. We like to say that we accept life as it is, accept people as they are, accept situations as they are, but putting acceptance into practice is much, much different than truly accepting anything.
If I want to accept a person exactly as they are, then I can't impose conditions on that acceptance at all. I can't say, "I like him, but I don't want to get together with him because of who he voted for." We can't say, "You're a great person--once you learn some better manners, I'll be interested in seeing more of you." We can't accept life as it is if we constantly look for the problems in life. "I like living here, but it rains too much." If we lose our jobs for some reason, the very first step that we have to make is too accept the loss, for nothing else can come of the situation until we do accept it. Even if we were fired for unfair reasons, we can't fight the firing until we actually accept the fact that we have been fired.
Acceptance is a letting-go process. You let go of your wishes
and demands that life can be different. It's a conscious choice.
-Gary Emery
When we accept things as they are, we contribute greatly to our own peace of mind and peace of heart, for our acceptance frees us--we have no need or desire to have to make changes to anything. It is what it is, and it's not our responsibility to improve or fix it. And since most of our efforts to change things or people or situations to meet our personal criteria end up failing, anyway, that freedom is very welcome to us. We're free to enjoy things as they are rather than spending our time wishing they were something else.
It's very important that we remind ourselves constantly that we weren't placed on this planet in order to change other things and people in order to make them what we think they should be. We cannot learn from other people unless we accept them as they are. We cannot be at peace with situations unless we accept them as they are. We cannot reach our full potential until we accept ourselves as we are.
Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not
mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary it means accepting
it as it comes. . . . To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety.
-Paul Tournier
Of course, acceptance of the way things are doesn't necessarily imply approval. I may accept someone's drug addiction because the person simply is a drug addict, and I can do nothing to help that person until I acknowledge and accept that fact. When I accept that truth, I can act accordingly--this is not a person I would put in charge of anything important or have babysit my kids. And it's not until that person accepts his or her own addiction that any true change can be made.
Accepting life doesn't ever mean that I refuse to try to change things for the better. It means that I've done my best to see things as they are, and I'm willing to let life and other people do their own things without interference or help from me. It's a freeing tendency, one that allows us to go on with making our lives the best they can be without feeling obligated to fix things for everyone else. You are as you are, and that's just fine. I may not want to spend much time with you because of the way you swear or the way you tend to insult other people, but that's fine. I can tell you that straight out: "I like you, but I try to avoid that type of talk because it offends me," and then let you choose whether or not it's worth it to you to tone down the language in order to spend more time with me. I've made my choices based on accepting who you are, and now you have a chance to make your own choices. I'm not trying to change you, but my acceptance of you shouldn't make me have to endure behaviors that make me feel awful.
I truly do believe that accepting life as it is and people as they are is one of the most important keys to living life fully. When we do learn to accept life, accept others, and accept ourselves fully and unconditionally, we lose a lot of self-created stress that comes about because we think we need to control life and control people and control situations--and that's a thought that dooms us to failure and extra stress, because we weren't put here to control things--we're here to learn from things as they are, and to get to know them and love them as they are.
I accept life unconditionally. Most people ask for happiness on condition.
Happiness can only be felt if you don't set any condition.
-Artur Rubinstein
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