The Way Things Seem

I've found in life that the ways that things seem to be very often aren't actually the ways that things are.  We bring so many of our own biases and prejudices and desires into what we see that we tend to see things in the ways that we want to see them, or through a lens that distorts reality so significantly that the view that we have is warped, at best.

As a teacher, I see this constantly.  The young person who seems to be screwing around to get attention is sometimes dealing with trauma at home, and acting out their emotions in a place where it's safe to do so.  The student who seems to not be studying at all may be sleep deprived, or have poor eyesight, or have a learning difference that makes a particular topic almost impossible to learn.  The student who doesn't seem to care at all may be withdrawn because of relationship difficulties in the family, up to and including being abused by a parent.

We've all heard the saying, "Things aren't always what they seem."  From my experience, I would amend that statement to read, "Things are rarely what they seem."

This is Thanksgiving week, and here in the States, we have a beautiful holiday to celebrate on Thursday.  This day's focus on gratitude gives us an opportunity to think more deeply about thankfulness, about appreciation.  It gives us a chance not just to count our blessings, but to ponder them.  Why do we consider them blessings?  Why do we not consider other things blessings?

There are many people who have kept the same job for decades and have fallen into a rut of repetition that makes them miserable.  Is the steady job and the paycheck really a "blessing," then?  Others have been fired from their jobs through no fault of their own and ended up finding something else, something better that inspires them more and rekindles passion for their work.  Was being fired from the job really a "curse," then?  Or was it a bigger blessing than the steady job and pay that would have led to tedium and unhappiness?

Of course, a steady job with good pay can be a huge blessing.  But that isn't always the case, is it?

This Thanksgiving, I'm going to challenge myself to look for the blessings in the supposed curses, the positive in the seeming negative.  I'm going to do my best to find a reason to be thankful for everything in my life, with the knowledge that I have no idea what kinds of benefits my current situations will bring me in the future.  Perhaps I'm not too fond of my job, but the person I meet there three months from now is going to show me how to open some other doors that will be much more beneficial to me than the ones I see now.

This Thanksgiving, I'm going to try to be thankful without condition.  I'm going to try to see the good and the positive in everything, knowing as I do that even things that begin with evil can bear positive outcomes (I'm thinking about the war in the Ukraine now--a war that is inexcusable and that was begun with evil intentions).

I'm going to be thankful for all that I've had in life, all that I do have in life, and all that I shall have later in life.  Because my thankfulness--or lack of it--is completely up to me.

You can visit our page on Thanksgiving by clicking here.

Moment by Moment

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and never will be again.    -Pau Casals
  
  
This truth about the lives we lead is very, very difficult to keep in mind most of the time.  After all, when I go into work today, that same obnoxious person will still be making me uncomfortable; that same problem with my computer will be there; I'll still get along well with certain co-workers.  In my case, I'll still have the same students in my classes, with the same drama and complaining and humor and achievement.  It's hard to distinguish this particular moment in my life--this "right here, right now"--from all the other right heres and right nows that already have passed.
   
But the fact that this is a new and unique moment of the universe means, of course, that I have the power to make changes.  I have the option of doing things differently, of reacting differently to similar situations or actions.  I have the possibility of starting something new or continuing something that I've been at for a while.  I have the opportunity to step onto a new road that may be going somewhere that I've never intended on going to--and making the most of the journey that results.
  
Right here and right now, I have the choice of continuing to type or stopping, of continuing to think of which words to write or to stop thinking about this and start thinking of something else.  I can go back and delete a paragraph or a word or a sentence.  I can do anything I want--it really is my choice.

And it's the same with anything in my life.  I could decide right now never to go back to my job--though I would pay a series of very high prices for making that decision.  In some situations, though, those prices would be worth it.  We tell ourselves so often, "I'll make this change when the time is right" because we're worried about consequences, but sometimes maintaining the status quo can be much more difficult and much more damaging than making a change and facing consequences.

What are we going to do with this moment?  Some of my favorite moments each day are those when I simply close my eyes and breathe deeply and calm myself.  I don't get anything "done" during those moments, of course, but they make other moments during my day much more enjoyable and productive.  I also enjoy practicing awareness during moments when I remember to do so--looking around and actually seeing and appreciating all the things that are around me.

In other moments, I compliment or encourage someone--or both.  I stop and actually listen to music that's being played.  I take out a picture or two that remind me of beautiful moments of my past.  I hug my wife or one of my kids if they're around.

What I find to be the most important use of moments, though, is the decision-making that I'm able to do.  All of my previous moments have led to this present moment somehow, so I have a lot of experience and learning behind me.  This moment right here and right now, I can make a decision that will affect all of my future moments.  That decision can have to do with my job or a relationship or a hobby or education or my body, but our most important decisions happen in a moment, don't they?  A lot builds up to them, of course, but the decision itself is the result of a moment, and hopefully a moment of clarity.

The present moment, right here and right now, offers us much.  Few of us, though, are able even to recognize what's being offered, much less able to take advantage of the offers.  Perhaps by practicing awareness, we can be more aware of what each moment of our lives brings to us.