Is This All Illusion?--A Paragraph a Day

The idea that what we consider to be our "reality" is actually illusion intrigues me.  I've seen many movies and documentaries that make the argument that what we see isn't really what we think it is, and I've read many books and articles that claim the same thing.  It's a fascinating idea to think that what we think is surrounding us every day could actually be all or mostly in our heads and our imagination, rather than what we think it is.  This is a hard concept to wrap our minds around, it's true, especially when we consider things that we consider to be "solid," like our houses.  Is it possible that the reality of our houses is simply an illusion that we all agree to, and which therefore manifests itself as reality in our minds, where it really matters?  The idea was explored in the film The Matrix, which shows our reality as a computer program that's being fed into our brains to make us think that we're actually living our lives, while in truth we're functioning as living batteries, a power source for the electronic beings that are now in charge of the planet.  I think it's important to consider such ideas as possible--even remotely--whether we actually believe them or not.  It's only when we look outside of what we've come to consider as "real" that we can start to appreciate the vast amount of possibility that this life provides us with.

Kindness Isn't That Hard (But I'm Not That Good at It)--A Paragraph a Day

It really surprises me sometimes when I think about kindness and I realize just how little I actually try to be kind, just how little I make kindness my highest priority.  Often, I admit, I don't have to think about it much.  I've tried to make it my default way of acting, but sometimes I seem to get sidetracked and I forget all about kindness when I'm more focused on defensiveness or a feeling of a need for control or simply feeling overwhelmed or tired or even hungry.  It's not so difficult to be kind, though, is it?  It's something that we all can accomplish if we want to, and something that benefits not just the people we're kind to, but ourselves as well.  The kind word or action can even start a ripple that spreads out and affects more people than those with whom we have direct contact; one of the beauties of kindness is the fact that it does spread, and that we never know just how far our individual kindness reaches.  I'd like to be better at being kind--more focused on being kind and trying to be kind to others--and I'm constantly trying to improve when I actually think about it.  Of course, some kindnesses are in disguise--I think I'm kinder to my students when I hold them to standards and don't pass something that should be failing--but even so, they are kindnesses.  One day I hope to live a life of kindness every day, and I hope that it doesn't take me too long to get there.

One Power of Music--A Paragraph a Day

I listen to a lot of music, and I have my entire life long.  It's soothing to me, especially when there's a strong melody and good vocals.  Some songs I can listen to over and over again, without ever growing tired of them.  Music has been a friend to me since I was very young--since I was in a military family, we moved pretty constantly, and the music was about the only constant in my life other than my family members.  And quite honestly, I often preferred the music to the family members, given the amount of conflict that they liked to create.  We could move from the west coast to the east coast to the midwest, and I could turn on the radio anywhere and hear the same songs.  Even the disc jockeys sounded the same, oddly enough.  It was pretty much the only stable element of an early life that completely lacked stability, the only consistent element in a life that completely lacked consistency.  Some people like music for scholarly reasons; others are musicians and they love music because they have a strong relationship with the sounds.  Me, I appreciate music definitely for the sound, but mostly for the way it was always there for me when I needed to be comforted or reassured that the world wasn't completely falling apart, that there was at least one thing that I could depend on.

Can We Teach Kindness?--A Paragraph a Day

Kindness is often on my mind when I'm teaching high school students.  It's one thing to teach things like English and Spanish and Literature, but it's something altogether different to try to teach young people to be kind to one another, to show each other compassion and understanding.  Most young people do their best to be good people, of course, but it's very tempting for them to say those words that will make someone laugh, but hurt someone else.  It's easy for them to be inconsiderate--or perhaps it's difficult for them to be considerate when their main focus in life is currently themselves.  It comes with the age, doesn't it?  They're growing and learning and trying to do the best they can in everything, but they're still self-centered.  So how do we teach kindness?  Honestly, I don't really try because I'm not sure that something like that can be taught.  I do model it every chance I get, which is almost all day, every day, but I don't look at it as something that I can teach to someone else.  Rather, I make sure to point out the negative results of unkind words and actions, and I leave it to them to learn it rather than thinking that I can actually teach it.  After all, they have to want to have the positive results of being kind in their lives, and the best that I can do, I think, is to help them to see clearly the positive results of kindness on one's own spirit.  I don't know how effective the lesson is, but I believe that they can learn to be kind by wanting to feel the positive feelings that come from having been kind to someone else.

A Time to Rest--A Paragraph a Day

Today was a restful day.  I didn't do a whole lot, as the weather outside wasn't amenable to outdoor activities, and I had that day off from work.  I did a few chores and tasks, I played a few games of chess online, I went for a run on the treadmill, I read, I listened to music.  I didn't accomplish a whole lot, and that's okay.  I needed a day with nothing really going on, with out any stress of getting a particular task finished or achieving anything specific.  It was very nice just flowing with the day, and sometimes I wonder if that's what life is supposed to be like--not worrying about accomplishment or pleasing other people, but doing what the day brings along and doing our best at it and trying to enjoy it.  I think that on the day I day, I'm going to think back much more fondly on those days that I spent simply being, and less fondly on those days that were stressful and annoying.  Sure, there's a sense of pride to be had when we accomplish certain things or get other things done, but who knows if our goal in life should be to learn how to simply be,  rather than learning always how to do.  Our cultures value the latter, though, so that's what we tend to focus on, never even thinking that we may be doing something that's more harmful to us than slowing down, resting, and being mindful of all the gifts that are part of our lives.

The Kid Inside--A Paragraph a Day

After a while the middle-aged person who lives in her head begins to talk to her soul, the kid.
-Anne Lamott


It seems that the older I get, the more I'm in touch with memories from my childhood.  Recently, tons of memories that hadn't surfaced for decades have started to make their ways into my conscious mind, and I can guarantee you that it's quite strange.  I'm remembering long-forgotten things that seem to be almost the life of a stranger, separated as I am from my childhood by at least five decades.  But when they do come back, they're strong and they're clear, and they make me realize just how much trauma I actually underwent all those years ago, and they help me to understand some of the many issues that I still have to face in my daily life.  They help me to see why I fear this, why I'm hesitant to do that, why this bothers me so much, why that gets me so angry.  And more importantly, they help me to see that that young person who I was is still a very important part of who I am, and that I should be treating myself with love and compassion because that young person didn't deserve to have that sort of trauma pushed into his life in the first place.  It's important that I accept him as he was without judgment, and that I love him unconditionally and allow him to influence some of the many decisions that I make every single day.

Do I Have Too Many Clothes?--A Paragraph a Day

Sometimes it's hard to feel that I'm being responsible with the resources available to me on this planet. We constantly hear different rules for living life responsibly--we should be frugal, we should spend freely, we should live simply, we should take advantage of all that's available to us.  What I try to do is simple--I want to live within my means, with a definite sense of responsibility towards that planet and the people and animals and plants on it, but I also want to be realistic.  For example, I want to live simply, but I have a lot of clothes.  There's a part of me that says, "I shouldn't have so many clothes if I want to live simply," but there's another part that acknowledges that the vast majority of my clothes have been gifts from others or thrift shop purchases, so I'm not exactly being excessive.  I also know that I can get rid of all the clothes in a moment if I need to, and I won't miss them.  They've been cheap and they serve a purpose, and they're not more important to me than they should be.  But I also know that if I were to get rid of them, especially if I were to donate them somewhere, they could end up somewhere where there are literally mountains of cast-off clothes that nobody wants.  Our clothes and the clothes of people from other wealthy countries are overwhelming places in Africa and Asia, and filling their landfills rather than our own.  Me holding on to them hurts absolutely no one, as long as I actually use them.  So use them I shall, and keep them I shall, till I may not need them any more.

Are We Doing Best by the Kids?--A Paragraph a Day

My wife and I were at the store the other day, and we saw a stand for Girl Scout cookies.  We went over to buy some, and I noticed something that I had seen before in other places that always disturbs me to a certain extent:  there were no Girl Scouts there.  There were a few parents, or possibly Scout leaders, but there were no actual Girl Scouts doing the work of selling the cookies.  We buy Girl Scout cookies every year not because they're wonderful (though they are quite good), but because we want to support the organization and the girls it benefits.  But the adults are taking over everything, and not requiring the girls even to be there.  In the past, selling the cookies was a way to get the girls to contribute to their own experience by raising the money themselves, yet now it seems that everything is just given to them, without them even having to stand by a table for a couple of hours, selling cookies that are very easy to sell.  A great lesson in seeing the need to do some work and the benefits of that work is now not a part of their Girl Scout experience.  It's similar to the basketball player at my high school who sent out emails saying "We're raising money for our team--go to this website to make a contribution with your credit card."  When I think of the other students who are actually doing some sort of fund-raising work, it's fascinating to me to think how the actual work is now not a part of fund-raising.  It's a shame to me, because there are many important lessons that these young people aren't learning that we used to learn at a young age, and that's going to be a detriment to them somewhere in their futures.

Drops in the Ocean--A Paragraph a Day

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean.  But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.   -Mother Teresa


Sometimes it's extremely hard to remind myself that what I'm doing actually makes any sort of difference.  In order for me to actually believe that it does, I have to trust life and trust the world, and that's not all that easy for me to do--and this is a common trait of Adult Children of Alcoholics.  But trust I must, so trust I do, as much as I possibly can.  After all, so much of what happens in this world as a result of my actions are things that I don't see, things that my be a positive result of something that I said or did, but that I have no clue even happened.  I do have an advantage of working with young people as a teacher, and as long as I'm doing that I know that there's a chance that I'll have a positive influence somewhere, somehow.  I rarely know of positive results of my life, but I'm willing to guess that most of us are in the same boat.  We keep going on and going on, doing what we do to the best of our abilities with the hopes that there will be some positive ripples moving out from the action, but never knowing if there actually are.  And that's okay--that's what life is about, isn't it?  Doing and then letting go of needing to know results.  My drop in the ocean is going to be as rich and full as I can possibly make it, and I simply have to trust that there are other positive and rich drops from others in that same ocean.  There are many, many good people in this world, so there have to be many, many wonderful drops in that ocean.

Winter Guilt, Sort of--A Paragraph a Day

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments,
embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour.
-John Boswell

As odd as it sounds, sometimes I feel guilty in the winter.  Not for anything bad that I've done, but because I spend so much time doing so little.  I'm a pretty active person by nature, but winter is a season during which I feel the desire to hunker down and enjoy the intimacy of the indoors and not have tons of things planned to do.  I'm still fairly active--I still go running, I still do work around the house, I still go for walks--but not nearly as active as I am in the warmer months.  I'm not a winter sports person, and that's fine.  I like to sit down and play a few games of chess online, or read a good book, or take a nap.  I'm fortunate that I don't really feel guilty about not doing things, because if I did, winter would bring out tremendous guilt feelings.  Instead, I do my best to enjoy the down time, to make the most of the time that I can relax and feel fine just sitting here with a cup of coffee or tea or cocoa and a good book or a computer.  We still have a few weeks of winter left, and I hope that I'm able to enjoy them and all that they bring, as much as I possibly can!

Super Bowl Sunday? Who Cares?--A Paragraph a Day

Who cares?  Actually, quite a lot of people do.  Many care because they have money riding on the result.  Many care because they're strongly invested emotionally in their "favorite" team, and how the team does goes a long way towards affecting how they feel for the next few days.  Personally, I don't care--it might be an interesting game to watch from the standpoint of competition, but the hype and publicity for this particular game has pushed things so far that the simple competition itself really isn't the most important part of the game for most people--for the vast majority of viewers, it seems that the only important thing is the result.  We've taken sports, which used to be a lot of fun when they were something that we did as a pastime, and turned them into something far more "important" than they really are.  We've deified simple human beings whose sole claim to fame is that they're able to play a particular sport well, and we look up to them as we should look up to people who contribute to the well-being of their fellow human beings.  That doesn't mean that we can't look up to the players, but why do we ignore so many people who do so much for so many while we focus our admiration on athletes and entertainers who are simply good at what they do?  I'm a good teacher, but I'll certainly never earn anywhere near what these guys make for the "work" that they do.  Who cares that it's Super Bowl Sunday?  Many people do, of course, but it would be so nice if more cared about taking care of the planet and their fellow living beings here.

A Nice Warm Home--A Paragraph a Day

My wife and I went for a walk in the cold a couple of hours ago, and it was wonderful.  It isn't a terribly cold day, and though there was a wind, it wasn't a terribly cold or heavy one.  We had a very nice walk, and even better, when we got home, we were greeted by warmth and coziness, something that I never cease to be grateful for.  It would be very easy, of course, to take such a thing for granted, to assume that the cozy home is there for us always, that we somehow deserve it--even though literally billions of people on this planet don't have such a thing.  I appreciate the fact that I appreciate the warmth, too, especially when I see what's just happened in Turkey and Syria and I think about what those people must be going through.  Many of them have lost everything, including loved ones, and I still have a comfortable, warm home to sit in and write these words.  I hope that I never lose the ability to appreciate that which I have--even those things that seem rather mundane or normal.  We all have many blessings in our lives, and it's our choice whether we appreciate them or not, whether we allow them to enrich our perspective or allow ourselves to grow jaded and unappreciative.  It really is up to each one of us.

Cooperation: A Lost Art?--A Paragraph a Day

I wonder sometimes if cooperation is completely lost to today's people on this planet.  Have we lost our ability to work together towards common aims, focusing instead on our differences and not working with someone else because we disagree with them strongly?  It's a shame if we have lost the willingness to cooperate with others because it seems very clear that as a species, we're not going to progress at all unless we're able to work together to overcome the obstacles that face us.  If we focus only on what we want and what we think is right, we lose the chance to learn from others who have something very special to teach us, something that we can get only from them.  If we aren't willing to work with others, then we're doomed to having to do everything ourselves, and much of the work that we do will be necessarily mediocre, because we're not all gifted and doing everything.  Some things we're going to be only kind of good at, but if we're unwilling to help others and get help from others, "kind of good" will be the limit of our potential as far as most things are concerned.  The world may be full of people who are unwilling to compromise, but in this case it's important that we don't take our cues from those people.  Rather, learn from those who are willing to work together with others, as human beings really, truly should.

It's Going to Be Cold--A Paragraph a Day

It's going to get well below zero tonight, and we're fortunate enough to have a nice, warm home where we can ride out the cold snap.  We're not going to have to be outside in the frigid air, and we're not going to have to risk any sort of cold injury like frostbite.  We're fortunate enough to live in a society in which we have the electricity and the fuel we need for heat.  I like the extremely cold weather because it reminds me of just how nice the more agreeable temperatures are, especially when the cold air is accompanied by strong winds, as it is this evening.  But I'm fortunate to be able to stay inside and hunker down and wait for the super-cold weather to pass.  I'm fortunate to have a warm bed with nice sheets and blankets where I can stay safe and warm and snug while the outdoors is basically inhospitable.  It's easy to forget just how fortunate we are sometimes, and a cold spell like this can be a pain in the neck, or it can be a beautiful reminder of the good fortune that we have to be warm and safe on days when there's nothing at all warm or safe outside.  My hope is that I never lose my appreciation for the reminders that such days bring me all the time.

I Want to Be Happy--A Paragraph a Day

I really do want to be happy, just as almost anyone else does, I suppose.  I think that the major problem with this desire is that I really don't know what it means to be happy.  After all, if we ask twenty different people what happiness is, we'd probably get twenty different answers--with lots of overlap, probably, but still twenty different answers.  As I read more Zen thought, for example, it seems that the main path to happiness is letting life be as it is, and going with the flow without trying to make it into what I think it should be.  On the other hand, Western thought focuses more on achievement and accomplishment and the gathering of abundance as a way to be happy.  A person in a rural farming community can find happiness just living on their own farm and taking care of each day's tasks in the best ways they know how.  Someone who loves fishing will be out in rivers, while someone else may sit in their home all day long, watching television and claiming to be happy.  So what does this all mean to me, as far as my own happiness is concerned?  That's the problem, I think--I don't know.  I can be content and satisfied and fulfilled, but do those things mean the same as happiness?  Perhaps I'm simply thinking too much, as I often do.  All I know for sure is that I want to be happy, and my gut tells me that happiness has to do with accepting things as they are and doing my best to find my own place in things as they are, a place where I can give and love and help others as much as possible.  Happiness?  Perhaps I'll never know.

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