Finding Fits--Being Young Today

For those of us who are older, who have been around a relatively long time on this planet, the lives of our young people tend to be a bit beyond our comprehension.  It's very difficult--if not impossible--for us to understand just what they're going through as they try to make their ways in life, as they try to establish themselves and their personalities and their identities.  They face a world that's far more complicated and far more difficult than most of what we had to face years ago, for the world that they're living in is very, very different from the world in which we established ourselves.

One of the most glaringly obvious differences that we see all the time is the fact that young people today carry around computers, having access 24/7 to a huge amount of information, entertainment, and content designed to addict users.  While there are those who argue that such access to a world of information is a wonderful advantage for our young people, it's becoming clear that this access is sabotaging many of their academic, professional, and social pursuits.  To make things short, though, one of the most dire effects of the computer on our young people is its tendency to isolate them, to keep them addicted to looking at a screen rather than interacting with their fellow human beings, and that's something that we need to recognize and that we need to do something about--for their sake, not for ours.

Most of us grew up being forced to interact regularly with our fellow human beings, whether that be in school or at the store or in the park or playground.  These days, though, we see empty parks and playgrounds constantly, as kids are at home in front of screens instead of outside dealing with the world they live in.  Of course, all of our interactions with others weren't positive when we were younger, but they all helped us to learn about the world and the people in it.  We learned social skills that have helped us professionally and personally, and we've been able to put those skills to use in our jobs and in our daily lives.  (Unfortunately, those of us who are older don't have nearly as many opportunities to interact with young people these days, which makes it difficult to pass on knowledge and wisdom that we've gained over the years--but that's a different essay, isn't it?)

As a high school teacher up until a few months ago, I've seen huge changes in the young people with whom I've worked.  Speaking in general, of course, the young people of today's world are dealing with many issues that we didn't really have to deal with.  They tend to feel a sense of isolation that was much less common three or five decades ago--parents are less accessible, friends are less accessible, and teachers and other role model/mentor figures are less accessible.  Mostly this has to do with two things: overcommitment and screen addictions, including both phone screens and television/streaming screens.  And I'm not saying the kids are those who are addicted.  When I was young, neither of my parents were addicted to screens, which meant that they weren't constantly distracted by things like reels and social media (in my family that didn't help much due to the highly dysfunctional nature of my family, but that's another story).  I knew plenty of kids who spent plenty of time with their parents, which can be one of the most valuable learning experiences we have.  Nowadays, even when a parent is with a kid, that parent is very often talking on the phone with someone else or scrolling through social media or looking at emails.  The kids get to "spend time" with a parent, but experience being neglected because the parent "prefers" the company of the phone to the company of their child.  It's a brutal message to send to a kid.

Likewise, many kids find that the "friends" they have at school aren't going to be friends outside of school because those kids are too busy.  They're going to soccer practice and then they're going to tutoring and then they're working and then they're playing video games or watching movies--they're doing something with a screen involved.  Spending time with friends is something they have to make an appointment to do, and they can do it only when their "friends" happen to be free for a few moments.

This isn't the story of every young person, of course.  And in countries other than the United States, the screen isn't nearly as dominant a presence in the lives of young people--kids still get together to be kids, to spend time together, to enjoy each other's company, to simply be.

But what does all this mean?  Mostly, I try to keep this fact in mind when I meet young people and I think of how I want to treat them.  I really do want to treat them with dignity and respect, as they're not being treated that way regularly.  They're facing tons of expectations even though they're being rather poorly prepared to meet those expectations.  We can't neglect kids and then expect them to be strong, contributing members of our society.  But if we treat them well, teach them well, and love and encourage them, they have a much better chance to succeed, both on their own terms and the terms that are defined by society.

I want kids to succeed.  I want them to be happy and to lead fulfilling lives.  The next time you see a kid, remember that that young person is leading a life and a very young age that we couldn't have imagined when we were that young, and show them some kindness and compassion, and let them know that there is at least one adult in their lives who cares about them and who cares about what they're going to be later in life.

You never know when your encouragement and caring will be just the thing that a young person needs as a catalyst that helps them to keep going, to keep trying, and simply to keep growing.

Little Ones--A Paragraph a Day

I sometimes get a bit pessimistic about humanity when I read the news and see all the awful things that human beings do to each other just because they believe different things or have different color skin or live in a different area.  It's difficult to constantly see such cruelty and lack of respect for one another, but life is what it is, right?  And we have to deal with it, don't we?  But one thing that keeps me hopeful about human beings is making sure that I continue to have contact with young people, and that's where my teaching comes in.  I deal with lots of high school students who are kind and considerate and who want to make the most of their lives but don't want to step all over other people in order to do so.  I have students who really do want to learn, and who do everything they can in order to do so.  And my wife works with even younger kids--the twins she nannies will be four in a couple of months.  She told me that today, the girl asked her to help her write a Christmas card for her parents.  And without any prompting, this is what she told my wife she wanted to write to her mom:  "Thank you so much for always taking care of us," and she wanted to say the same thing to her dad, but adding:  "and always being there when mommy is away."  The fact that a four-year-old can think that way fills me with not just admiration, but also hope--there have to be more kids just like her in the world, and one day I hope that they're in charge.  And then things will be much, much better than they are now.

Amazing Gifts--A Paragraph a Day

I got a great birthday present today.  It's a giraffe that's made out of beads.  It's about seven inches tall, and when you press the button below the base that it's standing on, it kind of collapses until you let go of the button, and which point it stands up straight once again.  It's special because it was given to my by a pair of twins who aren't even four years old yet, but who found it in their hearts to send a gift home for me with my wife, who works with them during the day.  I've met them a couple of times, and even helped my wife babysit them once, but I never expected that at their age, they would be interested in sending me a birthday present--and even give up one of their own possessions to do so.  It's kind of overwhelming in a way, but in a very, very good way.  They're very kind little kids, and it gives me a lot of hope to see two kids so young thinking about giving something to someone else instead of keeping it themselves.  They gave me something straight from their hearts, and it definitely touches me deeply in my own heart.  Perhaps this is what people mean when they say "heart to heart"?  I'm not sure of the original meaning of the expression, but it certainly works here.  And the only appropriate response to such an amazing display of generosity is gratitude, mixed with more than a bit of happiness when two very little kids find someone to be so important to them that they're willing to sacrifice their attachment to a special toy of this and pass it long to someone like me.  Two less-than-four-year-olds made my whole birthday brighter with something straight from their hearts, and I would be hard-hearted indeed not to acknowledge just how special that is!

Children Inside--A Paragraph a Day

The most sophisticated people I know--inside they are all children.   -Jim Henson


It always astonishes me to see just how much we tend to value the things of adulthood and just how little we tend to value the things of childhood.  In my mind and in my heart, the things of childhood seem to be much more authentic, much more kind, much more interested in the world, much more human.  As adults we start to judge and to demand and to expect.  As children, we tend to wonder, to appreciate, to love, to hope.  We allow our minds to fly as we give ourselves wings to think of things that aren't necessarily important to anyone else, while as adults we think in the ways we're "supposed" to think, and we allow our perspectives to be overwhelmed by the demands of society.  While being a child isn't necessarily something that we all want to do, I do find it a shame that we for some reason reject out of hand all the things of childhood when so many of those things could make for a very happy adulthood if we could only hold on to them.  I love feeling a sense of wonder when the snow is falling, and I love looking at a new person with no judgment at all--just the simple acceptance of another human being who is in my life.  We can all be children inside if we don't simply reject the things of childhood, and if we allow them to be an important part of who we are--and if we do so, our lives will be richer and more fulfilling.

Three and a Half--A Paragraph a Day

I had a wonderful opportunity last night:  my wife and I babysat for two little kids, twins, who are three and a half years old.  My wife knows them very well, as she nannies for them three times a week, but I had met them only twice in passing, so I didn't know them as well.  But for me, the chance to spend a few hours with a couple of little kids is always a wonderful opportunity.  And we did have a wonderful time.  We played hide-and-seek, we drew pictures, we ate dinner, we talked, my wife and I read to them--it was simply a great time.  Tiring, a bit, but great.  Little kids, if we treat them well, have so much to teach us.  They enjoy life for exactly what it is, they show their joy, they express themselves honestly (such as at bedtime, when the girl wanted her mommy because she wasn't used to going to bed without her mother around).  Her crying didn't last long, though, because she found something better to do--reading to her dolls in bed, until she fell asleep.  To me, time spent with little ones is always a blessing, especially when they're really nice little kids (and most are) as these were.  I read to the boy until he couldn't hold his head up any longer, then my wife carried him to bed, where he crashed.  If you ever want to reset things, to see the world in a different way, to feel more of the love of and passion for life, do yourself a favor and spend a little time with a very little kid, and don't try to order the kid around--let them be who they are, and learn from who they are rather than trying to make them learn what you think they should learn.

Grown-Up? No, thanks!--A Paragraph a Day

Too many people grow up.  That's the real trouble with the world--
too many people grow up.  They forget. They don't remember
what it's like to be 12 years old.  They patronize, they treat
children as inferiors.  Well I won't do that.   -Walt Disney

Sometimes it seems that growing up makes us into pretty unpleasant people.  We lose so much of the wonder and charm that we had as children, and it seems like the worst part is that that's how we want things to be.  We're satisfied with becoming unimaginative, uncreative, and even a little boring--or a lot boring.  Personally, I hope that I never fully grow up, and I do my best every day to make sure that I see what's around me with eyes that aren't jaded or bored.  And when I'm around children, I refuse to talk down to them.  I try to talk to them as people--little people, of course, but people nonetheless.  If I do that, then I'm not condescending to them, and they greatly appreciate knowing an adult who doesn't talk to them like they're somehow inferior just because they're younger.  So if I don't grow up into a so-called adult, I can continue to relate to children in positive ways,  Hopefully I'll get plenty of chances to do so, so that I can do my best to encourage some young people by recognizing them in the space where they are and encouraging them to do the things that they really want to do.  Perhaps if this happens, I won't turn into one of the people about whom Walt is talking--the people who forget and who treat children poorly.  I want to be a person who doesn't grow up into what our culture defines as a "grown-up," and who doesn't patronize and treat kids as inferiors.  So here's to hoping that I live up to this dream and stay a person who loves kids and who treats them well, because they certainly deserve for me to do so.