Be Good!

Always remember, we all have our own opinions and beliefs. We have different ways in dealing with life’s troubles and joys. To survive our differences without hurting each other is what goodness is all about.  -Dodinsky


Of course, 'tis the season to be good because you definitely want Santa Claus to leave you something, don't you?  This is the season when we barter goodness for toys and treats, when we admit that we're more willing to be good when we're promised rewards for our goodness than when our goodness is simply goodness, with no recognition and no rewards.

That's not a social critique, of course--rather, it's an observation of how we behave sometimes.  I like to recognize things like this because it helps me to consider just what it would mean to me if I were never to try to be good or do good simply for rewards--but still filled my life and acted in the spirit of good for the sake of goodness itself, with no thought at all about any sort of return.

And even more importantly, what would it mean if we were to redefine just what goodness is?  I like this particular definition of the word, for it speaks to our willingness to be civil to each other, to treat each other well no matter how different we may see the world and react to it.  We can do good by sharing gifts and giving things and helping others in material ways, of course, but what about accepting one another fully and unconditionally, as long as the other person isn't doing things that harm others (I'm never going to be accepting of any way of living that includes doing harm to others as a major element of itself).

How does my desire to spread goodness in the world help if I'm not quite sure what goodness is?  Not having a clear idea may cause me to miss many opportunities to spread and to be good, and it may cause me to mistakenly cause harm in certain situations.  If I think it's a good thing to criticize someone because I think they need to learn a certain lesson, I may cause harm when they see my criticism as something else.  Criticism, after all, is simply a message that someone else needs to change something that they're doing, an implication that what they're doing is wrong.  But perhaps it's not wrong at all, but just different.  After all, who am I to say what's right and what's wrong for anyone else?

I believe that's what Dodinsky is getting at with the words, "To survive our differences without hurting each other."  You are you and I am I.  We have our own ways of looking at the world, our own realities, and they may not often match up.  They don't have to match up.  When you tell me that you believe in something that I don't believe in, we don't have to become enemies just because of a disagreement.  I don't have to hurt you by criticizing you because I disagree with you.  We can make it through life being at odds with one another, as long as we're willing to respect our differences and each other.

(This can be very difficult when one person espouses racist or otherwise hate-filled beliefs.  Then we have to ask ourselves if maintaining a relationship would be worth it, or if we would be compromising our own integrity by accepting another person's hatred.  It's a very difficult question to face, and even more difficult to arrive at an acceptable conclusion.  As I get older, I get less tolerant of other people's intolerance, and I find that I don't want their hatred to be a part of my life, and I'm more than willing to break an acquaintanceship or friendship in order to maintain my own inner peace and integrity.)

I want to be good.  I want to spread goodness.  But I have to keep in mind that I can't do so if I'm trying to change others with my idea of "goodness."  It's important to allow for our differences if we're going to share what's truly good in our hearts.  No goodness can be spread where we harm others, and no amount of rationalization can change the fact that our perspective isn't necessarily the "right" one.  You be true to yourself, and I'll be true to myself, and somewhere there in the middle we'll find a beautiful field of grass and wildflowers where we can sit down and enjoy a beautiful time together, without harming each other even in the slightest.  And goodness is where this time will begin, and where it will end.

More thoughts and ideas on goodness