Unusual Behavior at Christmas

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the  year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a person has to be him- or herself.   -Francis C. Farley


Christmas is nigh, and we all have the chances once again to do something special for someone else this Christmas season.  Personally, I love the Christmas season because it's a time when people let down their guard a bit and treat each other just a bit more kindly, with a bit more respect and caring and love.  And to be honest, that's that way I want to be all the time, and this time of year allows me to share that feeling with others.  The rest of the year, it often seems like I'm the only one who wants to do special things for other people, and at times that can get very frustrating and even discouraging, because most people aren't ready to accept that kind of behavior if there's no special occasion for it.

Think about it:  If you were to give some of the gifts that you give for Christmas on just some random Tuesday in June, how would people respond?  In my experience, their first response would be to be baffled.  Why is this person giving me a gift?  That's often (usually?) followed by suspicion:  What does s/he want from me?  Is this a come-on?  It's a shame, but in our societies we're often taught to be suspicious of anyone doing anything out of the norm, and it's also a shame that doing kind things for people for no particular reason is quite out of the norm.

Of course, I'm not talking about buying a car for a co-worker that I hardly know.  Rather, I'm thinking about the little acts of kindness that we can show to others that can help them to have a better and brighter day.  During Christmas season, we see tons of those--candy and cookies in the mailbox or on the desk, kind words in the hallway, asking about our holiday plans or what we want for Christmas.  What most people don't seem to realize is that these things are natural for us--it's natural for us to be kind to others, to share gifts with them just because, to actually speak to them as if we're interested in what they say.

But as Francis says, we see this as "unusual" behavior.  We see this type of treatment of others as an aberration.  But what if we were to take back our right to act in ways that come naturally to us, no matter the outcome?  What if I were always to be kind to others even when I get rudeness or indifference in return?  What if I want to be giving even when others aren't ready or willing to be getting?  What if I want to share even when others don't seem to be interested in sharing?

It isn't always easy.  I work at a school at which fully half of the faculty doesn't even look at other teachers when they pass them in the hallway--honestly!  That makes it hard to continue to say good morning to people who simply ignore the greeting.  After a while, my tendency is to say to myself, "Okay, they're not interested in hearing a greeting from me, so I'll stop."  When I do that, though, I'm very clearly allowing their actions to affect my decisions about how I'll treat other people.  And I don't want that to happen, so, I have to keep on saying good morning even when someone doesn't respond--if I want to be true to myself and the person I want to be.

At Christmas time, I think it's easier because so many other people are also receptive to what we have to give.  They not only accept it, but they express their appreciation for it, too, and that makes us feel better about having offered our gifts in the first place.  So we have a chance to be ourselves because we're not afraid that being ourselves will cause us negative results or feedback.

So let's take advantage of this Christmas season and give all that we can in all the ways that we can (in a realistic way!).  And let's use this season as training, getting experience in giving and in getting, so that we can continue to be ourselves every day of the year.  It really is up to us if we want to show our true selves to the world.

Taking Action in Small Ways

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade wind in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.   -unattributed


Twenty years from now?  How about three days from now?  How often do we regret not doing things that might have helped us out in life, that might have taught us important lessons, that might have just been really, really fun?  And when we think of reasons for which we haven't taken action--expediency, fear, apathy, being busy, not being able to afford something--our lack of action can prove to be even more frustrating, more regrettable.  We all have many chances for action every day that we're alive, but my guess is that we take advantage of few of them.

In my life, I've learned that if I want anything to change for the better at all, it really is up to me to take some sort of action to make it do so.  There's a whole lot to be said for allowing life to flow as it will and for allowing oneself to flow with it, but that perspective doesn't absolve us from responsibility for shaping certain aspects of our lives.  If we move to a new town, we're the ones who actually have to look for a new job, who have to make contact with others to find things to do and interesting activities to be involved with.  If we want to meet new people, we may sit around and wait for others to take an interest in us and come to introduce themselves to us, but the chances are that that's not going to happen much.  We need to take the initiative and actually introduce ourselves to people.

It's easy not to take action.  As a runner, I try to go out and run at least four times a week in the winter, and trust me--it's not always easy.  When the temperature is 20 degrees and there's a breeze and it looks like it could snow any minute, I often have no desire at all to go outside and get cold.  But there is one truth about such a situation that I know from experience--I have never had an awful time when I've gone out to run in "bad" weather.  On the contrary, some of the times when I've bitten the bullet and put on my cold-weather running clothes and gone out for a 40-minute runs have become some of my best runs ever, ones that I remember more than the vast majority of the runs that I've done in fine weather.

I'm not a very good people person--I try, but there are a lot of things about the ways I grew up that caused me to be intimidated by almost everyone I meet.  I've accepted this fact and I've learned to deal with it and to live with it, but that doesn't mean that my fears of people and contact with people have simply gone away.  I think they'll be with me my whole life, to be honest.  What this means is that, for example, if I want to meet people I have to take an action that can be very difficult for me to take--actually introduce myself to someone, or start a conversation with someone.  I know plenty of people who have no problem at all doing so, but I also know plenty of people like me who have a hard time with such a thing.  Though my mind comes up with many reasons for not taking action, it's important that I'm sure not to take my mind too seriously all the time, and to disregard its fears and suspicions.  When I do that, I can take an action that may be beneficial to me.

I've written five novels and several non-fiction books in my life.  None of them have sold many copies or made me any income, but I do have a feeling of satisfaction for having done something that I wanted to do.  And of course, the most important part of any of those books was the sitting down to start working, the taking action to begin a book, not having any idea when or how I would finish it.

When I graduated college with a degree in Spanish and no real prospects, I bought a one-way ticket to London and ended up pretty much penniless in Spain, but I was able to teach English classes and make a very sparse living.  I wasn't wealthy and I struggled quite a bit, but the three years that I ended up living in Europe were easily the most important three years of my life.

Sometimes we have to take a risk and take action.  We need to follow our hearts and do something, though I would strongly suggest making plans that will help you avoid disaster before stepping out into unknown territory.  The plans don't need to be extremely detailed, but we should have some idea of what steps we're going to take when things don't turn out as we hoped or thought they would.

Is there something in your life that you wish were different?  Think about it--what action(s) would you need to take to make that something a reality?  What kinds of contingency plans would you need to have in place in order to make those actions doable for you?  A life without action becomes stagnant, of course, just as water that doesn't flow does.  If we want to add in positive ways to our own lives, we do need to take some actions, whether they have to do with jobs, relationships, hobbies, or even recreation or vacations.  Knowing this can help us to make ourselves ready to take actions that will matter in our lives.