Acceptance (In Today's World)

Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts
of a situation, then deciding what you're going to do about it.
-Kathleen Casey Theisen


I'll be very honest--it's become very difficult to accept the things that are happening in the United States these days.  The masked "law-enforcement" officers, the deportations of people who don't deserve to be deported, the pardoning of scores of guilty people who were given fair trials--the list goes on and on, and it's getting worse and worse.  And the unjustified murder of an unarmed woman in Minnesota seems to be the next step in the escalation of actions and policies designed to sow chaos and disorder, to pit people against each other on political and ideological bases, and to keep people from trusting anyone, anywhere.

But accept these things we must, because until we acknowledge the truth that things are not going to go back to how they used to be, we'll never be able to move forward, away from the awful things that are going on.

No matter how much we don't want to admit it, the current situations in this world make it impossible to go back to any sort of "good old days."  We may want to say things like "There's no way that I'll accept a killing in Minnesota," but when one says such a thing, then one is talking about denial, not ethics or morals.  If anything is going to change in this world, then the current facts must be accepted as a first step towards change.  Things are as they are, and pretending they aren't happening is to sabotage any chance for healthy change.

Accepting the fact that a woman was killed in her car while doing nothing wrong does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean that you somehow condone the action.  It does not mean that you support the people who did it.  It doesn't mean that you don't care about it.  It simply means that you're willing to say "Yes, this did happen."  "Yes, I live in a country in which a man wearing a uniform is allowed to kill anyone he wants without facing any repercussions so far, and who is actually defended by many people in positions of power."

And acknowledging that fact along with all the other horrible things going on means that we're aware of them, and that we know that change has to come from the place we're at, not from the place we wish we were.  Alcoholics can't really start to overcome their alcoholism until they accept the fact that they're alcoholics.  Until I accept the fact that the kitchen faucet is broken, I can't fix it.  And when I do work on it, I undertake the job knowing that it's broken, not hoping that it's going to miraculously fix itself and be as good as it was last year at this time.

Acceptance is often very difficult.  Right now, it's very hard for me to accept that the country I've lived in for many decades is no longer the same country as it was when I was a kid--opportunities for everyone have dried up as the wealth disparities grow more and more pronounced, and the spending power of the money we earn shrinks regularly.  The amount of debt that young people have to rack up in order to get a college education cripples them, and simply sabotages their futures.  The young people I know today simply don't have the opportunities ahead of them that they would have had at the same age forty years ago.  These are simple facts, and I can't ignore them or deny their importance.

But I still hope for change.  I hope for improvement.  I know that it can't come from me, for I have no real influence on any policies or policy makers, but I accept the fact that I can't affect things directly, and I still try to affect things indirectly as much as I can.  I've taught for almost forty years because I've wanted to do all I can to help young people to know things that would help them in life, and I can keep on teaching, hoping to help people to see directions they can go and methods they can use to bring about change themselves.  I accept my limitations because I know that I can still accomplish something, but I don't waste my time or energy doing things that won't have any effect at all.

Acceptance is not submission.  Acceptance is strength, acceptance is clear-headedness, and acceptance is awareness.  Acceptance is one of the first things that has to happen before any change can be implemented, and it's one of the most important elements of our lives.

Taking Action in Small Ways

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade wind in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.   -unattributed


Twenty years from now?  How about three days from now?  How often do we regret not doing things that might have helped us out in life, that might have taught us important lessons, that might have just been really, really fun?  And when we think of reasons for which we haven't taken action--expediency, fear, apathy, being busy, not being able to afford something--our lack of action can prove to be even more frustrating, more regrettable.  We all have many chances for action every day that we're alive, but my guess is that we take advantage of few of them.

In my life, I've learned that if I want anything to change for the better at all, it really is up to me to take some sort of action to make it do so.  There's a whole lot to be said for allowing life to flow as it will and for allowing oneself to flow with it, but that perspective doesn't absolve us from responsibility for shaping certain aspects of our lives.  If we move to a new town, we're the ones who actually have to look for a new job, who have to make contact with others to find things to do and interesting activities to be involved with.  If we want to meet new people, we may sit around and wait for others to take an interest in us and come to introduce themselves to us, but the chances are that that's not going to happen much.  We need to take the initiative and actually introduce ourselves to people.

It's easy not to take action.  As a runner, I try to go out and run at least four times a week in the winter, and trust me--it's not always easy.  When the temperature is 20 degrees and there's a breeze and it looks like it could snow any minute, I often have no desire at all to go outside and get cold.  But there is one truth about such a situation that I know from experience--I have never had an awful time when I've gone out to run in "bad" weather.  On the contrary, some of the times when I've bitten the bullet and put on my cold-weather running clothes and gone out for a 40-minute runs have become some of my best runs ever, ones that I remember more than the vast majority of the runs that I've done in fine weather.

I'm not a very good people person--I try, but there are a lot of things about the ways I grew up that caused me to be intimidated by almost everyone I meet.  I've accepted this fact and I've learned to deal with it and to live with it, but that doesn't mean that my fears of people and contact with people have simply gone away.  I think they'll be with me my whole life, to be honest.  What this means is that, for example, if I want to meet people I have to take an action that can be very difficult for me to take--actually introduce myself to someone, or start a conversation with someone.  I know plenty of people who have no problem at all doing so, but I also know plenty of people like me who have a hard time with such a thing.  Though my mind comes up with many reasons for not taking action, it's important that I'm sure not to take my mind too seriously all the time, and to disregard its fears and suspicions.  When I do that, I can take an action that may be beneficial to me.

I've written five novels and several non-fiction books in my life.  None of them have sold many copies or made me any income, but I do have a feeling of satisfaction for having done something that I wanted to do.  And of course, the most important part of any of those books was the sitting down to start working, the taking action to begin a book, not having any idea when or how I would finish it.

When I graduated college with a degree in Spanish and no real prospects, I bought a one-way ticket to London and ended up pretty much penniless in Spain, but I was able to teach English classes and make a very sparse living.  I wasn't wealthy and I struggled quite a bit, but the three years that I ended up living in Europe were easily the most important three years of my life.

Sometimes we have to take a risk and take action.  We need to follow our hearts and do something, though I would strongly suggest making plans that will help you avoid disaster before stepping out into unknown territory.  The plans don't need to be extremely detailed, but we should have some idea of what steps we're going to take when things don't turn out as we hoped or thought they would.

Is there something in your life that you wish were different?  Think about it--what action(s) would you need to take to make that something a reality?  What kinds of contingency plans would you need to have in place in order to make those actions doable for you?  A life without action becomes stagnant, of course, just as water that doesn't flow does.  If we want to add in positive ways to our own lives, we do need to take some actions, whether they have to do with jobs, relationships, hobbies, or even recreation or vacations.  Knowing this can help us to make ourselves ready to take actions that will matter in our lives.

Things Don't Always Go Our Way--A Paragraph a Day

It might be nice if things went the ways that we want them to go much more often than they do, wouldn't it?  This is what we tend to think because if things went the ways we wanted them to, then we'd face much less stress when we had to deal with things that run counter to our wishes or our expectations.  After all, if things aren't going well at work, I may have to deal with this fact by trying to change those things, working with them and becoming unhappy at my job, or even leaving the job for something else.  If things change in ways that force us to compromise our ideals or principles, for example, leaving a job may become absolutely necessary for our peace of mind.  But most things aren't that important.  Many things are simply annoyances or inconveniences, and it might do us well to practice the art of accepting things that may annoy us or frustrate us, and learn to live with a new reality that might not have been one of our choice, but that most certainly is a new reality.  This acceptance will allow us to look at the change as something that simply is, and if we want to maintain our peace of mind and peace of heart, then the best thing that we can do is accept it and move on with the task of making ourselves the best we can be.  I imagine that many, many people have been upset at societal changes--women getting the vote, slaves being freed, civil rights being recognized, and on and on and on--but those people who have thrived have been those who understood that things aren't always going to go the ways they want, so it's time to accept things as they are and work within the new reality.  And personally, I hope always to be a person who thrives rather than one who holds on to resentment and refusal to change.

Who Am I?--A Paragraph a Day

My identity is very important to me--or rather, my identities are very important to me.  I find it fascinating that I have so many of them, depending on the situation.  I have certain core ideals and beliefs and morals that exist across the identities, but the fact is that there's no way that I could ever make an argument that I have a single, consistent identity.  I value telling the truth, but there are situations in which I wouldn't feel that the truth is appropriate.  I'm not a violent person by any means, but I can imagine situations in which violence may be the best course of action,  I'm always going to do my best to maintain the behaviors that I know are helpful and kind and compassionate, but there are days when I'm turned inside and I miss opportunities to show those traits.  I'm pretty easy-going in class with my students, but when someone tries my patience (especially if they do so on purpose), I'm going to act in a different way with them.  I think that sometimes we get down on ourselves because we feel that we've somehow betrayed ourselves when a different trait surfaces, when we're not as kind to someone as we wish we had been, when we say something we wish we hadn't said, when we do something we wish we hadn't done.  While it may be appropriate sometimes to examine such actions firmly, it also is important to remember that the idea of "who we are" could be expanded to include "who we are in a given situation," while keeping in mind that the person we need to be in situation A may not be the person we need to be in situation B.  Life is full of changes and shifts, and a "foolish consistency" isn't going to serve anyone well, least of all ourselves.