'Tis the Season (In Today's World)

For me, the spirit of Christmas is about
letting the loving but messy little rituals
become just as important as the solemn
and graceful ones.  It's about making
room for everyone.   -Ann Michael


It's going to be difficult this year, I think, to celebrate Christmas without having the thought in the back of my mind that celebrations are somehow inappropriate or out of place.  After all, the world is going through so many challenges now that make things seem almost hopeless.  The war that Russia started in the Ukraine drags on, while people are still dying.  The conflicts between Israelis and Palestinians continue to claim lives, while militants in African nations have killed over 20,000 people this year.  The US is continuing to kill people on boats near Venezuela, and is indicating that war may be imminent.  Millions of families have been devastated by poverty and illegal ICE detentions and layoffs.  The list could go on for the rest of this page, it seems.

But so this is Christmas.  'Tis the season of peace and love and joy, or at least it's supposed to be for Christians.  Unfortunately, many Christians in the United States have become radicalized, and they've warped the main messages that Jesus taught:  Love one another, help one another, be kind to one another.  This new dynamic most definitely does diminish the message of Christmas, unless we're able to separate those people who have adopted radical and inappropriate interpretations of Christian teaching and the Bible from the holiday itself, which can still stand as a beacon of hope and love and even joy.

My Christmas is going to be separate from the radical, hate-filled messages of the people who aren't able to separate their politics from their religion.  If I'm to celebrate Christmas properly, then I need to focus on love and compassion, on others and their needs.  And I need to make sure that I take advantage of my personal situations in order to make the most of them--I'm not going to be able to celebrate love if all I do is focus on the negative things going on in the world.  I don't want to forget them, but I also can't let them bring me down.  If I were in a terrible situation myself, I would want people who weren't in the same situation as I to go on with their lives, and to live fully and take advantage of all they have available to them.

Which is not to say that I would fully understand someone who decides to "cancel" Christmas in solidarity with those who aren't able to celebrate because of life situations that have been pushed upon them by others.  Would the lack of celebration for just one year be a sign of giving up completely, of letting the world get us down?  Absolutely not.  It could be a very strong message to others that our commitment to other human beings is strong and that the well-being of others is just as important to me as my own well-being.  I know that there are people who are deciding to do just this, and I understand completely where they're coming from--they're not letting the world situations get them down; rather, they're standing strong in the face of those situations and doing what they feel is right, in their own way.

We're going to celebrate, because much of the rest of the world is going to celebrate.  We want to stand together with the people in the world who want to celebrate the ideas of love and kindness and giving and compassion.  I'll enjoy the lights and the music, and I'll give gifts to as many people as I can to show that I'm thinking about them and that they mean a lot to me.

Life is difficult right now for many, many people.  Life is difficult for me at the moment, but I still have things much, much better than millions of other people do.  And even in difficult times, I wouldn't want people who are in better situations to avoid celebrations that are legitimately worth celebrating.

So here's to celebrating a Christmas during which we focus on loving one another, and healing one another.  A Christmas during which we share kindness and caring for one another, and during which we celebrate the wonderful potential we all have to help others in this life, and to give all that we can to the other people who share this planet with us.  I wish you a very merry Christmas, and I hope that we all can work together to bring more love into the world in the hope that the love will drive out the hatred and fear and anger.

Unusual Behavior at Christmas

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the  year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a person has to be him- or herself.   -Francis C. Farley


Christmas is nigh, and we all have the chances once again to do something special for someone else this Christmas season.  Personally, I love the Christmas season because it's a time when people let down their guard a bit and treat each other just a bit more kindly, with a bit more respect and caring and love.  And to be honest, that's that way I want to be all the time, and this time of year allows me to share that feeling with others.  The rest of the year, it often seems like I'm the only one who wants to do special things for other people, and at times that can get very frustrating and even discouraging, because most people aren't ready to accept that kind of behavior if there's no special occasion for it.

Think about it:  If you were to give some of the gifts that you give for Christmas on just some random Tuesday in June, how would people respond?  In my experience, their first response would be to be baffled.  Why is this person giving me a gift?  That's often (usually?) followed by suspicion:  What does s/he want from me?  Is this a come-on?  It's a shame, but in our societies we're often taught to be suspicious of anyone doing anything out of the norm, and it's also a shame that doing kind things for people for no particular reason is quite out of the norm.

Of course, I'm not talking about buying a car for a co-worker that I hardly know.  Rather, I'm thinking about the little acts of kindness that we can show to others that can help them to have a better and brighter day.  During Christmas season, we see tons of those--candy and cookies in the mailbox or on the desk, kind words in the hallway, asking about our holiday plans or what we want for Christmas.  What most people don't seem to realize is that these things are natural for us--it's natural for us to be kind to others, to share gifts with them just because, to actually speak to them as if we're interested in what they say.

But as Francis says, we see this as "unusual" behavior.  We see this type of treatment of others as an aberration.  But what if we were to take back our right to act in ways that come naturally to us, no matter the outcome?  What if I were always to be kind to others even when I get rudeness or indifference in return?  What if I want to be giving even when others aren't ready or willing to be getting?  What if I want to share even when others don't seem to be interested in sharing?

It isn't always easy.  I work at a school at which fully half of the faculty doesn't even look at other teachers when they pass them in the hallway--honestly!  That makes it hard to continue to say good morning to people who simply ignore the greeting.  After a while, my tendency is to say to myself, "Okay, they're not interested in hearing a greeting from me, so I'll stop."  When I do that, though, I'm very clearly allowing their actions to affect my decisions about how I'll treat other people.  And I don't want that to happen, so, I have to keep on saying good morning even when someone doesn't respond--if I want to be true to myself and the person I want to be.

At Christmas time, I think it's easier because so many other people are also receptive to what we have to give.  They not only accept it, but they express their appreciation for it, too, and that makes us feel better about having offered our gifts in the first place.  So we have a chance to be ourselves because we're not afraid that being ourselves will cause us negative results or feedback.

So let's take advantage of this Christmas season and give all that we can in all the ways that we can (in a realistic way!).  And let's use this season as training, getting experience in giving and in getting, so that we can continue to be ourselves every day of the year.  It really is up to us if we want to show our true selves to the world.

An Annual Shift in Thinking--A Paragraph a Day

It's December 27th, which means that it's time for us to start thinking about the new year coming up, and to start thinking of things like New Year's resolutions, things we want to accomplish in the coming year, habits we want to leave behind here in the old year. . . simply a multitude of thoughts about who we want to be in the coming year versus who we have been in the current year.  Most of us look to make changes, with the assumption that changes are necessary.  We want to go into the coming year and make ourselves "better."  But in what ways are we lacking?  Yes, we all can improve in certain ways, but do we absolutely need to?  Are we not good enough as we are?  I know that I always look for areas in which I can improve, but I rarely consider making a New Year's resolution such as "continue being kind," or "keep on loving other people."  I think that what I would really like to see happen is to have the thoughts that we feel during Christmas--"What would make this person happy?" or "What can I give that will truly make a difference?"--follow us into our New Year's resolution moments so that we can resolve to be kind and loving and compassionate for an entire year, to as many people as possible.  If we would be able to do this and actually follow through on the resolutions, what a great world we could make!

What Does Christmas "Spirit" Mean?--A Paragraph a Day

I love the idea of Christmas Spirit, but I'll be the first to admit that I don't know what the term actually means.  It's probably one of those things for which we have the standard kind of answer--"it means something different for everyone"--but it would be nice if we could define it and understand it clearly.  Not because I'm the type of person who needs and wants to have everything catalogued and defined according to a certain set of criteria, but because it seems to be such a positive concept, one that can bring us true joy if we knew how to access it, or harness it, or adopt it.  After all, the Spirit of Christmas would have to include a love of giving, and it would have to include a love for virtually everyone.  It would exclude everything like greed and selfishness, and it wouldn't have anything to do with judgment or bias.  I think that if I want to go out and model the Spirit of Christmas, I would have kind words for everyone I met, and I would be as generous as I possibly could be, given my means.  I wouldn't treat others with harshness, and I wouldn't make them feel that I didn't approve of them for any reason.  If I were to model Christmas Spirit, I would listen carefully when others talked, and I would encourage them as much as I could.  I would be inclusive rather than exclusive, encouraging rather than discouraging, and loving rather than hateful.  I would show gratitude often, and I would take gracefully from those who wished to give to me, while giving wholeheartedly to those who were willing to take from me.  The Christmas Spirit is a spirit that we can adopt for every day of our lives if we choose to do so, and I hope that one day, I'll regularly be treating others as kindly in May or August as I do in December.  The Spirit I share is my choice, after all, and I'd like it to be a caring, loving, compassionate spirit all the time.

Being an Observer--A Paragraph a Day

The next week or so promises to be rather challenging for many people who live in countries where they celebrate Christmas.  After all, there are tons of parties and get-togethers and secret Santas and gifts to buy and people to visit and foods to eat and expectations and hopes that all seem to come together in the week before Christmas.  One of the things that I do to cope with the extra stress of the next couple of weeks is to take a step back and doing my best to become an observer, someone who watches everything happen but who makes no judgments and who doesn't take anything that happens personally.  A crummy gift from that person?  Interesting, but no big deal.  Completely forgotten by that other person?  That is interesting, but what can I learn from it?  When we observe, we learn.  We listen carefully and closely to other people instead of focusing on speaking.  We see other people's fears and triumphs and nervousness and actions, and we learn a lot about who those people are by seeing what they do at Christmas time.  I think we have too many judges around the holidays, anyway--no one needs me to be another judge of who they are and what they do.  When I observe, I can notice who needs help and offer it.  I can see who's being neglected and possibly put a candy bar on their desk.  I can see who's feeling overwhelmed and spend a few minutes talking to them so that they can vent and put their feelings into words, and possibly deal with things better then.  I do participate in Christmas--it's not like I pull myself out of it completely.  But I don't get caught up in the drama or the conflict or some of the other silliness.  Rather, I do my best to try to see what I can so that I can do what I can to contribute to making the season more bearable for those people who may be having a hard time.  This way, I just may be able to contribute something other than just presents and egg nog and cookies.

Christmas--A Paragraph a Day

Every year I have to ask myself why I like Christmas so much, and I never come up with a satisfactory answer.  It isn't for religious reasons, because the holiday really has gone far past its religious roots, and if my focus were on religion, I'd probably dislike the holiday more than I like it.  It isn't for the gift-giving, because that seems to have gone over the top for most people, becoming more like a competition to give the best gift or a way to buy other people's love and affection.  I think that the bottom line for me is that it's a season when so many people are thinking of others more than they're thinking of themselves.  Our focus shifts from inward (which is very often very positive) to outward, and we're more concerned with the other people in our lives than we are in ourselves.  In my family this was rarely the case--we spent most of our holidays hoping that dad wouldn't go out drinking on the 23rd and not come home until the 26th or 27th.  Our holiday thoughts weren't on what we could do for others, but what we hoped wouldn't happen to us.  Since then, though, I've come to see Christmas more as Scrooge's nephew sees it in a book that I read every Christmas, starting on my birthday on the 20th:  "I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round—apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that—as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!"  I think that Dickens definitely hit the nail on the head there, and I know that I will always love Christmas for just that reason.  Here's hoping that your Christmas, too, is a wonderful one!

Getting Ready for the Holidays--A Paragraph a Day

One thing that I've learned over the years is that it's necessary for me to do things early during the holiday season if I'm going to enjoy the season for all that it's worth.  I have to get gifts early, I have to get them wrapped, and I have to get the gifts and the cards mailed very early.  What I've learned is that it's much nicer to sacrifice some time in early December than it is to be stressed out near Christmas.  It's one of those trade-offs that is more than worth it--I lose a few hours of what could be productive or restful time early in the month, but when Christmas does show up, I'm done with all that I need to do, and I can relax and enjoy sitting around and drinking egg nog and reading A Christmas Carol.  I don't have to worry about gifts or deadlines or stores that are out of what I need.  I don't have to do any last-minute shopping, and I can help others with things that they may need to have done.  Sometimes life becomes easier when we're willing to sacrifice something today to make for a better tomorrow.  One of the times that I've found illustrates this point very well is the Christmas season.  If I'm willing to spend some time early in the month making the lists I need to make and doing what the lists ask me to do, then I can have a holiday that's relaxing and stress-free, and surprisingly enjoyable!  I'm not extremely good at it yet, but I'm working on it--the holiday season gets less and less stressful each year that it comes, because I'm getting better at meeting it on my terms, and taking care of things earlier rather than later.