In my recent readings I've become aware of another "me," a part of myself that is constantly observing myself, that is somehow distinct from the person who interacts with the other people in my life. There's a deeper side to me, an inner self that is both aware of being part of what I call my life and aware of something more, something much more vast and expansive than this somewhat simple world in which we live.
I've always been aware of
this other side of myself, but no always on a conscious level, it seems.
I've always known that part of me that says "Don't do that!" when I'm
about to make a mistake, the part that notices the sunset first and feels the
peace it brings before I even stop to look closely at it. Deepak Chopra
puts it this way: "As you read this page, turn your attention to the
one who is doing the reading. . . . you will immediately sense an awareness that
is alert, awake, uninvolved, silent, yet intensely alive. . . . you have
interrupted the act of observation to catch a glimpse of the observer."
Other writers also
describe this self as an "observer," or the part of ourselves that
witnesses our actions. Our actions usually are the result of training or
conditioning that we've received from other people, and they thus reflect the
influence of others. Or they are reactions to other people, which also
reflect the actions or words of other people. But there's a part of us
that tries to keep us from saying something we'll regret later--the part that
wants to keep peace and that sees the wiser course of action. If someone
calls you a horrible name and you're just about to say something back that
probably isn't appropriate, isn't there a part of you that knows that it's not
the right thing to do? In my experience, though, I often ignore that part
of me because saying something back "feels" good--probably to my ego,
which definitely isn't an ally of my higher self. That other part has been
subjugated, put down, not listened to.
One of my goals in life
now that I'm growing more aware of this part of me on a conscious level is to
get to know it better and to trust it more. I hope to let it guide me more
than I let my ego guide me, because so far me ego hasn't done me much good at
all. And if I succeed in doing so, then I know that I'm going to see much
in life that I would have missed had I continued to push this part of myself
down because it was something that I didn't really know, and which thus scared
me more than just a bit.