24 June 2012

Observing Me

In my recent readings I've become aware of another "me," a part of myself that is constantly observing myself, that is somehow distinct from the person who interacts with the other people in my life.  There's a deeper side to me, an inner self that is both aware of being part of what I call my life and aware of something more, something much more vast and expansive than this somewhat simple world in which we live.

I've always been aware of this other side of myself, but no always on a conscious level, it seems.  I've always known that part of me that says "Don't do that!" when I'm about to make a mistake, the part that notices the sunset first and feels the peace it brings before I even stop to look closely at it.  Deepak Chopra puts it this way:  "As you read this page, turn your attention to the one who is doing the reading. . . . you will immediately sense an awareness that is alert, awake, uninvolved, silent, yet intensely alive. . . . you have interrupted the act of observation to catch a glimpse of the observer."

Other writers also describe this self as an "observer," or the part of ourselves that witnesses our actions.  Our actions usually are the result of training or conditioning that we've received from other people, and they thus reflect the influence of others.  Or they are reactions to other people, which also reflect the actions or words of other people.  But there's a part of us that tries to keep us from saying something we'll regret later--the part that wants to keep peace and that sees the wiser course of action.  If someone calls you a horrible name and you're just about to say something back that probably isn't appropriate, isn't there a part of you that knows that it's not the right thing to do?  In my experience, though, I often ignore that part of me because saying something back "feels" good--probably to my ego, which definitely isn't an ally of my higher self.  That other part has been subjugated, put down, not listened to.

One of my goals in life now that I'm growing more aware of this part of me on a conscious level is to get to know it better and to trust it more.  I hope to let it guide me more than I let my ego guide me, because so far me ego hasn't done me much good at all.  And if I succeed in doing so, then I know that I'm going to see much in life that I would have missed had I continued to push this part of myself down because it was something that I didn't really know, and which thus scared me more than just a bit.

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