Not a Judge--A Paragraph a Day

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way;
on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn

I would truly like to think that I'm not judgmental, but my experience tells me otherwise.  I judge constantly, because that's the way I was brought up, and it's an ingrained habit that happens before I even think of the thing I'm judging.  If someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm likely to mutter something like "idiot" before I even think about what happened.  What I've learned over time, though, is that for some reason, that's my conditioned response--but it doesn't have to be my ultimate response.  As time goes on I've found that my conditioned responses weaken, and some of them don't happen any more if I've made an effort to not let them dominate.  But for those that do happen, I do my best to follow them up with another, conscious response as soon as I've had just a second or two to think about things:  I tell myself, "That person's probably not an idiot, and they might have cut me off by accident."  "What a jerk!" I think if someone's rude to me, but then my immediate second thought is something like, "I wonder what causes that person to be so rude/angry/sensitive."  The truth is that if I don't know the whole story of why someone does something, then any judgment that I make is based on inadequate information, and isn't valid at all.  If I want to be mindful, then I must do my best to be nonjudgmental--and if I do show myself to be judgmental, then I need to follow that reaction with a more accurate and kind reaction as soon as I can.

Introspection--A Paragraph a Day

The philosophies of the wisest people that ever existed are mainly derived
from the act of introspection.    -William Godwin

This quotation is rather hard to accept, to be honest.  After all, most of us see wisdom as something that we gain from other people who have lived longer than us, or who have had more varied experiences than us.  But what William is saying is that our wisdom comes from inside of us, not from outside.  It comes from turning our thoughts and attention inwards and finding out just what we know in life, just what we've learned from life.  It comes from our own experiences and our own thoughts about those experiences.  We've learned in life, to be sure, but how often are we willing to pay attention to that voice inside of us that tells us what we know rather than picking up a book and finding out what someone else knows?  I think that we convince ourselves that it's necessary to be humble, that if we trust ourselves to teach ourselves wisdom, we'll be arrogant somehow.  But perhaps we're wrong--perhaps turning inside and trusting ourselves isn't arrogance at all, but the most important thing we can do.  Perhaps we're more aware than we give ourselves credit for, and perhaps we've learned much, much more than we think we have.  I'm doing my best to try to trust myself for insight and wisdom, for I know that I'm a fairly smart person and I've had a lot of experiences that should have taught me many wonderful, valuable lessons.  When I'm able to turn those lessons into a wisdom that can help me and help others, then I think I'll truly be on the right road.  Where that road leads, who knows?  But I would like to be on it.

View from the Sidelines--A Paragraph a Day

Since I teach high school, I get a very close look at just how students are doing these days.  I became a teacher because I wanted to contribute to the lives of young people, in however limited a way, but I find that no matter how my contribution may grow, it continues to become less and less of a help to the young people with whom I work.  To put it in arbitrary number terms, for example, twenty years ago I might have been able to teach students twenty percent of what they needed to know about their studies.  Unfortunately, though, their needs are rising significantly and quickly, so even if I were to double what I give to students (a feat that isn't possible), I would still be giving them perhaps only ten percent of what they need.  What I mean by "what they need" includes critical thinking skills, basic grammar skills, communication skills, writing skills, reading skills, math skills, and so much more.  Students used to be much better prepared to learn some years ago, but our digital age has produced so many young people who can't even tell time on a regular clock, who can't read cursive, who can't write a single sentence without significant errors, and who can't turn off their phones for even ten minutes, for the most part.  There are, of course, exceptions, but most of my students are poorly prepared device addicts who have been sabotaged by a lack of focus in school, a lack of rigor, and a lack of discipline.  My heart goes out to them even as I try to teach them when they don't even have the most basic of learning or study skills.  I try to teach those to the students, but time is our enemy, not our ally.  For their sake, I sincerely hope that something that we do in school sticks with them so that they're prepared for success in their future.

Low-Energy Days--A Paragraph a Day

Some days just aren't our best days, are they?  One of my biggest difficulties in life is recognizing such days and letting them be what they are instead of continuing to try to fight against them and accomplish things that I'm simply not able to accomplish on such days.  This is by no means a defeatist attitude, as many self-help people might want you to believe.  Rather, it's a perspective that is very similar to the attitude that Longfellow showed over 200 years ago when he wrote, "Some days must be dreary."  I don't know why some people try to convince us that we should always be up, that we should always have a smile on our faces, that we should always be charging ahead and accomplishing something.  Just as I'm not going to be running a marathon if I have a broken leg, I'm not going to try to act cheerful and bright on a day when I don't feel that way.  And sure, I know the theory about "fake it 'til you make it," but I'm pretty sure that we don't always have to be making things.  Some days are meant for staying inside, resting, reading something we like, drinking coffee and eating pie.  Not every day is going to be high-energy and full of accomplishment, and it's important that we listen to our bodies and our spirits when they tell us they need a day for recharging, for just being.  There's nothing wrong with a dreary day, and they can be just as enjoyable as any other day if we accept them and let them be what they are.

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Greed--A Paragraph a Day

We live in a world that has many greedy people in it, don't we?  We're surrounded by people who are willing to harm other people to get ahead themselves, who are willing to break laws and rules in order to attain things that they feel they should have.  Of course, not everyone is greedy (or we all are to a certain extent, but not greatly so), but there are enough greedy people around to have pushed our planet to a point at which we're facing disastrous climate change and unsustainable economic disparities such as the wealth gap that keeps the poor, poor and the rich, rich.  While I don't like to focus on negatives, greed is simply a reality of our world, and ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist doesn't do us a bit of good.  Rather, we must be aware of it and its effects on us, so that we can deal with it directly when we need to.  Greed is certainly understandable at some levels--we do need to support our families, right?  So breaking this particular law isn't that big of a deal if my return is enough money to pay for something for my kids.  And I don't want to give to a cause that's important because I may need that money next week, or next month.  When faced with greed, there's really only one path for me to take, and that's to make sure that I don't allow greed ever to control my words or actions, that I don't allow my fear of not having something turn me into someone whose greed is one of the defining features of my life, for I would hate to think of reaching the end of my life and look back and realize that greed was one of my major driving and motivating forces.  For those forces, I would much rather see things like, maybe, kindness and compassion.  Greed isn't something that I'll feel proud of.

A Power We Have--A Paragraph a Day

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.   -Leo Buscaglia


Just a compliment or a kind word--can we really change the world that easily?  Of course we can.  Our lives are intersecting constantly with those of other human beings, and if we want to put more positivity in the world, we always have the opportunity to give something positive to someone else, to share something simple like a kind word that will help them to see the world in more positive ways, to feel better about life and about themselves.  We do have a lot of power to make things better for someone else--no matter how simply we do it or how insignificant it may seem--yet we tend not to take advantage of the chances that we have.  Personally, I know that I don't share those kind touches or those listening ears nearly as often as I could or should, but I do keep on trying.  One of these days I hope to be giving in this way constantly, but until then, I'm going to try to keep reminding myself how important it is and how easy it is to contribute something positive and uplifting to other people in my life.

Sometimes Life Just. . . . --A Paragraph a Day

My wife and I were able to attend a wonderful concert last night in Canada, by an artist I had never even heard of until Tuesday, when I was listening to some music by a Quebecois group on YouTube.  Another artist came up as a suggestion, and I listened to a couple of her songs--they were wonderful.  So I made up my mind to look up some more of her music when I could, and went on doing other things.  Then we went to Magog, where we try to spend a weekend or two every year that we're near enough to do so, and as we were walking downtown we passed a concert venue.  I looked at the schedule and saw a picture of Ingrid St. Pierre, the singer I had heard.  I said to my wife, "Wow, it's too bad we're going to miss her," and then I looked at the date--she was playing there the following night, our second night in town.  Even though my French is quite poor and my wife speaks none, we decided to go see her--after all, what are the odds of "discovering" a singer on Tuesday and getting a chance to see her on Saturday?  We went, and we were treated to almost 90 minutes of wonderful music--she's a great pianist and singer, and her lyrics are not your standard pop fare--she sings with depth and with feeling, and it was easily one of the best concerts I've ever seen.  And since the show last night, I have to wonder at life--how did it allow me to hear her music for the very first time on Tuesday, when I was going to be staying in a bed and breakfast less than two blocks away from her next concert, in a completely different country, just a few days later?  Life fascinates me when it does things like that, but I know that I also have to give to it--I have to explore new music, I have to put myself in situations in which things like this can happen, and I have to be willing to spend the money to see a show in a language I understand poorly if I'm to get the benefit of life pushing me in this particular direction.

And if you ever get the chance to see Ingrid St. Pierre (if you're in Quebec), don't worry about any language barriers--she's a wonderful performer!

Spending Money--A Paragraph a Day

I've always had problems spending money on myself.  It probably comes from the fact that when I was a kid, we almost never had any money in our family due to the fact that my dad would drink away so many of his paychecks as soon as he got them.  It was only as an adult that I started to realize that it wasn't at all normal for a family never to have any money to do things like take vacations or do special things like go to concerts or sporting events--or even movies, for that matter.  So I've brought into adulthood a tendency to not want to spend money on myself because it's somehow "irresponsible."  After all, what happens if I spend all this money on something and then we need the money desperately tomorrow?  But this feeling goes contrary to the purpose of money in the first place--money is meant to be spent, meant to circulate.  When my wife and I come to a nice town and stay in a bed and breakfast for a nice weekend retreat, we're not just spending money to spoil ourselves.  We're actually contributing, in a small way, to the family who own the bed and breakfast, and the family here has two wonderful daughters who are about five and seven years old--so our money is helping their parents to help them grow and develop and become adults eventually.  If we had stayed at home, the money that we're spending here never would have been shared.  We would have a bit more money in the bank, but the money in the bank does no one any good, does it?  I would much rather enjoy my two nights here and hand the money over to the owners so that they can use it to support their livelihood--to pay the mortgage and the taxes and the electric bills and everything else that they need to do to provide a safe and comfortable home for their kids.  I need to stop feeling guilty about spending money, and as long as I'm spending it wisely and usefully, there's absolutely nothing at all wrong with spending it.

What We're Leaving--A Paragraph a Day

As a teacher of high school students, it gets rather difficult to stand in front of the class and realize that the world that my generation has created--or has allowed to develop--is not a very positive world at all.  And of course, that's not my fault, but I can't help but feel a twinge or three of guilt for the messed-up world that we're leaving our younger generations.  I tell them that, too, in no uncertain terms, and I apologize for it, though my apologies won't help them a bit when they as a people are trying to deal with climate change, wealth gaps, unequal wealth distribution, lack of medical insurance for millions of people, etc., etc., etc.  Yes, there are some wonderful things that we'll be leaving behind when we're dead and gone, but it makes no sense to try to fool ourselves or anyone else--we've made a pretty nasty mess of this planet due to the greed and avarice of a select few, and they deserve better.  Personally, since I'm not a person in the public eye with great influence over anyone at all, I do my best in my limited corner of the world to give all that I can to my students to help them deal with adversity and challenges, but I can have no idea at all if my contribution will have any positive effect at all.  I feel awful about the world that they're inheriting, but as I work with them and see the enthusiasm and hope and willingness to work of so many young people, I do feel some hope for the future that I'm never going to see--or at least, that I'll never see with the eyes of this particular body.  I hope and pray that they're able to overcome the many obstacles that we've created for them, and I do my best not to add to the problems they'll have to deal with.  I'm very sorry for the mess we'll be leaving, and I hope that they're able to prove in many ways that they're better than we have been.

Karma? I Don't Want to Think about It--A Paragraph a Day

I believe in Karma to a certain extent--I'm not sure that I believe in it as many people define it, but I do believe that there is reward for people who consistently do good and act kind and give instead of take all the time.  I just don't want to think about it.  If I think about Karma, it seems to me, then I'm going to be committing acts of goodness only in order to be rewarded for them.  I'm going to help other people just in the hopes of the universe passing something good to me in return for my actions.  But I don't want to be thinking about my rewards when I perform an action that I think is good.  Rather, I want to commit such an act because I know that I'm doing something for someone who needs it.  I want to give knowing that I'm fulfilling a need, not because I'm hoping for some sort of return on my investment.  I don't want to be wondering constantly where my reward is--I simply want to do good things for other people because they're the right things to do.  I want to give because it's right to give; I want to share because I truly want to help someone else who needs for someone to share with them.  Yes, I love the concept of Karma, but I hope never to think of it as motivation for being kind or helpful or loving.  If it affects me, then fine, but if it doesn't, I'll still be okay because I know that when I saw a need, I did what I could to fill it, reward or no, promise or no.

Nature's Lessons--A Paragraph a Day

 Nature always takes her time.  Great oaks don't become great overnight.  They also lose a lot of leaves, branches, and bark in the process of becoming great.    -Andrew Matthews


Many of the quotations and passages that I read about nature have a similar focus--nature does things as nature does things, and things turn out as they're supposed to.  And in the process, things of nature go through some rather difficult challenges and trials.  But in theory, they always end up where they're supposed to.  In my life, I've lost my share of branches and leaves and bark, but I'm okay.  I'm doing work that's fulfilling and I'm in a relationship that's very healthy.  I live in a home that I love and I have enough to eat, to wear, and to share, and even a lot of excess stuff that I don't really need, but that I do appreciate a lot.  If I had given up at the first sign of adversity, if I had become discouraged by the first autumn's loss of all my leaves, if I had found the loss of some branches and bark to be unbearable, I never would have made it to where I am.  And if this metaphor from nature is valid for me and can be applied to my life and experiences, it's important that I look for other lessons that nature can teach me.  I may not be a great oak one day, but how about a really nice cypress, or a pear tree that bears fruit to share with people and animals?  I am going to face obstacles and difficulties, but it's important that I look past them to what I am to become, instead of just what I happen to be today.

They Like to Be Challenged--A Paragraph a Day

Teaching is a particularly frustrating art, mostly because it's so often impossible to choose who your students are.  So many young people these days are being raised to shy away from challenges that it can be very frustrating to try to teach them in a classroom, because they don't respond well at all to being asked to better themselves, to learn more, to improve their skills.  But what I find to be a pretty common phenomenon is that once I do start to challenge them, once I do start to ask them to be better than they were yesterday, they respond quite well--most students really want to get better, and they're simply hoping that someone will help them to improve their skills and knowledge.  I know a lot of teachers who really never ask young people to do any difficult work, thus dooming them to stay at their current level.  But when we ask them to stretch their limits and offer them a safe place to do so--free from ridicule and mocking--they find within themselves the resources they need to get better at what they do, to improve both their knowledge and their skills.  If we want people to be better, Goethe said, we have to treat them as if they already are the people they have the potential to be, rather than dooming them to mediocrity by only expecting them to perform at levels that they've already reached.

Grown-Up? No, thanks!--A Paragraph a Day

Too many people grow up.  That's the real trouble with the world--
too many people grow up.  They forget. They don't remember
what it's like to be 12 years old.  They patronize, they treat
children as inferiors.  Well I won't do that.   -Walt Disney

Sometimes it seems that growing up makes us into pretty unpleasant people.  We lose so much of the wonder and charm that we had as children, and it seems like the worst part is that that's how we want things to be.  We're satisfied with becoming unimaginative, uncreative, and even a little boring--or a lot boring.  Personally, I hope that I never fully grow up, and I do my best every day to make sure that I see what's around me with eyes that aren't jaded or bored.  And when I'm around children, I refuse to talk down to them.  I try to talk to them as people--little people, of course, but people nonetheless.  If I do that, then I'm not condescending to them, and they greatly appreciate knowing an adult who doesn't talk to them like they're somehow inferior just because they're younger.  So if I don't grow up into a so-called adult, I can continue to relate to children in positive ways,  Hopefully I'll get plenty of chances to do so, so that I can do my best to encourage some young people by recognizing them in the space where they are and encouraging them to do the things that they really want to do.  Perhaps if this happens, I won't turn into one of the people about whom Walt is talking--the people who forget and who treat children poorly.  I want to be a person who doesn't grow up into what our culture defines as a "grown-up," and who doesn't patronize and treat kids as inferiors.  So here's to hoping that I live up to this dream and stay a person who loves kids and who treats them well, because they certainly deserve for me to do so.