2020: A Year of Adversity and Important Lessons

As the year 2020 draws to a close, I keep seeing and hearing people express the relief that they feel because this year is almost over.  It seems that pretty much everyone sees 2020 as a terrible year, one that deserves to end and one that they're going to be glad to move out of on January 1.  In many ways, I agree with this sentiment, especially when I consider the horrible toll that the year has taken in the form of Covid-related deaths.  So many people have been killed by this virus who would have had much more life ahead of them otherwise; so many people have lost loved ones who now won't be there to contribute to their lives in any way at all, except through memories.  And all of our lives have been turned upside-down to some extent or another, especially financially.  The toll has been horrific, and I understand why most of us want this year to end.

I won't be sad to see 2020 move into history.  But I know that it's not the year's "fault," per se--rather, it's simply that many things have happened in the same time span that we use to define a year.  And the first few months of 2021 promise to be worse--as far as the Coronavirus and the death toll from the pandemic are concerned--than 2020 was, so it's not like we're going to move into an immediate reprieve simply because we're going to start writing a different number in the spot where the year goes.  We're going to be facing very difficult challenges in the months ahead while we wait for enough vaccine to be produced to allow us to vaccinate virtually everyone (except for those who deny the vaccine, for whatever reason).

And though it can be difficult to see, the truth is that 2020 has given us some gifts of its own, lessons that we have learned over the last twelve months that we never would have learned had it not been for the pandemic.  We've learned about the fragility of our economic systems, as well as their strengths.  We've learned about our personal resilience and strategies for building it, as well as our personal weaknesses, and hopeful ways of compensating for those.  We've learned more about what loss is and how to cope with it, whether that be loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of certain freedoms and habits and routines, loss of norms, loss of a sense of security, or loss of control over our own lives and decisions.

But we have a choice:  Do we focus on the losses, or do we focus on what we've learned in our attempts to deal with those losses?  Will we look back on 2020 and remember only what has gone wrong, or will we look back with the realization that we've grown and developed as human beings because of the adversity that we've been forced to face?  I know that in my life, I've learned an awful lot this year that I probably never would have learned without the "help" of a pandemic.

For example, I've learned to be more comfortable in my isolation.  I've always been a bit of an introvert and I've always been comfortable being on my own, but the forced isolation at home this year has reinforced many of the thoughts and feelings that I've always had about the values of solitude.  These days, I don't really have the option of going out to be among people without putting myself at an unknown level of risk of contracting the virus, so I choose solitude over company, and the fact that my solitude makes the most sense right now helps me to enjoy it more and to make it more productive.

Both my wife and I have learned about the importance of putting personal safety above material realities.  When the school I was working at announced that they were going to open in August with all of the students in the classrooms, with no effort to follow any sort of hybrid model or online model, both of us knew that the risks of me keeping the job--and being exposed to 25-30 students every day in a small classroom with no windows that opened--were far too high for us, especially at my age.  So I looked for a job elsewhere and found one in a district where they were going to open with a hybrid model even though the number of cases in the area was extremely low.  We both were willing to risk our financial well-being in order to stay safe, and we found that taking that risk put us in a completely different life situation.  We now own a very comfortable house in a community that has very little traffic, a low population, and tons of wilderness all around to explore without having to drive for hours to find wilderness.

One lesson has been very difficult to learn--I've learned just how many people are willing to be selfish by not considering the safety of their fellow human beings at all, as they refuse to wear masks in public places even when the wearing of masks has been mandated and is basically law.  The danger is very obvious--with the number of asymptomatic people catching and spreading the virus, we can never be sure just who has it and who doesn't.  I may feel completely healthy and feel that I couldn't spread anything because I'm not sick, but the reality is that I can still spread the virus and cause others to be sick--or even die--no matter how healthy I feel.  This is why we wear masks, and the refusal to wear a mask is simply a slap in the face to everyone else with whom we come in contact.

I've learned a lot about patience, too.  There are times when I just want to stop wearing the mask, when I want to do something "normal" like go to a movie or restaurant and be relaxed in the company of others.  The inability to be completely relaxed, though, makes our situation much more difficult to be patient with--we see the term "fatigue" being used a lot these days.  "Compliance fatigue" and "moral fatigue" are just two of the terms that I've seen used, and they make complete sense.  When we get fatigued, it's easier to lose patience and make decisions that make little sense or that are even dangerous.  It's important to stay patient even while fatigued, and to make decisions that will help me to stay as safe and as healthy as possible during these difficult times.

On the positive side, I've seen a lot of people who are caring and kind and considerate who are keeping their good humor and who are doing their best to share their kindness with others during the pandemic.  I very much admire these people, and I hope to grow into a person who is like them one day.  They're willing and able to take risks and be kind to others in these difficult times.  As Fred Rogers told us his mother told him, "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  It's easy to forget just how risky helping can be, and how difficult it may be for people to help others, yet there they are, taking the risks and helping all they can.

I've also watched others learning lessons that are very important, such as budgeting their money in new ways, making changes that are important for their safety and well-being, caring more for others when they might have been exposed to the virus, staying isolated when they would much rather be doing things with friends, etc., etc.  I know of people who work all day and then come home and undress in their garage, heading straight for the shower, not being willing to expose their families to even the possibility of contracting the virus that may be on their clothing.  Others have become extremely conscientious about washing their hands regularly or using hand sanitizer.  Many have learned the value of working remotely, and many companies have been willing to reconfigure their job expectations to allow people to work from home.

The bottom line, I think, is that there have been many important lessons embedded in this so-called "horrible" year.  It's our choice, though, whether we learn those lessons and make changes in our lives based on what we've learned, or simply complain about all the terrible things we've had to go through this year, not allowing this year's lessons a chance to make our lives deeper and richer.  The truth of the matter is that human beings tend to learn more from adversity than we do from prosperity, and we certainly have had bucketloads of adversity thrown our way this year.  Personally, while I'll be glad to see us move into a new year, I'll always be grateful for all of the lessons that 2020 has brought to me, and I hope that I'll be able to live up to those lessons by making my life fuller and richer because of the wonderful lessons that I've learned.

http://livinglifefully.com/adversity4.htm

Hope

'Tis the season of hope, in many ways.  The Christmas season shows us the hope that people are willing to have--hope that love can dominate our lives, that we can find peaceful methods to use and paths to walk on, that we can exist together in harmony in the spirit of unity.  Of course, most of these hopes have not come to fruition on a global scale, but we can reach them more easily on an individual level if we allow ourselves to follow those hopes and do what we can to make them come true.

Why is Christmas the season of hope?  Perhaps it's because a child from humble beginnings was able to teach so many people about the importance of their own lives, about the ways of love, about the true power that people have to affect their own lives by sharing love and compassion with one another.  After all, "love one another" was one of his greatest messages, and one of his most dominant.

I believe very strongly that if we're to have hope, it must be firmly grounded in love.  I may hope that my life will change if I work to make it change, but if I'm not sharing love in my life, will any changes be worthwhile?  If I hope for a better life and I get a higher-paying job, have my hopes come true if I'm also now dealing with unbearable amounts of stress and I'm no longer able to spend quality time with my family?  Sometimes we allow outside indicators like money tell us that our hopes have been realized, but it seems to me that if a hope comes true and lowers the quality of our lives, then it wasn't the best thing to hope for, after all.

So that gives us a second element of hope that's important, and it's the subject of a very common saying in English--"be careful of what you hope for" (aka, "be careful of what you wish for").

In my life, I've hoped for a lot of things.  Most of them haven't come to pass, like peace in our times, like better living conditions for people in this world (and in this country, even), like an end to the partisan bickering that keeps our elected officials from accomplishing positive things that they were elected to accomplish (infrastructure, anyone?).  In fact, many of these things have gotten worse, so my hopes have been dashed over and over.

And in my own rather powerless state as a teacher, my own contributions to bringing these hopes to fruition have been rather minimal--I've cast my votes, I've shared my opinions and thoughts, I've donated to what I've believed to be worthy causes--and it seems rather ineffective, given the success rate of my hopes.

But that said, my entire profession of teaching is based on hope, isn't it?  I teach certain things to 14-year-olds or 19-year-olds with the hope that those things will be relevant and useful to them--and the rest of the world--their while lives long.  I hope that what I teach may help them to craft wonderful lives out of the situations and gifts that they've been given.  I see very little effect of my teachings in the short term--my hope is that the long-term effects will be worthwhile, and that they'll affect my students and the other people in their lives, in positive ways.

We do need to distinguish between wishes and hopes, of course.  If I say in a casual way that I hope you have a good weekend, then I'm basically saying, "I wish you a nice weekend."  On the other hand, if you're going through difficult times and you're incredibly stressed out and you need some rest and rejuvenation, then I most definitely can hope that your weekend is a good one for you, in all ways.

Sometimes it's hard to be a hopeful person when we so many bad things going on in the world, so many people treating each other horridly.  Many of us seem to be content to hope that the bad things don't happen to us, and that the bad people don't come into our lives.  But we can also hope that these bad things stop happening to others, too, and with that hope we can practice spreading love--for it's a well-known truth that people who feel loved are also more likely to feel hope, for they have a reference point in their lives (the love) that tells them that their hopes aren't wasted time or effort.

What do you hope for?  Peace on earth?  Then practice peace with your neighbors and loved ones.  Fair treatment for all?  Then treat everyone fairly.  More opportunities for all?  Then help the young people in your life to develop skills and talents that will open the doors to more opportunities for them.  We can work towards what we hope for.  We can't always see the positive effects of our efforts because sometimes they take years to manifest themselves, but if we know that we're contributing to the love in this world, our efforts will be worthwhile whether we see our hopes coming closer to fruition or not.

Perhaps during this Christmas season, it would be nice to take a bit of time and reflect upon our own hopes--what do we hope, and why do we hope these things?  And we can see in the hopes of the season--especially the "peace on earth, goodwill towards all" part--just how important hope is to us, and just how nice it may be to be working our ways towards the hope that is a tremendous part of ourselves.  Let's let that hope out of the deep recesses where we store it and allow it to affect our words, our thoughts, and our actions.

Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion
for the possible.

William Sloan Coffin, Jr.

http://livinglifefully.com/hope.html

Be Good!

Always remember, we all have our own opinions and beliefs. We have different ways in dealing with life’s troubles and joys. To survive our differences without hurting each other is what goodness is all about.  -Dodinsky


Of course, 'tis the season to be good because you definitely want Santa Claus to leave you something, don't you?  This is the season when we barter goodness for toys and treats, when we admit that we're more willing to be good when we're promised rewards for our goodness than when our goodness is simply goodness, with no recognition and no rewards.

That's not a social critique, of course--rather, it's an observation of how we behave sometimes.  I like to recognize things like this because it helps me to consider just what it would mean to me if I were never to try to be good or do good simply for rewards--but still filled my life and acted in the spirit of good for the sake of goodness itself, with no thought at all about any sort of return.

And even more importantly, what would it mean if we were to redefine just what goodness is?  I like this particular definition of the word, for it speaks to our willingness to be civil to each other, to treat each other well no matter how different we may see the world and react to it.  We can do good by sharing gifts and giving things and helping others in material ways, of course, but what about accepting one another fully and unconditionally, as long as the other person isn't doing things that harm others (I'm never going to be accepting of any way of living that includes doing harm to others as a major element of itself).

How does my desire to spread goodness in the world help if I'm not quite sure what goodness is?  Not having a clear idea may cause me to miss many opportunities to spread and to be good, and it may cause me to mistakenly cause harm in certain situations.  If I think it's a good thing to criticize someone because I think they need to learn a certain lesson, I may cause harm when they see my criticism as something else.  Criticism, after all, is simply a message that someone else needs to change something that they're doing, an implication that what they're doing is wrong.  But perhaps it's not wrong at all, but just different.  After all, who am I to say what's right and what's wrong for anyone else?

I believe that's what Dodinsky is getting at with the words, "To survive our differences without hurting each other."  You are you and I am I.  We have our own ways of looking at the world, our own realities, and they may not often match up.  They don't have to match up.  When you tell me that you believe in something that I don't believe in, we don't have to become enemies just because of a disagreement.  I don't have to hurt you by criticizing you because I disagree with you.  We can make it through life being at odds with one another, as long as we're willing to respect our differences and each other.

(This can be very difficult when one person espouses racist or otherwise hate-filled beliefs.  Then we have to ask ourselves if maintaining a relationship would be worth it, or if we would be compromising our own integrity by accepting another person's hatred.  It's a very difficult question to face, and even more difficult to arrive at an acceptable conclusion.  As I get older, I get less tolerant of other people's intolerance, and I find that I don't want their hatred to be a part of my life, and I'm more than willing to break an acquaintanceship or friendship in order to maintain my own inner peace and integrity.)

I want to be good.  I want to spread goodness.  But I have to keep in mind that I can't do so if I'm trying to change others with my idea of "goodness."  It's important to allow for our differences if we're going to share what's truly good in our hearts.  No goodness can be spread where we harm others, and no amount of rationalization can change the fact that our perspective isn't necessarily the "right" one.  You be true to yourself, and I'll be true to myself, and somewhere there in the middle we'll find a beautiful field of grass and wildflowers where we can sit down and enjoy a beautiful time together, without harming each other even in the slightest.  And goodness is where this time will begin, and where it will end.

More thoughts and ideas on goodness

Things Are Not That Great Right Now. . . and What Shall We Learn from That?

 We're living through very difficult times right now.  Most of that has to do with the pandemic and the fear of an early, painful death that will definitely take many of us, and that's a very real fear to have--no one knows just who's going to contract the virus, and we don't know just who's going to die and who's going to recover.   So we're living with our fears from day to day, and after many months of doing so, it's getting tiring.  Most of us are experiencing some form of fatigue or another, to varying degrees.

Add to this the fact that many people have lost their jobs or are experiencing times of want because their incomes have dropped significantly.  Add to this also the fact that many people have lost loved ones in one of the worst ways possible--they've died alone in hospital rooms, unable to have any visitors to comfort them because of the risk of spreading the virus even further.  And should we add the incredibly divisive and hate-filled election that we've just experienced in this country?  And the isolation that we've all had to experience, not being able to spend time with our loved ones as much as we normally would?  We can't even go over to friends' houses for a cup of coffee any more, or invite someone over for dinner, as long as we're trying to be truly safe.

Personally, one of the most important things that's affecting me is the disappointment that I feel when I see people who don't care enough for their fellow human beings to try even in the slightest ways to keep them safe from the virus, refusing to wear masks, refusing to social distance, even threatening and mocking people who are trying to be safe.  The disappointment I feel is profound, even if I do recognize that these people are coming from a place of fear that I simply don't feel, so I can't truly understand it.


There are not so many lessons in glad times.
Adversity is by far the better teacher.
Adversity will be part of almost all our lives.
So it is not in escaping adversity,
but in answering it, that our character is defined.
-Christopher Warren


We are living through possibly the most stressful period of most of our lives.  I do realize that many people have gone through more difficult times, experiencing significant health problems, times at war as soldiers, being refugees from countries that are too dangerous to live in, and many, many other forms of adversity that most of us will not experience.  But as far as global issues are concerned, our current times have dealt us all significant blows and kept us stressed out for a very long time.

The question is this, of course:  What are we going to do with this adversity?  How are we going to answer it?  How can we not just recognize some of the lessons that it's bringing us, but actually learn those lessons and use them to help us to make our lives better?  What can we learn from the isolation that we're experiencing?  What can we learn from the people who refuse to take any safety measures to protect themselves and others from the virus?  What can we learn from the "other side" of the political spectrum, those people who disagree with us and call us names and mock us just because of that disagreement?

I'm telling my students (most of whom are high school freshmen) that what they're learning from their experiences these days is going to make them much more resilient than their predecessors ever were, and they're learning this lesson at a very young age.  When they get to college or start their careers and certain challenges arise, they're going to be able to say, "Heck, this is nothing compared to the year I spent doing school from home."

This is something that I can feel myself, because when many things happen to me, I say to myself, "This is nothing compared to the Army."  It's all a matter of perspective, in some ways, and if we use difficult times to learn valuable lessons, life can become very rich, indeed.  Of course, my four years in the Army were voluntary, but that fact doesn't change the reality of the situation--they were difficult, challenging years that taught me a lot about myself, life, and living.  I finished my service as a more patient person who was more appreciative of many of the things that we tend to take for granted in life, such as the ability to choose whatever clothes I wish to wear in the morning.

So what can we learn from these times of adversity?  First of all, I think that we can learn about the values of isolation and solitude, even if our isolation is rather forced--and perhaps because the isolation is forced.  Most of us would not choose to spend so much time alone in our homes, even though that time can be very healthy.  When we learn that we don't need constant affirmation from others, we learn to be satisfied with ourselves and what we do.  A day spent alone at home can help us to regroup and recharge, rather than putting ourselves in situations that cause us to be pulled in many different directions by the people we spend time with.  Most of us would have given up after a few days of isolation, but the extended version of isolation that many of us are having to deal with allows us to get more used to it more, and to start seeing aspects of it that are more positive, aspects that don't make themselves obvious until weeks or months have passed.

We can also practice compassion.  Personally, I strongly dislike wearing a mask, but I know that I wear one to protect other people from me, so to speak, so I wear one whenever I'm in a situation in which I have contact with others.  This is especially important to me because I teach at a high school, and I never have any idea what kinds of situations my students have been in.  I know that even if I contract the virus, I may be asymptomatic, or I may be in the stage in which I'm still showing no symptoms, but am contagious, and that mask that I'm wearing is supposed to keep the virus that I'm exhaling in my breath from spreading a long distance.

I also want to learn about understanding other people's feelings during these trying times.  People are nervous, afraid, hesitant, defiant, angry, and many other things these days--and it's super easy to judge them for those feelings.  But rather than judge them, I want to try to understand them.  After all, my feelings may seem odd to other people, too, and I would very much appreciate it if someone else took the time to understand where I'm coming from rather than judging me outright.  If I can understand other people's feelings and not try to fix their problems for them, I may be able to be a good listener and help someone else to cope with some of the negative emotions that they're going through.

We can also learn from watching other people's mistakes.  We can see the outbreaks that result from people refusing to adhere to some of our new-found mandates such as mask-wearing and social distancing.  I've always been one to learn from other people's negative actions and results, and now we have a chance to witness a whole bunch of mistakes from a wide variety of people--and hopefully put those lessons into practice, either now or later.  Personally, I hope that the number of deaths from silly decisions is minimal--if I'm going to get this virus, I hope that I get it in a way that was unforeseeable or unavoidable, not as a result of doing something that I really know I shouldn't be doing.

Mostly, though, I want to learn how to love stronger, more deeply, more consistently.  My reactions should always be loving reactions, even in those situations in which "tough love" is called for.  I don't want to let anger get in the way of my love, or frustration or judgment.  I want to learn how to share my love in the most positive ways possible during some of the most difficult times that we've gone through.  If I can learn to do so, and do so well, then many other people can benefit from the love I'm able to share with them.

How do you make it through adversity?  How are you making it through the Covid pandemic?  Do you feel strong and healthy and balanced?  Or do you feel weakened and out of balance?  Adversity strikes us all sometime, and this time it's hitting us all at the same time--so let's do what we can to learn from this pandemic and the ways that people are responding to it.  If we can learn these very important lessons, then we're going to be much more effective at loving and understanding our fellow people on this planet.  So let's try to figure out how to learn our lessons and learn them well so that we can put them into practice as soon as possible!

See more on adversity on Living Life Fully.

Me and My Spirit

That's how I used to see this concept:  I was I, and my spirit was somehow separate from me.  The thinking me, after all, couldn't be the spiritual me.  I was a person who was stuck to the ground by gravity, who was a part of the world that finds itself on this planet, but my spirit was something else, something ethereal, immortal, unlimited and free.

Boy, does that seem strange now.  Now I realize that I am that spirit, that I've hitched a ride in a particular body for a certain amount of time.  I'm not "separate" from my spirit at all--rather, I am the spirit, and I am not simply this body that's here on earth for a short while.

I had a very hard time understanding this idea.  My logical and rational mind, after all, likes to feel that it's in charge, and that it does a pretty good job of making sense of the world and my place in it.  The truth is, though, that it really doesn't.  It's kind of like I put my mind in charge of my life only to find out that it's not competent enough to be in charge.  The mind seems to be quite well suited to be a very good servant, but very poorly suited to be our master.

I do recognize the strengths of the mind.  I'm very grateful for scientists and engineers whose minds help us to develop vaccines and bridges and microwave ovens and airplanes.  My mind helps me to distinguish between lies and the truth, and it helps me to recognize dangers and pitfalls that lie ahead of me in any endeavor I may make.  My mind is a wonderful thing, and I appreciate it a great deal.  Without it, my time in this body would be unbearable, to say the least.

The mind, though, is very limited.  Our eyes are fantastic pieces of work, but they can only see 0.0035 percent of the light spectrum.  Our ears are the same, hearing only a portion of the present sounds in our world.  Likewise, the brain can process many, many things--but it is limited in what it can do.

Our brains, for example, can read about love, study love, interpret love, and process conditions of love, but we don't love from our brains.  We love from our hearts and our spirits, and life is better that way.  Love isn't a negotiation--if it were, it would be in the realm of our brains.  Compassion doesn't come from analyzing data and reaching conclusions--rather, it, too, is a part of who we are, a product of our spirits.  People have tried to think through love and compassion and come up with definitions and explanations of them, but those definitions and explanations always fall short of the true nature of the concepts.  Our minds simply aren't expansive enough to deal with such amazing ideas.

And that's fine with me.  The important part to me is that I've finally realized that there is a difference between who I am and who I've always thought I am.  There is great value in allowing myself to shine as a spirit, as opposed to keeping my spirit subjugated to my reason.

When I allow my spirit to shine, I'm much more patient, for as a spirit I understand the fleetingness of life on this planet and the expansiveness of eternity.

When I allow my spirit to shine, I'm able to deal with life from a position of love and compassion and hope and trust, for as a spirit I don't need to come up with logical reasons to show and feel these things.

I'm able to relax more, for as a spirit I am not in a hurry, and I know that things will come to pass in their own time, as the flower blooms in its own time, not on any schedule.

I can deal with loss more easily, for as a spirit I understand that the words "This, too, shall pass" apply to virtually everything.  When things do pass, I may grieve, but I also understand that I'm to celebrate having experience it while it was here rather than to focus on the fact that it's no longer here.

I can be a beacon to others who see my peace of mind and peace of heart and would like to experience, but who haven't yet been taught the dangers of materialism and addiction to work and money.

I can function in the world without necessarily being part of the world--the negative parts, at least.  I can go to work without feeling fear of being caught up in the so-called rat race, and without dreading so many of the truly trivial elements that so often dominate the workplace.  I can earn my living without contributing to the greed and avarice and heartlessness and meanness of the world.

I can love unconditionally, knowing that others will benefit from that love, even if only slightly, depending upon how ready they are to accept love from others.

I can be more understanding of my fellow human beings, for as a spirit I know and understand the struggles that they're going through trying to get in touch with their own spirits, their own selves, even as they're pulled more and more deeply into the material, superficial world that's been created around us.

There are, of course, many other benefits of allowing ourselves to just be, on the level of our spirit.  I fully suspect that the longer I truly allow spirit to shine through, I'll come to know many benefits that I never even suspected existed.  It's not easy to go through life on a spiritual level--after all, we've been conditioned to see the world as a result of our intellects, and that conditioning is very difficult to put back in its place.  But it's worth the effort.  As I get closer and closer to truly allowing myself to shine constantly as a spirit (and I think I've only come one or two very short steps so far), my life gets simpler and easier.  I understand many things much better, and as that happens, my tension levels shrink significantly.

If we try to get through life using our intellect and reason as our sole guides to life, we're bound to live limited and rather tedious lives.  When we allow ourselves to shine as the spirits that we are, though, life becomes something more, something very special, just as our experiences, too, become much more special and much more loving.

Is More Love on the Way?

One of the hopes that most people have these days, especially with the results of our recent election (that the vast majority of us recognize as valid), is that our country will now experience more love and hope and compassion in our future than we've experienced during the last four years.  Our last four years have been truly devoid of national leaders who put compassion and caring anywhere in their agenda, and many people in our country now feel completely disenfranchised, and threatened every single day.  They're threatened because of their race, their gender, their sexuality, their lifestyle preferences--you name it.  The outgoing administration has done everything within its power to marginalize anyone who doesn't agree with them, anyone who disapproves of them, anyone who's slightly different than they are.  And while I'm very glad that this extremely negative and damaging administration is about to leave, I'm hoping that we all realize that while a change of leaders may make some difference in the way things are, the biggest changes are going to have to come from us in our own individual lives if they're to be lasting changes that affect as many people as possible in positive ways.

Of course, it will be wonderful to have a leader who models compassion and unity rather than anger and hatred and divisiveness.  For the last four years I've been waiting in vain to see some sort of compassion come from the White House, but my wait has been in vain.  There's been a lot of action, but the vast majority of the acts have benefited only those people close to the administration, and those people wealthy enough to benefit.

The decline in the quality of life in the United States has accelerated significantly over the last four years, and it doesn't show too many signs of getting better (https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/articles/2020-09-11/a-global-anomaly-the-us-declines-in-annual-quality-of-life-report).  When we keep people down, when we don't allow them to have hope of better times ahead, it becomes very difficult for those people to actually spread positive energy in the world, and it seems that fewer people are willing to share their love and kindness with the downtrodden these days.  We're more isolated from each other--and COVID certainly hasn't helped--and much less willing to knock on a neighbor's door to offer our encouragement or assistance.

But if love and compassion are to gain a foothold again, it's up to each of us individually to share what we have with others, without condition.  And I'm not talking about material things, though those can be helpful, too.  Rather, I'm talking about the encouraging word to someone who's having troubles.  I'm talking about a smile and a kind word in response to someone else's rudeness.  I'm talking about a compliment for something done well, or something done better than it's normally done ("That's a good improvement" can be much more helpful than "That's still not right").

But it's also important that we keep our eyes open for the bad things that are happening, to be aware of the difficulties that others are facing.  We still live in a world that is divided and that is facing an incredible amount of anger and antipathy between sibling and sibling, parent and child, friend and friend.  There are many people who are trying to change laws and policies so that they may gain materially.  There are still many people who look down on other because of race, religion, social status, or any number of similar reasons.  We must keep our eyes and our hearts open so that we can recognize the negative things and people in the world so that we can counter what they're doing with a little bit of love of our own.

The world, of course, will go on just fine without us.  It will go on fine no matter what we do, no matter how we treat others.  But we know that the world is in need of positive people, of positive energy, of energy that is focused on unity and togetherness rather than division.  And we can contribute to that unity, to that positive energy, with very little effort on our parts.  My original question was simply, "Is there more love on the way?"  Many people feel that now that we've elected a certain leader, there will be more love and compassion in our country, and I have to say that I don't disagree with that conclusion.

That said, though, I also know that the only way that we can guarantee that there's more love on the way in this world of ours is for each of us to dedicate ourselves to contributing to this world of ours.  The only way that I can know for sure if there's more love in this world this evening than there was yesterday is to put some love out there, no matter how little.  It's a challenge to do so, but at the very least, it's something positive in this world full of negativity.  So my goal is to be someone who contributes love to this world and to the people in my own little world, for that's the only way that I can be sure that the amount of love has grown recently, and that there's now more positive energy in the world than there was yesterday.

And if you were to do the same, then we'd both know that at the very least, two of us have contributed to the love of the world.  And there aren't too many goals to strive for that are more worthwhile than that.

Watching the World's Lack of Acceptance

To those of us who have done our best to learn ways to live our lives fully and completely, acceptance is a necessary element of a full life.  Things are as they are, and many people make themselves very miserable wishing things were different or working hard to change things (or just complain about things) that are beyond their power to actually change (such as another person's behavior, or today's weather).

For the last several months in our world of today, we've all been dealing--one way or another--with the first pandemic of our lifetimes.  We've had epidemics before, but nothing as widespread as this in the last 100 years.  Many people are dealing with the pandemic very effectively, learning all they can about the disease and the ways to avoid catching it, about how to keep ourselves and others safe, learning new behaviors, including social distancing and staying at home, even quarantining ourselves if it's possible that we've been exposed to the virus.

But we also see a lot of denial on the part of people who simply don't believe that there's a virus--or who do believe it, but who have convinced themselves that it's not nearly as dangerous as the experts would have us believe.  We also see a lot of people who don't deny the existence of the virus at all--but who completely disregard the standards necessary to keep themselves--and others--safe.

Sometimes our lack of acceptance is dangerous to us.  Normally, not accepting something as it is can be detrimental.  Now, however, not accepting the fact that we face a constant threat from a virus can actually be dangerous to us, even fatal.  When we deny the existence of the disease or the reality of the threat it poses or the necessity of the measures that we're taking to keep ourselves from being infected with the virus, we put ourselves and others at risk.  And how can we possibly be claiming to live our lives fully if we're behaving in ways that can cause harm?

The truth is simply that we can't.  Denial is a surface response, for the most part.  In our hearts, we know that the experts in the field are the experts in the field, and that what they tell us is accurate.  And if that's that case, saying things like "Masks don't help," or "This whole pandemic is a hoax" is simply a pose, one that doesn't really help us in our hearts and spirits.  We know as we're saying it that what we say isn't true, yet because we've said it, we feel pressure to live up to our words and not wear masks in stores.  Then we can brag about "sticking to our word," even while inside we're a bit terrified about contracting the virus because yes, we have read all of the articles and have seen all of the newscasts that are telling us it's true--from more unbiased sources than we get get most of our other information from.

Some of our lack of acceptance stems from fatigue, even "compliance fatigue," which is exactly what the words imply:  getting very tired of wearing a mask and social distancing, and engaging in more risky behavior because of our exhaustion.  We let our guard down and then come up with explanations or excuses for having done so.  It feels good to let our guard down after keeping it up for so long--but the potential effects in this case can be disastrous, even fatal.

Do you know someone who refuses to accept that a worldwide pandemic is going on, and that the measures that we're taking are meant to lower the risk of others getting sick?  While it's easy to judge those people harshly and call them things like "stupid," the truth is that these people are dealing with the problems in ways that they've been taught to deal with problems, no matter how ineffective or dangerous they may be.  Not everyone is ready or able to accept something as dreadful as a pandemic, and we'd be fooling ourselves if we were to think that someone who's not able to accept a pandemic should be able to deal with it in ways that make sense.

I watch a lot of my students take their masks off every chance they get, and gather together with no social distancing at all.  I see adults refuse to wear masks in stores and other places where there are many people in the same building.  For whatever reason, these people are unable to accept what's going on, and they definitely put others at risk due to their lack of ability to accept.

While it's not our responsibility to teach others about life and living, we do send a strong message when we demonstrate our acceptance of the situation and behave accordingly.  When we wear our masks and insist on social distancing, we're sending a very clear message that we've accepted reality as it is, and that we're going to cope with it in ways that are safe and responsible.  We aren't going to convince them by calling them stupid, and we aren't going to be able to reason with them, so our best bet is to educate by example, trying to keep ourselves as safe as possible in the meantime.  Calling someone out and yelling at them isn't going to help; educating them may.

There are many things that I would like to see in this world.  One of those things would be to see more people showing kindness and compassion for their neighbors.  Unfortunately, most of our young people are taught self-interest and even selfishness above all else, and because of that they don't see themselves as part of a community, and they don't feel any call to try to keep others in their community safe and healthy.  And once they commit some sort of act that may endanger others, their words become words of justification of their own actions.  The words of the person who denies that the pandemic is real may be the words of the person who feels guilty for having put others at risk, and who is just trying to justify his or her own actions or inaction.

So let us try to teach through example, and make sure that we don't let any false claims slide--for the adult who claims that something false is actually true may be teaching the child to believe that same lie.  We have a hard task in modelling acceptance of life as it is rather than as we would prefer it to be, but it's not an impossible task.  Just difficult.  And difficult we can handle.  We won't always be successful, of course, but at least we can do our best.

New Levels of Fatigue

I was just reading an article about some of the fires that have plagued Colorado this autumn--two of them are still burning, and they've become the largest and second-largest wildfires in Colorado history.  The article ends with a statement from one of the firefighters who have been fighting the blazes:  "Everyone's just tired."

What an incredibly apt statement for this particular time in our lives.  Given the pandemic, the extreme weather, the number of fires, the relentless partisan politics in the States, a nasty election year, and so many other things going on, most of us are feeling an exhaustion unlike anything we've felt before.  The main problem is that we're not able to define it or even comprehend it fully, since it really is unlike anything we've felt before.

I think that "relentless" is a good word for the way things have been in our world recently.  Things just keep on keeping on, especially the pandemic, which is now much worse than it was back in March, when we shut everything down.  More people are getting the virus now than at any other time in the last nine months, when we had been hoping against hope that things might be slowing down by now.

One of the major problems that we're facing is that many people have given in to the fatigue, and they're now acting as if the virus has run its course, as they had hoped.  And their reckless behavior is unfortunately putting many more people at risk.

Fatigue can be a dangerous symptom.  It can lead us to take risks that we normally wouldn't take, to do things that we normally wouldn't do, to not do things that we normally would.  Someone who is fatigued can come up with any explanation at all to explain away risky behavior, and feel completely justified in their behavior.  "I'm just tired of that stupid mask" is something that I hear pretty regularly, as people go out in public without wearing it.

And of course, the reality is that it doesn't matter how tired of the mask they are--if they were exposed to the virus a couple of days ago, they may be spreading it now to others.  The masks provide only a small amount of protection to the wearer.  The purpose of the mask is to protect others from the wearer by limiting the amount of moisture that the person exhales from getting into the air, thus spreading the virus.

But when we're exhausted, reason isn't always our best friend.  We become more self-centered, focused much more strongly on our own needs.  It makes sense from a biological perspective--if our bodies are losing their strength and energy, then our minds need to find ways to deal with the problem.  If I've been running for two hours and I feel exhausted, then my mind needs to tell me to stop running.

Interestingly enough, I think that the time I spent in the Army was good preparation for this pandemic.  In that situation, we were forced to work past the limits of our endurance, and we became quite good at it.  And four years in the Army were definitely much more challenging than a year or two of wearing a mask.  To me, this is just a small blip in time, even if it does last two years.  Twenty years from now, these two years will seem like almost nothing--and there's nothing saying that this is going to last a full two years.  Hopefully, this will all be waning to a close by next summer.  But I'm fully prepared to wear a mask however long it takes.  It's simply not that big of a deal.

So how do we deal with exhaustion?  Of course, rest is important, but how do you rest from something that's so predominant, something that you're reminded of every time you go anywhere?  For me, it's very important to take a rest from the news at least a couple of days a week.  This is part of where the relentlessness comes in--we're constantly reminded of the pandemic and the election by newscasts, commercials, and television programs.  This also means taking a break from online news if you're feeling too exhausted to deal with it.

We do need to monitor ourselves better than we normally do, too.  We need to be sure that we're doing okay, that we're not suffering from the effects of exhaustion.  We can do this in part by looking at our behaviors, the things that we're doing and saying.  Are they things that we normally would do and say?  Or are we more touchy, more sensitive than normal?  Sometimes we need to notice these things so that we can plan an emergency day of rest for ourselves, for if we allow ourselves to continue functioning at 100% even while we're exhausted, the chances are much better that we're going to end up doing or saying something extremely damaging, to ourselves and possibly to others, too.

This is the kind of time, too, when practicing acceptance is very important.  Things are as they are, and they're not going to change just because we wish they were different.  It would be nice if our worry or concern could make things different, but they really can't.  This is one of the things that was drilled into us over and over again in the Army--your situation is what it is, and you have to deal with it as it is.  Period.  And this is a lesson that I think that many people who haven't had any sort of long-term training under trying circumstances have a harder time internalizing.  Some things take practice, and dealing with adversity over the long term rather than the short term is one of those things.

It's important that we talk to others, without that talking turning into mere complaining (which can feel good at the moment, but which is almost never effective).  It's important that we be able to express our frustrations and concerns, and even to share our encouragement with someone else who could use it because they're exhausted, too.  Helping others to cope can be one of the most important coping strategies that we use for ourselves.  Getting things out into the open helps us to keep from internalizing them in negative ways, too.  Suppressing frustration and stress and even anger can lead to more of the same, only stronger, later.

We can't wait for others to fix things for us.  We're living through this just as everyone else is, and if we wait for a vaccine or an election or something else to "happen," thinking that then all of our fatigue will go away, we're in for great disappointment.  "Things are as they are" may sound extremely Zen, but the truth is that it's a principal that people from everywhere have learned to be true.  If we don't like them as they are, usually we don't like what our lives have become because of them.  And our only real options are to change our own lives and actions to compensate for the issue (quarantine, mask-wearing, etc.), or accept it for what it is and continue living the way we were, albeit with risks--some of them unacceptable, such as putting others at risk to catch a potentially fatal virus.

We will get through.  Unfortunately, though, that statement doesn't apply to all those who already have died and who will die from the virus.  As a species, though, we'll probably be okay in a year or two, and we'll look back at these times and this exhaustion with a new perspective, having learned a great deal about ourselves and how we deal with long-term adversity.  Not all of us will be happy with what we see, but that's part of the learning experience of life, isn't it?

Hang in there.  If you're like probably more than 90% of the people in this world, you're exhausted.  You suffer from a fatigue unlike any you've probably felt before.  But each day is a new day, and we can take today's difficulties for one more day; and then tomorrow, we can do the same.  It's important that we keep in mind that things are as they are, and if we need to make any changes, we'll know how to make them when the right time comes.  Hang in there, and help others to hang in there, too.  This, too, shall pass.

Reflection

 It's so very strange living in a world in which all of our conflict, all of our turmoil, is out in the open all the time, being exposed on social media and shared with anyone in the world who finds it.  It used to be that if I had a personal problem, I dealt with it on my own, usually asking for advice from one or two very trusted individuals.  Now, though, I can put it on social media with a blanket request for advice, and receive literally hundreds of responses, depending on how many friends or "followers" I have.

And when the advice does come in, I'll more than likely sift through it to find out how many people gave the advice that I wanted to hear.  Once I see several of those, I'm going to take that advice, and do what I wanted to do to begin with.

But troubled times aren't times for noise.  We already hear enough noise, in the arguments about politics and taxes, in the speeches of politicians who are trying to divide us, in the tears and cries for help from people who don't have enough to eat, who don't have work, who have lost loved ones to the pandemic, who are barely holding on in a world that so many people claim is here to have us thrive.  Noise is all about us, and times like those we're going through now call for more quiet, more peace, more reflection.  We live in a society that doesn't value reflection at all, and that fact is obvious in the ways that we're willing to damage the world we live in without giving it a thought, in the ways that we hurt our friends and neighbors without caring, in the ways that we hurt ourselves without realizing it.

Reflection is not a dirty word, believe it or not.  Reflection is our attempt to go inside and meet our authentic selves, that spirit that's deep within us that knows the difference between right and wrong, between need and desire, between true and false.  Reflection is our attempt to carve out a peaceful area in which we can thrive and grow and mature, without worrying about material goods or impressing other people or "getting ahead."  And in these tumultuous days that we're living through right now, reflection may be our last true haven, our last and only authentic chance for finding the sweet among the bitter, the true among the false, the good among the evil.

I believe that my best reflection takes place while I'm running, for then I'm able to think things through without distractions.  Yes, I have to watch the road ahead of me, but that doesn't keep me from pondering the important things in my life.  And it may be a misnomer to say "think things through," for the strength of reflection isn't necessarily in thinking things through and coming to conclusions.  Sometimes, it's important for me to bring something to mind without judging it, without trying to come up with solutions if it's a problem.  I just need to consider it.  If someone said something that offended me, it's tempting to think of comebacks or methods of revenge.

But what if I just ask myself, "Why?"  Why did that person say it?  Did I do something to deserve the comment?  Was the comment a result of his or her own frustration or anger, and really isn't about me at all?  Why does it offend me?  They're just words, right?  Why is it still on my mind?  It must be important to me somehow.  

When we reflect, we don't need to look for answers.  Rather, we need to feel who we are as an authentic human being, and apply that authenticity to our lives and our relationships.  There's a huge difference between what logic and reason can allow to be right, and what's authentically right for us as a member of the human race and an inhabitant of this planet.

But if we never take time out for reflection, we'll never hear that authentic voice because it's being stifled by all those other voices that aren't there for our good.

Find some peace and quiet, even if it's only for ten minutes a day.  And when you find it, don't allow your mind to just run over the same things it runs over when you're not alone in quiet.  Rather, find something to focus on--your breath, the beautiful picture on your wall, the image of your infant daughter or granddaughter, the memory of a day at the beach.  Let your mind slow down and quiet, and when it does so, then consider something that's bothering you--without trying to explain it or solve it.  A gun can kill you if you point it at yourself and pull the trigger, but it can't harm you at all if you just look at it and learn more about it.  It's similar with our thoughts--if we can examine them without judgment, we can learn from them, leading to new thoughts that are healthier and more helpful to us.

Hectic times are, ironically enough, times when reflection is most important.  Take some time to and for yourself, and learn what your own mind has to teach you.  You deserve the peace that you'll introduce to your life, and the people in your lives will be grateful to have a more grounded, peaceful person in their lives.

More thoughts and ideas on reflection.

How Can I Live My Life Fully in These Days of Turmoil?

Things aren't as they normally have been in our world of today.  Between constantly worsening political division and a pandemic that has killed over a million people in the last eight months, as well as worsening wildfires all over the globe, widespread unemployment, weak economies, and many other factors that are affecting our lives today, we live in a world in which it can be challenging to survive, much less to thrive.

It is, after all, extremely stressful to be dealing with a virus that we never know when we might catch it, or what effects it will have on us when we do.  It's hard to watch people divide themselves on purely political grounds, and treat each other awfully when they do so.  It's very difficult to live with steady financial unsureness or instability, wondering when they may let us go at work--even if for a while--or when we won't be able to pay the rent or the mortgage.  It's difficult to see and hear so many people call us stupid for our political beliefs, or insult us because we do what we feel is right to do and say what we feel is right to say.

Difficult to live life fully?  Absolutely.  Impossible?  Absolutely not.

Now more than ever, it's important that we increase our awareness and our acceptance.  It's imperative that we live in the present moment during these tumultuous days, and that we spread more love and compassion in a world that desperately needs it.  We're being exposed constantly to news that is bad, to social media posts that are hate-filled and divisive, and to politicians who are making decisions based on what is expedient and what will earn them money rather than what is good for all of their constituents.  We see so many things now that we never used to see before the advent of the Internet that sometimes it's tempting to think that life and people are changing, but the truth is that people have always done things that are harmful and hurtful--we just never used to see as much of it all.

So how do we remain upbeat and positive in a world that seems to be intent upon beating us down and keeping us down?

First, we have to remember that the world isn't at all interested in beating us down.  The world itself is indifferent.  It simply is.  It's not trying to harm us or depress us--it's just doing its own thing, day after day.  So we can stop feeling that the world is somehow against us, for the world is still providing us with all the beauty and wonder that it provided us with last year at this time.

Second, we have to make ourselves open to the beauty and the wonder, and try to avoid reading too many social media posts and watching too many newscasts.  And when we do read and watch them, we need to be receptive to the positive and the beautiful, for it's there.  People are afraid these days, of many things, and much of what we see in the world around us is a result of that fear--people are expressing their fears in an attempt to get a grasp on them so that they aren't as strongly affected by them.  When they express their fears, though, it's easy for us to start to feel the same fears as we read about other people's fears.  My friend who is afraid of the virus may post new statistics that show that it's spreading more quickly--and when I read those statistics, I may adopt that same fear.  Another friend who hates a certain politician may post something that is infuriating about that person, and when I read it, I may start to feel the same anger and hatred.

But I can't do that if I'm to maintain my balance and my peace of mind and heart.  I have to learn to read those things objectively, and then move on without adopting the fear or anger behind the writing.  And I also need to find things to read and watch that balance out  the fear and anger, like a very positive movie or television show.  There is still much love and beauty in the world, but it doesn't help us a bit if we don't recognize it, pay attention to it, and appreciate it.

So these two things are a start.  There will be more strategies soon.  But for now, here's a challenge that you may want to accept:  when you read something negative this week, ask yourself how it make you feel, and then ask yourself if that feeling is helping you or hurting you.  And then, for the sake of balance, search out something positive, even if it means going to a search engine and typing in "positive memes" or "uplifting memes" or "positive videos."  There's plenty out there to find, and just one or two of them can help to lift our spirits.

So for now, I bid you adieu, until soon!

Just When You Think. . . .

It took me quite a while this year to become used to the new school where I teach.  It especially took me a long time to become comfortable with the lessons that I was planning--I know what I need to teach and how, but so many other things factor into teaching (schedules, student levels, materials available, etc.) that it's not always a given that just because you know what you need to be doing, the circumstances will provide you with the ability to do that.  It took a while to get used to having no textbooks.  It took a while to having only three hours a week to (supposedly) teach students what they need to be learning--both according to the state standards and the knowledge of what they'll need in their futures.

But I was finally there, and we were almost at the end of the year.  And just when I thought that things were going to be smooth sailing until the summer break, the school closed and I had to turn to finishing the year online.

All of my class plans for the rest of the year, gone.  All of the assignments that would have worked great in class now wouldn't work nearly as well online.  I would no longer be able to explain anything to an entire class, as our classes must be asynchronous per district orders.  So we can't read an article and then discuss it in groups--or even in a big group.

In short, most of the work that I had done over the last six months and all of the plans that I had made to finish things up well and strongly were now irrelevant.  I had to come up with a completely new plan of action, with new assignments and new materials.

And as far as everything is concerned, the main question that I have to ask about all this is simple:  so what?

So what if I had to make a lot of changes?  Life sometimes throws you curveballs, and you can either stand there and complain about how unfair it is that the pitcher can throw a curve, or you can buckle down and do your best to hit that curve.

Yes, I have to do more and different work than I was supposed to have to do to earn my salary, but I'm not having to deal with many of the other tragedies that thousands of other people are dealing with.  And I do have a job--I haven't lost my salary.

Yes, I do miss seeing my students and I would rather not be locked in, unable to have significant contact with my colleagues and my students and my friends.  But if I'm going to live these days fully, I'm not going to be focused on what I'm missing, but on what I have--safe shelter in a comfortable home, food on the table, almost unlimited entertainment, and the ability to do my work safely from home over the Internet, among many, many other blessings.

Life sometimes throws us completely new situations that we hadn't planned for and that we know nothing about.  When that happens, it's important that we be adaptable and that we be able to let go of all that we had planned in order to face the new realities that life has provided us with.  And when my trip back east or my summer break or all the work I had done getting ready for the end of the year are all made impossible or useless, the only response that makes sense if I want to be happy in life is simply, "Oh, well."  There is absolutely nothing I can do to change these things, so I might as well accept them and make the best of my new situation.

Life in the Army was much like this--we had no idea sometimes what tomorrow would bring.  We often finished jobs only to find out immediately that we were tasked to do something else, too.  Our expected down time just didn't happen.

And we expected it because in the Army, we were bound to follow orders.  We didn't have a choice unless we wanted to face rather severe punishment.

In my life right now, my punishment for not accepting my current situation and making the best of it is quite simple:  I'd make myself miserable by feeling resentment for my loss of anger for all the new work I have to do.

I'd rather not be miserable.  So I just do the work, and I recognize and accept that much of the time I spent planning for the last couple of months now has turned out to be somewhat wasted time--and that's okay.  I was exercising my abilities to create classes and meet standards and engage students and help them learn.  I may be able to use the plans later, even.

When there's nothing that I can do about the way things are, I have to simply accept the way things are--that is, if I want to have a chance to be happy.  Of course, if I'm okay being miserable, I don't have to accept anything at all, do I?  But if I don't want to be miserable for the next four weeks of school before school is over for the year, then I need to simply do the job as it needs to be done, following the new rules and fulfilling the new set of needs.

Because life will go on the way it's going, with me or without me making the best of it.  If I'm unhappy and stressed and frustrated and annoyed, life will still go on.

I'd rather it go on with me being at ease, accepting, appreciative, grateful, and learning new things by meeting the new demands.

Which way would you rather have your next few weeks, months, or even years be for you?  Remember, it more often than not is your choice!

Constant Worry

We're living through a difficult time these days, aren't we?  And we're experiencing life in ways that we've never had to experience it before--spending much more time in our homes than we're used to, worrying constantly about things that we haven't worried about before, and seeing things happen that we haven't seen before.

For most of us, we just deal with it.  Life goes on, and if we have to stay at home, we stay at home.  If we have to stay six feet away from other people, we just do so without making a big deal of it.  After all, we are reacting to an illness, and all of us have had illnesses before.  And if we do catch it, we have a 98% chance of recovery, so it doesn't seem to be THAT bad.

But one of the elements that these days bring to us is the constant worry, the constant thinking about this one thing.  It's almost impossible not to think of it, unless we immerse ourselves in other work or recreation that will keep our minds occupied.  The only time that I remember being so focused on one thing was when I was in the Army, and the first Gulf War started.  Our jobs in Germany became six-days-a-week, twelve-hours-a-day endurance challenges, and we were constantly thinking about our work, the war and the people in it--our friends and colleagues--and the possibility that we would be going soon ourselves.

Now, I'm sitting in my comfortable home, able to work still from here.  I haven't lost my job, and I have something to keep me occupied regularly.

But that doesn't mean that I can concentrate effectively.

We have to be kind to ourselves now, for we're all going through something that we haven't experienced and something that simply doesn't allow most of us to concentrate in ways that we're normally able to concentrate.  We're worried now, because lots and lots of people are getting sick, and many of them are dying.

And with the right unfortunate coincidences, this can happen to us.  And we know that, even if it's not in our conscious thoughts constantly.

So we're well outside the realms of normal.  Yes, you could make the argument that "the flu could take us any given year," or that "people are dying of other things all the time," but the fact is that other causes of deaths aren't experiencing exponential growth in both cases and deaths right now--even with all of the steps that we're taking to slow that growth.  Cancer is a horrible killer, but hospitals aren't being completely overwhelmed with cancer victims.

So we're well aware of many things.

We may get this virus.

If we do, the chances are good that the symptoms will be mild--and that we may not even be aware that we've been infected.

If it does become serious, the hospitals may not be able to take care of us due to the shortages of virtually everything that they're experiencing.

If I or a relative become ill, we may die because there aren't enough ventilators to go around.

These are terrible thoughts to be carrying around all the time.  I try to be positive all the time, but I also try to be realistic--I'm not going to tell myself "It can't happen to me or my family," because it may.  I don't want to try to lie to myself in order to make myself feel better, because that really isn't an effective way of life.  I don't dwell on the negative possibilities, but I do acknowledge them.

So I'm locked in at home, and I'd love to take advantage of this extra time without various activities.  I'd love to write more, to read more, to clean more, to take care of some things that I've been putting off for a while.

But the truth is that I find it difficult to concentrate and to get things done.  I'm pretty good at dealing with stress, but this is something more than that, and it's affecting me more strongly than I realize most of the time.  So I need to be understanding of myself and not get on my own case for not finishing that novel in three days, for not cleaning the garage, for not doing some of the other things I want to do.

And my students are also going through the exact same things, in different ways.  In many ways, they've lost a lot more than I have--classes, teachers, prom, graduation, time with friends, and so much more.  We've started our online classes, but how much can we really expect them to do when their minds are overwhelmed with all that's going on?  My goal as a teacher now is to give them enough material that they'll actually practice many of the skills we've been talking about all year, but not so much that it's going to add to their stress.  They have other classes to do, too, and their lives have been turned upside-down, so I have to be realistic in my expectations of them.

And what about that mother who has children at home?  What's going on in her mind underneath the focus that she's giving to work?  And all of us who have elderly relatives have to be wondering about their health--are they staying at home?  Maintaining safe distances?

Did I happen to bring that virus home from that trip to the supermarket yesterday?  Is it going to be safe to get gas this afternoon?  Should I be wearing a mask?  Who touched that doorknob last?

The people we see on the street and in the supermarkets all are having similar thoughts--we have to.  It's part of our reality, and it's draining in ways that most of us haven't been drained before.

As with anything else, though, we're going to make our most important step towards dealing well with the situation when we actually accept it.  It is what it is, and there's no way we can change it.  We can do what we can to respond to it well, but we're not going to stop the virus from spreading or keep people from dying, no matter how much we'd like to do so.

Once we accept the situation, we can also accept the fact that we're dealing with something new and dreadful, and the fact that it's going to take a lot of mental effort to deal with everything new as well as all of our other obligations.  This is where being understanding of and kind to ourselves comes in.  We're not going to do this perfectly--this is all new and different, and we're all learning as we go.  Allow for mistakes, and don't berate yourself when you make them.  Determine that you'll try not to repeat them, but who knows whether that will be the case or not?  You're trying to learn about the new norms of grocery shopping and social distancing while still dealing with the enormous effects of the outbreak on the world in general, so learn as well as you can, but allow yourself to learn.

And what about that couple across the street who are now working from home while their kids are all at home, too?  They're worried about their children and themselves, and probably their parents, too.  On top of that, they have to get their work done while making sure that their kids get their school work done.  And they have to make sure that everyone eats every meal, too, instead of having the kids eat at school.  They have more new obligations and responsibilities than they ever imagined they'd have, and because of stay-at-home orders, they're not able to get the help that they normally would.

It's important to be kind to them, too.  Even if they're cranky or unpleasant--because that's probably a natural result of the constant preoccupation that they're currently experiencing.

Constant worry is something that can drag us down very quickly into feelings of hopelessness, into feelings of being completely overwhelmed by everything.  If we want to avoid these kinds of feelings, it's important that we learn all that we can about what's going on and then accept it for what it is.  As we learn, we may find ways that we can improve situations--how many people are making masks for healthcare workers right now?--but we'll also allow ourselves to start to act in realistic ways given the huge amounts of stress and anxiety that we're all feeling.

Worry if you must--it's a pretty natural feeling--but try not to let that worry consume you and control you.  Whether you're still at work or working at home or unemployed right now, your set of worries is completely individual, and those worries will take their toll on you.  Recognize what's going on, accept it, and deal with it as well as you can, and you'll find that you've taken the first step towards getting through this outbreak in positive ways, rather than being overwhelmed and unable to cope with a situation that's become bigger than you ever imagined it could.

So What Do We Do?

The lockdown order came yesterday for us--as of today, in our city, all of us are to stay indoors except for the occasional trip to the grocery store or pharmacy.  Personally, I've been pretty much locked in for two weeks already, so it's more or less business as usual.  Our schools are closed and we're moving to online instruction, so with the stay-at-home order and the move to online school, my days of interacting with other human beings on a physical level--actually sharing space with them--are over for the time being.  It's quite surreal, to be honest, something that isn't really registering in my mind.

So what do we do about all this?  How do we go about being "good people" who abide by the rules in order to try to slow down the spread of this virus?  How do we not just stay sane, but actually thrive in this crisis?  There's a whole lot of potential good that can come of our current situation, but how do we make that good happen instead of focusing on the "impositions" that life is throwing us at the moment?

After many, many years of studying tons of material about what it means to live a full and happy life, I feel pretty well-equipped to handle most of what life sends my way.  While I can't tell you what to do with your life because I know little to nothing about you specifically, I can share some of the wisdom that I've been trying to internalize for so long.  And while I'd like to take credit for being so wise--actually, that would be my ego that wanted that--I know that any advice that I can give you comes from what I've learned from others.  And they learned it from others, too, so perhaps we can call it a universal wisdom.

And the first thing that universal wisdom would tell us, I'm sure, is that if we're to have any chance at all of thriving during this time of trial, we have to accept the situation for just what it is.  We have to accept the coronavirus (while still fighting it), accept the deaths that are happening (while still mourning them), accept the limitations that are now an integral part of our lives.  They are what they are, and no amount of complaining, no amount of wishing things were different, can change that.  We can't even follow the "if you don't like it, leave it" rule for changing our situations on our own--anywhere we would go, we would find very similar situations, some better and some worse, but all very, very similar to each other.

The bottom line is that the situation is what it is, and it's been clearly pointed out to me exactly what I can do to help to slow the spread of the virus, and thus help to protect the people of the community in which I live.

Once we accept things as they are, it's important to focus our minds on what we can do rather than what we can't do now.  I can't go teach right now--and so what?  If I were to go teach in a classroom full of people, we'd all be in greater danger of becoming infected.  I can't eat in a restaurant tonight, and that's okay.  That's the way it is.  But the more mental energy and effort that I spend on thinking about those things I can't do--and dealing with the ensuing frustration and displeasure--the less I'm able to focus on the current moment and the opportunities it brings me.

Of course, ideas for what to do abound, and here are just a few of them:  Read a good book.  And since you'll be isolated for a while, read two or three or four by the same author, or on the same topic.  Cook a meal that you've never cooked before.  Clean your house, thoroughly and completely, and feel the sense of accomplishment that comes when you're done.  Watch two or three movies by the same director, or with the same actor, and look for similarities and differences in the direction or the characters.  Develop an easy exercise routine, and stick to it.  Create a schedule for each day, and stick to it.  Spend time with your kids, doing something that doesn't involve screens.  Take up painting, or drawing, which is easier--all you need is paper and a pen or pencil.  Write a short story or a poem or a novel.

Write letters to friends and family, actual paper letters, and drop them in the mail.  Think of how much someone else would like to get a letter during this time of limited mobility.  Go for long walks--even our stay-at-home order allows for walking and running and such, for your chances of spreading anything you might have while on a walk are virtually nil.  Play board games or card games.  Bake, but not too much because you're not exercising your body as much as you normally do, remember?

It's also important to remember some of the dangers of being locked in.  For goodness' sake, don't become a slave to screens.  Limit your screen time as much as you realistically can, not including time that you have to be working online.  Limit the food you take in, too, for again, you're not going to be using your body as much as you normally do.  Don't get into arguments with the people with whom you're sharing space--be the one who tries to work out issues instead of getting your way.  Diplomacy is extremely important in close quarters, especially among loved ones.

Also, don't build up a set of expectations for the other people in your household.  Some expectations can be healthy, especially for young people, but this situation is different and difficult, and you're going to see some coping strategies that you neither recognize or understand.  Let people cope in ways that work for them, not in ways that you think they should.  Of course, there are limits to what people should be able to do--if your way of coping is making me miserable, then we should work out some sort of compromise--but for the most part, other people's actions bother us because they're not doing what we think they should, and that's a problem that we can avoid easily by not trying to impose our will on others, and not allowing them to impose their will on us.

This is new and different for all of us, and we all will find our own personal ways of dealing with all that life is giving us right now.  The ways that we approach our isolation will determine whether or not this time is positive for us or negative; productive or destructive.  We have a huge advantage in that we have plenty of resources available to us that can help us to cope with the situation well--and how we use those resources is completely up to us.  When this all has passed, I want to be able to say, "Look at all I did while I had the chance to be on my own and get things done."  I don't want to have to say that I sat around and moped and worried and sat in front of the television for hours on end because I couldn't think of anything else to do.

Because there's always plenty else to do.  It's up to us to do it.

Slow Down a Bit

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've
been, but also where you are going.  Life is not a race,
but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
-Nancy Simms


I've known many people in my life who never, ever seem to notice or appreciate the scenery of their lives.  They spend their time rushing from place to place, thing to thing, person to person, and they don't allow themselves time to slow down and enjoy that which they have or the places where they are.  Instead, they just rush through things, and their minds are never on getting the most out of the present moment because their focus is on just getting to the next moment.  When they get there, though, the same thing happens--they ignore what's in their lives right now because they're impatient to get to what's going to be in their lives tomorrow or next week.

Try it in your car sometime--I'm sure that most of us already have.  Try to get somewhere fifty miles away as fast as you can, and see how much of your focus is on stop signs and traffic lights and the other traffic on the road.  Then try the same trip with no hurry and see what you notice that you didn't see before.  When we're focused on hurrying, we tend to hyperfocus on the road that will get us where we're going, and all of the scenery goes by without us ever noticing it.

I notice this most often in my life when I have to re-take a certain trip that I took more quickly before.  All of a sudden, I see things that I never would have guessed were on the route--parks and ponds and restaurants and trees and flowers that I simply didn't notice the first time around.  When I do this, I feel somewhat sad that I kind of "wasted" a trip, though I am thankful for the second go-round.

So what do we do about this?  One thing that I'm always careful to do is to leave early.  If I think that a trip is going to take half an hour, then I give myself 40-45 minutes to get to where I need to go.  I do this, of course, whenever I can--it's not always possible.  I also try to take alternate routes, especially if interstate highways are involved--scenery is so often lacking interest on the major roads.  I love to take side roads and routes that are less crowded.

If I'm going somewhere that it won't matter if I'm five or ten minutes late, or if circumstances force me to leave later than I want, then I still try to take my time.  In all my life, being late has really affected me negatively only once or twice, and the one time it had a drastic effect, it wasn't my fault--the road sign indicating that I needed to turn wasn't there, so I ended up getting slightly lost.  In the long run, though, even that negative outcome turned out to be for the best.  So I've learned that there really isn't as much pressure to hurry as I've often thought there was, and that taking my time and relaxing and not worrying about being late is a much more pleasant way to take my little journeys in life--as well as a much more pleasant way to take the great journey of life itself.

Can you slow down?  Can you take more time or give yourself more time to enjoy the beauty and wonder of the world we live in, and the life you're living?  If we're able to do so, then one of the most important things that we'll learn is that by slowing down, we're improving not only our own lives, but the lives of the other people in our lives.  We'll have more time to spend with them, and it can be a higher quality time, when we're not constantly looking at our watches and hurrying to get to our next commitment.

Slowing down can be an art, and my hope for you is that you're able to take up the art, make it your own, and apply it to your life.  We weren't put on this planet to hurry from thing to thing--rather, we were given the many gifts that we have in order to enjoy them and to relish them, and enjoyment takes time and effort.  Give yourself the gift of the time to enjoy things by not rushing everywhere you go, and you'll find that your life is brighter and more fulfilling, and that your relationships are stronger and more interesting.  Give yourself a gift today, and slow yourself and your life down to a manageable speed.  you deserve it.