"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already."
They really do resonate with me because I've spent most of my life trying to "fix" me, trying to become a "better" person. Fortunately, though, I say "most" of my life because more recently, I've come to a point of my life at which I'm willing to accept myself exactly as I am, without being such a harsh judge of myself that I make my own life miserable. I've made tons of mistakes, and many of them have harmed other people, but they've been mistakes. I've learned from them and I've moved on, always trying to work towards being the person I'm meant to be.
Of course, I couldn't define to you in words what "the person I'm meant to be" actually means, but I can feel it. I can feel that that person is supposed to share love in the best ways I know how; to give in the best ways I know how to the people who need; to teach; to grow; to encourage and inspire rather than discourage and cause despair.
But I like how Pema uses the word "befriending." It's one thing to accept myself as I am, and quite another to befriend that person. The mere idea of befriending ourselves suggests a duality, one that I feel is accurate--the self of the mind and the self of the spirit. When we bring those two things together, the resulting unity can be one of the most empowering forces that we'll ever know.
I think that on those days when everything seems to click, when everything falls together and we feel strong and capable and confident in all that we do--those are the days when our minds and our spirits are working in harmony. They've joined together in friendship or partnership--however you choose to view it--and our resulting behaviors give us a strength that we simply wish we had every day. Is it possible that we can have it every day? I do believe so.
While Pema is talking about befriending ourselves through meditation, I don't think that we absolutely must sit in meditation to make this happen--or at least, we need to find our own forms of meditation if we want to befriend ourselves and gain the strength of unity. For me, running is my main source of meditation--a way to clear my mind and allow it to settle. I also like to read passages and quotations and then simply sit and ponder them for a while. Music is also an important part of my life, and it often allows me to transcend what is happening in the moment and feel a part of something larger, vaster.
But we can also befriend ourselves through our internal conversations, those times when we get mad at ourselves for doing something silly. I like to come to my own defense, telling myself, "Wait a minute. Yes, that was silly, but every other person on this planet does silly things, too. Don't get down on yourself for a simple mistake. Don't judge yourself harshly because you've done something that other people disapprove of--just because they disapprove of it doesn't mean that it's wrong."
It's an odd idea, I know, defending myself from myself, but it's something that I do pretty regularly. I've grown up being pretty judgmental, especially of myself, and it's taken me a very long time to work through that tendency--and I'm not there yet. Thus, my need to defend myself from myself.
I want to be my own friend not just because it will benefit me, but because it can also benefit others. No matter how we choose to truly and authentically befriend ourselves, it's a good idea to get started now so that you can have a long and valuable friendship with a person who will very much appreciate you and who you are.
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