Episodes

I really do like New Year's Day.  It just feels like an opportunity for a fresh start, for new ways to look at things and new things to do and to experience.  I know that the difference between December 31 and January 1 is simply a moment, and that as far as the Earth is concerned, there's no such thing as a "new year" when each day just follows the previous day, as has happened for millennia--all the way back to where there was no concept of "day" to be considered.  It was simply the sun coming up once more after an absence, and there was no name to it at all.

I think I like it because I view life most often through the lens of episodes.  Somehow, my life had been extremely episodic--all of my life I've felt a series of endings and beginnings, over and over again.  I finished school and started working; I finished an MA and joined the Army; I worked two years at a school and then moved on to a different school in a different city or state.  Perhaps this has simply been a continuation of my childhood, when our family moved every couple of years because my father, who was in the Navy, got orders to a new post.  So we had to move from San Diego to Norfolk, from Norfolk to Illinois; from San Francisco to San Diego.  My childhood definitely wasn't one of stability; rather, the only constant in my life was change, so to speak, and I think that this reality has extended itself into my life as an adult.

Which would explain why I really like the idea of a new start at the "beginning" of each year.  I like thinking and feeling that I can put certain things behind me for good in the old year, which is now gone forever, and move forward into the new year pursuing new things--new ideas, new experiences, new behaviors.  Perhaps I've felt myself being too impatient with my students--I can make a clean break from that particular behavior and leave it behind me in the year that's now gone, and move into the next year with a new set of behaviors that will serve me and others well.  The last chapter is done, and the new chapter will develop my character even more.  The last episode is finished, and this new episode will give me a chance to follow a completely new plot with new characters and conflicts.

All in all, I believe that life is episodic for us all, but that we don't pay attention because so many of the changes are so subtle.  Sometimes it's hard to notice that changes have even taken place, even when life is moving in new and different directions.  I want to embrace the shift into a new episode full of new characters and new plots.  Some of the plots we need to make an effort to follow, and some of the characters take a lot of work to get to know or like.  For me, I see the new year as a chance to make some subtle changes that will help me to become a new person--kinder and more compassionate and loving and caring.  I'll be the first to admit that I've fallen a bit short in almost every category that I can conceive of, but that's okay--I'm trying my best to improve, and perhaps this next episode will bring me a new character or three to get to know who's going to help me to see things more clearly.  I'll still have some plot threads from previous episodes to resolve, but I'm looking forward to starting anew and learning more, doing more, and being more than I've ever been before.