Finding Fits--Being Young Today

For those of us who are older, who have been around a relatively long time on this planet, the lives of our young people tend to be a bit beyond our comprehension.  It's very difficult--if not impossible--for us to understand just what they're going through as they try to make their ways in life, as they try to establish themselves and their personalities and their identities.  They face a world that's far more complicated and far more difficult than most of what we had to face years ago, for the world that they're living in is very, very different from the world in which we established ourselves.

One of the most glaringly obvious differences that we see all the time is the fact that young people today carry around computers, having access 24/7 to a huge amount of information, entertainment, and content designed to addict users.  While there are those who argue that such access to a world of information is a wonderful advantage for our young people, it's becoming clear that this access is sabotaging many of their academic, professional, and social pursuits.  To make things short, though, one of the most dire effects of the computer on our young people is its tendency to isolate them, to keep them addicted to looking at a screen rather than interacting with their fellow human beings, and that's something that we need to recognize and that we need to do something about--for their sake, not for ours.

Most of us grew up being forced to interact regularly with our fellow human beings, whether that be in school or at the store or in the park or playground.  These days, though, we see empty parks and playgrounds constantly, as kids are at home in front of screens instead of outside dealing with the world they live in.  Of course, all of our interactions with others weren't positive when we were younger, but they all helped us to learn about the world and the people in it.  We learned social skills that have helped us professionally and personally, and we've been able to put those skills to use in our jobs and in our daily lives.  (Unfortunately, those of us who are older don't have nearly as many opportunities to interact with young people these days, which makes it difficult to pass on knowledge and wisdom that we've gained over the years--but that's a different essay, isn't it?)

As a high school teacher up until a few months ago, I've seen huge changes in the young people with whom I've worked.  Speaking in general, of course, the young people of today's world are dealing with many issues that we didn't really have to deal with.  They tend to feel a sense of isolation that was much less common three or five decades ago--parents are less accessible, friends are less accessible, and teachers and other role model/mentor figures are less accessible.  Mostly this has to do with two things: overcommitment and screen addictions, including both phone screens and television/streaming screens.  And I'm not saying the kids are those who are addicted.  When I was young, neither of my parents were addicted to screens, which meant that they weren't constantly distracted by things like reels and social media (in my family that didn't help much due to the highly dysfunctional nature of my family, but that's another story).  I knew plenty of kids who spent plenty of time with their parents, which can be one of the most valuable learning experiences we have.  Nowadays, even when a parent is with a kid, that parent is very often talking on the phone with someone else or scrolling through social media or looking at emails.  The kids get to "spend time" with a parent, but experience being neglected because the parent "prefers" the company of the phone to the company of their child.  It's a brutal message to send to a kid.

Likewise, many kids find that the "friends" they have at school aren't going to be friends outside of school because those kids are too busy.  They're going to soccer practice and then they're going to tutoring and then they're working and then they're playing video games or watching movies--they're doing something with a screen involved.  Spending time with friends is something they have to make an appointment to do, and they can do it only when their "friends" happen to be free for a few moments.

This isn't the story of every young person, of course.  And in countries other than the United States, the screen isn't nearly as dominant a presence in the lives of young people--kids still get together to be kids, to spend time together, to enjoy each other's company, to simply be.

But what does all this mean?  Mostly, I try to keep this fact in mind when I meet young people and I think of how I want to treat them.  I really do want to treat them with dignity and respect, as they're not being treated that way regularly.  They're facing tons of expectations even though they're being rather poorly prepared to meet those expectations.  We can't neglect kids and then expect them to be strong, contributing members of our society.  But if we treat them well, teach them well, and love and encourage them, they have a much better chance to succeed, both on their own terms and the terms that are defined by society.

I want kids to succeed.  I want them to be happy and to lead fulfilling lives.  The next time you see a kid, remember that that young person is leading a life and a very young age that we couldn't have imagined when we were that young, and show them some kindness and compassion, and let them know that there is at least one adult in their lives who cares about them and who cares about what they're going to be later in life.

You never know when your encouragement and caring will be just the thing that a young person needs as a catalyst that helps them to keep going, to keep trying, and simply to keep growing.

In a Different World

My wife and  I are in agreement recently--the world we live in isn't the world we grew up in.  And of course, immediately after a statement like that, it's tempting to say, "Nonsense--the world hasn't changed.  We're the ones who have changed, and we now see things differently."  And it's also quite tempting to believe this statement, to believe that the hopes and dreams that we grew up with are still valid, and still have the possibility of coming true.

But I don't think it's that simple.  Personally, I define the "world" as more than just the planet we live on.  It also includes the people we're with, the societies we've formed, the cultures that we've developed, the plants and animals that share the planet with us, and the many, many abstract concepts and ideas that we share, such as love, hope, peace, dreams, and compassion, among many others.  And unfortunately, there are a whole lot of other abstract concepts that are much more negative, much more harmful, but which have grown much, much stronger than they ever have been in my lifetime.

To start with the physical, though, of course this planet is not the same as it was when I was born.  Since then, we as human beings have continued to use the resources the planet holds, but we've done so unsustainably, without giving back much of anything to the planet itself.  We've destroyed forests, wetlands, mountains, rivers, and oceans, without doing much in the way of repair.  The ozone allows more radiation through than it used to, and the planet isn't able to cool itself as it used to, which has created a warming trend for the planet that threatens to destroy all the life on it.  Oceans are warming, icebergs and glaciers are melting, deserts are spreading, and the planet as a whole is getting hotter and hotter with each passing day.

These are scientific facts that have been well researched, yet many human beings just shake their heads and say there's no problem.  Which brings up the second reality--people are different than they used to be, for several very important reasons.  In general, people are more isolated, especially in what we call "first-world" countries.  In part, the isolation is stronger because of our penchant for living in our own houses, separate from everyone else.  Most Americans, I would guess, are pretty much slaves to their cars--most aren't within walking distance of a supermarket or store where they can get basic groceries.  If the kids have a game somewhere, a car is necessary to get them there.  Many people can go days without seeing any of their neighbors, for they simply go to their cars in the morning, drive to work, drive home and go indoors, where they stay until the next morning's journey to the car.

This is not a healthy environment to exist in, believe it or not.  And I believe that this physical distancing is a large part of what allows the distances in beliefs and perspectives to grow so great, to grow so strong.  The person who disagrees with me politically is now a threat to my way of life, my view of the world, and I'm not allowed to simply disagree--now there has to be conflict (but more on that later).  The most insidious aspect of this new dynamic is that when we're isolated, it's easier for us to see anyone "different" as a threat, and we react to threats more strongly than we react to disagreements.

As a teacher for the last thirty years or so, I've always been able to tell my students that they can get ahead if they're willing to work hard, to be true to themselves and their abilities, and to make certain short-term sacrifices in order to achieve long-term gains.  But I can't tell them that any more.  Young people today are facing a harsh and unforgiving world, and nowhere is that more obvious than in the cost of housing.  We used to be able to go out on our own at a young age--rent an apartment, get a job, save a little money and keep working towards something better.  But young people today can't do that.  The cost of housing is so high that many have to live with parents, or share the cost of even a simple apartment with others in order to afford it.

And why is housing so expensive?  Simply because the people who have money already have found new ways to use housing as a way to get even more money, and the money that they're adding to their portfolios has to come from somewhere.  Housing is being bought up by speculators, and it's being built and financed by people who want to maximize profit, which means that the people who want to buy or rent apartments or houses have to pay top dollar.  You don't have to look any further than the credit checks that are necessary just to rent an apartment now--many young people simply can't pass such credit checks because they haven't had time to establish credit yet.  And with student loans on their records, guess what?

We live in a different world, and it's impossible for us to know the feelings that the young people feel when they find door after door closed to them, through no fault of their own.  We're so caught up in trying to look out for number one that we're ignoring the effects that our actions are having on the young.

I could go on and on, and eventually, I shall--the world that we're presenting to our young people is significantly different than the world we grew up in, in many different ways.  And as someone who likes to encourage people to live their lives fully, I find it difficult to do so when those people have the decks stacked against them before they even start trying to make their ways into the world.

What this all means, I don't know yet.  But I'm going to keep exploring it until I find out or until I die, whichever comes first.  What does "Living Life Fully" mean in the world of today, and how can we make the concept a possibility for everyone, not just a privileged few?

Let's keep trying to figure it out, because even if the answer is buried out there somewhere, we aren't going to find it unless we look for it.