Winter

I like winter a lot.  I say that with full acknowledgement that I love being outside and that I love warm weather, and that winter keeps me from enjoying both of these things.  I'm not a skier, and I tend not to spend a lot of time outdoors when it's really cold.  Most of my running is done on a treadmill, which is something that I don't particularly care for.  So when all is said and done, there are many aspects of winter that one could say are fairly negative for me.  However, that doesn't stop me from loving the season, no matter what it may bring.

Because I choose to live in a place with a cold climate, it really is important that I do love the season.  I'm not in northern Canada, of course, so it isn't like winter lasts for nine months where I live, but we do have a long winter season that's quite cold most of the time.  And that makes it important for me to find the things about the season that I really like, so that I don't spend a lot of time thinking negative thoughts and wishing things were other than they actually are.

Most importantly, I love the intimacy.  Because people aren't outside nearly as often, the indoor parts of our life are much more dominant.  To me, there's nothing like coming inside after being out in the cold, enjoying the warmth and the light and the company wherever I am.  Days tend to be darker, so the light is warmer and more inviting.  Because people are together more, the sense of connectedness is stronger.  People can spend more time talking and enjoying each other's company.  Of course, this was better when I was young and people didn't turn to the Internet or put in movies or play video games when they couldn't go outdoors.  When I was young, winter was a time for baking more, playing board games, building forts on the couch, or simply drinking a hot cup of coffee or cocoa and talking.  But even if we don't connect with each other as much as we used to (one of the real shames of our modern society), I still love the intimate feel of being indoors on a cold winter day.

I also love the scenery.  The silhouettes of the trees against the grey sky, the glittering snow and ice under blue skies, the snow drifting softly to the ground, the snow lying softly (or heavily) on the branches of the pines.  We don't have any outdoor flowers for a while, but we do have beauty to behold nonetheless.

Winter also brings a mood.  Early in winter, we feel the shift as we go from the beautiful autumn days to the harsher winter days.  In mid-winter, we may feel even a bit of nervousness as we wonder what kinds of storms and snowfalls the season may bring.  Winter has its hold on the world, and we have to let go of our want for warmth and completely accept what the season brings.  But that's also the time when we feel the first sparks of the hope in our hearts that spring will come, that the darker and colder time will eventually run its course and move out of our lives once more, leaving us with more light and more warmth, allowing us to go outdoors once more and enjoy the new flowers and warmth and greenness of the world.

Of course, there are also hikes in the winter through the snow, either in boots or snowshoes or even on skis.  There are skiing and snowboarding, and many other winter sports that are quite enjoyable.  And they're different.  They offer us ways to enjoy the snow and cold rather than giving up on being active altogether, and they offer us chances to enjoy the scenery and to challenge ourselves in different ways.

I have to say that food is one of my favorite things of winter, too.  We tend to eat differently, with more heavy stews and soups with rolls and vegetables.  The colder temperatures keep us looking for sustenance, and while it's important not to overindulge and sabotage our health, it's also nice to enjoy what's offered in the winter.  In many places, some dishes are offered only in the winter--I remember a restaurant in Germany that served a wonderful Apfelstrudel, but it was available only during the cold months.

There is much to love about the winter.  The season offers us many new and different experiences, and if we spend our time simply hating winter and wishing that spring would come, we face a very real danger of not living our lives fully, not taking advantage of what each day has to offer.  No matter where we are or what we're doing, we can find positive aspects of our situation, and often it's up to us to make the best of what we have if we want to be happy and fulfilled.

Small Pleasures, from Andy Rooney

From our Articles and Excerpts pages:

It's too bad all of us don't have some way to remind ourselves how good life is when life is going well.  We are more apt to think of it as merely average and normal.

When I was fifteen, I had an appendectomy.  There was some minor complication, and I was in the hospital for almost three weeks.  (It's always surprising how serious a minor operation seems when you're the one who has had it.)  But I recall then appreciating the colors and the action of everyday life when I got out of the hospital.  My perception of many things I had always taken for granted was razor sharp.  The grass looked greener, our house looked better and my mother's cooking tasted great.

The fact is, any time we or someone we love isn't dying, it should be considered a great time in life.

Just now, in the course of writing this, I was trying to remind myself of small pleasures I enjoy almost daily:

--My shower first thing in the morning is a wonderfully pleasant and exhilarating way to start the day.  I like the warmth, I like a good cake of soap, and I like the idea that I'm part of a civilization that has organized itself to get water to my house and have it warm and waiting for me when I get up.  It's difficult to remember to be amazed every day, but it is amazing.
--The morning newspaper and that first cup of coffee are two things I'm sure they have in heaven if there is one.  I always pick up my newspaper with a great sense of anticipation.  I'm a newspaper nut.  There are times when I don't find much in it that interests me, but that never changes my enthusiasm for getting at it again the following day.

--I love my work.  I love writing.  I even like the physical process of hitting the keys of the typewriter with my fingers, although I only use three of them.  I enjoy thinking of things to write, and there is always a vague sense of excitement about whether I can do it or not; this heightens my interest.  And to finish a piece of writing is a great satisfaction.  It's as good as getting a sliver out of your finger.

--By noon I'm getting hungry and feeling desk-bound.  I know a hundred good little restaurants, and it is a wonderfully civilized pleasure to find a friend and go to one of them for lunch.

--In the afternoon I'm not nearly so smart as I am in the shower eight hours earlier, but if I'm not pressed to do something for a deadline, I'm just as happy.  It's pleasant to browse through the mail and the debris on my desk, looking for a job easy enough for my brain to handle at that hour.  Perhaps I call one of my four kids working in Boston, Washington, New York, and Providence.

--By late afternoon I can't wait to get home--the same home I couldn't wait to leave that morning.  It's a pleasant place.  My wife is glad to see me, I'm glad to see her, and we sit down and have a drink while we watch the evening news on television.

--On Saturdays I have fresh orange juice, one of the great luxuries of my life.  As I sit there sipping it, I think how lucky I am to be able to make enough money to squeeze three oranges for a drink.  After a great time with coffee, toast, and the newspaper, I go down to my cellar filled with tools and good wood.  I've had some of the pieces of wood for twenty years.  I sit and consider for the hundredth time what I might make of a wide piece of walnut.  I feel it and enjoy it and decide to save it.

I am not sick or dying at all right now, and I'm determined to remind myself how good life is.



http://www.livinglifefully.com/flo/flobesmallpleasures.htm

Figuring Out Why

Things happen in life.  Sometimes they're obviously positive, and sometimes they seem to be quite negative.  Sometimes, of course, they are negative--but even in the very negative events, it's possible to find some sort of spark, some sort of message for us, some sort of learning that we're meant to do.

Recently, some negative things have happened to us, most notably a dramatic reduction in work hours.  Because I wasn't in a position in which I could actively look for other work, I had to accept the reduction and make do with it.  About a week after I found out about it, and opportunity came up for me to become involved in a program that seemed really fascinating.  It's a program that gives help to people who are hurting, and it will allow me to work one-on-one with people who really do need some sort of support in their lives.  The main reason I hadn't considered doing it before was that there's a fifty-hour training requirement--and guess what the reduction in my work hours allowed me to do?

Yes, we have to watch our money for a while.  No, we're not getting rich--or even comfortable, for that matter.  But I'm now able to do a type of work that I've always wanted to do, as we finished the training this past weekend.  The very negative occurrence of losing a lot of hours and making much less money is very real, but one of the outcomes of that negative situation has been very positive.  And there have been other positives--I've outlined my next novel, I've been able to do a lot of running (which keeps me in shape and helps me to clear my mind), and I've even cleaned and rearranged much of the house, something that my wife appreciates a lot.

Some things are very bad, and they help us to learn about our own limits and needs.  Some things are very bad, and they open up doors in other directions that we might not see if we don't keep our eyes open.  Within every occurrence are the seeds of positive and negative, but sometimes we get so caught up with the negative that we completely fail to see the positive.  That's a shame, and it is our own doing.  So let's stay focused on trying to find the silver lining in each dark grey cloud.  It is there.

From "Eyes Wide Open"

I sometimes ask myself if on a given day or at a given moment I'm contributing to the positive energy of the world, or if I'm contributing to the negative energy.  Are my words or actions causing someone else to be angry and defensive and frustrated, or are my words and actions helping someone to feel more calm and at peace?  Of course, any time I make this judgment I'm just taking a guess, but I'm pretty sure that I can come close to the right answer if I follow some simple rules for my own behavior, rules that will help me to make things better for others, rather than adding to their challenges.  They're a pretty simple set of don't's and do's, and here they are:

Don't criticize and find fault; do encourage and find the positive.  This way, I won't be creating negative feelings in others, and I may be adding to their self-confidence.

Don't let fear determine my actions; do act from my heart doing what I know is right.  This way, I'll be living a more authentic life and facing risks that will make me stronger by dealing with them head-on.

Don't be quick to judge; do try to find out more about a particular person, story, or incident.  This way, my actions and attitudes will come from a place of knowing, not of reacting, and I'll be much more fair in dealing with everyone; my fairness can't help but help any situation in which it's called into play.

Don't focus on what may happen in the future; do focus on what's happening now and what I can do about it.  We have only the present moment, and I know from experience that my actions now based on possible future problems are often wastes of my time, for those problems tend not to materialize, as they're figments of my imagination, creations of my fear.

Don't hold on to anger and resentment; do work hard to let go of these things and focus more on the positive.  This way, my interior life will be more relaxed and more balanced, and I won't eat myself up from the inside out for things that are completely beyond my control.  I know plenty of people who refuse to let go of things, and they make themselves miserable while the people around them just shake their heads and say "What a shame."

Don't take the easy way out by doing things that I know aren't right.  I may need money, but stealing it is wrong.  I may have made a mistake, but hiding it will only make matters worse later.  Do try to do what's right and best at all times.  This way, I'm giving myself a chance to have more positive things in my future, rather than setting myself up for having to pay for my mistakes.

Don't try to build myself up by breaking or keeping other people down.  Do try to build up others at all times.  This way, I'm helping to develop strong, courageous people all around me.

Don't give up as soon as things look tough or bleak, and don't give in to discouragement.  Do persevere when I believe that it's important to see something through to its end.  When I do this, I'm not doing something that will make me feel weak or useless later, and I am doing something that will benefit me in the long run.

Don't try to do everything myself.  Do ask for and accept help when it makes sense to do so.  If I do this, I'll help myself by learning from those who help me, and I'll help others by letting them help me--I know it's helping them because of how good I feel when I'm able to help someone else.

I'm very sure that there are more ways that I can brighten my world by avoiding certain actions and following through on others.  What I find most important, though, is simply to be aware that there are certain things that I shouldn't be doing if I wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life; and I can make my day and my world a bit brighter by doing the "opposite" of those things.  And every little bit of light that we can bring into this world will be helpful to everyone in the long run.


http://www.livinglifefully.com/flo/flobrightentheworld.htm

Discernment

If I could give a gift to everyone, it would have to be discernment.  I'd give that gift so that people could be able to see whether things are good for them or bad for them before they actually do them.  This gift would allow people to realize that some of the things they want in life are actually harmful, and it would allow them to see just how positive it would be to do some of the things that they don't really want to do.

Of course, with discernment would also have to come the strength to make the appropriate decision.  That dessert looks good, but I'm going to pass on it because I've already eaten enough.  I have the chance to have an affair, but I'm not going to do it because of the inevitable harm that it will cause.  This person is offering me an interesting business chance, but it doesn't seem quite right, so I'm not going to involve myself in it.

If we all could develop this pair of talents--discernment and decision-making--we could turn our lives into something completely different.  We could free up time to pursue the positive things that we do and develop our skills and talents and passions, instead of dealing with the fallout that has come from our poor decisions.  We wouldn't be spending so much time trying to repair relationships and situations that we've harmed, so we could spend that time doing things that we love.

Discernment isn't taught very well at all in our society--in fact, it's actively discouraged by the people who are paying for advertising to try to get us to pay them for their goods or services.  But it is something that we can learn and develop on our own, and if we do so, we can fill our lives with many more positive experiences, while avoiding much of the negative garbage that we so often cause ourselves.  It's worth looking into--how well do you discern between choices?  And what could you do to improve that skill?

Dealing with My Beliefs

Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself.  We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem.  We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.    -Iyanla Vanzant


I'm working on my beliefs.  I've been going through life with a set of limiting beliefs ever since childhood--I inherited them from my parents, and I haven't been able to fully change them yet.  I've always believed that good things are for other people, that prosperity is something that won't happen to me, that someone else is going to get that job or that promotion.  And sometimes, because I believe these things, they actually come to pass.  Not always, but often.  So it's up to me to change my beliefs if I really want my life to change.

Don't worry--I'm not blindly believing everything I read from self-help gurus.  I don't think that there's any magic potion or wand that's going to change my whole life immediately.  My new belief--the belief that my beliefs are holding me back--comes from observation and thought, experience and reflection.  I've noticed that people who believe certain things tend to think in certain ways that make those beliefs come true.  If someone believes that he or she doesn't deserve to have a loving, caring, considerate spouse, then guess what?  That person is going to tend to feel suspicious when he or she meets a loving, caring, and considerate person, and isn't going to feel comfortable with the relationship; very often, that person will sabotage the relationship--even subconsciously--in order to perpetuate the belief.  And then, when that person meets someone else who isn't kind and caring, they'll gravitate towards that person because he or she "fits" the belief, and is someone who's more in line with what they feel they "deserve."

People who believe that they're not good enough for certain jobs often sabotage themselves at interviews by saying things that kill their chances to be hired.  Later, they'll say things like "I have no idea why I said that."

I don't want to be like that.  Not anymore.  So I'm going to work on my beliefs.  I am worthy.  I am caring and loving.  I am deserving of good things.  Hell, I'm even a beautiful person.

I'm going to be realistic and not expect immediate and drastic changes.  But I'm also going to be realistic and expect changes.  Most of those changes will come from me, but many of them will come from the ways that other people treat me as I internalize my beliefs, and begin to act based on my new beliefs.  But eventually, I'll be like a new person, one who trusts in life and living and God, and one who lives my life in positive and caring ways.  And one who believes that he is worthwhile, and who expects to be treated as such.

The Strength of Discouragement

There are those people in the world who seem to think that things like discouragement are possible to banish from our lives, that it's somehow possible to go through life never feeling down, never feeling any negative feelings at all.  With all due respect to them, I'm sure that there are people on this planet whose brains never take them to a place at which they're discouraged, who do always feel positive.  But those people are quite rare, and their ability to think positively a gift that truly is remarkable.

The rest of us, though, face feelings like discouragement rather regularly.  And those feelings are strong.  It's incredibly difficult to save money for months in order to do something important, only to have the car break down, with the repair bill wiping out the savings.  It's very hard to search for a long time for work, only to be rejected time and time again.  There are so many situations in which discouragement is a factor that it's sometimes amazing that we don't feel it more than we do.

When it comes, it's incredibly strong.  Discouragement is so strong that it can cause other feelings to emerge, such as sadness, frustration, hopelessness, even depression.  It would be silly for us to deny the strength of discouragement, but it would also be very positive for us to think about what we can do when the feelings shows up in our lives.

When I get discouraged, the most important thing that I can do is to try to get a positive sense of perspective on the situation.  Something may be going wrong over and over again, but there are still many things going right--my discouragement often is a result of focusing only on the one or two things going wrong, while ignoring those things that are going right.  Of course I'm going to feel discouragement if I focus only on what's going wrong--that's the only thing I could feel.  So when I get discouraged, I try to remind myself that the area of discouragement is only one area of my life, and there are others that also deserve my attention.

Another thing that helps me work through discouragement is remembering lessons that I've learned from others.  The simple saying, "This, too, shall pass," is one of the most important sayings that I've ever heard, and it has helped me through many a difficult moment--because I truly believe it.  Months or weeks from now, the discouragement that I'm feeling today will be naught but a memory.  One of the reasons that I love quotations is because they give me lessons that are important to me.  When I'm discouraged, I can read short lessons about hope, perseverance, action, perspective, courage, and even discouragement, and realize that others have gone through situations much more trying than mine, and have come out fine.

If I'm discouraged about money, I need to find some sort of action that I can take to deal with money issues.  Perhaps for a certain time I'll lose my free time in order to work--as long as it's not permanent, it doesn't bother me at all to give up something in order to deal with other issues.  There are times when compromise is very important, and if it means that I need to take an extra job to deal with the discouragement, then I'll do so.  If I'm discouraged about relationships, then I need to re-evaluate my relationships and decide which ones are healthy, which are unhealthy, and which are neither, and give up those that are unhealthy while either strengthening or giving up those that are neither.  If I'm discouraged about my job, perhaps it's time to look for another one, or to look for another line of work entirely.

Discouragement is strong, and it's often difficult to deal with.  But it's not the end of the world, unless we allow it to be so.  When discouragement strikes you, strike back at it.  Don't wallow in it.

Develop success from failures.  Discouragement and failure

are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

Dale Carnegie