Things Get Muddled

Here's another set of thoughts triggered by a song!  One of my favorite Christmas songs is sung by Kevin Bacon, and he sings, "When we are young we are swaddled and snuggled / Whispered to, fussed over, tickled and cuddled / When we grow up, things get muddled."

These lines are wonderful to me, especially the last one.  Things do get muddled, for a variety of reasons.  We lose clarity, and we lose perspective as we grow older and buy into more and more of the things that the society around us is selling us.  Because as we get older, we forget more and more some of the beautiful things of our childhoods, as we "grow up," which we've been convinced by others involves a whole lot of things that aren't necessarily a part of growing older unless we allow them to be.

When we grow older, we're encouraged by so many people to put aside the things of youth.  But why, for goodness' sake?  When we're kids, we can wander around our towns for hours with no destination at all and truly enjoy ourselves the whole time.  When we're older, though, we feel that we always have to have an answer to the question "Where are you going?" even though such a thing isn't at all necessary.  Things get muddled--we no longer do things just for enjoyment or out of curiosity; rather, we think we need to be able to explain everything we do or say to others.

And indeed, those others can definitely be problematic.  They can give you a hard time for "wasting your time," for "not being focused," for "not doing things the way we're supposed to do them."  They can make us feel like we're doing something wrong if we don't have a clear purpose in mind.  They can make us feel like we're wasting our time if we aren't accomplishing some sort of thing that has quantifiable results.  And we can get caught up in the idea of doing what we should be doing, of keeping up appearances, of meeting other people's expectations.

Things get muddled.  We start to think that it's important to make other people happy with us.  We start worrying about appearances, about what other people see, and how other people judge us.  We put aside things that we truly love, like walks along the river or watching our favorite cartoons or painting really mediocre paintings.  We can even stop living from an authentic place, choosing instead to put on a show so that other people will see that show and judge us favorably--based strictly on their criteria for what we should be, not our own.

So how do we unmuddle the world?  How do we see clearly what we need to do to make ourselves happy, to enjoy the experiences that we have on this planet while we're here?  I think that one of the keys to doing so lies in questioning our decisions and our actions--we need to ask ourselves, "Am I doing this just to please someone else, with no real benefits other than having that person be pleased with me for having done what they want me to do?"  The wording of the question should be a warning to us that we may be doing things for completely the wrong reasons--we might have lost our ability to do things because they're the best for us or for the people we love.

After all, how many people agree to work many extra hours even though they have young kids at home who need their presence?  How many people commit themselves all weekend, not allowing themselves the rest and relaxation that they really need?  Things get muddled, and we make decisions that don't make us better versions of ourselves, that don't help us to grow and improve.  Things get muddled and we stop taking care of ourselves and nurturing ourselves.

The whole idea of something being muddled implies that we aren't seeing things with clarity.  We aren't seeing things as they are because other things and thoughts are getting in the way and blocking our ability to see clearly, so we become confused and bewildered.  And when we're in this state, we don't make decisions as effectively as we do when we do see clearly.

I don't want my life to be muddled, but it often is.  My brain sometimes seems to take over and think too much, focusing on too many possible outcomes for me to see a clear path of action--or inaction.  Perhaps it would be better if I were to simply accept the main thought behind Occam's Razor, that the simplest answer to a question is usually the best or the most effective.  Perhaps I need to imagine myself as a kid again, when I was able to make decisions very quickly based on simple criteria like "that would be cool!"  (Although I have to say, I did make some pretty stupid decisions when I was a kid, like jumping off the roof of our house because I thought it would be cool, never thinking that I might get hurt doing so.)

Perhaps our main challenge in life should be just to unmuddle the things that have gotten muddled.  If that's the case, then, we need to recognize the areas in which things are muddled.  If I'm miserable every time I visit this person, but I visit them out of a sense of obligation, then perhaps I need to see the damage that the sense of obligation is causing, and stop visiting this person who makes me miserable.  It would be nice if I can see and accept things as they are, and make decisions based on what is truly best, rather than what I think things should be.

No Run Today--A Paragraph a Day

When I looked out the window at work a little bit before I came home, I saw snow falling sideways--the wind was strong enough to blow it parallel to the ground.  And I realized that today wasn't a day for a run, for even though I do like running in snow, the wind makes a huge difference in the quality of a run.  And I figure now that since I wrote yesterday about running on a cold day, it might be a good idea today to write about not running on a cold day that goes past cold into bitter.  I've learned that much of what it means to live life fully has to do with discernment, with choosing the right times to do things, but also choosing the right times not to do things.  I would have loved to have run today, but some days are for rest, not for workouts.  I know too many people who don't understand that idea, or who choose to ignore it, and they run themselves into the ground because they don't give themselves rests, especially on days when it may not be just unpleasant to go out and do something, but may also be somewhat dangerous.  After all, our body temperatures do go down when it's cold outside, but they go down even more when it's cold and windy.  And while I love to run in the cold, I don't have any superpower that I know of that allows me to deal with a seriously low body temperature--sometimes our decisions need to be driven more by logic that tells us that something isn't safe than by emotion telling us we want to do something.  Hypothermia isn't pleasant and is potentially dangerous, so my goal for today is to be safe, and I think that the best thing that I can do is to avoid running.  Some days are just that way, and it's not a sign of weakness to decide not to do something like running on a day that's obviously bad for it--it's rather a sign of respect for ourselves and our bodies to recognize that conditions are far from ideal to do something, so the best thing that we can do is to decide not to do that something, just for now.

Youthful Decisions--A Paragraph a Day

Working with young people, I'm constantly faced with certain frustrations.  If I could teach them anything that I think might help them to lead happy and fulfilling lives, high on my list would be the art of decision-making.  What I see in the kids of today is often an inability to make decisions that will prove to be helpful to them, or positive for them.  Of course, there have been kids making bad decisions for all of history--they're still young and they usually don't have the experience behind them that would help them to understand how to weigh their options before making important decisions.  In fact, they often don't have the experience necessary to even understand or recognize their options.  If they've had good teachers in their lives, they're usually a bit better prepared for decision-making, but it seems that these days they have less positive adult input in their lives than they used to.  This lack of connection with older people who could be passing on their knowledge and wisdom is a great detriment to the young people, who tend to get most of their "learning" from screens these days.  Unfortunately, the screens can't help them when some sort of dilemma arises, and the lack of previous learning from the people who used to be role models often keeps them from making decisions that are positive and helpful to them in their lives.  I do my best at school to teach them how to look at things in ways that will help them to make good decisions, but the deck seems to be stacked against them in many ways.  So if you see any young people who seem to be making really bad decisions, don't be too upset with them.  Rather, it may do them--and you--a great deal of good to try to help them to understand the importance of decision-making, and help them to develop a process of their own to come to decisions that will help them to build their lives rather than sabotage them.

Moment by Moment

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and never will be again.    -Pau Casals
  
  
This truth about the lives we lead is very, very difficult to keep in mind most of the time.  After all, when I go into work today, that same obnoxious person will still be making me uncomfortable; that same problem with my computer will be there; I'll still get along well with certain co-workers.  In my case, I'll still have the same students in my classes, with the same drama and complaining and humor and achievement.  It's hard to distinguish this particular moment in my life--this "right here, right now"--from all the other right heres and right nows that already have passed.
   
But the fact that this is a new and unique moment of the universe means, of course, that I have the power to make changes.  I have the option of doing things differently, of reacting differently to similar situations or actions.  I have the possibility of starting something new or continuing something that I've been at for a while.  I have the opportunity to step onto a new road that may be going somewhere that I've never intended on going to--and making the most of the journey that results.
  
Right here and right now, I have the choice of continuing to type or stopping, of continuing to think of which words to write or to stop thinking about this and start thinking of something else.  I can go back and delete a paragraph or a word or a sentence.  I can do anything I want--it really is my choice.

And it's the same with anything in my life.  I could decide right now never to go back to my job--though I would pay a series of very high prices for making that decision.  In some situations, though, those prices would be worth it.  We tell ourselves so often, "I'll make this change when the time is right" because we're worried about consequences, but sometimes maintaining the status quo can be much more difficult and much more damaging than making a change and facing consequences.

What are we going to do with this moment?  Some of my favorite moments each day are those when I simply close my eyes and breathe deeply and calm myself.  I don't get anything "done" during those moments, of course, but they make other moments during my day much more enjoyable and productive.  I also enjoy practicing awareness during moments when I remember to do so--looking around and actually seeing and appreciating all the things that are around me.

In other moments, I compliment or encourage someone--or both.  I stop and actually listen to music that's being played.  I take out a picture or two that remind me of beautiful moments of my past.  I hug my wife or one of my kids if they're around.

What I find to be the most important use of moments, though, is the decision-making that I'm able to do.  All of my previous moments have led to this present moment somehow, so I have a lot of experience and learning behind me.  This moment right here and right now, I can make a decision that will affect all of my future moments.  That decision can have to do with my job or a relationship or a hobby or education or my body, but our most important decisions happen in a moment, don't they?  A lot builds up to them, of course, but the decision itself is the result of a moment, and hopefully a moment of clarity.

The present moment, right here and right now, offers us much.  Few of us, though, are able even to recognize what's being offered, much less able to take advantage of the offers.  Perhaps by practicing awareness, we can be more aware of what each moment of our lives brings to us.
  
  

Simple Decisions

My wife and I went hiking this morning, just a bit over 4 miles up a mountain and then back.  We left early because we always leave early for hikes.  We know how tiring they are, and we know that as the sun gets higher and the day gets hotter, it can be pretty miserable to still be out in the sun hiking.

We’re always amazed at the number of people who are just starting out on their hikes when we’re getting back.  We’re also amazed at the number of these people who look simply miserable because they’re already overheated and feeling exhausted because of the heat.

To us, it’s a simple decision–leave early and we never have to deal with excessive heat while we’re climbing up a mountain.  Every time we hike, though, we see people who haven’t made that decision, and who are suffering because of it.  They want to make it to the summit, but the task is much, much more difficult when they start late and are climbing during the hottest part of the day.  I wouldn’t think anything of it if these people looked like they were having fun, but most of them don’t look like they’re enjoying themselves at all–they’re just climbing because they decided to climb, and they’re going to reach the summit come hell or high water.

Life is so often about simple decisions.  If I know it’s going to be hot, do I want to be in the last half of a four-hour hike after noon?  Absolutely not.  If I have to get up at five tomorrow morning and I have control over what time I go to bed, do I want to stay up until midnight?  Nope.  If I know that I have a project due at work tomorrow and I’m not finished, do I still turn on the football game and watch it?  Hardly.

Of course, we can’t make other people’s decisions for them, but we certainly can make our own.  And most of them aren’t that complicated at all–situations generally get complicated when we make poor decisions to begin with and we have to start dealing with the results of the decisions.  For example, I’ve seen many people hiking late in the day with no water at all in the Grand Canyon–and they’ve brought all three kids with them.  When they turn around and start up the trail to climb out of the Canyon, you can believe that they’re going to be facing some serious problems with their thirsty and hungry kids who would rather be anywhere else.

Life’s often like a hike–we constantly have to make decisions as to where we’re going and how we’re going to get there.  And if the decisions are pretty simple, so much the better–let’s just try to make the decisions that will keep things simple so that we can avoid the fallout that almost always comes from making poor decisions.

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.

Stephen Covey