Not a Judge--A Paragraph a Day

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way;
on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn

I would truly like to think that I'm not judgmental, but my experience tells me otherwise.  I judge constantly, because that's the way I was brought up, and it's an ingrained habit that happens before I even think of the thing I'm judging.  If someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm likely to mutter something like "idiot" before I even think about what happened.  What I've learned over time, though, is that for some reason, that's my conditioned response--but it doesn't have to be my ultimate response.  As time goes on I've found that my conditioned responses weaken, and some of them don't happen any more if I've made an effort to not let them dominate.  But for those that do happen, I do my best to follow them up with another, conscious response as soon as I've had just a second or two to think about things:  I tell myself, "That person's probably not an idiot, and they might have cut me off by accident."  "What a jerk!" I think if someone's rude to me, but then my immediate second thought is something like, "I wonder what causes that person to be so rude/angry/sensitive."  The truth is that if I don't know the whole story of why someone does something, then any judgment that I make is based on inadequate information, and isn't valid at all.  If I want to be mindful, then I must do my best to be nonjudgmental--and if I do show myself to be judgmental, then I need to follow that reaction with a more accurate and kind reaction as soon as I can.

Enlightened?--A Paragraph a Day

Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth
can be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love.
-M. Scott Peck

I want to be enlightened, really I do.  But to be quite honest, I have to admit that I don't think I know what it means to be enlightened.  I've read a lot about it and I've talked to a lot of people about it, but even after decades of thinking about wanting to be enlightened, I truly have no real idea of how close I may be to--or how far away from--the state that I really want to reach.  I can't even define it, which means that there's a decent chance that I already am enlightened, depending on the definition.  I definitely wouldn't give myself credit for that, but I have to remember that if I don't even know the definition of something like enlightenment, then who knows if I'm there or not?  Personally, I'm going to do my best to keep working towards enlightenment by doing my best to be kind, by doing my best to be loving, by doing my best to be compassionate and considerate and mindful.  It's not that difficult to do if I truly commit myself to doing so--it just takes a series of decisions about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it.  Perhaps one day I'll reach the state and actually know that I've reached it, but for now, I'll just keep working at it.

What Are Dreams?--A Paragraph a Day

I sometimes have to wonder about dreams and their value to us.  I like them, and I have in my life pursued some of my dreams.  I ended up living in Europe for more than four years, total, because I went after dreams instead of after money or career, for example.  But even as I think of how nice it was to be in Europe and to learn what I learned there, I also have to wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed in place not to play it safe, but to start a journey inside, a spiritual journey that might have opened my eyes and heart in much different ways.  I think of the monks who spend their lived in spiritual meditation, who have no desire to travel to other places, nor any need.  Are they better off spiritually than I am?  Have they progressed farther than I have?  Are they able to be more mindful of their lives that they're living?  I know that some of the happiest and most content people on the planet have been people who never traveled, who never dreamed of doing more than they were doing, but who put their all into everything they did.  I really do like dreams and dreaming, but could it be that chasing our dreams pulls us away from what may be the absolute best for us, leading us to not be able to reach certain heights right where we are, in the here and now, every day?  I really can't answer that question, of course, but it's definitely worth pondering!

At the End of the Day--A Paragraph a Day

Each of my days on this planet has ended.  I haven't always ended each day by going to sleep, but the days themselves have gone away to be replaced by a new day.  And when the days have ended, I usually don't do much reflection on the day that has passed.  I don't ask myself how I did, how I treated people, how I treated myself.  Sometimes I think I should, though.  I think that at the end of some days I really should just stop for a few moments and ask myself how I did what I did, not as a matter of judging myself, but as a matter of figuring out whether or not I gave it my all, whether or not I gave other people--especially my students--my all.    And if I didn't, I wouldn't want to be mad at myself; rather, I would just want to figure out how to do it right (or maybe just a bit better) the next day.  Not every day has to be perfect, and not every day has to be wonderful, but I do think that if I want to work towards being even slightly enlightened, if I want to reach the end of my life and be happy with the man that I've become, then it's important that I reflect and consider just what I'm doing to help myself to become--or keep myself from becoming, the best version of myself that I can be.

Our page on reflection

Weather-- A Paragraph a Day

It always fascinates me to hear people say something about "bad" weather.  Somehow, any weather that we can't go out in without a coat or an umbrella is "bad," whereas good weather is that which allows us to go outside in shorts and a t-shirt.  Or something like that.  Whenever I hear anyone way that the weather is bad because it's raining or snowing or cold, I say, "I love rainy days."  Not to be contrary, but because I really do love those days that other people call bad.  A rainy day or a snowy day is a day full of personality, a day that gets me in the mood to go home and get cozy and sit on the couch with a throw over me and a cup of hot chocolate or tea or coffee and a good book.  Often when the weather is "good," I get antsy and I want to go outside, which is of course quite fine, but it's just not the same as sitting and reading while the rain comes down outside.  We're fortunate to live in a society in which most people have protection from the elements, and "bad" weather days become nicer for that fact.  Sometimes I think that with as many nice moments as the rain and snow have given me, they deserve to have someone stick up for them.  So I try to do so.

Moment by Moment

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and never will be again.    -Pau Casals
  
  
This truth about the lives we lead is very, very difficult to keep in mind most of the time.  After all, when I go into work today, that same obnoxious person will still be making me uncomfortable; that same problem with my computer will be there; I'll still get along well with certain co-workers.  In my case, I'll still have the same students in my classes, with the same drama and complaining and humor and achievement.  It's hard to distinguish this particular moment in my life--this "right here, right now"--from all the other right heres and right nows that already have passed.
   
But the fact that this is a new and unique moment of the universe means, of course, that I have the power to make changes.  I have the option of doing things differently, of reacting differently to similar situations or actions.  I have the possibility of starting something new or continuing something that I've been at for a while.  I have the opportunity to step onto a new road that may be going somewhere that I've never intended on going to--and making the most of the journey that results.
  
Right here and right now, I have the choice of continuing to type or stopping, of continuing to think of which words to write or to stop thinking about this and start thinking of something else.  I can go back and delete a paragraph or a word or a sentence.  I can do anything I want--it really is my choice.

And it's the same with anything in my life.  I could decide right now never to go back to my job--though I would pay a series of very high prices for making that decision.  In some situations, though, those prices would be worth it.  We tell ourselves so often, "I'll make this change when the time is right" because we're worried about consequences, but sometimes maintaining the status quo can be much more difficult and much more damaging than making a change and facing consequences.

What are we going to do with this moment?  Some of my favorite moments each day are those when I simply close my eyes and breathe deeply and calm myself.  I don't get anything "done" during those moments, of course, but they make other moments during my day much more enjoyable and productive.  I also enjoy practicing awareness during moments when I remember to do so--looking around and actually seeing and appreciating all the things that are around me.

In other moments, I compliment or encourage someone--or both.  I stop and actually listen to music that's being played.  I take out a picture or two that remind me of beautiful moments of my past.  I hug my wife or one of my kids if they're around.

What I find to be the most important use of moments, though, is the decision-making that I'm able to do.  All of my previous moments have led to this present moment somehow, so I have a lot of experience and learning behind me.  This moment right here and right now, I can make a decision that will affect all of my future moments.  That decision can have to do with my job or a relationship or a hobby or education or my body, but our most important decisions happen in a moment, don't they?  A lot builds up to them, of course, but the decision itself is the result of a moment, and hopefully a moment of clarity.

The present moment, right here and right now, offers us much.  Few of us, though, are able even to recognize what's being offered, much less able to take advantage of the offers.  Perhaps by practicing awareness, we can be more aware of what each moment of our lives brings to us.