Who I Am

It's taken me a very long time to learn how to be who I am.  For the longest time I tried to be the person that I thought everyone else wanted me to be, but surprisingly enough I was pretty much always completely unsuccessful at that endeavor, and often rather pathetically so.  I don't need to go into details, but I finally figured out that I was employing a strategy that was doomed to fail.  So I finally decided to be me, and only me, and authentically me, and I've been enjoying the ride ever since.

Sure, there are the times of weakness when I slip back into trying to be somebody for someone else, and I still fail at that.  But each time that happens, I learn a little bit more deeply about the true value of me--who I am and how I am.  And it's nice to be reminded just how valuable we all are on this planet.

Usually I tried to be something or someone I wasn't because I wanted another person to like me more, perhaps even to need me, but I usually came off as being pretty needy myself (which was true).  Nowadays, though, I know what I like and I know what I don't like; I know what comes naturally to me and I know what doesn't; I know how I want to act and I know how I don't want to act, and I work hard at following the truths of who I am.  And while I'm not completely over wanting other people to like me, at least now I accept that they're going to like me for who I truly am, or I'm not going to worry too much about why they don't.  I'd still prefer for people to like me, of course. . . .

Who are you?  If you found a thousand dollars on the street paperclipped to a business card, would you look up whoever's listed on the card?  If someone makes a dirty joke around you that offends you, do you tell them you're offended?  If your friends are going to do something you don't like to do or that you feel uncomfortable about, will you back out?  These and many more things are signs that you have a good idea of who you are, and that you're willing to accept that and live with it and enjoy the truth and love of yourself, spreading both out into the world with all that you have.

I believe one of our souls' major purposes is to know, love, and express our authentic selves.  To live the life and be the person we were created to be.  However, our true selves only emerge when it's safe to do so.  Self-condemnation, shame, and guilt send your true nature into hiding.  It's only in the safety of gentle curiosity, encouragement, and self-love that your soul can bloom as it was created to do.

Sue Patton Thoele