Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth
can be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love.
-M. Scott PeckI want to be enlightened, really I do. But to be quite honest, I have to admit that I don't think I know what it means to be enlightened. I've read a lot about it and I've talked to a lot of people about it, but even after decades of thinking about wanting to be enlightened, I truly have no real idea of how close I may be to--or how far away from--the state that I really want to reach. I can't even define it, which means that there's a decent chance that I already am enlightened, depending on the definition. I definitely wouldn't give myself credit for that, but I have to remember that if I don't even know the definition of something like enlightenment, then who knows if I'm there or not? Personally, I'm going to do my best to keep working towards enlightenment by doing my best to be kind, by doing my best to be loving, by doing my best to be compassionate and considerate and mindful. It's not that difficult to do if I truly commit myself to doing so--it just takes a series of decisions about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. Perhaps one day I'll reach the state and actually know that I've reached it, but for now, I'll just keep working at it.
Each of my days on this planet has ended. I haven't always ended each day by going to sleep, but the days themselves have gone away to be replaced by a new day. And when the days have ended, I usually don't do much reflection on the day that has passed. I don't ask myself how I did, how I treated people, how I treated myself. Sometimes I think I should, though. I think that at the end of some days I really should just stop for a few moments and ask myself how I did what I did, not as a matter of judging myself, but as a matter of figuring out whether or not I gave it my all, whether or not I gave other people--especially my students--my all. And if I didn't, I wouldn't want to be mad at myself; rather, I would just want to figure out how to do it right (or maybe just a bit better) the next day. Not every day has to be perfect, and not every day has to be wonderful, but I do think that if I want to work towards being even slightly enlightened, if I want to reach the end of my life and be happy with the man that I've become, then it's important that I reflect and consider just what I'm doing to help myself to become--or keep myself from becoming, the best version of myself that I can be.
