Not a Judge--A Paragraph a Day

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way;
on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn

I would truly like to think that I'm not judgmental, but my experience tells me otherwise.  I judge constantly, because that's the way I was brought up, and it's an ingrained habit that happens before I even think of the thing I'm judging.  If someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm likely to mutter something like "idiot" before I even think about what happened.  What I've learned over time, though, is that for some reason, that's my conditioned response--but it doesn't have to be my ultimate response.  As time goes on I've found that my conditioned responses weaken, and some of them don't happen any more if I've made an effort to not let them dominate.  But for those that do happen, I do my best to follow them up with another, conscious response as soon as I've had just a second or two to think about things:  I tell myself, "That person's probably not an idiot, and they might have cut me off by accident."  "What a jerk!" I think if someone's rude to me, but then my immediate second thought is something like, "I wonder what causes that person to be so rude/angry/sensitive."  The truth is that if I don't know the whole story of why someone does something, then any judgment that I make is based on inadequate information, and isn't valid at all.  If I want to be mindful, then I must do my best to be nonjudgmental--and if I do show myself to be judgmental, then I need to follow that reaction with a more accurate and kind reaction as soon as I can.

Other People's Judgment--A Paragraph a Day

It always amazes me just how strongly we find other people's judgment to be important.  We worry about what other people think about our hair, our clothing, our cars, our homes, our sexuality, our relationships, our jobs, our favorite songs or movies. . . and on and on and on.  I have to wonder what life would be like if none of us worried about things like that, if we just lived our lives in the ways we see to be best and right for us, and didn't concern ourselves with the judgment of others.  Of course, I'm not talking about having everyone feel free to murder others or harm them in any way, but about the stress we cause ourselves by worrying about what other people think.  My boss coming over for dinner isn't a cause of stress--my worries about what he's going to think about my home and family cause that stress.  And yes, there are areas of out lives in which other people's judgment can cause us to lose a job or to have a manuscript rejected or to decide not to date us or marry us, but for the most part, other people's judgment, I think, should stay with those other people.  I really shouldn't allow its shadow to darken my life when there's so much sunshine to experience over here.

More thoughts and ideas on judgment

Never a Bad Weather Day--A Paragraph a Day

It's raining a bit again today, and it's supposed to rain more over the next few days.  Someone at school mentioned the "bad weather," and I immediately thought of the idea that there really is no such thing.  Weather is weather, and it does what it does each day.  We need the rain just as much as we need the sunshine and the wind and the snow, so it's difficult to see what kind of weather can be "bad."  It may not be the kind of weather that we prefer, or it may be weather that prevents us from doing something that we want to do, but that doesn't make it "bad."  It simply is what it is, and over the years I've learned to see all kinds of weather for the beauty they hold.  Cold dark rainy days are great for sitting inside and reading and drinking hot chocolate or tea; hot and humid days are also good days for finding shelter and staying there with a good book or movie.  I may not be able to go running if a freezing rain is falling (though I have done so at times), but I sure can enjoy being cozy and warm in my home.  I think that pretty much anything that we judge to be one thing or another is simply what it is, and not what we judge it to be--our judgement does more to shape our perception and determine our personal level of satisfaction or happiness than does the thing that we're judging.  Yes, tornadoes can be destructive and even lethal, but they're part of the world we live in and they have a certain powerful beauty that really is undeniable.  Weather is weather, and whatever word we put before it is simply judgement.  Perhaps it's time to stop judging and start accepting, and see where that leads us.